Step 7: A Trip to your Roots
While many of the steps on this website are rooted in principles of psychology – this one is less rational and more emotional. Strange as it may sound, it can be incredibly helpful to go for a walk through your old neighborhood – the streets you grew up on. There’s something mysteriously therapeutic about a trip back to your original hometown. At first, there may be feelings of sadness, but fond memories will soon emerge and help heal your broken heart.
It works best under these conditions:
- You live in a larger city now, versus where you were raised
- Your parent(s) or grandparent(s) still live there
- You make the visit during the summer
It has some (although lesser) effect if:
- You live in another part of the same city, but rarely get back to the old neighborhood
If you still live in your hometown:
- Try visiting your high school
- Find comfort in a old hang out
Best Places To See In Your Hometown:
- Of course, your old house/street.
- Your old elementary school and/or high school.
- Your first boyfriend/girlfriend’s house.
- Your church (if you used to go).
- The corner store you bought candy from.
This is a sneak peak of Step to Heal, for the full blown program, click here.
{ 25 comments… read them below or add one }
I probably have to skip this step bc my heartbreak was with someone who lives in my same town. We both grew up here.
This is a good one.. Even listening to a band I haven’t listened to for years really helps me remind myself of who the hell I am after being torn apart by some idiot guy. Never forget who you are!
totally agree astrid. always have time out for yourself, remember who you are. as hard as break ups are and how much it hurts remember this is your time to reflect on yourself and what moves you should make next. go through really old high school photos that have good memories, or remember times from the past that made you laugh so hard and re laugh at it now. remember laughter is the best medicine
i still live in the same town… and so does he… but i still go and visit the place where we used to play when we were kids… its sad but then i remember the good times we had and how those memories still make me smile
every time i come visit my family looks at me with their eyes full of hope that i’ve met someone else. it kills me to know i break their heart by refusing to give it a try.
hmmmmmmm. I didnt really have a clue as to why or what went wrong, but my ex wasnt doing anything for me in the long run. not working, not doing anything, I have to move on, It is time, You wanted to leave, I did not stopyou, never did all the other times you left. now…. It;s time to focus on me. All those other times you left just made it easier for me to be done with you this last time you walked away. you may or may not realize what you had now that its gone, however i really do not care, as it was not me who you were here for. I am moving on, and i am going to be ok, I am a strong woman and I deserve so much better from a partner. I do not want to sound cocky because yes there is much pain, but in the end you were the one who left, i never forced you to stay, and yet you still walked away YOUR LOSS!!!!!!!
This one is so true. It’s amazing how visiting somewhere you spent a lot of time before your relationship can bring you perspective. It helps to remind yourself that you really did have a life before the relationship. And that you will have a new one after. And I’m sure as you’re walking down your old street you’ll be able to remember some heartbreaks you had at that period in your life, and compare it to your life now. And you can tell yourself that you survived those, therefore it’s inevitable that you’ll survive this one too…life is a series of ups and downs as we all know, and going back in time a bit can help you to remember that somewhere down the road, the hurt your feeling now will be yet another hurdle you made it over.
I moved back to my hometown 5 years ago to get away from the city where all the shit happened. Haven’t been happy a single damn day since I came back, no idea why I did it other than to run home to mum and have her hug me and take all the hurt away. Not the best idea I’ve ever had but I guess none of us make particularly brilliant decisions when we’re in that mental state right?
I recently was reacquainted with my very first girlfriend after not seeing her for 30 years! And to sit and chat about about the things we did way back then, has really truly helped in my heart healing. Along with this Healmybrokenheart.com site, my therapy, family and friends, I have really come a long way in the last 4 weeks. I don’t hurt as much, I am finding other things to do, other that sit and mope over her! I can finally hear her name without breaking down. I guess in an off beat way, to really have an understanding that it is a part of life we all must go through, and to know that there are other people out there who are hurting just as bad as I was, and from some of the writings, I see some were in lot longer and shorter relationships, so I dont feel Awkward anymore that I had lots of tears over a relationship that only last 1 year, 5 months, 3 weeks, 5 days, 18 hours and 2 minutes! Every-so-often, I still have my moments, where I wish that she was back in my life, but, I have found happiness in just everyday living and thats what I have latched myself too. I know I still have a long ways to go, but, I can function to get myelf there and thats what really matters to me right now!
i’m already reminiscing about my childhood memories and there’re bringing in positive reinforcements..
This one isn’t going to help me, since my hometown has a lot of bad memories on itself.
Maybe childhood pictures, stories, drawings and other stuff will help…
nooo this wont work! no mnatter where iam i still feel the pain=[
Larissa, stop being so negative, try it it may be one thing that could work for you no matter how much pain you feel. I dont know you but, you may have some happy memories there and wouldnt that be wonderful. Just imagine escaping all that pain for a few minutes, hours or the day. You may just get a new lease on life. It just takes one step, and an attitude that you can say “i can do it” Try it!!!!!!!!!
this is a really good idea it would be nice to see my dad and stepmother.
I am going to skip this one. I have been with him since I was 14 and I am now 25. Everything I have ever done or anywhere I have ever been was with him. Everything in my life has been about him in some way shape or form. Everything before I was 14 is and always will be a blur. How do i get over this dilemia?
Rosa, I totally get where you are coming from on this one. She is the one who showed me the city, and I explored with her.
What I am doing instead is promising myself to find new places, new haunts where she has never been, will never know about. Something all my own.
My bf dumps me then gets bak 2gether with me then says he loves me then dumps me again! idk what 2 do
Just did this one. Was that ever difficult. I don’t know how to help any of you or myself. BTW Di, I can see the same thing happening to me now as I visualize Christmas, Thanksgiving, weddings – oh no… So I went back to the farm I grew up on, at least till age 6, but always went back there between life phases or when really big things were happening – to centre myself. This would be the last time. My grandparents have sold the farm they built and have to move in to a condo…they’re super-human, but being super human takes its toll, too. Ran that place themselves for 50 years; stayed in love just as long. At least I know what it looks like now. On my last visit to the old farm – a place that was always the family home, a place we were always welcome, always loved – I had to break their hearts by telling them this. I didn’t want to tell them – didn’t want to have to. I feel really bad about all of it…a torrential sadness. They gave me strong advice and the condolences that only grandparents can give…but I could tell they were already upset about the homestead they pulled the rocks and stumps out of themselves and the love they had there. In retrospect, my crappy breakup is only ten years in the making – not nothing in the wise eyes and hearts of grandma and grandpa, but inside I feel it’s nothing in comparison to what they were losing. I know they appreciate more than ever still having each other and still being in love. I wish I knew how they did it…clearly I don’t, but I know more than I did before. Here’s to hoping everyone who wants to know learns how someday.
this one worked for me at first but now i am back in the world of pain…
when we broke up we were still living together and i went home to see my parents and spend time with childhood friends – which was great as it reminded me of who i was as well as feeling unconditionally loved… that was 5 months ago. he moved out when i got back and i seemed to be ok – busy, getting on with life…
then just recently he was being active in helping sort out the paperwork for our settlement – all very amiable and he was being so nice – which made me forget the other stuff… all along i wanted to work things out with him but we needed help – maybe counselling but he wouldn’t go… we had religious and cultural differences – he is muslim and i am christian and he was ok with that at first but then wanted me to revert to islam.
anyway – he tells me he is leaving town and i didn’t really listen – thought he didn’t mean it – but the post office called with mail from our old po box which had been closed and it just hit me like a wall and i have not stopped crying since… i called him and asked why he didn’t say goodbye – he said he did and then he told me he has moved on and is now with a muslim woman in another city…
i know that we are better off apart and that our relationship was toxic – too much arguing, control issues and abuse but despite this my mind keeps replaying all the good times and love we had…
yesterday a friend recommended louise hay ‘you can heal your life’ – i hope it helps…
i want to move on too but at the moment i need to get past all the fear…
Those things can help i’ve tried a few of them.
I’m 18, my hometown is in Newzealand though so seeing the first house can be quite difficult, I was dating this girl model like intelligent and everything, first love highschool sweethearts going on 14months, we fought soo much and we came to an agreement that it was best for us to break up even though we were both crying (im a guy) i’m hurting soo bad right now, and am open for any advice as to get over this, we have the same friends and i will see her at aprties how do i overcome jealousy? thanks in advance for comments
i love my ex but she always hurt me
I’ve realised that family and friends are all that matter. My history is myself. Everything I’ve become. Unfortunatly, thats what binds my ex to me. Having seen my family recently for the first time in more than a year my mind is much more focused. Strange to see so many women posting here. I thought for some reason it would be a bunch of depressed guys like myself.
We’ll all get over this. Lets make it bloody soon!
Funny they should say this.
I did this one day, when I was nearby after a Dr’s appt. I felt like reconnecting with my past, so I could perhaps understand the present and future better.
My old neighborhood, hadn’t been there for year, where when I was 8-11 we played foot ball in the street,
the park where as cub scouts I won the Pinewood derby. But things had changed,
the park was quiet. A few moms with kids. The street I lived on, no one was around.
I cried for hours sitting at the picnic areas where we hung out….Ortega Park in Sunnyvale.
I don’t think I had any epiphany’s, but maybe the crying was good, since I’d been holding so much in from the
abusive relationship I’d been in, constantly accused of having affairs, that weren’t happening.
It drove me crazy, and no matter what I did she complained it wasn’t enough.
I cried like a baby for an hour or 2. Something I haven’t done for years.
Part of the reason this breakup has been so hard is that I don’t have roots to go back to and I don’t really feel like I belong anywhere anymore. I left my home state more than 10 years ago and haven’t been back – and since all of my family have moved away and settled in new places, I haven’t had a place to go back to. I would really like to find a place to call “home.”
I’ll probably have to skip this one, since I grew up in the Caribbean and now live in New York City