Comments on: Step 7: A Trip to your Roots

By: ouch

ouch — Tue, 10 Nov 2009 15:59:40 +0000

Part of the reason this breakup has been so hard is that I don’t have roots to go back to and I don’t really feel like I belong anywhere anymore. I left my home state more than 10 years ago and haven’t been back – and since all of my family have moved away and settled in new places, I haven’t had a place to go back to. I would really like to find a place to call “home.”

By: Todd

Todd — Mon, 09 Nov 2009 09:20:24 +0000

Funny they should say this.
I did this one day, when I was nearby after a Dr’s appt. I felt like reconnecting with my past, so I could perhaps understand the present and future better.
My old neighborhood, hadn’t been there for year, where when I was 8-11 we played foot ball in the street,
the park where as cub scouts I won the Pinewood derby. But things had changed,
the park was quiet. A few moms with kids. The street I lived on, no one was around.

I cried for hours sitting at the picnic areas where we hung out….Ortega Park in Sunnyvale.
I don’t think I had any epiphany’s, but maybe the crying was good, since I’d been holding so much in from the
abusive relationship I’d been in, constantly accused of having affairs, that weren’t happening.
It drove me crazy, and no matter what I did she complained it wasn’t enough.

I cried like a baby for an hour or 2. Something I haven’t done for years.

By: tom

tom — Sat, 07 Nov 2009 05:06:52 +0000

I’ve realised that family and friends are all that matter. My history is myself. Everything I’ve become. Unfortunatly, thats what binds my ex to me. Having seen my family recently for the first time in more than a year my mind is much more focused. Strange to see so many women posting here. I thought for some reason it would be a bunch of depressed guys like myself.

We’ll all get over this. Lets make it bloody soon!

By: angah

angah — Thu, 05 Nov 2009 21:14:56 +0000

i love my ex but she always hurt me

By: Jordan

Jordan — Sun, 01 Nov 2009 08:54:10 +0000

Those things can help i’ve tried a few of them.

I’m 18, my hometown is in Newzealand though so seeing the first house can be quite difficult, I was dating this girl model like intelligent and everything, first love highschool sweethearts going on 14months, we fought soo much and we came to an agreement that it was best for us to break up even though we were both crying (im a guy) i’m hurting soo bad right now, and am open for any advice as to get over this, we have the same friends and i will see her at aprties how do i overcome jealousy? thanks in advance for comments

By: tracey

tracey — Sat, 31 Oct 2009 19:36:57 +0000

this one worked for me at first but now i am back in the world of pain…

when we broke up we were still living together and i went home to see my parents and spend time with childhood friends – which was great as it reminded me of who i was as well as feeling unconditionally loved… that was 5 months ago. he moved out when i got back and i seemed to be ok – busy, getting on with life…

then just recently he was being active in helping sort out the paperwork for our settlement – all very amiable and he was being so nice – which made me forget the other stuff… all along i wanted to work things out with him but we needed help – maybe counselling but he wouldn’t go… we had religious and cultural differences – he is muslim and i am christian and he was ok with that at first but then wanted me to revert to islam.

anyway – he tells me he is leaving town and i didn’t really listen – thought he didn’t mean it – but the post office called with mail from our old po box which had been closed and it just hit me like a wall and i have not stopped crying since… i called him and asked why he didn’t say goodbye – he said he did and then he told me he has moved on and is now with a muslim woman in another city…

i know that we are better off apart and that our relationship was toxic – too much arguing, control issues and abuse but despite this my mind keeps replaying all the good times and love we had…

yesterday a friend recommended louise hay ‘you can heal your life’ – i hope it helps…

i want to move on too but at the moment i need to get past all the fear…

By: Tobias

Tobias — Thu, 29 Oct 2009 04:55:29 +0000

Just did this one. Was that ever difficult. I don’t know how to help any of you or myself. BTW Di, I can see the same thing happening to me now as I visualize Christmas, Thanksgiving, weddings – oh no… So I went back to the farm I grew up on, at least till age 6, but always went back there between life phases or when really big things were happening – to centre myself. This would be the last time. My grandparents have sold the farm they built and have to move in to a condo…they’re super-human, but being super human takes its toll, too. Ran that place themselves for 50 years; stayed in love just as long. At least I know what it looks like now. On my last visit to the old farm – a place that was always the family home, a place we were always welcome, always loved – I had to break their hearts by telling them this. I didn’t want to tell them – didn’t want to have to. I feel really bad about all of it…a torrential sadness. They gave me strong advice and the condolences that only grandparents can give…but I could tell they were already upset about the homestead they pulled the rocks and stumps out of themselves and the love they had there. In retrospect, my crappy breakup is only ten years in the making – not nothing in the wise eyes and hearts of grandma and grandpa, but inside I feel it’s nothing in comparison to what they were losing. I know they appreciate more than ever still having each other and still being in love. I wish I knew how they did it…clearly I don’t, but I know more than I did before. Here’s to hoping everyone who wants to know learns how someday.

By: Ronnie

Ronnie — Wed, 28 Oct 2009 23:06:41 +0000

My bf dumps me then gets bak 2gether with me then says he loves me then dumps me again! idk what 2 do

By: Sands

Sands — Mon, 26 Oct 2009 23:20:11 +0000

Rosa, I totally get where you are coming from on this one. She is the one who showed me the city, and I explored with her.
What I am doing instead is promising myself to find new places, new haunts where she has never been, will never know about. Something all my own.

By: Rosa

Rosa — Sun, 18 Oct 2009 20:50:56 +0000

I am going to skip this one. I have been with him since I was 14 and I am now 25. Everything I have ever done or anywhere I have ever been was with him. Everything in my life has been about him in some way shape or form. Everything before I was 14 is and always will be a blur. How do i get over this dilemia?