Comments on: Step 14: Join a Community http://www.healmybrokenheart.com Thu, 09 Sep 2010 11:01:38 +0000 hourly 1 http://wordpress.org/?v=3.0 By: Dramaqueen http://www.healmybrokenheart.com/joinacommunity/comment-page-1#comment-2673 Dramaqueen Wed, 11 Aug 2010 07:29:19 +0000 http://smartbreakups.com/?page_id=130#comment-2673 That is so true, Queen of pain! I have read a lot about pain after break up on this site. And I really feel for you all. It's so hard to just let go. But it is the only way to do it. You are put in a situation were you have two choices: give up or grow. I guess we all have days were we wish to be back in the arms of our ex, but do you get the wrongness in this? In life there is no going back, you only move ahead. And if you are to reunite with your ex, that will be in a new relationship. So you (and I) have to change our pattern, seek and find joy and strength. Feel the joy of growing, the joy of friendship (after my break up I experienced so strong bond with my friends. They were totally there for me. Men will come and go, but good friends they stay and those bonds will only grow stronger and more important. So with good friends you will never really be alone. Yesterday I made the drawing in one of the exercises where one should write down all the things you loved, liked and didn't think was to bad. It blow my mind! I had nearly 40 things that I really love! That's including persons, things to do, my job and more material things. I had also a lot of things I liked and then only 4 things I didn't think was so bad. Wow! Was my thought, I really, really have a rich life! Now looking at the drawing: It makes me smile all the way down to the toes:-) And to day I'll host a meeting at a literature club, to morrow two friends will join me for dinner and on Friday I'll go on a car trip with a friend to visit his horses! So to all of you who are in pain, seek the companionship of other people. They will lift you, they will remind you of how strong, kind, beautiful and nice company you are. You have all the love you need inside of you, and just now hundreds and thousands of people are looking for someone to love. Keep your heart open, so they can find you! The future is bright for all of us! That is so true, Queen of pain! I have read a lot about pain after break up on this site. And I really feel for you all. It’s so hard to just let go. But it is the only way to do it. You are put in a situation were you have two choices: give up or grow. I guess we all have days were we wish to be back in the arms of our ex, but do you get the wrongness in this? In life there is no going back, you only move ahead. And if you are to reunite with your ex, that will be in a new relationship. So you (and I) have to change our pattern, seek and find joy and strength. Feel the joy of growing, the joy of friendship (after my break up I experienced so strong bond with my friends. They were totally there for me. Men will come and go, but good friends they stay and those bonds will only grow stronger and more important. So with good friends you will never really be alone. Yesterday I made the drawing in one of the exercises where one should write down all the things you loved, liked and didn’t think was to bad. It blow my mind! I had nearly 40 things that I really love! That’s including persons, things to do, my job and more material things. I had also a lot of things I liked and then only 4 things I didn’t think was so bad. Wow! Was my thought, I really, really have a rich life! Now looking at the drawing: It makes me smile all the way down to the toes:-)
And to day I’ll host a meeting at a literature club, to morrow two friends will join me for dinner and on Friday I’ll go on a car trip with a friend to visit his horses! So to all of you who are in pain, seek the companionship of other people. They will lift you, they will remind you of how strong, kind, beautiful and nice company you are. You have all the love you need inside of you, and just now hundreds and thousands of people are looking for someone to love. Keep your heart open, so they can find you!
The future is bright for all of us!

]]> By: meredith http://www.healmybrokenheart.com/joinacommunity/comment-page-1#comment-2268 meredith Sun, 23 May 2010 22:40:31 +0000 http://smartbreakups.com/?page_id=130#comment-2268 Holding a grudge is like continually sipping poison and expecting the other person to get sick. Holding a grudge is like continually sipping poison and expecting the other person to get sick.

]]> By: Gen http://www.healmybrokenheart.com/joinacommunity/comment-page-1#comment-2209 Gen Sat, 08 May 2010 19:20:22 +0000 http://smartbreakups.com/?page_id=130#comment-2209 these steps have definitely helped me a lot. I feel a bit closer all the time. i really feel like i am growing and learning about myself and what i want to have in my future so much, and i wouldnt be developing in this way had this not happened to me. though of course i would rather it hadnt! i found my faith during this whole experience with my ex boyfriend, and am so grateful for that, without it i dont think i'd be coping at all! we're all so so blessed with many things in our lives, even if it doesnt feel like it right now, we all have things to be grateful for. i'm trying to concentrate on those and appreciate them and be thankful for them. I'm trying to give out some of the love i have stored up in me to my friends and family, while i wait for romantic love to reappear! i still want him back so badly, it feels like it is right that we will find each other again. and if not, i am fully open to meeting someone else and need to do all i can to attract the sort of love i want towards me. so i think hard about what i want, then focus on it everyday, and am teaching myself to really believe, from deep down, that it will happen, because YOU AND I deserve it! lets all learn from what we're going through and ensure that we NEVER treat others like we have been treated, if we can help it. sometimes breaking someones heart cant be avoided, but if you do so be as compassionate and respectful and honest to that person as possible, do all you can to make it easier on them. we should use our experiences to help others going through the same. i dread the day one of my friends or family goes through something like this, but when and if they do, i'll step up and help them out as best i can, and i'll be able to understand! good luck everyone! just the fact you're are feeling this heartache so much is what makes you incredible human beings, we feel! xxx these steps have definitely helped me a lot. I feel a bit closer all the time. i really feel like i am growing and learning about myself and what i want to have in my future so much, and i wouldnt be developing in this way had this not happened to me. though of course i would rather it hadnt! i found my faith during this whole experience with my ex boyfriend, and am so grateful for that, without it i dont think i’d be coping at all! we’re all so so blessed with many things in our lives, even if it doesnt feel like it right now, we all have things to be grateful for. i’m trying to concentrate on those and appreciate them and be thankful for them. I’m trying to give out some of the love i have stored up in me to my friends and family, while i wait for romantic love to reappear! i still want him back so badly, it feels like it is right that we will find each other again. and if not, i am fully open to meeting someone else and need to do all i can to attract the sort of love i want towards me. so i think hard about what i want, then focus on it everyday, and am teaching myself to really believe, from deep down, that it will happen, because YOU AND I deserve it! lets all learn from what we’re going through and ensure that we NEVER treat others like we have been treated, if we can help it. sometimes breaking someones heart cant be avoided, but if you do so be as compassionate and respectful and honest to that person as possible, do all you can to make it easier on them. we should use our experiences to help others going through the same. i dread the day one of my friends or family goes through something like this, but when and if they do, i’ll step up and help them out as best i can, and i’ll be able to understand! good luck everyone! just the fact you’re are feeling this heartache so much is what makes you incredible human beings, we feel! xxx

]]> By: jeff http://www.healmybrokenheart.com/joinacommunity/comment-page-1#comment-1593 jeff Sat, 26 Dec 2009 21:12:58 +0000 http://smartbreakups.com/?page_id=130#comment-1593 i am not free, I am stuck at my moms till i move in a week, then I will have my stuff and that will help ... I will repeat everything when that happens .... but suffereing for a week sucks .... i am not free, I am stuck at my moms till i move in a week, then I will have my stuff and that will help … I will repeat everything when that happens …. but suffereing for a week sucks ….

]]> By: DENISE ELDRED http://www.healmybrokenheart.com/joinacommunity/comment-page-1#comment-1370 DENISE ELDRED Fri, 13 Nov 2009 22:29:36 +0000 http://smartbreakups.com/?page_id=130#comment-1370 Hope that I will be able to get pass my pain very soon Hope that I will be able to get pass my pain very soon

]]> By: Tobias http://www.healmybrokenheart.com/joinacommunity/comment-page-1#comment-1256 Tobias Wed, 04 Nov 2009 06:25:07 +0000 http://smartbreakups.com/?page_id=130#comment-1256 It's pretty hard doing the right thing for you when you're still getting to know yourself again after a terrible break. First I found myself asking "Who have I been?" then "Who was I before?" then "Who do I want to be?" all in the name of answering the question I read on my face in the mirror each day, so much so I almost mouth the words: "Who am I?" I suppose the right thing is what's good for you, so I look at each day and ask "Is this good for me?" and I'm never quite sure of the answer because I don't know how it's going to change me. (and I know I still do some things that aren't that good for me.) I realize I'm very vulnerable and impressionable right now, but it's driving me to find that fire in my belly - the momentum of my spirit again. I haven't yet found it by a longshot, but getting closer is comforting. I'd take the promotion if I wanted it. I'm trying to take all the classes. I'm taking time, taking solace in friends. I'm taking a hell of a lot of pain, too. I'm running into another question though; What am I giving? It's easier to sleep remembering when I inspired a young lad in his sport, or when I made a positive difference in someone's day at work, when I can be there for a teammate making great strides in her discipline, or when the most ornery of my two cats curls up next to me because he knows I'm still there to take care of him. I've got bigger things to do with this life than hurt over something I can't do much about, but the day to day things we often forget. I think some of those are the most important to remember - most important to fill your life with those oft unsung little moments of greatness. I hope as I know myself better - that I'll notice more of those moments before they pass me by. It's hard not to lash out in pain, but for the waste of energy that could keep me from missing the next great chapter. It's hard to know who to surround yourself with in preparation for that. Trust is not such a virtue to me nowadays. I can only take solace in any truth which exists in the notion that if everyone wants to be trusted, loved, held, understood by someone - there must still be people in the world willing to go that far, even some who know the pain of losing it all. I know there's at least one, maybe not a community - but one for now is enough. It’s pretty hard doing the right thing for you when you’re still getting to know yourself again after a terrible break. First I found myself asking “Who have I been?” then “Who was I before?” then “Who do I want to be?” all in the name of answering the question I read on my face in the mirror each day, so much so I almost mouth the words: “Who am I?” I suppose the right thing is what’s good for you, so I look at each day and ask “Is this good for me?” and I’m never quite sure of the answer because I don’t know how it’s going to change me. (and I know I still do some things that aren’t that good for me.) I realize I’m very vulnerable and impressionable right now, but it’s driving me to find that fire in my belly – the momentum of my spirit again. I haven’t yet found it by a longshot, but getting closer is comforting. I’d take the promotion if I wanted it. I’m trying to take all the classes. I’m taking time, taking solace in friends. I’m taking a hell of a lot of pain, too. I’m running into another question though; What am I giving? It’s easier to sleep remembering when I inspired a young lad in his sport, or when I made a positive difference in someone’s day at work, when I can be there for a teammate making great strides in her discipline, or when the most ornery of my two cats curls up next to me because he knows I’m still there to take care of him. I’ve got bigger things to do with this life than hurt over something I can’t do much about, but the day to day things we often forget. I think some of those are the most important to remember – most important to fill your life with those oft unsung little moments of greatness. I hope as I know myself better – that I’ll notice more of those moments before they pass me by. It’s hard not to lash out in pain, but for the waste of energy that could keep me from missing the next great chapter. It’s hard to know who to surround yourself with in preparation for that. Trust is not such a virtue to me nowadays. I can only take solace in any truth which exists in the notion that if everyone wants to be trusted, loved, held, understood by someone – there must still be people in the world willing to go that far, even some who know the pain of losing it all. I know there’s at least one, maybe not a community – but one for now is enough.

]]> By: Selina http://www.healmybrokenheart.com/joinacommunity/comment-page-1#comment-1232 Selina Sun, 01 Nov 2009 21:13:54 +0000 http://smartbreakups.com/?page_id=130#comment-1232 Mary and Kathleen, Thank you both for your words and prayers, I sure will pray for you both too to go through your pain and recover. I really agree with you Mary and I know I should release my pain in something else other than anger. It is better now I guess since I don't think of him much but I have his face annoying me whenever I rest my head over a pillow! I just don't know what to do to stop loving him when I know I don't love him too. It is too confusing and I can't really understand my own feelings. Do I hate him ? Do I love him? I just want to not care for him. I refused a promotion which will transfer me to another section because then I will be having a big chance to meet him and I am not ready for that. I am actually afraid of seeing or contacting him. I am scared because this guy broke in to my personal zone which I rarely allow anyone to enter then left me and treated me with hater. I never was abused before and I guess that make this my first. I couldn't accept the promotion although I took my time to think but then I end up giving my parents a visit to comfort me. I needed a shoulder to cry on and a person to feel safe with. He had his evil face especially when he coldly said: I never had feelings for you. I don't want to be dramatic or over reacting. I really want to leave everything behind and forget it. I am thinking I should face my fear and get that promotion since my boss didn't take my no as an answer and asked me to think again. Still, I am really feeling insecured and seeing him again will make me feel all weak.. I need someone to guide me here since i really feel I am standing in the darkness :( Mary and Kathleen,

Thank you both for your words and prayers, I sure will pray for you both too to go through your pain and recover. I really agree with you Mary and I know I should release my pain in something else other than anger. It is better now I guess since I don’t think of him much but I have his face annoying me whenever I rest my head over a pillow! I just don’t know what to do to stop loving him when I know I don’t love him too. It is too confusing and I can’t really understand my own feelings. Do I hate him ? Do I love him? I just want to not care for him. I refused a promotion which will transfer me to another section because then I will be having a big chance to meet him and I am not ready for that. I am actually afraid of seeing or contacting him. I am scared because this guy broke in to my personal zone which I rarely allow anyone to enter then left me and treated me with hater. I never was abused before and I guess that make this my first. I couldn’t accept the promotion although I took my time to think but then I end up giving my parents a visit to comfort me. I needed a shoulder to cry on and a person to feel safe with. He had his evil face especially when he coldly said: I never had feelings for you. I don’t want to be dramatic or over reacting. I really want to leave everything behind and forget it. I am thinking I should face my fear and get that promotion since my boss didn’t take my no as an answer and asked me to think again. Still, I am really feeling insecured and seeing him again will make me feel all weak.. I need someone to guide me here since i really feel I am standing in the darkness :(

]]> By: Kathleen http://www.healmybrokenheart.com/joinacommunity/comment-page-1#comment-1224 Kathleen Sat, 31 Oct 2009 15:25:24 +0000 http://smartbreakups.com/?page_id=130#comment-1224 Dear Selina, ask the Angels to come into your life and watch the fabulous things unfold. I will say a prayer that your heart will heal from this Take care friend Dear Selina, ask the Angels to come into your life and watch the fabulous things unfold. I will say a prayer that your heart will heal from this Take care friend

]]> By: Kathleen http://www.healmybrokenheart.com/joinacommunity/comment-page-1#comment-1223 Kathleen Sat, 31 Oct 2009 15:22:21 +0000 http://smartbreakups.com/?page_id=130#comment-1223 I too am going through a breakup but i refuse to let someone make me feel worthless. I know i am a great woman who has a lot of love inside, i have had many rats in my life who after wasting many years showed their tru e colours. But hatred and revenge are not mine, god sees and believe me what goes around comes around. Love youself enough to know that you deserve the best and you don't have to settle for anything less. Send love and light to those that havee hurt you and pray to the Angels to give you strength and lift you spirit higher where it rightfully belongs.. . . . Keep the faith everyone I too am going through a breakup but i refuse to let someone make me feel worthless. I know i am a great woman who has a lot of love inside, i have had many rats in my life who after wasting many years showed their tru e colours. But hatred and revenge are not mine, god sees and believe me what goes around comes around. Love youself enough to know that you deserve the best and you don’t have to settle for anything less. Send love and light to those that havee hurt you and pray to the Angels to give you strength and lift you spirit higher where it rightfully belongs.. . . . Keep the faith everyone

]]> By: Mary http://www.healmybrokenheart.com/joinacommunity/comment-page-1#comment-1222 Mary Sat, 31 Oct 2009 13:09:23 +0000 http://smartbreakups.com/?page_id=130#comment-1222 Dear Selina, I can read the terrible, heart wrenching pain in your words and truly, I care so much for what you are going through because I am feeling the same kind of agony too. You can read my story farther back on one of these pages but my story is not what is important. What is important is that you do not allow your heart and spirit to be poisoned by these feelings of unforgiveness and hatred for your ex. What he did is horrible! As you said, you had no vote, no choice in the matter. But you do have a choice, and control of your own feelings. You have felt real true love for someone, even though he turned out to be a rat. You have a great capacity to love, and that is a wonderful thing, and as you know, creates wonderful feelings within yourself. But when you allow hatred and unforgiveness to enter into your heart, you are actually wounding yourself, not the object of your emotions, namely "Rat". He doesn't care how you feel about him. How you feel doesn't affect him. But these bad feelings are like acid, burning your heart and making it scar and harden so your capacity to love again, when the right one comes along, will be greatly diminished. I have heard it said that unforgiveness is like drinking poison and expecting the other person to die. Instead your heart, your spirit dies a bit every day within you. Please try to purge yourself of these feelings. This guy will end up anone and lonely because he is selfish and will hurt people who love him without conscience. You do not deserve to be alone, but you will if you let your heart harden with hatred and unforgiveness. Let go of it and let God take care of this guy. I will pray for you too because I really do believe in miracles, I have had so many myself. I will pray you will be healed, be made stronger and that you will meet the right man for you who will love and cherish you for the rest of your life. God Bless You Dear Selina, I can read the terrible, heart wrenching pain in your words and truly, I care so much for what you are going through because I am feeling the same kind of agony too. You can read my story farther back on one of these pages but my story is not what is important. What is important is that you do not allow your heart and spirit to be poisoned by these feelings of unforgiveness and hatred for your ex.

What he did is horrible! As you said, you had no vote, no choice in the matter. But you do have a choice, and control of your own feelings. You have felt real true love for someone, even though he turned out to be a rat. You have a great capacity to love, and that is a wonderful thing, and as you know, creates wonderful feelings within yourself. But when you allow hatred and unforgiveness to enter into your heart, you are actually wounding yourself, not the object of your emotions, namely “Rat”. He doesn’t care how you feel about him. How you feel doesn’t affect him.

But these bad feelings are like acid, burning your heart and making it scar and harden so your capacity to love again, when the right one comes along, will be greatly diminished. I have heard it said that unforgiveness is like drinking poison and expecting the other person to die. Instead your heart, your spirit dies a bit every day within you.

Please try to purge yourself of these feelings. This guy will end up anone and lonely because he is selfish and will hurt people who love him without conscience. You do not deserve to be alone, but you will if you let your heart harden with hatred and unforgiveness. Let go of it and let God take care of this guy.

I will pray for you too because I really do believe in miracles, I have had so many myself. I will pray you will be healed, be made stronger and that you will meet the right man for you who will love and cherish you for the rest of your life.

God Bless You

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