You see, I knew that I needed to change and could say the right stuff and even got good at fooling myself. Deep down inside, I was hoping he would come back for me – if he did, that meant he really loved me, right? (Yeah, right – whatever!) But this time, I felt that I want to change. It still hurts, but I have done things way different this time. I stood up to him this time and I also told him to his face to never come back. That it was the last time he will ever use me or drain the life out of me. That I deserved more and that with God’s help – I was going to do just fine.

I started the 15-steps of healing again and DOING the exercises in the program. I think before I just wanted the pain to stop, so I rushed thru it all and didn’t really let the information sink in. This time around, I’m actually letting it sink in – if I didn’t understand or couldn’t focus on something, I would do it until I got it. I am trying to focus on me and trying to believe in myself. Now, it’s not easy, but I did this to myself. Each time I go back, I open that door of pain. It also lets him know that he can take advantage of me and I’m ok with that. Well, I had enough – he had a chance to prove himself. He is nothing, but a liar, cheater, thief and only cares about himself – basicaly a lost soul. I am totally opposite of that, he seen that and took advantage of me. I wanted to help him change and thought if he seen the good in stuff that he would. I wanted to believe in him, so bad – because I did see some good in him. He told me that when I was with him, good things happen for him. He seen something in me, but he isn’t strong enought to have it. He can’t stay on that track for very long – it’s like he gets bored. He damaged me emotionally and mentally – but NO MORE! I am taking my life back.

CCBH – I hope this helps….
take care and know that your not alone

Bon – That was amazing and accurate. Thank you!

Tryingtoheal – Thank you for sharing. I was hoping you might be able to share more. I just went through the same situation you describe except that it’s the second time, there was a physical altercation, and I asked him to leave. But I felt and did exactly what you described. I’ve been struggling with not taking him back again and can’t decide if I’m missing out on an amazing opportunity to have an amazing life. Recently, the struggle was amplified. I have “visitation” rights to the dog we shared but recently communicated the 30 day rule and how I need complete space. He shared that he has entered therapy and asked if I would come. Firstly, I went back to square one with emotions and pain and said I couldn’t right now. And secondly, it really jarred the “take him back” thought because he put an action to his words about wanting to make a change…. I am now struggling even more… Can you share how you got past your struggle of taking him back?? I hope you read this and can share…I’m really confused and am fighting the YES man syndrome.

Chris – I was also previously in a 10 year relationship with 5 married years. This recent relationship was my second chance so-to-speak as well and I gave it my all, and am now working through the scorn, analyzing what I did wrong and why I keep seeing failure.

I realize that dwelling on unclear memories and addressing unclear problems isn’t the best use of my time, or productive in healing and moving forward…So I’ve put a slight spin on things and have a few beliefs I’ve embraced that have helped me with adjusting my thoughts. My disclaimer is that they’ve “helped”, not fixed or solved completely. I have lots of work to do….
1. I made it through this once before, I can do it again. At least this time I don’t have a name to change and a home to deal with and I can manage/limit communication better this time.

2. My favorite…. My life is like a book; with each passing chapter, the story gets better and better. Myself and my life were better after the divorce chapter closed, and as every other chapter has passed I’ve grown in a good way and life has always gotten better than before (although hard to see in the midst of adversity). There are many things I’ve learned and will carry forward, but I am certain that the next chapter will only get better and that I now have the opportunity with this experience to influence how good my story gets.
That’s why am I here and participating in this program.

Just my personal support but I hope it helps in some small way. You and your life will absolutely be better, just take time to see and appreciate even the small stuff.

The situation in Japan has really had a profound impact on my thoughts. I can easily counteract with my sorrow and what I say are “life is unbearable” thoughts by looking the all those families in and affected by this disaster. When you talk about worse possible case scenarios and adversity…I’ve got nothing on them, and my rash emotion and heart just melt. My setbacks are minuscule in comparison, and there are many others who should be getting my attention, love and energy…Namely my family!

Thanks again everyone! As my dad always says, “Keep on truckin’…We will get there!”

Carol

I provided the stable base,
while you lived a life 2 faced.

I gave my love exclusively,
while you lusted deceitfully.

I believed you were my soul mate,
while you looked for fresh bait.

My whole heart I openly gave,
while your actions drove me close to my grave.

I was blinded by a sense of belonging,
never saw the dark side of you coming.

My eyes are now wide open,
as you gaze into another’s.

I will live a life of honesty,
as you are not my destiny.