Step 9: The Science of Gratitude
“There are thousands of people starving in the world, so finish those green beans!!!”
Huh? Moms invoke this logic to get their children to finish a meal or lift them out of a bad mood. I don’t know about you, but this statement still fails to impress me! It’s not that the thought is flawed, it’s simply incomplete. Our parents never told us exactly how to do what they were asking. Just thinking about kids starving in other countries certainly didn’t make me want to eat those dang veggies. Luckily, psychologists studying the Science of Happiness are now able to explain that beyond mentally focusing on what we appreciate in our lives, we must repeatedly convey this gratitude in writing.
How will this help with your broken heart? You will feel relief from your heartbreak as your focus will be directed towards the good in your life. Most of us have issues savoring the good stuff – we take things for granted. You may be happy that you’re healthy, but does this really make you happier on a daily basis? If you told a friend you have a broken heart and they gave you the old ‘well at least you have your health’ line, you’d probably roll your eyes. But what if the good in your life could actually lift you from the depths of despair? It can – the research proves it!! So find the small and large things in your life for which you are grateful and write them down. You will feel better.
Check it out! In a study with over a thousand subjects that expressed 3 items of gratitude in writing everyday for 6-weeks following improvements were reported:
-More optimism
-Fewer physical ailments
-More progress on their own personal goals
-Higher levels of determination, alertness, and enthusiasm
-Fewer negative states such as fear, bitterness, and sadness
-More likelihood of helping someone else
-Lower rates of cardiovascular disease
-Decreased blood pressure
-Better sleep
Exercise: Write down 3 things you are grateful for in your life. Remember, the method in which we express gratitude is equally important to the expression, so we need you to write it down. Use the form below or use your journal. Repeat this exercise daily in your journal. When you are done, take the next step.
Having trouble? You may have made a life with someone, you possibly have kids, perhaps you have property that needs to be divided, and maybe you thought it was until death do us part. Now your heart is broken and we’re asking you to have gratitude? Yes, because there are still some good things in your life, we’re sure of it.
{ 53 comments… read them below or add one }
← Previous Comments
very encouraging to read the stories. it is hard to be grateful at times when there is so much pain, regret, hopelessness.
i think it is important for us to recognize that there is no one “soulmate” in life. we are sort of programmed to believe that there is “the one”. i believe it is possible to have multiple soulmates.
i am grateful for my
dog
friends
family
good food
health
bed
house
though there not helping much now. but i will try and do this every day.
pleez post your success stories as well
Just wanted to share how helpful I’ve found this to be…
I’ve been practicing it for some time now. I’ve taken it a step further and have posted notes to myself where they will catch my attention, and I change it up so it doesn’t become part of the scenery.
My favorite is the ones on my mirrors! I took erasable markers and give myself reminders like, “What are you grateful for today?” It’s one of the first things I see in the morning and the last thing before bed. I also give myself a daily reminder from my phone at different times. Both have really helped me continue the practice. And my day always seems to start a little better!
Oh yeah, small success to share. My ex goes to the same gym and decided to make himself seen yesterday. I didn’t acknowledge him, went to Yoga class, got centered and felt great! Then I came home and there was an amazing flower arrangement on my doorstep with a note. I kindly took the flowers inside and put them in the spare bedroom where I rarely go, and committed to not opening the note until at least the 30 day mark, if I feel well enough to at that time. Still struggling with confusion, pain and loneliness…But that really felt like an achievement for me.
I wish you success in your journey. Have a blessed and gratuitous weekend everyone!
I thank everyone for sharing their comments and experience. It has helped me to put my situation in different light. I’ve been married for almost 25 years and I’ve found out my husband was cheating with a 11 years younger woman from work. I was told it was work relatedt, but I saw text messages and long late night conversations.
I confronted him many times and he continues to denied the relationship.They were just having dinner as coworker after work. I started seeing lots of receipts and for lunch and dinner. he started to hide his paycheck and money.
He would give me the bare minimum. I was told to not touch his personal belongings.
He told me he doesn’t want to me be with but he just wants us to be together for the children and nothing else.
He told me it was over but i still can’t see to let go. I want to kick him out but then I would change my mind.
My family and friends cannot understand why I continue to live in this abusive and degrading marriage. He steals money from me and empties our childrens saving to gamble or take this girl out. He’s 41 years old and people think it’s a mid life crisis but I have always thought that he would be loyal to me after the 25 years of marriage but I found none. He would protect this girl and abuse and use me. He’s called me a F bitch.
I don’t understand why I still let it go on. I want to be able to tell him to leave and let me live my life but something is always holding me back. I don’t know if he’s still seeing this girl but in my gut, I feel he still is.
When does the pain of betrayal and rejection go away? When will I have the courage to tell him to get out of my life?
I’m tire of having to live a life of having to take anti-depression pills and consulting a therapist to get through my day.
I want my self respect, and dignity back. I have 3 beautiful children, a great career, and I’ve been told that I’m pretty. So what does this girl have that I don’t? I will never know, but my head won’t stop tormenting me with these questions and negative thoughts.
I keep praying to god to guide me in the right direction. I want to be happy again. I want love and happiness.
I know I deserve better but I continue to have him in my life.
I just want a normal loving relationship. Is there a light at the end of the tunnel?
← Previous Comments