For someone who writes about relationships, it is pretty risky to make the statement that age matters; however, I believe in speaking the truth. I also believe in voicing the concerns of the those that visit this site. From this vantage point and with respect to love and heartbreak, age definitely matters.
Here is the reason why: we each have a grand plan for our life based on age. It goes something like this:
• In my teens, I’ll get into a good college or get a good job.
• In my early twenties, my career will start to take off.
• By my mid-twenties, I will meet the person of my dreams.
• In my thirties, I will be married and have 2.2 beautiful children.
• In my forties, I’ll be running the company for which I’ve been working.
• In my fifties, I’ll reflect back on my life and my grown children and smile.
• In my sixties, I’ll retire and travel the world.
Sound familiar? Give or take a few years and interchange a couple of details and these types of age confined dreams are quite universal. So what happens when things don’t go as expected? What happens when instead of two kids in our thirties, we end up with our heart in two pieces? We feel broken; not only is our heart shattered, so too is our self-perception.
It is critical to understand that the pain one feels after a break up is only partially due to the separation from our mate. What causes equal, if not greater agony, is dealing with our crushed dreams. Our dream to be a certain age and have accomplished certain things has been stolen. To overcome the challenge of heartbreak based on age related fears, we must face them head on.
Fear: I’m getting older and will be alone. So you are 35 or 45 or [insert your age] and you are alone. You are scared. This is natural. Many people have a fear of aging – period. Heck, the entire beauty industry thrives on our distaste for more age. When you mix the panic of being alone with an aversion of getting older, the combination results in a very potent fear.
Hope: On this website there are thousands of visitors (no exaggeration) in their 30s, 40s, 50s, and yes, 60s that are looking to get over an old love in order to find a new one. You are not alone. The times have changed and people are looking to be in a healthy, loving relationship. As such, there is no dearth of available men and women. After you have gone through the stepped process for recovery and you are ready, you will begin dating again. Regardless of your age or whether you have had it in the past, true love will find you.
Fear: I am damaged goods. Almost all of us have had experiences which have left us feeling less than perfect; however, they are experiences, not who you are. I have always been puzzled by the statement, “I am divorced.” If this is your situation, remember, it is not a I am statement, it is an I have gone thru statement. No one is fundamentally flawed – especially not those who work actively to heal their wounds.
Hope: Absorb the power provided by an example. Find someone around you who has triumphed over adversity in their life. Find someone who has been dealt an unexpected hand and turned it around to their benefit. Ask them to tell you their story. If you don’t see anyone that fits the bill in your immediate surroundings, pick up a Chicken Soup for the Soul book and read hundreds of inspiring stories. You will find that people do not become their bad experiences, rather they work through them and come out stronger. So will you.
Fear: This just was not supposed to happen to me at this age! This is a negative idea that races through the minds of many who endure a break up. The thought is rooted in the break from your grand life plan. Remember, you created that plan, but the universe has something better in store.
Hope: I have never, ever seen a case where someone who has embraced the changes in their life did not end up happier. You will too. Keep in mind that your past relationship(s) were not a waste of time. For many, they provided growth, sometimes beautiful children, and although it may not seem so, some good memories. Everything that has happened has made you who you are today and ahead awaits an even greater experience.
Remember: Please, please, please do not restrict your dreams. Your visions do not wish to be bound- especially to the confines of age. Paul Gaugin didn’t start painting til his mid-forties, Granda Moses in her seventies, Charles Darwin published his first book in his fifties, and Colonel Sanders founded KFC in his sixties. Age only matters if we allow it to matter. Dream bigger. Dream brighter. Set your dreams free today.
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I have always been a relationship type of guy and naturally I felt in love with this girl I met in college. We were the best couple you can image. Goofy, respectful and very caring. I am the type of guy that gives flowers, that opens the door for her, that cooked for her, very romantic that always respected her as a woman. BUT everything changed overnight. We had plans to get married in January and everything. I truly thought everything was right. We were so good to each other until one day she sent me a text saying that we needed to talk. I called her and she simply broke up the 2 years relationship in 5 minutes just by saying that she wasn’t happy anymore. Now, she literally disappeared and she left me with questions, confusion, pain and a completely devastated heart. I think she left me for someone else, which hurts me even more. What did I do wrong, you know? I’m not a bad person neither bad looking. It sounds cliche but I thought we had the so famous “true love”. I guess I should have been a jerk like every other guy from my age, she probably still be here. I’m 25 and recently graduated with my MBA but she is just now turning 21 and is still in college. It might be the age difference, right? What was I thinking putting myself in that position but she’s always been so mature and different from the other girls. I guess I was wrong about her. Who likes to be wrong? It might be the instinct. It’s been really hard to me to accept all of this. I think of her constantly and It really hurts. If you are reading this you know the pain.
My life seems not to have a purpose right now because she was in all my plans for the future. I hope one day I will laugh at all of this, but for now, It’s been painful. I just want to get over her soon. Hopefully I will find a “woman”, not a girl anymore that can understand the real meaning of love and respect, which sounds difficult to find.. Maybe I’m just losing trust for everybody else. I wonder how long it will take for me to heal?! Anyway, thanks for listening.. it helps here.
My husband of 25 years shows no affection whatsoever, complains constantly, and is emotionally abusive to me and one of our two sons. Even though he claims to love me, I’ve grown weary of this situation and distanced myself.
Well, someone that I’ve done business with for 15 years noticed that chooses to never attend social events with me. I very gradually start telling him the truth instead of making excuses for hubby’s absence. Vendor tells me he has been in love with me for years. He says my husband is a fool and will be sorry one day. Vendor manages to get me to do something I never thought I would stoop low enough to do…sleep with him. Hated myself for one night only. Snuck away to meet vendor about once a week in his town an hour away. Fast forward 6 months. Vendor is single parent raising kids. He says he can’t talk to me on phone except for business because he has to help with homework at night and is tied up with tons of phone calls during the day. He says his kid are suspicious that I am not just ‘a friend’ and they want me to marry him. What do I think? Well, maybe that’s right, but maybe he’s looking for someone financially stable (I am) and someone to raise the kids (i’ve proven myself in that dept. having a ld child who is a Jr in HS). Not sure he doesn’t simply want me to leave hubby to raise his kids. I must mention sex is unbelievable with him. So I am tempted to end relationship with vendor because he is a chronic liar, alcoholic, and very aggressive toward his family. Since last week, he has fired his sister/nanny and had a huge blowup with his ex wife. He made me feel good mentally and physically, but I am a smart person and realize I can stay with hubby if I want to be around turmoil! So why does this make me lose my appetite and make me want to cry. Feels like double rejection!
He was incredible, smart, good looking, intelligent, loving, everything that you could imagine was right in a guy, what more can i say. It all started about a year and a half ago. we met at work, he thought i was a god and i fell for him, so hard. at first it was great, he was so affectionete and loving and charming to say the least. I had just ended a relationship 4 months eariler and was not quite over this other guy and was unsure of a relationship. The man I was with got quite jealous and nit picked a lot of fights because of this, making it hard to progess a relationship. but i fell so hard for him and my love started to grow quickly. Every time I doubted our realationship, he would pick it back up, this happened for months..and months on end, I hated hurting him, he would make me feel bad, id end up a crying mess and he would comfort me, it didn’t make sense but i justifed it with how much he loved me. I didn’t think about it at the time, but i undoubtly made the mistake of repeating that so many nights, same issue, same fight, same broken heart.. about a year later in this year and a half process, I ended it. I told him how emotionally hurt and drained I was and if he respected me to leave me alone. How i thought my heart was going to die and never revive. I have NEVER cried so hard in my life, listening to old songs, liking things that reminded me of him. I wanted to die. I didn’t talk to him for a couple months, but he texted me a couple times. I responded to one of the texts about 3 months later, he said he missed me, that he wanted to see me, how stupid was I to agree? I met up with him that night and went home with him, only to start the cycle all over again a few weeks later. We tried to make it work again. Countless times, but countless times there were tears and hurt and heartache on both sides. I loved and still love this Man very much, … I held on, thinking it would change, hopeing that if he could just let the past go or his feelings for it, our realtionship would work. He is not the only one to blame here, I am sure I did my fair share of hurting. after about 2 months of trying our realtionship to work, I literally broke down, it took a simple thought to get me crying, this isn’t how i want to live my life i thought, crying. I lived in Utah, I moved to California the next morning. I texted him on the way there, telling him that i was on my way to california, he told me to never talk to him again. I hated myself, how did I just leave the man I love? Ive been in california for one month now and yesterday i get a text from him saying that he thinks about me everyday and he wants to know I am doing ok so he can stop worrying about me. When I saw that text from him it literally took the breath from my lungs, I still dont know what I think about it.. I miss him, I just want to hold him and tell him everything is going to be ok, but I can’t. Thanks for listening and the posts, they really do help the hurt, in some small way. Be strong. I cry alot but I know it will be ok, eventually.
Hi everyone, I found this site few years ago and you can read my story somewhere down the comments. I just want to send huuuuuuuuuge hugs to everyone out there with a broken heart (or heart that is healing)
Hi everyone. I am working on getting over my now xboyfriend. We were together for over a year. I found out he has been using heroin the last three months of out relationship. The once sweet considerate caring man I was with is a angry selfish drug addict. It sucks because I dealt with all the lies and still tried to stay supportive while listening to lies about rehabs and all types of crap. I finally made the decision to cut him out my life. It sucks I still think about him my stomach hurts not sleeping well. But I know it get better with time. Its really sad to watch someone change right before your eyes. Anyways that’s my deal.
Well I am having another fretful night and came across this site, I’d like to share my story too…
It’s a complicated one, big breath, ok so I met the love of my life when I was 18 – I’m now 31. We had two children, and were together 11 years and seperated two years ago. He told me that he had ‘feelings’ for someone else 15 months ago. Since then we have been messily reconciled and had another child. He has not completely closed his connection to the other woman though and I have been living in a situation that I’ve found intolerable. I now find myself with a five month old baby and have to face knowing that he wants to pursue/explore a relationship with her. I’ve fought it all the way and I’m tired. But I’m so scared, and although he has not treated me with respect I miss him terribly and wish for things to be different. I also feel angry about being left on my own with our baby. Yet my instinct tells me there’s no more I can do and that I deserve more. If only my heart would accept, I feel so torn, hurt and restless. Any thoughts gladly received!
We all deserve more, we deserve to happy without hesitation, we deserve to be loved without complication, regardless how old we are.
I am 33 and all alone (no family, no kids and far away from my true friend).
Love is blind but we’re foolish if we’re not willing to let the pain go.
I gotta be brave and so are YOU !
I have had my heart broken and it is the worst feeling i have ever experienced. Mornings used to be inspiring and now it is so depressing. I cannot think properly anymore because I always think about her. My personal life is suffering and i only think will I see her again? The only other thought that has begun to compete with her is my mortality. I have skin breakouts now and a rash. I have a pain in my chest that wont leave me. Three things that never happened to me until the breakup. The only other thought that has begun to compete with her is my mortality. I didn’t believe in death due to a broken heart but i am beginning to believe it can happen. I am beginning to worry about myself. I am not the type to top themselves and never would. But i feel like my body is giving up. it has been 9 days and its not getting better. I hope I hope it does.
Wow this is so true, nearly five years ago my husband left our 38year old marriage, I was totally trustworthy, loving, worked my butt off, gave it all 100%. He left for one of our managers same age as our daughter and has married her. I was broken hearted and devastated. I started to self educate. I read everything I could about relationships so that I wouldn’t spend another day in pain over someone, life is too short, we have been given this life to be happy. Let me tell you I have never been this happy for years….I’m 64 now and loving every day, my children and grandchildren and great bunch of friends are my life, I have so many interests and hobbies, yes there are times I feel lonely and dream that someone special will come along…in the meantime I am not selling out to less than I deserve.
Love can hurt you forever. But when you first break up its at its peak, as each day passes it will get better, until you feel much, much better. No matter how much you were in love, we all have been in love the same way and been hurt badly. You will make it through it, and, you will be wiser for it.
Deep down maybe a part of you might not love exactly the same way again, but you can see love again.
If you have just broke up with someone you loved, take it a day at a time, maybe even an hour at a time, yes listen to music that makes you cry, get it out of yourself, but do not do anything rash, do not contact them, just talk to your friends or be on your own, you will feel better after a while, its a bit of a battle, but you will make it and in the end, whether you like it or not, you are stronger for it.
My boyfriend ended things with me two days ago (day before my birthday)! I’m crushed! I feel sick and sleep….what’s that?! I’m in my mid thirties and feel I will never have the family I’ve always wanted. When will this pain end? I cry at every thought, regardless of how silly it may be. My mind is my worst enemy at the moment!!! I’m trying hard not to burst into tears as I try to find words to type. I put all of myself into our 3 year relationship. How do I transition from being ‘us’ to just ‘me’? Oh man, where’s the fast forward button!!!!!
Hi Eve! I just want to share my ideas about your situation. I can feel how painful it is. Especailly when you think about the years that you have spent together and in just one click, all your dreams are shattered just because of a kind of affair that is considered “forbidden” I am 25 years old, but I have seen this kind of situations in different movies that I have watched. It is hard I know. But let me tell you a kind of story which is somewhat related to yours. Please do not judge me. I also had an affair with someone who is already commited. I was wrong I know. But just like your husband’s mistress, I was not in to quit. The mere fact that I allowed myself to be involved with that kind of affair, to surrender was not my game. Though I was considered and called “ home wrecker” I still continued with the affair I chose to come in my way. But one day I realized that everthing I have done was totally a mess. I asked my man to go back and make things up with his family. But Eve, not all mistresses think this way. They won’t quit and they won’t give up the only thing that keeps them alive. It all depends on your husband. He’s the one who chooses who he wants to be with. If you think he has made his final decision, then go and accept it. Remember, they are not going to be happy. No matter what they do, thoguh you see them laughing and happy, they won’t have peace. Bilieve me, I have been there.
Crushed,
Enjoy the pain and learn to embrace it. As you go on with this process you will realize a lot of things. Do not be afraid to cry at night, you cannot avoid those times feeling empty and miserable because you miss him and you want to be with him. Cry as hard as you can, shout and call all saints. One day you will finally feel at ease. Time will come that you will tell yourself that everything is over, including the pain. That is love Crushed, when you love you should also prepare yourself to get hurt.
While my story is a little different from everybody else, I would still like to share. I’m a 23 year old male, and my story involves me falling in love with my best friend. I never read the signs when she apparently had feelings for me, and she had moved on by the time I confessed my feelings to her. I was so confident that we would be together, but I was rejected. The pain was beyond anything I’ve ever experienced before. I thought I’d be alright in a few days, but here I am 9 months later and more in love with her now than before.
During that time I’ve fought what I truly need to do everyday. As she is my best friend, we’ve talked almost everyday during the time I told her to now. I just can’t let go, my friends have told me to stop talking to her so I can move on, and they also tell me I’m her “backup” plan when things fail with another guy, because I’ve always been there for her. I have a huge struggle between my mind and my heart, my heart wants her more than anything, and my mind says I deserve someone who will love me.
My life has been affected in so many ways. Both negatively and positively. I wish I knew what to do, how I could move on and just have my life the way things used to be. I guess the only real thing I can is just be happy that she is happy. I hope everyone whose posted on this site finds their true love. I hope one day I can find somebody to make happy.
Hi Eve. I am currently going through a somewhat similar story to yours. I too fell in love and married young (19)and I am now 35 with 2 children. My husband and I have both hurt each other deeply and have attempted for the past 3 years to work it out. I believed it was my duty to keep my family together at all costs. Currently we are at rock bottom in every way. We both can not decide if we want to rebuild our life together again, or start over fresh and alone. I can’t imagine him not in my life daily. I can’t imagine things being what they were, or better. It’s a feeling of doom, and hopelessness. Everything I do I wish he was with me by my side as in the past. What I am taking from this website is my dreams. I realized reading tonight that I have lived his dreams and gave up a lot for his dreams thinking it would make him appreciate me and thus continue to love me. I am going to set some goals, work towards my dreams and I know once I reach any small step towards them I will feel better and better. My daughter who is 12 told me “Mom, it’s going to feel really, really bad for awhile. But then one day, you’ll realize you’re not sad anymore, and that you have “bounced back”. I will remember those words for her someday when her heart in the future is broken. I have realized that falling in love so young, I had never had my heart broken before. I do think that this is part of everyone’s human experience. Even though I feel empowered right now, I know too I will have some more low days in the future as will he. I also realize that life is never that simple, to fall in love, and never have to worry about being alone again, or never having regret. Life is full of ups and downs, and I am going to set an example for my 2 daughters. That infidelity is not tolerable in a marriage, and that I am not going to be used for what ever he is not “getting” from a mistress. (The fact they come back says the mistress isn’t “all that” and something in that relationship is missing for him too). In your case, I believe your husband is being just like mine, selfish and not practicing any integrity or self discipline for his family’s happiness. By sitting on the “fence” for 3 years I too was not disciplining myself to do what is best for me or my family. Fighting and having a sad mother because of someone else’s wrong choices is not the best for my family. This website helped me see this.
I’ve just gone through a break up with my husband. We are not yet divorced, and still actually living in the same house with our two children. This has been a mutual break-up, although I’m feeling it very deeply. We would be celebrating our 9th anniversary in March, but will probably be signing divorce papers in stead. Of course, because we are still friends and still love one another very much for various reasons, this is even more difficult. I cannot just wipe the past away, as though it doesn’t matter. Our times together were magic, but through various difficulties and hardships, we can no longer keep carrying on the way we are. There has been no unfaithfulness (that I know of) and we communicate very well, actually better now that we are not ‘together’.
I’m going to try these remedies. Thanks Amelie.
Clearly I came across this site due to the fact that I have a broken heart. Everyday is a challenge…Here’s my story:
In February of this year, I broke up with my boyfriend of 4 1/2 years. I lived with him and had a life with him, but ironically I’m not broken hearted over that break-up. I was dating people but never found a good guy. Then in late April one of best friends of 8 years told me that he was in love with me. I loved him back. The only problem was that he lived in Alaska. Fast-forwarding to to June. I was supposed to move up to Alaska to be with him, but I backed out because I was afraid of commitment. We stopped talking in early July. I started dating a guy in early August and I guess my “ex” starting dating someone around the same time. Well, I ended up falling for the guy I was dating (yes, I know you can’t fall in love in a matter of months, but it happened.) We dated up until October. Sometimes things just don’t work out the way you want them to. We are still really good friends and we still love each other.
Well we broke up in mid October and literally the next day, the guy in Alaska contacted me. We started talking again, even about me moving up there again. He just stopped talking to me. I got worried and kept bugging him you can say. Well he finally told me that his ex was pregnant and took her back. That was a shot to my heart because I really believe he was the one.
Of course, I let a lot out but that’s my heart break story.
Hello everyone,
I didn’t think it would help but it does help to read all your stories. I’ve been here a few times before, having been left and broken hearted. It does get easier but that doesn’t really mean much – it still hurts and makes you feel sick and all that just as bad. I guess ou just have slightly more stamina, and hope each time because you do see that another guy comes along eventually. Meanwhile, what did you do with your single life? That is what I remind myself. Yes sometimes I am sad, like today – very very sad. But when I can, I put a spring in my step for no reason, I hold my head up high and I live my life with pride. Simply because it is better to be this way, better for your health, your mind and your body!
I had two long term relationships before this last guy who just dumped me by email. Those two were awful, physical and mental abuse. I started counselling and 4 years later met a wonderful guy who felt it was his duty to prove that not all men are bad, and that he was one of the nicest guys ever. He lived up to his promise, and he insisted I trust him completely. I couldn’t, but I tried, and slowly I began to trust him more and more. Just when I was easing into it and he was moving to be near me, he walked off after an argument and called it off a week later. He refused to speak to me for a while, and that was THE worst time for me. I couldn’t understand (i still don’t) why he suddenly showed no care for me. I had been at my best, someone who absolutely appreciated a nice guy and loved every second of it, whilst learning how to look after my own life, and be stable. But, emotionally – he wasn’t quite as ready as he made out himself to be – fine! I can deal with the heart ache. What i can’t deal with is being SUDDEnly deserted and deleted and not spoken to. He is 43! not 13. We were good to each other. It was my first relationship without nastyness, hurt and cheating from a guy and we were so good. Ach. It just hurts.
But, I’ve come along way , and I did good work, in my mind and my heart. He was still good for me, it was just amazing to be part of something so nice after all i’ve been through. I’ve started piano lessons, tummy exersises every day for my back, and keeping up all my friends and hobbies I did before so – although it hurts a lot, it’s definately easier than my first break up where I had nothing going for me and had given it all up.
thankyou for reading my monologue! love love love is braver than selling out to ego!
isla x
I have just broken up with my boyfriend of 9mnths yesterday. What make the pain more unbearable is that everything was fine we had a great evening on Saturday, I introduced him to my cousins and they loved him a day before (saturday). Sunday morning after making passionate love, he then told me he and his ex wife have agreed on mending things for the sake of their children. They have been divorced for 7years. As much as I understand how much he love his children and missed having them around, I never thought he will dump me just like that. A part of me want to let him go but another part is not ready to let go. It is obvious that he has given this a thorough consideration. I am over whelmed with mix emotions right now, we loved each other so much. How do I transition from being madly inlove with him to understanding that he is with somebody else.
A part of my remedy for my deep heart ache is this:
“Live without pretending, Love without depending, Listen without defending and Speak without offending”.
Also:
“There is great wisdom when we welcome and embrace change”
I have only ever been in love once before when I was 25 and vowed never to do it again. When I was 29 I married someone I liked and we were together for 18 years and had 1 beautiful child, moving to his country of origin in the process. Two years ago I separated at age 46 and I went looking for love again and found it. I met the man of my dreams and we were together for 8 months before I broke up with him, he wasn’t committed, had huge depression and commitment issues and was blocked emotionally and couldn’t reach me even though I know he wanted to. For the last few months I have hit rock bottom and I am wondering at age 47 where the meaning in life went. Even though I had many men in my life and I am never short of a boyfriend for friendship or intimacy no one in my life will touch me the way the 2nd love of my life did. Accepting it’s over is very difficult and I pride myself on being very strong emotionally but even I failed. I know I need to heal and I have become very cynical about love and commitment especially with men. I don’t know I can ever trust a man again. The age old saying that the one who loves the least has the most power is absolutely true. I vow never to let a man get this close to me again. It’s soul destroying and unsafe and I can’t live that way. In time I know I will heal but it will take years and years and I know it will be a long road but I am determined to master the pain and I am taking steps towards it. Having a really close male friend near by is doing me wonders. He listens and is always there for me. Two days ago we talked on the phone for 11 hours. What a great friend. I am grateful for little things people do for me and I will continue to move forward even if it’s at a snail’s pace
My name is Janie. My story begins about 3 1/2 years ago. I was engaged but not ready to get married. The guy was great but through most of the relationship I always knew it wasn’t going to work. When he asked me to marry him my first answer was no…but then I saw his face. I couldn’t bare to hurt him so I quickly made a joke out of my answer and said yes. Well long story short about a year and a half later I broke it off about 6 months before the wedding. I knew it wasn’t going to happen and I started to become interested in someone else. It was odd. There was a younger guy at my job that had never caught my attention until this one day when I heard him listening to classical music. I remember seeing him out one winter and was excited to be working with him again the next summer. Shortly after breaking it off with my fiance I started seeing him. I quickly fell in love. It seems like I fell in love with him the day I heard him listening to classical. We would flirt at work and all that jazz. He too had just gotten out of a relationship with someone that he thought he truly loved. We even talked to one anther about the relationships. Everything was bliss…until a few months later when I heard his x was back in the picture. He would tell me how he wanted her to move on and that he was no longer in love with her. This went on for quite a while. All 3 of us would even have chats about how he needed to choose. Finally he chose me! He cheated on me a couple of times after that but we were never really in a relationship…we never called eachother bf or gf…so I wrote it off as him being young and a part of growing up. Plus we weren’t official. Also he has a pretty bad drinking problem so it seemed the alcohol never helped. Well about a year and a half ago I finally had enough. I started seeing a friend of ours. What a mistake. I thought I really liked the guy but it just wasn’t the same. He wasn’t the one I really loved. I came clean about everything. We got back together and were actually bf and gf. It was tough because my self esteem was really down from everything that had gone on. Even though I didn’t realize it at the time…it really had an effect on my view of me. I was very insecure and we talked about it. It was something I had to work on. He had to work on his drinking. So fast forward about a year later…we moved to Colorado. It was a fresh start. We loved eachother and this was a great thing for us…until the drinking started again. I sent him home. I didn’t want to end up hating him for things that I guess are normal for a 22 year old. We held hands the whole way to the airport and continued to talk for a couple of months after that. A few weeks ago he called me crying saying how the love of his life was gone. He quit his job and was drinking very badly. I wrote him a letter and told him to please not start drinking at home again and to do what makes him happy even if it means seeing someone else. A couple of weeks later and he would barely talk to me. I got drunk one night and texted him some crazy crap about how I knew he was seeing someone else and that I hated him. All which wasn’t true. I really didn’t care if he was seeing another. I truly want him to be happy. I so badly regret saying that I hate him and that I hope he dies…what a horrible mistake. I was just so upset I was trying to hurt him. Come to find out he did start seeing someone else. I texted him and told him that I know I really love him because it makes me happy to know that he’s happy. Our last conversation we talked about me coming home and how he’ll take me caving. He texted me a few days later and said he knows he really loves me to and that in the letter I told him to make himself happy. He said he’s not seeking anyone out he’s just making himself happy. He never really admitted to seeing the other girl but I know they def hangout a lot. My heart is broken. I still have a lot of his stuff. I figured one day when I’m ready I’ll give it back to him. I can’t help but hope that maybe this is what we need. I need to regain my self esteem and he needs to stop drinking and find happiness for himself. I cry so much. I miss just talking with him. I’ve never loved anyone like I love him and I’m scared that I never will. I fight the urges to text him or call him. I found this website this morning and reading everyone else’s stories gives me hope. I may not ever love someone as much as I love him but I know I will love again…even though that seems so distant to me now. All i really want is for us to one day be friends and the chance to talk about all the things that went wrong with us and maybe even laugh. I hope giving him his time and me taking my time and enjoying Colorado will allow for that. I feel like my other half is gone. He’s someone else’s other half now. I’m so happy I had the chance to love someone this much…it kind of helps to get me through the day. It really helps reading everyone’s stories:)
My husband of 22 years left me 7 weeks ago without explaination. I have since found out about his girlfriend (he denies same although they are living together). My heartache is unrelenting. Everyone keeps telling me I will get through this. I am not sure. As each day passes and I’m not feeling better I get scared. I do not want to feel like this for the rest of my life. Thank God for my daughters as I would not have survived to this point without them holding me up, but how long do I expect them to carry me? They need to live their lives as well. I pray for healing.
Hello all,
Reading these posts made me feel a bit better after having one of my break downs, so I’ll share my story too.
My boyfriend of a little over a year broke up with me a few days ago. I feel completely empty. I’ve had nightmares, I don’t eat as much, I just feel so hopeless as if there is nothing out there to save me. It came out of nowhere too. Just as I thought we were about to fall more in love, he ends things. The reason as to why he did it is unclear to me and that just makes things so much more worse for me, especially the fact that I bet he is out there right now not even a bit sad while I’m here barely surviving each hour of everyday. As much as it devastates me to know that it’s going to take some time for me to heal, I know I have to be strong and do it. I don’t know how I am going to do it but I will. Just like you all of you will too.
In my deepest despair when I thought I would never find my way back into the light I found this web-page and It gave me a real logical perspective of my situation and my feelings. This was yesterday and I decided that today, I would come back and continue with my therapy and share my heart break story.
For 9 years I have been in love with what I believed to be the most wonderful woman I had ever met. She was beautiful, intelligent, so sexy with curves in all the right places. But what struck me the most were her big gorgeous eyes. They captivated my soul the very second I saw them, and they still do. I moved 124 miles from Yorkshire to Wolverhampton to live with her, 6 months after we met, and we were engaged not long after. We were blessed with a beautiful Son four years ago. I thought it life was perfect.
2 Years ago we hit troubled waters. She accused me of taking her for granted and not putting any effort into the relationship. She accused me of preferring to play Xbox 360 than be with her and accused me of being lazy around the house. We very nearly parted, but decided to give it another try for our Son’s sake. I made all the changes she demanded of me, whilst changing little in the one department I was unhappiest about, the bedroom.
2 Years later (to the month!) We had our wedding day booked for 2013 on a Greek Island. We loved that Island so much and both dreamed of getting married there from the second we got of plane on our 1st visit, 7 years ago. She bought her wedding dress ONE MONTH AGO. I thought life was great, but I did not see what was about to come. on the 20th November, a Sunday night. She told me she was deeply unhappy and had been for some time. She told me she loved me but wasn’t in love with me any more. She told me she couldn’t love the man I had become. She accused me of being a rotten father, of being overly aggressive and ‘shouty’ to her and my Son. She told me also the passion in her had died 2 years ago and was kidding both of us by carrying on any longer. I admit had been a little more terse than usual at home as I was tired from working so hard pushing for promotion, a promotion that would, if it pays off, benefit us all. In return I told her she had become withdrawn and distant and hadn’t put any effort into our relationship for a long time. I had kept warning her over and over this would happen. She was so busy doing other things to improve herself (gym and weight watchers for eg) that she has neglected me and us. I felt I was last on her list of priorities, all the time, every time. We never took time to appreciate each other as a couple any more and if we weren’t careful it would slip away.
It did and has. You can probably tell her calling it a day wast a total shock but that does not dull the pain. My heart is in a million tiny pieces right now. I love and adore my gorgeous woman so much I would do almost anything to try again, one last time. What’s worse is I have to see and sleep with her every day. We joint own a house and cant separate until its sold in the New Year, if were lucky, we will have to spend the next 4-5 months together, if unlucky a lot longer. This means the healing process is hard. We are on amicable terms, indeed we talk a lot about our feeling and where we went wrong. We cry together and cuddle each other, we even had a lovely night out and a meal together last week (the 1st night out since July). I was lovely to spend time together and talk about the good times.
But the good times cant come back, she told me there is no way back for us and that is that. Now I have to lay next to the woman I love, every night. I cannot touch her, kiss her and I will not make love to her ever again. I am broken. I’m facing the future without the love of my life and the utter horror of being separated from my Son and becoming “weekend dad”
Having read this site and the stories of those who have suffered as I am, it gives me solace to know I am not alone and hope that one day I will smile again, and I dare to dream that one day I might even……………..love.
Till then,This is the obituary of our love RIP 2002-2011. I miss you.
I really don’t know .How life has become without you Dear…..
However I keep thinking to myself i need to have a stronger heart I wish if I could stop the tears from my eyes …..flowing endlessly just because of missing you day and night …….If I can turned in to a magic bunch of happiness and joy ….How lucky will I be in this world .if that was possible however, I believe in this world everyone is born with a dream, destination and wish for a life time. So I keep thinking it could be that I am not what you have dreamed and wish for your lifetime, so you let me walk alone in the rain with a sad broken heart not knowing where to go. Searching for a shelter where to rest for my heart .As I look around I could see so many people walking along with me on the road but none of the people seem to understand me the reason for my tears and the pain. What I am going through & it happen that the Person I love the most was least bother and did not asked me the reason from my tears not thinking what has happen to me ? In fact it is true …. There is always a reason behind every separation in life and ever single tears of drop ….. I believe no one in this world would cry without a reason even if we are to asked even a child who cannot talk I believed they must have a reason for it even through if they could not say a word .Same as here all alone in the house nowhere to shared the pain am suffering …. Thinking about you whole heartedly and wishing if you would come and dry the tears flowing from my eyes & knowing deep inside my heart that is not going to happen, make me fell more sad than ever before. When I look back the old memories of my life the photographs on the wall just click my memories and everything reminded me of your everyday And as I wake up into my senses I thought it was just a wish dream, plans did not come true in our life and I strongly believed everyone in the world has gone through such pain it could be in a different form of pain in our life it does not meant it has to be only a broken heart it could be in a different situation but when we go through such pain it is very difficult to say my pain is the greatest blessing from God & I even don’t really understand and don’t know how to let the pain go away like the times goes on…..it keep reflecting and remind me every minute & second of you that things are not going to happen and I just has to let it go from my mind and I need to let it flow like a river the love that I have store deep down inside my heart to make me feel better. However, the thought of those dream or thinking could last only for a day or an hour again here I am with same thought ,am thinking too much have I gone crazy thinking too much about you my love or it just a love sickness or disease I need to get alright of it and I just need more time to adjust. However, I believed it have passed several month now the question come in to mind why do I still think about you ? When you already leave me or does not want me anymore in your life I have no clue or no answer all I could say is that I still love you more that the words I could say . I still think about you every single night and wondering what you will do the question I would like to asked you tonight dear for those five years you have been so kind tender loving caring to me and now how can you forget me in a month time or even In a week time is that true that you don’t have any felling for me anymore. And you will be happy leaving me forever and don’t want to see me again in this world I just can understand why it happen? when the bound of our love was so strong I have never doubted you for the past five years and even till today if you wish to come back to me I can still except you in my arms again cos I never stop loving and I don’t want to loss you. or it was just a fake promise u made to me for the past 5 years. Today I asked myself a thousand times in a day? have I done anything wrong which hurt you so much that you cannot except me or am I being rude to you enough that you did not want to marry me or how could you be so sure and confidence about breaking up with me ? As for me I still remember the first time we meet me and the day you say you love me you would be the one for me until death depart us and we seal our promise with a kiss but now how could you let this happen to me .Only a few month of separation even a year has not pass by .How could you want me to walk away like you never know me before. I still can’t understand &I still remember the dated and time all the promises you has say before me tears in my eyes saying goodbye to me with full promises and requesting me not to cry and promised that you will be back soon holding my hand tight and saying I come back for you no matter how far the distance, you always love me? you swear to God and before me once you completed your study you will come back to me with a ring on your hand when all this dream and promised are said do you just want me to erased you out of my mind .When I am dreaming my happiest moment will arrived so that I can stay beside you for the rest of my life ,so I really find it very hard to believe I just can’t let it go. still thinking it just a dream and you come back for me when the moment arrived……
I love you,forever.
Hi to all..
we’ve been ended on this not just because we all have same feelings of hurt, pain and suffering…. But because God wants us to express all of our feelings to each other. To brought out or cast away all our pain..
I am also the one.. we ended up our relationship before my 30th birthday on Nov 21. and now, we are all have cold Christmas… Don’t be worry guys… What if, we have Christmas party for us?
Just an idea…
Im 30 years old. Single. from Philippines…
Hey Everyone,
Its good/bad to find out that i am not the only one in this situation.
My story? simple enough.
I am a thirty four year old guy, I am well educated, have a good job, a nice house and a steady life.
I had been in a relationship for nine years and I have a daughter, now eight years old, who I love and is my world.
Although I do not live with my daughter, she stays with me most weekends and during the week. I consider myself a good dad and there is nothing I would not do to provide in any way for her.
After the relationship with my daughters mother broke down, I promised myself that I would not get into another relationship on the grounds that it would complicate things. I figured I had one girl (my daughter) in my life and for the forseeable future it would be enough for me.
I went on like that for a long time.
Then I met my now (of three months) ex girlfriend. I can honestly say that from the first moment I spoke to her I was in love. Now I for one never believed that two people could have such an instant (mutual) connection within minutes of meeting, but, that is how it was.
We did not get together straight away and we would see each other casually over the next three months. I eventually plucked up the nerve to ask her out and that was the start of what would be one of the happiest times of my life. Romantic, passionate, caring, loving and so much more, I had met my best friend and girlfriend all in one package.
Then after three years, as quickly as it had started, it ended. I knew that she wasn’t happy towards the end but I convinced myself that if I just tried harder I could get us through the bad patch that we were in. The reason for the bad patch was the situation, she had recently found herself unemployed and unable to go else where for work because i could not leave the city my daughter was living in to go with her.
And that, as they say, was that. End. finished. over.
But it wasn’t over, this was the beginning of a very dark time for me. I went from being self confident, happy, enthusiastic to depressed, unmotivated and have no self esteem.
The reason for this? I kept seeing my ex just the same as when we were together. We still ate together, slept (sleeping) together, hung out together and all this time I felt that it was only a matter of time before she realized we had made a big mistake and that we belonged together. Days turned to weeks and weeks turned to months and this just went on and on.
In this time I put on display to her, the worst side of me. She got to see the exact opposite of the guy she fell in love with. The more time i spent with her the harder it became. I would keep imagining scenarios of how she would meet someone else and that would break my heart all over again or she would get a job somewhere else and I would never see her again.
I started to try and see less of her. I stopped calling her and calling round to her house but like most people in that situation I just could not stay away. The temptation just check in was too much.
A couple of days ago we walked to work together and she was in a foul mood. She had a problem and i offered to help her out and it was pretty much thrown back in my face. At that point I just walked off. Later that day she called and apologized for her behavior and invited me round for dinner that evening.
It was just like old times that evening. We ate, talked, cuddled and when I went to leave I kissed her. She responded like I should have expected, obviously not what she wanted. I had misread the situation and left feeling like a bit of a fool.
The next morning I woke up and instead of feeling depressed and down I felt surprisingly up (considering it was 5am that has got to be some kind of miracle).
Why? the reason is simple. I got closure. I went to kiss her and she rejected me. That is all it took. Months of uncertainty just washed away. Ok it still hurt and I still feel sad about the whole situation but something in my head just clicked and said ‘ok you are done here. time to move on fella’
Its early days but I know I am now going to get through this. Already I can start to see things objectively. I can understand how things came to an end but most importantly I can now see that there is no point in hanging in there on the chance things change. If anything was going to be reconciled it would have happened that night and it didn’t.
So two lessons where learned in that little episode and they break down like this;
For the person who has been dumped – Get closure. even if you have to go as far as i did (and make a bit of a fool of yourself) to get it. Once you have solid, definitive proof that a reconciliation is out of the question it will make things so much easier for you to move on.
For the person who is doing the dumping – If you truly care about the person you no longer want to be with, you will give them this closure. Tell them, face to face that its over and that there in no chance to reunite. You may not want to do this as it will hurt them but trust me you will save them a lot of drawn out heart ache.
Then leave them alone. That’s right, just let them get on with it. They will survive and one day thank you for your honesty.
So there you have it. That is my story and what i learned.
Dear Huds,
I know exactly what you are feeling because am in a very similar situation – 25, and recently graduated from med school. Girlfriend 21 and still in college. We met at the aiport, and I, having previously been a ‘playboy’ opened up to her because I felt we had finally attained to that ‘true love’ status everyone seems so jealous about. We both spoke about children, a family together, a life together, and as crazy as it sounds, I built my dreams around her – in a nutshell, my career was at the service of this ‘divine love’.
For whatever reason, she too begins to have questions and absconds – I panic, freak out and attempt to get her back, to no avail. We attempt to speak again and try to be ‘just friends’, only for feelings to become involved again.
I feel your pain brother, but know life has something to teach us all. I have my moments of weakness too, but know that my greatest moments of strength come not from suppressing the pain, but rather from the epiphanies arising in between my incessant rumination.
I know what you mean when you say you hope you’ll one day meet a woman who will value and respect you – cos I know I felt like a piece of trash to be just chucked away, and a blaze of different emotions have been the lanscape of my brain for the last month and a half.
Worse thing is, they never realise just how much pain they are capable of putting someone else through. They can just carry on, as if nothing happened, whilst your life, career and everything is near enough in tatters.
Take care and stay strong.
J
Hi, this site is intresting, I was looking for something to help me with crying. I seem to be unable to stop! My heartbreak came from losing my immediate family, I moved from California to Missouri to retire and spend time with my daughter and her family. In the beginning it was great. family time spent with her and my granddaughter and son in law. We did all the great Midwestern things, family gatherings, barbeques, and had a great time together. Recently my daughter confessed she was unhappy in her marriage, this lead to uncovering she was involved in multiple affairs, lies and coverups that had been going on for a while. Her husband put her out, and her anger was not only directed at him but also at me. He and I maintain a good relationship, and possibly this angered her. I was still able to spend time with my Granddaughter, who I am very close to.
One recent sunday after she dropped my granddaughter with me to spend the night, my granddaughter contacted her father to come take her to the park. We had a great day together.
Normally I would have her dad drop her off, but this day I wanted to speak to my daughter, about making arrangments to pick up my grandaughter after school. I guess my mistake was telling her I wanted to talk to her, she immediatly flew into a rage on the phone, cussing and screaming at me. I told her to come get her daughter and disconnected the phone.
I also made an error in not locking my door when I came inside. She arrivied burst into the door and attacked me!
I was shocked, but
able to fight her off and pinned her to the floor. In holding her down, she was able to viciously bite me on my arms through the skin, I still show the scars. I told her I would let her up but she would have to leave when I did. She did leave, but returned shortly with the police to have me arrested! Needles to say, I was not arrested, but they wanted to know if I would press charges against her, I could not do this , especially infront of my granddaughter.
I have no contact now with my daughter or my granddaughter, and we are from a large family, this has split our family, some who recoginize the gravity of this, some who pretend it did not happen.
It has left me in tears, I now cry about everything or nothing, The slightest thing now has me fighting tears, and I am tired of crying, I don’t want to be told to let it out, It is out. I want to stop….any help!!
i feel somewhat better reading about other people going through some of the similar things that im going through, ive been afraid to express myself with fear that no one would understand what im going through or what im feeling. recently separated from a 7 year relationship in which a precious little son came out of this, i feel devastated, cant concentrate, i feel lonely and with fear that i wont be able to love another person again. i miss him terribly and wish things were different. i thought i knew him but sadly to say never really did. many time i caught him in lies in which he tried to justified them and me being the the idiot loving him soo much i pretended to believe him. i wanted to believe him. i wanted and tried to convince myself it was all in my head. no matter what i did what i said i wasnt able to change his decieving ways. i stood with him this long cause down deep inside i kept hoping and praying he would change. i did everythng im my power to be the woman he wanted and needed thinking he’ll treat me better and make me his first priority,,didnt happen,, i walked away,,,constantly lookin back to see if he would follow,,its horrible to wait for that phone call telling me he misses me that he’ll change that he loves me,,,,i pray to god to give the streght to keep it moving to stop making me think of him and not to miss him so terribly like i do now. i cant wait to get through this pain and loneliness that i feel.
Hi,
I’m 40 and am going threw a break up and it’s killing me. It is now 12/24/11 and I am at home alone on Christmas Eve. Our relationship was not the best in the begging to say the least we worked together everyday which at first was great but she ended up being my boss so then for a year or so we had to sneak and do everything which was a real strain and we both tried to get jobs at other places but either the money was not right or something was always wrong so we had to continue sneaking. We would go back and forth about marriage and kids which I have none and she has three. To make a long story short two weeks before possible getting married i go and do something very stupid I was talking shit on facebook to some other woman and she found it. Seeing as that was the second time it took the cake. I don’t know weather it was out of boredom or what but I never wanted anybody but her and she knows this, but the scare is too deep and dealing with her past history this little deal did not help at all. I just miss her to death she’s all I think about and wanted. When I was in school dreaming of the perfect woman she was it. I know some will say right off the bat “well stupid thats what you get” but it doesn’t make it hurt any less. I am not in the process of giving her space and then I have one more thing up my sleeve for V-day. Just to ask her out on a real date no sneaking or anything stress free. Pray for me that it works I hope it’s not to late and she is with someone else by then. Don’t know what I’ll do. It’s hard but it being at the holidays makes it even harder.
Thank you for this infornmation! It made me feel so much better! I was actually smiling when I got to the part about hope. I am hopeful and I know this isn’t the end of the world for me. Thank you and God Bless.
Yes, broken heart is a tough situation to face.
I was in love with a married man who told me that he is no longer in love with his wife. All kinds of message he sent to me are positive view of move on his life with me. I gave him all my heart for one year and here I am now with broken heart just because I asked him “So, what is your direction with your wife’s situation?”
Thank God for wake me up to ask him for direction. I learn my lesson for not to let man blindly guide you on relationship because they could be blind too. It is always good for woman to take the lead and see what is the direction when it comes to relationship because you don’t want to waste too many years for a relationship that has no direction at all. Overcome the fear of loosing him because it is more important to save yourself at anytime.
I went through a horrible break up this year but I can tell you, there is light at the end of the tunnel. I hope you find some type of inspiration in my story:
When I first met my now ex-boyfriend, I was instantly attracted to him. He was funny and sweet and outgoing- everything I wanted in a man. I had always been very closed off from males due to a dramatic experience I had when I was little. Growing up, I was sexually abused by a family member. I found it very hard to trust men because of this. I had never told anyone about it until I met my ex-boyfriend. He made me feel so safe and happy. I shared so many parts of myself with him. For a while there, we were really happy together. Half way through our relationship, that family member tried to reach out to me and apologize for what he had done to me. Although I had been at peace with what happened to me in my past before, the interaction I had with him brought up all those old feelings of hurt and pain again. I fell into a deep depression. Right when I needed my boyfriend the most, he left me, reasoning that I had to battle my depression and my past on my own. Not only was I dealing with the depression I already was battling, but I now had to deal with heart-break as well. I could not understand how someone who said he would always be there for me would walk away when I needed him the most. My depression got worse and worse, to the point where I thought about taking my own life on many occasions. I couldn’t stomach any food and eventually stopped eating all together. A few weeks later, I was admitted to the hospital with heart palpitations because I had lost so much weight. My ex knew about my hospital stay and never even tried to contact me to make sure I was okay. It was my near death experience that really marked my turning point. Almost losing my life was enough to make me realize what was really important to me- my family and friends. I vowed to myself that day to never allow anyone to get in the way of my happiness ever again- and with that my recovery began. Don’t get me wrong, it was no fast or easy task. Getting over a broken heart takes a very long time. It sucks. But you have to stay positive. Know that although it feels like you will never be able to smile again, those feelings are only temporary. A broken heart is one of the most painful feelings you can have, but you will feel better and you will find someone who will love you right.
I am happy to report I am now a happy healthy woman again. My career is taking off and I am surrounded by amazing people. Although I still struggle with self-esteem issues stemming from why someone would leave when I needed them the most, I have gained so much from my experience. The strength I have gained from this is priceless- I know I had been through the worst and made it onto the other side.
My message to you is that although you may be feeling hopeless and lost right now, those feelings are only temporary. You will feel happiness again and appreciate it so much more than before. You will find someone who treats you with all the respect and dignity in the world, but you need to be positive. I know it is hard, but try to see the good in the situation- maybe that person was holding you back from your career or keeping you from your friends. Maybe they mistreated you and you knew you deserved better. Please know that you will find happiness again.
When I have time to think and gather my thoughts I think only of him. I wonder how happy he is with our situation. When the heart breaks it never breaks even. One person is left with pain and sorrow while the other is enjoying the single life and freedom. I blame myself for this failed relationship. Is that normal? I feel like I can clearly see the things that I should of done different now that we are no longer together. I just don’t know where we went so wrong together. I thought he was what made me whole. After various failed relationships I have come to the conclusion that being alone is my only happiness. I miss the companionship not Necessarily him. I know he is no good for me. I knew that the moment I started being the sole provider for our home and forking out the savings account money just to make ends meet. He had an excuse for everything. March of 2011 I found out I was pregnant with what of been our first child. He told me many nights it just wasn’t the right time and that one day we would be able to have a family together. I made the biggest choice in my life and went through the troubles of free will abortion. I feel so guilty. I feel like i’ve wasted a lifetime with someone who did not appreciate me. I feel so helpless and lonely.
Jennifer,
You’re story was very inspiring and I have to say that you definitely inspired me. I am currently going through a hard time due to the fact that my ex had broken up with me simply because he doesn’t feel the same anymore after so long? And to think I believed him when he said he’d always be there for me.. Anyway, your story as well as others helped me feel better today. I am glad to hear you are much better with your health!
Keep on going.
It is a wonderful website. It heals and tries to mend the broken hearts. I am happy now that I found this site at this time in my life. Was heart broken yesterday by someone I loved dearly and sacrificed so much for. Only to find the truth that love from her was just a mirage.
She had other lovers on the sides and advisers who made sure that our relationship got doomed.
hi everyone
i am sorry to hear everyone’s stories..
i know how hard it is. i have been in a relationship for 2 years. i just thought she was the greatest person on the planet. we got engaged and she became a different person, giving me a hard time over the smallest things. she called of the engagement and then did something so hurtful and immature and ended our relationship over facebook…
i am extremely embarrassed, not sleeping, couldnt smile if i tried and more than hurt, there is a pain in the chest also. i have a high stressful job with major responsibilities and at this point i cant really work and couldnt give a fuck if i lost my job… i am just seeing life through a different set of eyes and not really sure how i am meant to live without this person…
i am going to try and turn this into a positive and going back to the gym tonight and trying what ever i can to relax my mind….
“It is better to have loved and lost, than to have never loved at all”
everyone on this page has pictured a perfect life with a partner, trying to map our futures step by step, love is blind with no boundaries. our future is not going to end up the way we had planed and hoped, Let it go, we all need to let it go…
i feel for you all, and a big hug from me xoxox
I don’t know where to start or what to say. Perhaps by saying I’ve finally decided to stop trying to hold the pain back. My girlfriend and I got into a fight the night before Christmas Eve and she told me she didn’t want me to come home that night and would call me the next day. But all i got was a text message to say she needed to have time and would call me after Christmas. so all our Christmas plans were gone, present giving, dinner with her folks Christmas Eve, dinner with mine Christmas day, a part Boxing Day, i was really looking forward to those days. I put so much time and thought into the presents i got her and her family. So I texted her Christmas Day morning to say can we please see each other and get past the argument. But she didn’t want to and i said i’d give her space. I had no word from her till January 2nd when i got a text saying “you need to organize to get your stuff back from my place”. She put my stuff in a taxi and sent it to my place. So I never got to see her and talk or get closure. I spent a week or so not knowing if i still had her or not. The week before we broke up we were talking about marriage and I’d never been so happy in my life. I’m 32 and she is 27. over the last few weeks i’ve been so up and down but generally I’ve felt so horrible. I dream of her every night at least a few times and wake up straight from one of those dreams to have a pain in my chest and stomach and that stays for most the day and night. I can’t concentrate on anything. I am so sick and tired of feeling this horrible. I can’t think about her without wanting to to start crying. I’ve tried so hard to block out everything that reminds me of her. I have turned around covers of DVD’s that we watched together. We played music together at venues and now i can’t listen or play any song we played together. Everytime i see a couple on a movie I have to turn it off. WE never had one fight, we would say how amazing we were together and had never felt so at ease in our lives. There was so much love and passion. i did everything for her to make her feel special and loved and cared for. I loved making her feel safe and loved. I’m now realising that the worst thing to do was try to ignore the pain. So now I’m listening to music that makes me cry( Eddie Vedder & Natalie Maines You can close your eyes on utube right now) and I’ve cried more in the last few hours than in the last 3 weeks. It’s healthy i think. I hope. I guess it wasn’t meant to be but I always look at my phone in hope she will call to say she wants me back. But i know that there is someone out there that will appreciate me more and not regect me for wanting to show my love. I don’t have it in me to be a prick. I just want to give my love. I really hate how i feel at the moment but it’s helpful finding this site and knowing I’m not alone and hopefully we can all feel a little better from here on in. Thanks for letting me vent guys. Good luck to you all xo
I met my ex-husband when we were in high school; about 14 years ago. I am 3 years older than him. I always knew he was the man of my dreams. He was gorgeous, talented, and had such a big heart. After school we went our separate ways, all the while I dreamt of the day he would bemine. When I turned 25 i was not looking for love or even interested in looking for it, but it kind of just fell in our laps. I met a girl and we became friends onlyfor me to find out that her boyfriend is none other than the man of my dreams! We catch up on our lives and he introduced me to his four month old son. Two months later my inner soul yearned for him, however he was taken. When his son was 6 months old he passed away from S.I.D.S. He was DEVESTATED! His girlfriend left and we became close. I was one of the few people that helped him rise above that dismal tradgedy. our love blossomed immediately. It was as if we were made for eachother. He was my souls counterpart. I fell hard and fast and so did he. Before we knew it a year had passed and we discussed marriage, and decided not to wait. How could we? Both of us had pretty traumatic lives up until that point. For once we both had something real in our lives but more importantly we had the kind of “true” love people would kill for. Our friends were jealous and I couldn’t have been more content. Years passed and my love grew. We had our ups and downs just like any other couple. The one thing I was willing to bet it all on is the one thing that ultimately destroyed me. Throughout our six years of marriage I managed to have TWO miscarriages. Needless to say we were both crushed. Yet we kept on trucking. He was my soulmate, I never even imagined that it was soon to be gone. as a couple we decided together that it was the best solution for me to sit out 100 days in the county jail versus the alternative, years of probation. He stuck by me while I was gone and knowing I had him is what kept me pushing forward. The day I got out he came to pick me up and I knew something was different but my love for him aided in my selective blindness. He told me that day that he had been seeing someone, a younger someone, for three weeks. I felt like I was in a nightmare that I couldn’t wake up from. The walls closing in on me and I had nowhwere to run. I told him I forgave him and asked him to work things out with me. He then told me that he didn’t think that was what he wanted. He said that he had fallen out of love with me. He still loved me and I would always be his best friend, but he just wasn’t in love with me anymore. I lowered myself to a place I never thoughtI’d go. When he walked out that door and into her arms, I crumbled. I officially had nothing! He stole my heart, my youth, my trust, and life. The next three weeks were unbearable. Constantly hoping that he was going to come walking thru that door at any minute, apologetic, ready to fix it. Nothing was right. It has only been four months and the wound is still very fresh. I still have no answers no closure. He hides from the truth because he isn’t a malicious man. What he did to me is hard for him to face as well. How will I ever get through this with any amount of pride? I am not sure if it is even possible. The thought of him and our truly amazing love permeates my heart and soul causing it to brim over a gangrenous sespool of deceipt, confusion, and lonliness. I will love my husband FOREVER! I just have to convince myself its over and that is going to be the hardest part of all. Hopefully this website and it’s tools will help me succeed in shedding this unwanted agony from my life.
Like everyone else with a broken heart, I feel my chest and heart are ripped open. The only thing that keeps me hanging in there is the thought that at least I have myself. When no one else will love me, I love myself. My Creator above anyone else also loves me. A man who I loved dearly left me. He does not love me. He does not care for me. What scares me the most is this feeling that I lost my purpose and dread the thought of spending the rest of my life by myself. These are all issues that look worse because we are broken hearted. But we all know that there will be a tomorrow and that we will be better eventually. No matter how bad we feel, hang on to the hope that we will feel better slowly. When I cry, I am comforted that there are thousands of people if not millions also crying with a broken heart. We are not alone. Everybody hang in there. We will make it through the dark night and the sun will rise! xoxo
Hi Stacy,
I was teary-eyed when I finished reading your story. You have to move on. It’s hard but it’s the best thing you can do. I’m also dealing with the same problem. I don’t know how to get out from the turmoil that keeps myself tormented emotionally. I’m trying to instill the word “move on” in my head but it sucks because I really can’t get rid of him (yeah you’re right.. i’m a gay). My happiness seems burglarized and I don’t know where I’m going. I feel completely lost. It’s almost a year but the level of pain is like it just happened yesterday. I can’t give you good advice but it makes me feel better sharing this with others and knowing that I’m not the only person who is suffering from this (I hope you feel the same way too).
Thanks and hope you’ll make it someday.. pain doesn’t linger lifetime..
About me, I’m starting out a new sensible hobbies.. So long pal!
By the way, I’m from Philippines
For me, the worst thing is knowing that I chose to marry a woman who did not want to be with me forever. I hate myself for loving her with all my heart, not knowing that when she wanted to, she would just leave. It’s been 2 months now, and the pain in my chest hurts. I know that she’s happy, she’s fine and she is not hurting at all. I do not want her back. I deserve someone who will love me always, but I just want to stop waking up and have her be the first thing in my mind. I want the pain in my chest, I want the thunderous thump of my heart to go away. I wish I was a real man, like my father. A man who will never let a woman hurt him like this. The question is why did she not tell me that she did not want to be married forever? Why did she leave me only after 6 months of marriage? I think that weak men like me should not survive. I know that one day this pain will end. I just want it to be today.
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