Step 11: Begin Refilling the Void
You are you. Before the relationship, during the relationship, and post the relationship, you have always been the same vibrant, energetic, strong person that you are. Somehow in the midst of intertwining your life with another, you lost part of this identity. Your wonderful self is still there and we are going to bring this person back.
You may be experiencing a feeling of emptiness. A feeling where the components of your life (your work, hobbies, friends etc.) that used to provide you fulfillment, now seem meaningless. The pain from your broken heart has tainted everything else. Well, there is a point to rediscovering your passions. The point is these interests, hobbies, friends, family, and your career will help you heal. You need to attempt to reconnect with these parts of your life and slowly and most definitely, you will start feeling some of the void diminishing.
Skeptical? Well, for those of you who feel you never were all of the wonderful things I described above or that you lacked interests, hobbies, and great friends to begin with, it is okay. You are those things and you must start believing in yourself.
Let’s begin to refill your void with an exercise. I need you to think back to the last time you were truly independent and happy. If you can’t think of the happy part, start with the independent part. Are you thinking? Got it? Okay, stay in that place.
Now, take out your notebook and brainstorm a list of the following items from that period in your life: interests, hobbies, passions, friends, close family, and job information. Next to each item, put the following labels – Love, Like, Not Bad.
Next, you are going to draw a picture. I know you’re not 5 years old, but there has been an inordinate amount of research (that I’m not going to bore you with) in regards to the brain absorbing images more effectively than words.
Finally, let’s try putting it together!
Draw yourself in the middle of the picture with three bubbles titled “Love”, “Like”, and “Not Bad” extending out from the picture of you. Then place each item you had brainstormed earlier into the appropriate circle. Below is an example of what your drawing should look like:
I want you to put your drawing on your nightstand and look at it each night before you sleep. Remember who you were and more importantly who you still are. Pick one of the items in your “Love” box and attempt to reconnect with it this week. Skeptical of this activity helping you actually feel better? I don’t blame you. Hobbies and even close family members are not a replacement for romantic love; however, the void left in your heart will begin to refill piece by piece as you start to love other parts of the world around you.
Even if you don’t feel like it, try it anyway! Before you know it, that strong, vibrant, and whole person will shine again. Remember what you promised yourself at the beginning of this program – you would try and trust the process. When you are ready, move on to the next step.