Let’s see, where to begin. To sum it up, I am a smart, funny and attractive woman in her early 30s. I survived a childhood filled with harsh abuse and neglect. My mother is a psycho just like Mo’Nique’s character in the movie Precious, and my father is a cold-hearted womanizing bastard who was barely around. Thanks to my less than ideal upbringing, I was always attracted to loser men who mistreated me. I have a university degree, I work hard, and I am an honest loyal person yet I always had total deadbeat losers for boyfriends. The last straw was the giant piece of garbage I dated on and off for three years. He is the one I posted about originally. This man (a child really) is now nearly 40 years old. He is a raging alcoholic deadbeat with no driver’s license, lousy credit, a drug habit, and other atrocious qualities. I dumped his fugly ass so many times but he somehow managed to manipulate me back into his life. Then in August 2009 I unfortunately became pregnant with his child. It wasn’t planned at all, trust me! I ended up losing the baby, which was a blessing in disguise. This man abused me and would have surely abused his child. But the trauma of losing a child must have caused me to go a little wacko and become attached to this rat bastard! He suddenly broke up with me for no apparent reason. I later found out he had a new woman. I don’t know why but I was devastated! I even contemplated suicide. I do not understand why I even gave this piece of shit man the time of day. I decided to get therapy. Wow, did it ever work wonders. I knew that I needed help because here I was, a nice sweet girl dating a total prick who wasn’t even worthy of anyone half as good as me! The therapist and my subsequent counseling sessions made it all clear. You go with what you know. What I had known was abuse. I never knew true love. I may have had a lot of self-confidence, but I had low self-esteem. My counseling helped me overcome those issues. I became a whole new person. Yes, it sounds corny but it is true. I went from a cesspool to a 5-star resort. I finally have the man that I deserve! He and I were friends for a long time. He never tried to take advantage of me. He was always very sweet and respectful. We have now been together for 11 months! I am happier than Charlie Sheen at a whorehouse! My new man is a dream come true, but I let it happen. I finally mustered up the courage to allow a good man into my life instead of an abusive bag of shit like my loser ex! The ex tried to contact me multiple times and I simply deleted his messages. Last I heard, he was fired from his dead-end minimum wage job! He can’t get a good job because of his poor credit and criminal record. He left me once he realised that I would NEVER be the sugar mama that he wanted. I NEVER gave him money! I never paid for him or was his slave. He wanted that, and he hoped that one day I would start supporting him. Ha! Now he is even more miserable than he ever was. He will NEVER come close to getting a nice lady like me and he has to face that every pathetic day of his miserable, shitty life!

Meanwhile, I am ecstatic! I wake up every day next to a beautiful younger man (he’s in his mid-twenties! Take that beeyotch to my loser ex) and I go to work at my rewarding career. I had the best birthday ever this year because I was surrounded by loved ones. If you love yourself, you will never allow others to mistreat you. I can’t believe how happy I am now. If I could get hypnosis to erase all memories of my ex, I would. I shudder at the thought of even meeting him!

I hope everyone else is doing as well as I am. Karma sure is a bitch! I don’t like to wish bad on anyone, but my ex and losers like him are getting their comeuppance! Awww life is good! God Bless you all!

1) I caught my husband of 28 years doing the online porn thing.

2) I listened to him tell me that he “didn’t know what he wanted, felt like a failure, his boys didn’t love him, and his penis was too small” (lol-yep that’s what he said).

3) I found accounts that I didn’t know existed (some of which he had opened in my name and was having the bills sent to his office).

4) Everything we owned was in my name–house, cars, furniture, cell phones, student loans (for myself and my 2 oldest sons).

5) His cell phone was always hidden. I investigated to discover that he was talking to a woman 3-4 times a day who was having marriage problems. The two of them (with no degree in psychology or medicine) had me diagnosed as Bipolar…In fact, neither of them had an education beyond high school. LOL

6) My mother was diagnosed with lung cancer, suffered terribly, and died as I watched and couldn’t help with her much because I was in my first year of teaching and doing the ATCP.

7) My little dog of 14 years had to be put down…(was deaf and blind).

My oldest son who had been in Baylor University graduated and married. I saved for the wedding expenses, but was told by my husband that I was “hording” money.

9) I was diagnosed with diabetis.

Those are a few of the “things” that came into my life within a year. I lost weight. I agonized over what to do. Finally, I left with nothing but my clothes and bathroom items and filed for a divorce. I stayed with a fellow teacher for 9 months who offered me a place to stay. This whole time my ex is stalking me and berating me, telling me I was sick and needed mental healthcare.

The divorce was finally finalized Dec. 21, 2009. My sons don’t call or check on me. They are actually very angry with me. The more I try to see them, the more they push away from me. My parents are both dead. I don’t have a great barage of friends–was too busy with school, work, raising family, doing household chores, etc. I have felt VERY alone and empty. It’s very difficult to get motivated to do anything. My life was my marriage, my kids, my house, my family. EVERYTHING has changed and I don’t have any direction and can’t seem to get motivated.

An old boyfriend from high school found me on facebook and we reconnected. Problem was he was married but wanting to leave her. He did leave her and moved in with a male buddy. He would drive 5 hours each weekend to be with me and leave at 3:00 am on Monday mornings to be to work on time. We had a great time during those weekends. He told me he loved me, I was “that girl,” he would never lose me again, and that it was me and him against the world . When school was out, I drove 5 hours to be with him. But, it wasn’t very long before I begin to sense something was missing in our relationship, and I knew it. Mid July, he was fired/laid off from his job. He came back to our hometown and moved in with me. I began to feel like I was taking care of him and his needs while my needs didn’t seem to be important to him. I discussed it with him, but he still couldn’t find it within him to pay attention to my needs and desires. It was as though we were, not lovers and friends, but friends with benefits (his benefits mostly, if you know what I mean)! IT WAS ALL SO WRONG, AND I KNEW IT!

I asked him to leave, but kept seeing him at first. Finally, I told him I could not go on in the relationship. It was over. I expected him to beg, plead, be heartbroken. Ha–no such thing.

I have suffered a lot!!!! I have obsessed over what I did wrong, how to stop this cycle of being attracted to poisonous men, how to be alone, how to find meaning for my life again, how to be happy without being in a romantic relationship while still desiring a man in my life, how to get motivated to go on with my life without making the same mistakes again. I AM AFRAID I WILL MAKE THE SAME MISTAKE OVER AND OVER IF I DON’T FIND HAPPINESS OURSIDE A RELATIONSHIP WITH A MAN, but can’t get myself motivated to do anything.

Perhaps this is just part of the healing process. I know I suffered from my share of unexpected and devestating “things.” But GOD! When am I going to feel better? How do I find that zest for life without a partner, with my kids not talking to me, with lots of financial burdons? At 50, I should be on top of the world right now.