From co-worker to lover to co-worker – do you fit into this scenario? Creating deliberate distance from your ex is a key ingredient in the prescription for recovery. So what do you do when you still have to see them everyday at work? You utilize the unique solutions to combat the unique complications presented when working with an ex. In order to understand the techniques we offer, let’s first address the specific problems.
Problems Unique To Working With An Ex:
Undercover Lovers. Romances that develop at the office are often not made public. For various reasons – company policy, unwritten rules, negative connotations, extramarital status – people keep office relationships under wraps. The issue with any clandestine romance is that the break up is also concealed. Not that you want to send out announcements about your broken heart, but keeping your relationship private denies you the support from friends and co-workers that help you through this difficult time.
Contact Overload. Office relationships often come with lots of emails, texts, ims, and hallway looks. You are in the presence of this person all day and are experiencing the effects of “in sight and in mind”. Going from constant correspondence to normal communication can be grueling.
That Little Something Extra. Regardless of your level of professionalism with one another, when you are dating in the office, you always get a little something extra in your exchanges. Whether it is a wink in the hallway, an email with a smiley, or a special lunch together, there are often veiled signs of affection. After the break up, the extras vanish and this can be difficult to bear.
Mixed Signals. Sometimes the little something extras do not actually disappear as quickly as they should setting in motion a state of confusion. You may still get that special email, but there is no other sign of a reconciliation to come. Mixed signals will keep you in limbo. This neither gets you the relationship you seek with your ex, nor does it allow you to move forward.
TMI. One of the reasons that distance is required for the healing process is that having all the information about your ex such as their reaction to the break up or new dating prospects does not help your recovery. When you work with an ex, you just have too much information about all aspects of their post break-up life.
Give us Hope, Hope, Hope!
There is hope. Many of the issues endured when working with an ex are based on expectations and habits that remain on auto-pilot. We wait for that email and expect the that little something extra. We can’t get them off our mind because they are sitting in front of us. Well, we are going to teach you some methods to get rid of those expectations and habits. Soon your constant thought of walking past his desk or incessant impulse to check for her email will fade. You will build strength and move forward.
Lean heavily. If you fall under the category of a private romance with a private break up, lean heavily on someone outside of work that you can trust. Tell them everything. Use the community here to help you. We are not here to judge, we are here to help.
Change. You’ve probably had the experience of scent or a song triggering a poignant memory of a person or point in time. This is because our mind is like a filing cabinet that efficiently stores memories with certain associations. We have yet to unravel the mystery of all of the triggers; however, we do know that even the most mundane detail can generate an association to your ex – the angle of your computer, the scent of your office, etc. With this in mind, it makes sense to change some details and create fresh associations.
• Rearrange your work space.
• Place your computer in a different spot.
• Change your pictures and knick-knacks.
• Spray an unfamiliar scent in your office.
• Drive a different route to work.
• Walk a different path to your workspace.
• Wear new clothes.
• Talk to different co-workers.
• Mix up your lunch destinations.
Email and other correspondence. Write down how you feel while waiting for his email or after receiving a disappointing text from her. Write it in code (if you have to) and put it on a post-it next to your computer, phone etc. Every time you want to send your ex a message, reference your post-it. If your urge overwhelms you, try the following:
• Write an email. Yes, open a document and each time you want to send them a message, type it into this document. Record the time and the date and write it. Do not send it, just keep the document as a running trail. Review the document after a few weeks – we promise your urges will reduce in quantity.
• Get raisins. If you hit “F5” fifty times an hour to refresh your screen, get a bag of raisins. Each time you want to hit refresh, eat a raisin instead. What you are doing is exhibiting addictive behavior and this technique helps to break it. Don’t not feel bad about it or reinvent the wheel, there are plenty of techniques to kill addictive habits and this is one of them.
Count before answering. It is of utmost importance to maintain your professionalism with your ex during the recovery process. While there may be a fleeting moment of satisfaction from throwing your swinger stapler at his head, we promise you will not feel good in the morning. Before answering any direct or indirect question to your ex, count to ten and ask yourself how your co-worker would respond. Respond in that manner.
Quit. Not your job, the game. Quit the game of sending and receiving inappropriate signals to and from your ex at work. If he or she winks at you in the hall, it is in your control to deny this signal. It is in your control to take a different route to the bathroom and reduce run ins at the office.
Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell. You don’t need to discuss your personal life, nor do you need find out about what your ex is up to. Do not fool yourself into thinking that finding out about his dating life or her weekend plans is providing you closure. Closure comes from within, from working through healing steps. Think of how you act with another colleague that you are not friends with at work – mimic this behavior with your ex.
You can do it. You were a working professional before this relationship and you can continue to be one. A unique challenge has been presented to you in this life. You will conquer it and when you come out on the other side, you will be better, brighter, and stronger.
Do you work with your ex? Perhaps you go to school with them or are still living with them- tell us why it’s hard for you to go cold turkey.
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I work with my ex – she’s my boss. I have to see her every single day and while I respect her capability at work, she has been a child during this break up. Going cold turkey has been really, really hard for me. I’m glad to hear I’m not alone. Thx.
i happen to be one of the victims and itell u its not easy to see ya ex every day.
im moving on with my life but its a burden to my current boyfriend who knows the fact and it affects me badly.
iwill take heed of what is in the article,am sure it will help.
Good to know I am not alone. Working with an ex in what was a clandestine relationship was really hard. All the reminders were constantly there. Every glimpse bringing back memories. I had to move on. Changed jobs then changed towns. Now 2 yrs later I am finally moving on, but I wasted a year trying to make working together a viable option. Hopefully the article will help others in the same situation
I work with my ex and continue to struggle with a sudden breakup just 6 weeks ago. we were together nearly 5 years. My situation is compilicated in that he continues to end me e mails, offer the mixed signals in the hallway and to tell me he loves me still. The more I try to avoid this the more aggressive he becomes in his pursuit to get my attention, to the extreme of at one point telling me’d been holding on to an engagement ring for a year now but just couldn’t bring himself to propose. Ive given in to these things, naturally, as I was not the one to break up–he was. Yet always within a few days of talking with him and him telling him I do still love him, no matter how angry or hurt I am, he backs away again-having first told me he wanted to reconcile, whatever it takes. I keep trying to move on, but how? I took some time off, changed my phone number, and found a card with a love letter in my mailbox–hand delivered. Has anyone had an experience like this? How in the world do you find the strenth to avoid/ignore such agressive attempts to get your attention when all you want in the deepest part of your heart is for them to be for real-to reconcile.
I too experienced all the mixed messages, it is extremely painful and distressing. In my case I think he wanted to keep all the enjoyable postive parts of our relationship without any commitment. I had to move away for my own emotional health. I feel for you but can offer no easy answer.
I know how difficult it is. My ex sends me txts saying things like,”i’ll never survive, with dead memories in my heart”. Im sure those are lyrics from something but i dont know why he even sends them. He broke up with me and wgen i see him it hurts. I see how much he’s changed and how im still here mourning our relationship. And the worst part is he doesnt even care i still love him.
mabye he still love you but because of his ego he never want to admit it..
i male and i’ve been through this situation before.
i’ve broke up with my ex but in fact i still love her..
at the end i’m the one who are in misery..
after 2 years,my feeling to her never diminished..
because of brokenhearted, i started to isolated myself until i forgot how to socialized!!
I don’t know if I can make it through the day, if I can stand there and chat with relative strangers who have no idea what is inside of me. I laugh and listen with feigned interest, talk about things that don’t matter to me, but that fills the quiet. I’m dead inside, I’m screaming inside, I’m crying on the back porch, I hate them and their lives, their families, their children, their money. I’m so alone, my best friend is gone. He’s across the room but he’s gone. I want to scream at everyone. I want to defend him and tell everyone that it’s all my fault. It could have been different, but I’m the one who went to the dark place. I want to faint, hit my head on the concrete, popping it like a ripe watermelon. I want to take a bottle of pills and disappear. I want to get on a bus and ride to where there is a hurricane, lie down on the beach and wait. I want to crawl down a manhole. I want to waste away, I wish I could be bulimic and puke out this knot. I want to be taken away against my will. I want it all to end. I’m finished now. I lived The Rest of My Life. It’s time.
Dear Sheldon:
Please don’t do anything to harm yourself. I hope you were just venting and feel better after venting. YOU are brave because you came to a website to help yourself.
You only started to live the Rest of Your Life…You just got off to a bumpy start (like Turbulence on a Flight to Hawaii) the getting there was hell but soon you will be in a great place…with better people than the X..
Love to you!
Hi Jo,
I feel it should be a human right to end one’s life when one chooses. I won’t, though. I have a daughter in college, and I couldn’t do that to her.
I feel dead inside. I don’t understand how someone can go from being inseperable best friends to mere coworkers. He moved on so long ago, it’s been a couple of months now, and it still feels like it just happened to me. I want the off switch. I cry every day. It consumes me, and I feel foolish for feeling. I feel old and poisonous.
I’m working on these art projects, it’s something to fill the time and to tell the story. Maybe I’m trying to get something tangible out of it, I don’t know, but it’s beginning to make me feel like I must be crazy. At what point does a creative outlet become a psychosis? I’ve almost completed the second one, and there are 3 or 4 more inside of me that need to get out. They’re very detailed and controlled, filled with tiny lines and dots of ink, I’ve built whole cities out of tiny black and white cutouts from copies of photos.
I wish I could just crawl down a hole and stay there. It’s torturous to see him at work and know that it’s been behind him for a long time. It’s in the distant past to him.
He told me several times that he was planning to make a scrap book filled with photos and things from our relationship. I knew he wouldn’t get around to it, so I did. I scanned every page of the journal that we kept together, all the mementos from our trips, and a few meaningful photos and had it made into a hard bound book. I gave it to him last Thursday. He laughed at some of the funny things, he was quiet at others, and he said, “This is one of the nicest things I’ve ever gotten. It’s better than my memories.” And I said, “Not mine.”It just reinforced the realization that he really has forgotten.
I’m alone and I miss my best friend. I’m so sad that he doesn’t want to be best friends anymore, that I’m a distant memory, practically forgotten. I’m just someone he works with now.
Dear good people,
It feels good to know that one is not alone,had a fabulous 2 months with her and she brought it crashing down.The intense pain, scar, reminders and constant heart-piercing makes me think that there is nothing more to life but being a firm believer, i believe that i will come out stronger. even before going through the advice offered by this site, i have started implementing some and it is seeing me through. Sheldy, thank goodness for your positive confession about your daughter, you will most def get over this, am sure you will. pls connect with others and carry on with living, there is much more to life than past memories.
i love you for sharing and please live life to the fullest
Testing.
testing…
Testing to see if this works….
Okay sorry so here it goes. I was seeing this guy for about a year and it didnt work out. The thing that makes me most uncomfortable is that I can see him from my desk. – (Even right now
This is so difficult I cant stop crying at my cubicule. Everything was so perfect he gave me all the attention and now its like i am this “unstable crazy person” who does not have any control of my feelings. It bothers me so much when he talks to other girls. I am 29 he is 44 and he tells me that he is not ready for marriage and doesnt care for me that way anymore. I am so sad and depressed. I thought for sure this was the one – you would think he would want a younger responsible woman but No the piss off says he isnt into me anymore. I just feel like i cant control my feelings without wanting to throw something at him. How can someone care so much and then act like its nothing. Before when i used to get upset he would be around to console me now its like whatever i guess….I still care so much about him and moving to another job would not be possible for me right now. I dont know what to do… a very few of my girlfriends here know and they are sweet to listen but there is so much you want everyone to know then it becomes stale and annoying. Ps. Did i mention he lives at home still!! anyway writing this helps me actually i am already starting to feel better. I just hope a day comes where i can walk past him in the hallway and it doesnt even phase me! I guess i wore my heart on my sleeve this whole time. anyway back to work…
Dear Sheldy: Have you tried a group like Grief Counseling or Emotions Anonymous, not to be patronizing or tell you what to do, but I don’t like to see you suffer.
Jennifer: It seems like a 44 year old man would be jumping hoops to have a 29 year old woman, but it is his loss.
I find its good to not think of an ex in anyway. A friend of mine told me you could try self-hynotism, it doesn’t really work (at least for me) but I would say it must be hell to have to see your ex at work. The only thing I can say is maybe you could get transferred to another location or say a prayer that the ex moves to another company.
Dear Jenni, as if its not painfull enuough to be shoved aside, now you have to face the frightful reality of seeing him during work hours.i bet its not a palatable experince but am gradually overcoming mine, i have deleted most of her text messages (still have some though), ignores all her stares and encouraging moves after telling me to stop loving her.just let out the steam through forums like this, cry when u feel like, talk to others other than ur colleagues about it, just do anything other than self pity. it has helped me a great deal. Hope your heart heals soonest.
Cheers
Jo and Felix Thank you for your kind words. I am having such a down day today it’s Saturday night and I have been in my PJ’s since coming home from work yesterday. I feel so miserable that I dont even feel like going anywhere I just want to me in my room with a blanket over me. I called him today and he was out at the mechanics carrying on with his day like its beeping nothing – I wish I didnt care, I wish i didnt let it bother me. Its funny now that i think about it i hate being at work because i see him all the time and i hate being at home because i am so miserable. Things arent so good here either… I just hope and pray that i get over this feeling of sadness and lonlieness out of me. I think I am a decent person with so much to offer and yet for some reason things just never work out. I dated this one piece of shit for 5 years and i couldnt tell you how glad i am to have left him at this point i would be alone and miserable then go back to him. But for this ex worker i thought for sure it would have worked…. silly me for thinking this way. I wish sometimes that he would come back and things would be good. Even though it ended we were still close up to last week where we all went out after work for someone’s gathering and I saw him talking to this girl and it bothered me so much i ended up calling him and freaking out – sending him txt msgs and all. He said to me that he is able and free to speak with anyone he wants and get anyone’s phone # too. He is right, its not like we are “together” anymore but i know it would kill me to see him with another girl. I just hope that one day i will get over him and that i will be happy with someone else. Do you think I will be happy with someone else? Will I ever be excited again and talk on the phone till 3AM with someone else? and have someone to love and care?…. I hope so.
Thank you everyone for hearing me out. Your comments are so sweet.
Hi Strong Jenny,
Top of the day to you, i lost a soulmate who i taught was fashioned from above for me, great companion, great laughter & giggling, countless sms, emails, and other stuff and we complimented each other until she shattered my fragile heart with a-dont-love-me-again-episode, worse still;she occupies a seat away from me IN THE SAME OFFICE,i had to face a gruelling time(am still is) she now talks and does stuff with other guys at will,it was pure cruelty for me, i was tortured because of my loving someone, anyway i believe she lost out in me (time will tell). i bottled up and was threatening to explode until common sense made me open up to some distant friends, i had already deleted her numbers and other painful reminders(she does not need to encroach in my sanity after work) let it be only the office presence that i have to battle with.opening up to friends was heart-lifting (one reccomended this site to me). after holing up at home for weeks on end, i decided to let me have fresh air, i started going out and doing all sorts (funny enough, constant visit to the mechanic for repairs), am overcoming but its gradual, i dnt have the urge to call or send her text again (she even called yesterday for us to attend a wedding together, but i declined…..i cnt believe i did that but my recovery process is in top gear.someone once quoted Florence Scovell Schinn on this site “If he’s mine I can’t lose him. If he’s not, I don’t want him” (in my own case, a she….lol)
Jenni, will you be happy with someone else? yes you will
Will you love someone else, talk till dawn,giggle and do those crazy stuff that lovers do? I sure bet you beauty that you will do someday sonner than you expect, do not underestimate the capapcity of the human mind. You are on a great road to recovery, my circustnace is not same as yours, but you could try some of these.
Thank you for opening up and letting us make our little contribution.
Cheers to your strong heart
I’ve been trying to get over my ex for months. we work together and it’s driving me crazy. We broke up as he met someone else and has been going out with her since. The thing taht is driving me crazy is the mixed messages, sometimes he’ll text and say that he wants me and then nothing. I then get the feeling (from what other people are saying) that he is also trying it on withevery other girl in the place, inclusing my friends. We were pretty hush hush so I can’t even say anything about it! My logical slef tells me to get over it, but I can’t figure out how…
How do you heal when you have to see your ex dating someone who works in the same place. Everytime I see the girl he’s dating or hear about their plans from others I find myself feeling sad. I am trying to remain friends with him but I guess its not working quite well when I still have feelings for him. It has been a couple mths now and its definately better than day one!
Hi All,
@ Jenny, no more posts from you? i bet that is a good sign that you are better than before and moving on with your great life.
@ Rachel, your logical self might make you believe one thing. you want to figure out how, simply ignore him and his acts, gather your emotions together and convince yourself its over. just simply do other things that give you joy. its working for me. cheers
@ JC, your thoughts might make you believe getting on is impossible especially with him dabbling into another co-worker, that ought to elicit despair, anger and constant heart-piercings in you but its part of your healing process, do not be eager to know the plans they are making , auto delete his sms and mails (that are not work-related), tell yourself its all over and move on (a guy who jumps from one co-worker to another is obviously not worth waiting for).
I felt same way too, but the realisation hit me that my life was gradually seeping away and a bolt of electricity hit me, i woke up to my senses and totally let go of memories (i still feel something) but its not as it was when she gave me the boot.J, You will get over it ok?, cheers
Hi JC-I am in the same boat as you. I have had the same job for 19 years. My ex- and I have worked together for 9 and were together for 8. 2 months after he broke up with me, he started dating another co-worker and moved a mile away from where I live. I see way more than I want to or care to. It has been pure torture, I wish I had an easy answer for you but one thing I can say is that it is not wise to try and be friends with him. Let go of being friends. It really is an unrealistic expectation of either of you right now. I have asked my ex to please not contact me-but he has. So I have resorted to changing my email address and my phone numbers. Hang in there
jude and felix,
thanks for the advice. I guess it has been a little difficult for me b/c where i work, i’m basically working in the same small area as him and we are working side by side. It’s not a place that has many departments that i can avoid seeing him. So i have been acting professional to make things less ackward. Leaving the company is not a realistic option for me right now and probably not for him right now either.
The hardest part is that we still act friendly with one and talk about general topics b/c i think it’s more ackward to be in complete silence when you have to work side by side with the other person. ( and there is nothing work related to talk about )
I guess because of my situation, it has been harder for me to fully heal and move on because i’m still having contact with him. I know with time, i should be fine, but i guess it’s still painful for me at times when i think about the times we shared.
HI Everyone
@Felix lol.. No i wish things were good they are not. I feel miserable still – its weird some days are bad and others not as bad. Sometimes I feel like i cant even control myself with my emotions and anger. I fire off nasty text messages, dirty looks and an email here and there. I just cant believe how someone can be so into you and care for you and then see you by the printer and act like everything is cool? I am a honest and upfront person and I cant play this everything is cool with me bullshit. I try but I feel as though i have no self control. So i asked him to hang out (like an idiot) on new yrs just to chill out and he said no! I couldnt believe it. He said for all the horrible things I said to him he cant hang out and because he doesnt know where my emotions/feelings towards him are at. Please keep in mind that i saw him last weekend and we of course were making out – which was fine but the minute I react to something he gets all tangled up and in a frazzle – which i understand we are not together i have no right to react to anything but i do and i dont know why? I just wish i could be a mature adult and go out and have fun with him and thats it – nothing attached but why cant i do that without reacting to anything? like if he didnt want to hang out on new yrs i should have just accepted and moved on instead i actted like a complete flippin dummy. We had our work xmas party at a bar and i had left abit early and usually he used to walk me to the train station this time he didnt and i flipped – again STUPID MOVE. I just wish i could meet someone that cares for me in return. Its weird i look around me and see people, couples and think it would be nice to finally meet someone who wants to settle down with you. I dont know i am feeling so shitty, I feel ancy, anxioius, stressed, and constantly feeling agony. I just wish this feeling would go away and i could be back to my old self again… thanks for reading.
xoxo
Its Saturday morning after 8 and i cant sleep. I must have woken up 2x last night. I feel ancy and anxious. I cant shake this f%*king feeling off. I am so lost and depressed. I dont know what to do with myself. The hoildays are here and I really shouldnt be feeling like this but i do. I feel like my mind is constantly wondering, constantly thinking and i dont feel like i am content and at peace. I cant believe what a fool i have made myself out to be. I am reading some of your comments you guys seem as though you have self control and if things didnt work out, you were at least professional about it! Me? Not so much….. I just need to be in control of myself without being destructive with my words. I dont know when is this feeling going to go away, i feel like i cant take this constant feeling of sadness out of me. He on the other hand is completely seem to be doing fine. I cant explain the feeling but this feeling in the pit of my stomach it feels empty, almost like nervousness. I dont know i dont even feel like doing anything but stay in bed but how much can one sleep? lol..
I cant stop thinking about all the moments we shared and now this? he wanted me close to him and now it feels like i am pestering him. I didnt want to let go. I guess part of me acted this way because i never felt rejection with him before. He makes it sound so easy “people go through this all the time, they meet, they get together date for a while and then move on” and the funny thing is he doesnt date that much – he doesnt go out much and is more of a homebody. For god sake he hasnt even left the country in over 15 years. Anyway I hope things get better, it would be great if he didnt work less then 10 feet away from me so it would be out of sight out of mind. anyway snuggling back in bed i just want this damn day to end.. actually i want the hoildays to be over. Its funny the other day a lady said to me (while shopping) happy hoildays and i nodded and smiled and said same to you.. but inside i was like yeah right happy freakin hoilday alright!!
thanks for reading xoxo
Hi Jen, wow, 2 quick posts, its obvious your heart is being torn to shreds. there is nothing professional about taking up the gauntlet. i just couldn’t fathom how she could carry on as if we never had any feeling and that was the greatest let down of all and i felt like retaliating through nasty texts, unkind words etc but i dont know how reason overtook me. It took me a while but i decided to respect my sanity and swore not to allow her memories disrupt my peace, i set out deleting all the text messages,phone numbers etc, am much saner now (though i have occasional relapse) but it is not as fierce before. Jenny, you simply have to make a move to disentangle yourself, before allowing time to do the rest. am kinda surprised that you still make out with him, its gonna get worse, his continued rejection of your ideas is going to further drag you down until you feel worthless. Simply tell your emotions that its all over and start the process of your healing, i try to imagine what this season would have been for the both of us but i discard such thoughts immediately n tell myself to do something meaningful, i read, browse, watch a lot of positive mental attitude documentaries etc, i admit that your dynamics are not same as mine but this has helped me a great deal, am coming out stronger and would love you to experience same.
You can truly have a happy hols or freaking one….lol if you choose to and i would want to to enjoy this season like no other.
Hi Jennifer-
I broke down at work yesterday. My ex was not working, but his new girl friend was. Believe it or not, it is actually more painful for me to see her than him. Any how, she left early yesterday which I was a relief but I could not get out of my head that she had left and went straight to his house to make love with him. I broke down and finally asked one of the girls that I work with if she could privately give me a hug. I was embarrassed and shameful about my feelings and she reminded me that I was human, she would be worried if I did not have these feelings under these circumstances and she gently that I had to stop being so self destructive. I would say the same for you. This hurts and neither of us have any control over the situation other than with the choices that we make and with the thoughts that go through our heads. Let’s do our best, all of us to acknowledge our pain but to make healthy choices and divert negative thinking with positive thoughts. Hang in there.
jude,
I know exactly how you feel! I am in the same boat! I don’t know why it is more painful for me to see my ex’s new girlfriend then seeing him too! Everytime i see her, i get this hurt feeling in my stomach. But when i see him, i get a nice happy feeling. But then when i see them together, i feel sad and tortured in a way. So why is it that we tend to hate the other person but not the ex who was the one that really broke our hearts? Like, i sometime wish both of them would get new jobs or at least her so that i won’t have to hear about their relationships from other co-workers or see them together. Is this me just being jealous? Maybe. I sometime feel that i should be over him by now, but the feelings keep coming back everytime i am around him at work. We still talk at work about casual stuff, and he always seem to say things that make me laugh. ( which happens to be what i like most about him). …… But my friends tell me that i deserve better and i know that i probably do, so that’s what i am telling myself….and hopefully, one day, i can just forget about him completely.
how can i stop the pain….he gave false signals that he still loves me…he doesnt want any commitment anymore…i lost 40 pounds just crying and not sleeping..not eating… I dont know if God is still hearing me out…
I just found out on Saturday that my ex, was seeing another woman that we work with.. I report back to work Tommorow, am not looking forward to seeing either one of them. My ex was hiding her from me, because he was still trying to get with me.. I am so mad, and so angry…Most of all depressed
Cynch,
That is the same thing that my ex did with me, gave me false hope, only so that I would stick around, while he was out messing around! at times i do feel relief, but many I feel sick to my stomache, i cant understand how people can be so cruel
My aniexty level right now is through the roof. I cant even explain the feeling I have. I just literally threw up. (Sorry i am sure ya’ll didnt need to know that). This past weekend was supposed to be me getting away from everything and going away with the family – except i was a complete disaster – I was ancy, agitated, i couldnt sleep and i was short and not wanting to do anything. I feel bad for acting this way – i just completely feel like i have no control over my emotions – never mind my emotions i feel like i have no control over my life. I cant understand how i let this person do this to me. Why?!! I am so pissed off with everything I just want the damn holidays to end so everything can be back to normal. I dont know why i feel like this – I just wish it would go away. How can he have moved on completely and not even consider to call or anything and why do i rely on him for my happiness – am i that stupid of a person? why cant i get the hint and be like f*ck it I am DONE. Why do i do this to myself and others around me? I wish and pray that this feeling of aniexty would go away. This feeling of emptiness and anger and constant distress. I feel like i have about a zillion butterflies in my stomach and my nerves are shot. Please tell me someone that they can relate to me and that i am not alone. I feel so alone and so betrayed – so hurt that i feel like i hurt my own family with my stupid ways this past weekend all over a f*cking guy – talk about not having my motions in check. I am crying as i am typing this – tears rolling down my cheeks, a feeling of sadness coming over me. I feel lost, confused, and just plain stupid. There is nothing more then i want then for him to regret everything one day and feel the pain i do. I dont even know what to do anymore. I just want to sleep everything off – problem is i cant even sleep without waking up 3 or 4 times and feeling like i want to crawl under a hole and stay there forever. Anway thanks for reading…
xoxo
Hi Jenni, i wanted to say happy hols (but with the above post from you, it seems pretty difficult). getting all nerve-wracked up is most def going to be a constant reoccurence but where it pains most is that its gonna affect every of your relationship especially your family. you can surely get better, i know you will overcome. your concerted efforts and time will surely do the magic. Happy hols Pretty.Cheers
@ Vegas, with due respect to your feeling, i don’t think mr hot pants is worth crying over if his stock in trade is sampling of his colleagues, obviously, the latest lady will sooner than later face what you are facing. i bet its gonna be a tough one for you to overcome but hold your head up high and look forward to life after him. ciao
I can’t sleep. I will see that jerk later on today:( one friend toldme to stop being a wuss,I know it’s not the end of the world, but I definately am hurting! I hope the new year brings better days
Vegas,
Oh my…I wouldn’t be able to do what you’re doing.. I just can’t..I will pray for you.. If ever..try to find a job..elsewhere..Do not jeopardize your talents..your work.. I sacrificed a lot of jobs..because of him.. I just thank the Lord that we don’t work together anymore…I felt so insecure..The questions kept ringing in my ear ” What does she have that I don’t have?” I gave him almost everything..I loved him too much that I didn’t leave anything for myself. Same thing he hid her from me.. Picking her up ..secretly..20 years younger than him…. Hang in there..I feel for you so much..I know it is very heavy…My prayers are with you.. There is Karma… God will do justice for us…
my dear friends..
what pisses me off with these women is that they will show you that they are not affected..even if they have stepped on you….so proud….”I got your guy!..triumphantly…
…the devil always teases you during our weakest point in life…Sometimes we tend to forget that there is another world around us…
To Felix:
The hope that the new young woman in his life will soon regret what she did…It is the only thing that wakes me up from the torture chamber of thinking…..That soon she will come to know him too..that she will cry and weep like what I am right now….That the pain will not go away…I always think why waste my time with a man who has no sense of direction..no sense of value…I would want that inscripted in me ..please forever…but I just can’t ..I forget the people around me…More worthy of my time…I just ask God to help me stop the pain…I don’t want to hurt anymore..To help me forget him…
I cant see myself losing a great paying job for that idiot, he is so not worth it.. I have to remember, that i contributed to it, by saying yes when he asked me out! I have prayed to God, that I can just move forward… He is actually transferring in 3 months.. I got to put on my game face, and act as if nothing is bothering me… As far as the chic he is with now, she may be laughing it up for now, but she wont laugh when he does that to her
To jenni:
I experienced the same thing.. All that I place in my mouth…just automatically goes out…I don’t have any appettite..I lost a lot..Before with..mild anxiety attacks, I would just go to the refrigerator and gobble..But this is so different..
I know this is hard…But my goal..for me.. I took advantage of my weight loss beacuse I can wear my old clothes when I was younger.. I promised myself that I want to look my best even when I reach 40….
I looked horrible without sleep..dark circles around my eyes..dry skin..I look like an old lady ..(and I am on my early thirties)..Please..don’t show yourself like this to your ex…We will not win…Try to avoid seeing him….It is hard…because I know..at this time we would take even just for pity of letting them hug us….So sad if that is the case…Isn’t it? Then we compromise our feelings again..
they are not gods…
Let us find strenght with the true God..who sees everything…He knows what’s in our hearts..in our minds….
Let us mark in our minds that there will be Karma for them…God will do justice to people who have hurt us..
You will be in my prayers….For the people who prayed for me… for the non-blood sisters who loved me unconditionally even when I try to keep myself in my own world…..Thank you..
Vegas,
Good. He will be transferred in 3 months? Very good.. I sacrificed my good paying job for him before..just for him..and he didn’t value that..If you have the strenght to stay and put on the game face..Then Go Girl!
Stay beautiful..Life is short..Let us not spend our days being affected with these kind of people..
Thankyou I truly believe the reason I am not over him, is because I put up with so much mental abuse! He would always tell me that he’d hope he’d die because it would be my fault! He never wanted me to hang out with friends because he always assumed that I was out cheating on him. I don’t know what it is that I miss fro
him. A big part of me feels gone. As if my soul is hurting wanting to be held I feel so empty. I have never cried as much as I did when I was him
Update: so I went into work, seen the ex. I looked at him and smiled. My cowrkers said wow you look very pretty, I said thankyou I got rid of the drama in my life! The ex was sitting about 6 feet away, wich I am so sure he heard! A while ago my other coworker said wow mark looks mad. I replied marks mad because he makes himself mad!! It’s going to be tough but I have to remain strong! Pray that I remain strong when I see the other woman!!!!!
Be strong..Its good that you were able to put up a very good show.. Now he will regret why he dumped you..
I know you will be confident when you see the other woman.. God bless you.
I dated a guy from my job (he works full time, I work part time) for a few weeks and it was a fun relationship but he spent a couple weeks acting like a total jerk which in retrospect was his way of making ME break up with HIM so that he didn’t have to do the dirty work. When I broke it off, I was upset but I said we should be friends, mostly because I didn’t want things to be weird and I didn’t want to let on that my heart was broken. I didn’t follow up on the friends offer, no texting, etc but I’ve always been really friendly to him when I see him at work but I’ve gotten into the bad habit of taking his kindness and playfulness the wrong way. It’s obvious we won’t ever get back together but I wish he’d be mean to me or something so I didn’t feel like he’s a nice guy. I just chalk it up to a learning experience.
I’m currently working with my ex. I don’t have to see her every day but we have the same friends. The same interests. Obviously we met at work. I’m pretty pathetic. Desperate. All I want to do is text. Email. And each minute feels like years. And what makes it feel even worse is that she has not emailed. Not texted. And it kills me…I had thought we were going to spend our life together…
I went out with a co-worker and even though we were never officially a couple it pains me to know not only has he lost interest in me but now it seems he may be hooking up with another girl at the office. The other girl is fairly new and only 18 years old.(He’s 28). Also I checked his cell bill(he gave me the password when we were close) and saw where he has been talking to this new girl in the evenings after hours. I come to work putting on a great front but I am seething! He has really disappointed me I’ve done so much for him like covering for him at work and being his greatest cheerleader and this is how I’m rewarded. I can handle him losing interest in me but know he’s probably sleeping with this 18 year old co-worker is driving me crazy! Im tempted to ruin them both!
Nikki….
1st you werent officially a couple, so you really can’t be mad at this guy…. You need to move on!! I know its tempting to want to ruin them both, but in reality that isnt going to get you anywhere, and it is not her fault that he’s a douche! You need to move on, and remember dont crap where you eat…. Stooping down to his level isnt going to get you anywhere…
Go out and meet new people, and shower them with kindness… I did that to my ex and his new friend… and guess what.. they didnt work out, my ex realizes that I am awesome.. but I moved on.. its painful, but in the end you need to be the bigger person…
@Vegas Thanks for the good advice. The hardest part is seeing him at work looking at me with this smirk. I feel like he’s laughing at me and he thinks he is so clever. He’s courteous but all the affection is gone. I shouldn’t be mad at the other girl because she is just a kid and I’m sure she’s flattered getting attention from an older man. Why can’t he date someone else who doesn’t work at the same office? Now I wonder if he’s told her anything about me. I hate going to work now but I will try to just play it off. Hopefully it will get better in time.
Say a prayer that you or he find a new job…stop torturing yourself..he is a jerk and you are not..but don’t look at his phone bills..that is spying (sorry)
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