Type of Relationship: Dating
Status: Left with no explanation
My ex and I separated in 2002. We divorced in 2004. Since then, I had not been in a relationship and I admit most of it was due to fear. I have met some people, had casual affairs but no one I really trusted my heart to. Then one day, I got a call. It was from a man I grew up with. We were really close. In fact, we grew up like cousins. He always expressed a fondness towards me, but as a young girl and in the beginning, I ran from his pursuit. His Dad and my Mother are good friends so I’d always get updates from his father on his affections towards me. I had not seen or spoken to him in over 20 years and out of the blue, he contacts me. We start talking like close family friends at first. We made plans to see one another. Although, we never discussed a relationship in the beginning, our words indicated a more than family type relationship.
As the time drew near, he expressed his love for me. We spoke almost every day. He shared dreams with me…. talked about planning a trip…how we would react when we saw each other. It was so romantic and so sweet that I became wrapped up in his very voice. He told me he couldn’t wait to have me lay my head on his chest while he assured me that everything was going to be alright. I was afraid at first so I told him on voicemail not to call me anymore. He was so sweet. He told me he was upset about the voicemail message, but he wanted to be with me. From that point, I promised myself I would not let fear govern our relationship. I relaxed. Before I knew it, I was doing a lot of the calling.
The closer we got to the date to see him, the more excitement he expressed. We made plans to watch a basketball game when he arrived. We made plans to see a lot of places. The week before he was to arrive, calls from him slowed. I expressed my concern and told him I would like to hear from him even when he has a busy weekend. The weekend before his arrival, he called twice. We spoke again on the Monday before. After that he sent me text messages giving me updates on his arrival. I wondered about the absence of calls so I called him and got voicemail.
Well, as it turns out. I was speaking to my mother on the phone the morning of his arrival and she told me she happened to call his Dad and he was in fact in our home town. I was shocked, puzzled and sad but thought maybe he could not change his flight and decided to drive.
I truly thought this person cared for me. I would not have guessed in a million years that he would stand me up. I cried most of the night and resumed in the am. By noon on Saturday, I was able to pull myself together long enough to give him a call. He did not return my call or answer.
Finally I saw him. He begged me to give him another chance to make it up to me. I did not give him an immediate answer.
I have not spoken to him since. No emails, no text messages, no phone calls. I have not called him either and I am truly hurt. I truly believed that he cared. I have gone over the conversations in my mind and they seemed so genuine. I could not detect any lies. Besides that… our history. He was always protective of me when we were children. He was more protective than my brother. I can’t believe he just stopped calling. I am now faced with getting over what could have been.
Wow, putting this on paper really helps. I not crying any more.
{ 9 comments… read them below or add one }
Wow it sounds like you had a commitment-phobe. They mean what they say when they’re saying it, but for some reason can’t follow through. Fear or whatever takes over them. Never blame yourself, bumping into a commitment-phobe is like a hit and run accident. You turn around and say,,”what just happened?” It is never you remember that. You didn’t do anything wrong.
“…bumping into a commitment-phobe is like a hit and run accident.”
Great analogy.
hi there, this is very sad story. i am sorry to hear you went through all this ! well you did a good thing by not giving him a second chance because what he did was the worst thing one could do. you see i have been through something similar to this but my case was very serious both of us were going to get married but i found he was cheating on me so i left him. it was very hard but he came 3 times asking for forgiveness and tells me he wants to marry me but i decided never to talk to him. it’s very hard to find love in this century. its been 2 years since my break-up and am still broken but i am doing better. just have hope and you will find someone who would care for you and will never make you cry at all. here’s quote that i like the most, “No man is worth your tears, and when you find the man who is, he’ll never make you cry.” Anonymous . good luck sister. may you be blessed with love. take care
hi there, i totally understand what u went through few months back. coz i am actually facing the same thing now. the difference was, we werent childhood friends. but he is friend i knew years back. however, we got closer through online for the past six months. like u have mentioned, everything went well online. we were expressing our likings towards each other when we exchanged emails in the second or third month. we even stay up late to chat with one another. I was all excited when i knew he is coming back in 2 weeks time. like it or not, on the week he arrived, he gave excuses for not meeting up with me and all sort.. all the plans we had were gone down the drain. actually, he said he like me but not in a hurry to be commited. all i ever ask for was not commitment but getting to know each other well..nevertheless, it was a heart breaking moment. but i am conscious enough not to wait any longer..=) everything is well and as this year begin, everything will be good. as for the writer, u knew how i felt right now..take care
I was with him for 4 years. I loved him deeply! He was a few years younger than I so I didnt pay him too much attention in the beginning. Then, I fell in love with him. I became his confident,lover,nurse,psychologist,secretary,friend (I thought). I helped him get his life together on so many levels. Mentally & spiritually. We never argued & respected each others needs for personal space. We were friends, I thought. I was nothing but good to his man. When his daughter was taken & put into foster care, I was the one who pushed him to get his daughter & she came to live with us. I was “Solid” according to him and he said he would never leave me because I was the “best thing that ever came into his life”, he said I helped him to love himself. Thanksgiving was a great day for us. We spent it with family and everything was all good. On December 12,2009 I got up and went to the grocery store. When I came back, he was getting dressed and said he going to the barber shop. He left. 5 mins later I went into my bedroom to get something out of the closet and ALL OF HIS STUFF WAS GONE! I went to the bathroom and ALL GONE! I called him but he didnt answer. I went to where he was & asked him “what the hell is going on”? He said coldly, “Im not feeling you anymore”! I repeated what he said because I couldnt believe that someone would be so cold as to say something like that to my face. I then very calmly asked him for my house keys, got into my car & left in tears. I have cried everyday since then. Fast forward to today and he has never apologized to me and is now living with a chick I busted him with 6 months ago. I am devastated! I have no understanding how he could do me so wrong. Thats the part Im having a rough time with, Im okay with the fact that he doesnt want to be with me but what Im not okay with was his method of our separation and the fact that he never broke the affair off 6 months ago. Been seeing her all along. Been playing me, straight up! I believe in the strength of the lord and know that this too shall pass, but my heart is broken for now & im working on putting it back together. Thanx for letting me get this off my heart because just putting it to words has helped me already. Pray for me..
Hi.. onetruequeen,
I saw your situation.. I feel so sad about it.
How could that man did that to you?
So horroble..
I was with my boyfriend for almost 2 years…
but we over because of his family..
I asked what’s wrong of me? we love each other so much
How could the God seperated us by this way?
I cried day by day..
Now… I learn to be thankful..
I knew he didn’t want to leave me too..
But… It’s not allow to do every thing as what we want to do..
We have to accept it and let it go…
Maybe really time can dilute every thing day after day…
I will learn to forget those things bad..
And remember every good memories in my life…
Your life is not the end at this point..
You still have future
Don’t give up.. because it’s your life
hi onetruequeen,
i read your post and let me say i deeply feel for you, that man just took advantage of you, after you made his life better, made him love himself more he felt that he didn’t need you anymore, he is just an insecure bastard who needed someone to make him feel important and when he got just that he left you without any logical explanation, or any apology!…
I am very sorry for you, this kind of heartbreak is the worst of all, when you get hit out of nowhere, and then you realise what a fool you’ve beena and not seen the signs, when you were just having that anniversary dinner, that trip or whatever it was he was still in contact with “the other woman”…
I wish there was something that could take all of your pain away, everyone here has a painful story to tell, and i know the lonliness you must feel, as if you don’t matter anymore, no one loves you, or that you should just give up on life..
We often find people whom we love more than our life, and we make scarifices for them, put their wishes and dreams before us and they hurt us without even thinking twice about the horrible pain we will feel, these people are cowards, they are worse than animals, they have no guilt, no remorse, no heart at all!
The pain can only be healedwith time, but remember one thing, if the person was such a jerk that he left you like this then he didn’t deserve to be with you at all, god works in mysterious ways, maybe this was a favor of god upon you, ending it horribly so that you can once and for all let go of such a man and look for something much better and worthwhile in your life…
It is always the good people that get hurt, it is our penalty for being as kindhearted as we are in this cruel world, just remember, you never did anything wrong, you offered all your love and more, he is entirely at fault here for not realising how good you were, for not appreciating you or loving you the way he should have, atleast now you will not live with guilt that “maybe if i had done this, maybe if i had done that, it would’ve worked out…” No, it would’nt, you did everything you could, you gave that person your heart on a platter, thats how much you loved them, you are a good person, a great person and great things will come in your life..
Often such men realise that the “new girl” they’re with is less considerate and less loving, soon they realise their mistakes and some of them come crying back, some of them don’t come back cuz of the guilt they feel, how will they face you after what they did?!, and some of them just keep lying to themselves telling themselves that they made the right decision and that they are happy even when they are not!
such people are miserable and will never truly be happy, cuz they had happiness with you and failed to realise it..
Just don’t give up hope, you are not alone, all of us here, we are all with you, and you will always have someone to comfort you, friends, family, and us the many heartbroken people from around the world..
He made his choice, so what, to hell with him, he doesn’t deserve you, now you can start focusing on your life.Just remember its never too late, go on that trip which you always wanted, join that photography class you’ve been thinking about but never really got the chance, volunteer at some environmental or church group, just get yourself out there, you have lots of love to give but it was all wasted on a pathetic man, so now start putting your heart in more productive places, utilize that love you have, and put it into something you’ve always had passion for, focuse on yourself for a while, its crucial to the healing process, i know it may all seem like you’ve heard it all before and the pain is hard to forget but trust me, the first step will always be difficult, but after taking the first step the healing process will get much easier and you can and will be happy again, it is your right to be happy..
I will pray for you, all of you here and i wish you all the best of luck, we may all be broken but we’re not alone…..
Its been 4 months now and Im much better. Time does make it easier, not saying it heals, but it does make it easier. I have some bad days but I just deal with it and move thru it. Your broken heart will get better. I was a mess for about 2 months and then one day, it was gone from my daily thoughts. The hardest part for me is how someone you’ve been so good to mentally, emotionally & financially could just up and leave without so much of an apology. Where do these people come from? On the flip side, I have lost 50lbs in the last 5 months and feel so GREAT!!! I find happiness in hearing about his shortcomings recently. He lost his job, is having bad luck & is being evicted soon. Poor baby. Ask me if im bitter and you will get a big YES! Ask me would I ever go back to him…HELL TO THE NO! Although Im still angry, my head is in the right place today. Someone like that definitely has no room in my life. He is so beneath me! And to everyone still in pain, it will get better!
onetruequeen… Your story has inspired me! you are a very strong person and i’m so happy that you have moved on and now understand that you deserve so much better. I hope that one day I can feel the same way… I know I will it’s just hard in this very moment. Thank you for sharing your story I’m sure it has helped many