Let’s start with a multiple choice question: What would you do if you fell and broke your arm?
A) Take two Tylenol and call it a day
B) Pray to God that the pain subsides
C) Go to the hospital and have it set in a cast
D) Have your dog lick the wound
E) Ignore it
I assume most people would choose C) – go to the hospital to have it set in a cast. But what if you didn’t make that choice? What if you hate the hospital or love your dog or don’t believe in western medicine? The answer: you would still heal. Time heals. The difference is in how you heal. If you left your broken arm unattended, the split pieces would eventually reunite. The consequence is that the bones may reset improperly leaving you with a permanently mangled appendage. Your heart works in the same way.
While heartbreak does not produce a physical wound, it can result in an exquisitely painful injury. Luckily, just like a broken bone, you have choices in your path to recovery after your break up. Unfortunately, most of us elect choice E) – the ignore method. If you do ignore your healing process, time will run its course and meld your heart back together. The problem? There is no guarantee how long this will take, nor is there any promise of the return of a strong and vital spirit. A heart that does not heal properly will be weak; a heart that does not heal properly will effect your engagement in future relationships, your ability to trust prospective mates, and your general well-being.
The good news is that by seeking out this site you are already demonstrating your desire to actively restore your heart. Here and now we are asking you to be aware that you are making a choice and to use this momentum to make more choices to feel better. So here is the crazy truth – You are in control of how much pain you will endure and how long it will take you to get over your heartache. This control is a good thing. Renowned positive psychologist, Rick Snyder, extensively studied hope and control and concluded, “Control helps people maintain emotional well-being and deal effectively with life problems.”
How can you exercise this control? Find out by reading our next article in the series of Making Choices.
Please provide us your comments: Whilst reading articles on this site, you may feel the need to take a break from your thoughts. It is ok to rest during the process and please remember that your pain will pass – we promise. If you would like, please share your thoughts below.
Yes! I want to take the 2 minute free heart survey for custom healing advice.
{ 4 comments… read them below or add one }
I have felt powerless to my pain – it has overwhelmed me and I’ve felt like there is nothing I can do about it. This break up wasn’t my choice and it is heartening to see that I still have choices – thanks for the reminder. I needed it.
The breakup made me feel worthless and its like its the end of the world. It made me sink in the lowest level of depression. It’s been a month and it still hurts like there’s no tomorrow. I don’t know how to mend my broken heart. My ex replaced me already and totally ignoring me, I’m still here trying to move on with my life. Falling in love sucks.
we broke up 9 months ago, but we clung to each other for support. thinking that we would eventually get back together. although we “officially” broke up, nothing much really changed. then she met someone else 4 weeks ago. it completely blindsided me. if i would have given myself time to heal when we initially broke up, i would be okay by now. now not only am i losing any hope that we’ll ever get back together, i am losing my best friend. i am scared to walk away because i don’t want to lose her. but even if i get over the pain of seeing her with another partner, if i stay her friend, i will ultimately lose her anyway. because i won’t be the most important person in her life, her new partner will
but yet i continue to stay. why?
I am now in a relationship and still new for almost two months now. We went out for dinner together. Within this weeks of being together we express words of love with each other and I am in love with her. We are doing just like marriage couple are doing. We have spent time together in the Hotel. But just lately she doesn’t answer my text messages. She don’t answer my phone call, I don’t have any idea why she is doing this to me. I am sensing to her that she want to break our relationship, and she is doing it gradually so it also gradually end up our relationship. It affects so much that I am down, and the pains just like a sword that sunk deep in my soul and heart. Now I am in my pain trying to manage my emotions but as the days went by, the pains is disturbing me as if it is killing me softly and slowly. Please why?