Type of Relationship: Serious Dating
Status: Hoping to love again
It all started my Sophomore year of college. I had other relationships prior to this one, but when they ended I cried for a week, forgot about the guy, and moved on. This story ends differently.
Brian and I met at a party on Febuary 18th 2006 (it drives me crazy that I remember all these details). The night we met was literally a fairy tale. I remember the ridiculous butterflies, the intense nerves and after talking all night and him finally putting his hand on my neck I had fallen in love. It only took hours for me to feel the rush of falling in love.
The next few weeks were spent together. I barely saw my friends, and barely did homework or focused on the many clubs I was involved in. Brian consumed me. However, over the next few months the red flags started to flare. Brian hated his mother for divorcing his father and marrying someone he didn’t like. Brian was the victim of a split family, each valuing different things – his mother valued being down to earth, family, hard work, and not spoiling her kids. Brian’s father and his new wife valued material things, money, and all things (in my opinion) that should be of little value when raising children. As a result, Brian always thought he had a rough childhood when in reality he was just a brat who couldn’t appreciate anything-including me it turned out.
We dated for 3 years and I still have the love songs he wrote me, the cards he sent me, the memories, the pictures. Things went sour Senior year when Brian decided our relationship didn’t matter anymore- that his friends were all important and I was second rate. I should have seen the signs but I ignored them – perfect example of freewill vs. fate.
I loved him more than I have ever loved another human being. He broke up with me without notice or reason, claiming we were too young to be so serious and then found a new girlfriend 2 weeks later, with whom he is still with. I am in so much pain and it’s been almost a year. I don’t miss him anymore, but I miss the Brian I fell in love with 2 years ago, not the one that he is now. I have dated other people but nothing compares to the feelings I had. I hope that I am lucky enough to get a second chance.
Yes! I want to take the 2 minute free heart survey for custom healing advice.
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the love songs, the cards, all that stuff – you have get rid of it! this is cliche, but it sounds like it was a case of ‘it’s me, not you’ for him.
My heart goes out to you. My boyfriend of a year has just left me, after many assurances that we would be together, build a home together etc, ‘hello lovelies’ on the phone each night right up until the end. So I can emphathise with your pain.
Yes get rid of all the stuff he wrote – emails, cards etc. Delete his numbers and texts from your mobile. Agony but necessary. I tried recycling my ex’s cards, then fishing them out of the paper bin umpteen times! I simply couldn’t believe that those heartfelt words written less than a year ago no longer apply. Shredding proved necessary!
Step 2: you mention red flags. Write them down in a list. Was it all so perfect? Was there anything about him that got on your nerves and would have grated over time if you’d stayed together? If so, trust and believe that you deserve a relationship without red flags – one that endures.
Rich is right. I’ve pretty much been through the same as you. 3 years being together, then she decided “she can’t be in a relationship right now.” This was half a year after finishing college, and she was half a year near the end. Basically, we broke up, and played the “I can’t decide what I want” game with her for awhile until she succeeded and pushing me farther and farther away. Well, long complicated story short, it’s been a couple of months, and she’s basically move on. I have a feeling she already did a few weeks before we broke. Despite thinking and treating her like the most precious thing in this world (which she recognizes), I stopped calling her, and she makes minimal effort to even preserve our basic friendship. (I tried and tried to keep that (but it’s not that important I suppose). Anyway, I’m finding it hard to move on, because I still love that person I first became friends with and grew to love. Not the person she is now. Still have the cards, notes, emails, pictures, tucked away. Never look at them, haven’t decided what to do. Missing my original best friend and love is what keeps you down, but you have to realize that there is someone 100x better out there. You’ll find them, just live your life, love yourself first, someone else isn’t going to do it for you. People come into your life, and they definitely leave it. You can’t always run on feelings, they change without notice. Ex. Every time you wake up and go to sleep.
I read these messages and feel like I might not survie a heartbreak. My ex and I dated for 3 years. We had built a life together. Our families had met, we lived together, we had plans of forever and than out of nowhere he ended it. I am heartbroken. My parents are heartbroken. I don’t know what to do. I have done everthing to get over this. I got rid of everything about him in my house. I go on dates. I joined a softball team, a volleyball team and kickball team. I am focased at work, but nothing will get him out of my mind. I know so many people go through a break up and I know it get easier, but what happens if after a year I am like the woman in this artical…still looking because no one can hold a candle to the man who left me?
You will find that special person again. But don’t rely on men for your happiness. I know you will have a great future outcome.
I can definitely relate to all of the comments that have been posted. I was with my ex-boyfriend for almost seven years and this guy was my first everything. For almost three years now we have tried to make things work time after time..break up after break up. Each time gets harder and the fact of knowing that he has now moved on literally makes me feel like I will never overcome this heartache. I know that deep down I truly miss the person he used to be and not the monster he has become. He has lied to me repeatedly and made me feel so low that I can’t for the life of me understand why I can’t get over him. I just wish someone could offer me some advice on how to get over someone that has meant so much to me.
As much as you dont want to, you have to let that person go. That is the only way that they will know what they lost. Your stories seem very similar to mine. I dated someone for 4 1/2 years, and one day, right before we were going to lunch, he said he “felt weird and had things to do”, and I have not heard from him since. It has been almost a month now. This is NOT the first time this has happened. He just started telling people that we are not together “right now”. I cried for the first two weeks, but I literally woke up one day and realized that there are so many people out there that DO care about me, and that I will find someone who I will not have to feel like I am forcing to love me and will not leave and come back as they please. Getting angry really does help… I promise! All of you are in my prayers! We will be ok!!!
I was in relationship with a guy for 5 years. He had a son who I also fell in love with. We were a family. But when things started getting really bad, the lies, cheating,cruel words,fights over nothing and being accused of cheating when he was the one cheating, I had to let go for my own mental and physical health. Now why in the world do i still love this man. Do i want him back, not really, so why can’t i let go. My theory is that God blessed me with knowing what true love for another human being really is. For example, how God loves us. Look at how many times we have let him down, lied,cheated etc. but he still loves and wants us. Do you not think he knows what it feels like to have his heart broken? The only way i can try to get through this and survive is to remind myself that God really does know our pain and that he does have the bigger picture already painted out, we just have to stand back and look at it. I too am tired of hurting and i will always love the man i first fell in love with, but he no longer exists. God can change people but they have to want to be changed and for most of us we know our ex’s don’t think they need to change. So we have to change and move on. I know a lot easier said than done. just one step at a time, and pray often everyday that God will give you the strength to pull though. Be geatful for the love you had and grab what good out of it you can for your next relationship.Ask God to prepare and the real person you are suppose to be with , believe he will and keep your eyes open.who knows maybe some of us may meet the right person right here.
my heart goes out to each and every one of u. i too am experiancing the pain. trust in god in all things. know that he knows our needs. i am a firm believer in goodbye.when someone can’t and won’t love u back, or see your self worth you let them go.don’t even try to raise these people from the dead because that will never happen and you are only delaying your healing process. let it go. they were never meant in your life plan or story. throw everything away including pictures and never answer another phone call from them, it only makes things harder. know that you are fabulous and worthy to someone who will love you back.
i know what your going through me x left me and that someday got with his co-worker i ignored my gut filling we we together for 1yr and he left me do not wait for his 2 chance be strong as much as love my x i will never give him a 2 chance of his life he lost something good and he not getting it back so don’t that gos for u to he lost something good and dose not need that 2 chance.
Hey everyone, I take comfort in knowing I am not alone too. I have just come out of a 2 year relationship with a girl who I really thought was the one. Her decision to end our relationship broke my heart. She was the best thing in my world. My everything. The symptoms are awful – lack of sleep, constant dark moods, loss of apetite/interest etc. However, I’d like to say that a few weeks down the line I am feeling a little better. My advice is this: if you have just split with your partner, spend time greiving. Have a good cry and feel sorry for yourself – its good to get the emotions out of your body. Make sure you surround yourself with family and friends – talk to them and don’t face it alone. When you feel a bit better, start to keep yourself busy and focus on hobbies or work. Above all, don’t attempt to chase your ex and try to suppress all ‘what ifs’ and could have’s’ as these thoughts will consume you. Its easier said than done I know. It will get better peeps I promise. Keep fighting. X
Hi all,
Although my boyfriend and I had only been dating half a year, we had been best friends for two years. Everything was perfect…he treated me like a princess by taking me on romantic dates, making sure to call everynight before bedtime, and the way he looked into my eyes showed how much he loved me. Unfortunately, his family is from a different culture than mine…and I made a judgement on a relationship with one of his family members that I should not have in an attempt to be honest with him and become closer. It hurt him, made him angry, and he “fell out of love with me” ….overnight. I was devastated. But when he met with me to officially break up, he said he would do whatever it took to retain our friendship. And, after a month of being in denial that he will realize his mistake, I talked with him on the phone for the first time in a month…and I heard a coldness in his voice that I had never heard before. I knew then that he not only had completely moved on, but he did not care for me anymore. At all. He went from chasing me for two years until I finally agreed to date him, to the two of us falling madly in love, to him breaking my heart and “falling out of love with me” at record speed, to not even caring about me…as a friend.
I’ve accepted that he does not love me anymore…but how can one go from being in love and caring about someone to not at all?
Well i stumbled across this website looking for some coping strategies to see if i could find a way to overcome the pain and hurt i am feeling.
The man i was with pursued me even though i wasnt ready he re-assured me he would be gentle and not hurt me(yeah right)
I hadnt been in a relationship for 8 years so it was a huge step for me to even consider.
We ended up together and living with eachother and now he has gone.He says he needs to do some things before he can have his life with me.
Well he didnt tell me that before he moved in and now he is gone we still sms eachother and talk but my heart is broken.
I dont know whether to trust anything he has said or is saying.My world is shattered because i opened up to him and let him in and now i am alone again.
I feel used,betrayed,broken and totally confused i dont know whether to wait for him or close this door.
I fell in love with him and now feel he doesnt care.He has a piece of me which he has taken i am devastated.
Thanks for listening.
Hello everyone. The internet is an amazing thing, isn’t it? We can all be in our own world of pain and feel like there is no one else going through this, and then we come to a place like this and see a whole community of people grieving and wondering why their world has been turned upside down.
I relate to so many different things that were said in all these comments. I am going through a break up that has been a very slow break up. There were no bad things done by either of us – no cheating, no abuse, no harshness. After the most beautiful and emotionally healthy relationship I was ever in (and I’ve been in a few at my age) and after several ‘mild breakups’ and ‘get back togethers’, this time, this spring, she decided she was really going to move on. As this final breakup was unfolding this spring, I was on board with it, agreeing that our two issues (we each had one) were holding us back from moving forward to marriage.
But what I hadn’t realized is that we had set a pattern of breaking up and getting back together, and the ‘get backs’ were always fabulous. We were always so happy to be back together. And when I realized this spring that she was serious about moving on, I went into a panic, and was like ‘wait! I don’t want this break up!’
This girl is going to be very difficult to move on from. I was always so proud of her. When we’d go out, she was always the most beautiful girl in the room, be it a bar, a grocery store, the library, etc. And her heart was as beautiful as her appearance. Everyone loved her, my friends, my family. She is such a true gem of love, warmth, kindess, and humility in a harsh world – all packed into a very hot package. Ungodly rare to find this. I always knew that I was pretty lucky to have her. But there was always a war in side of her. She had never, as an adult, completely had her own freedom, and most of our breakups were about her wanting to taste singleness (she married young, then after divorce met me and dated 4 yrs) and get to know herself. But she didn’t want to lose me either, so she would always come back with all her love, and the conflict unresolved.
But this last time, after hooking up w some newly divorced girlfriends and going out and hitting the town (and I presume getting lots of attention) she found the strength to keep from coming back into the relationship with me, and she has maintained that strength and the distance. Comments from her when we’ve seen each other the last 4 months (we’d get together for ‘one last’ break up sex session every three weeks) included “we can do this but make sure it is not keeping you from moving on”. I could just tell she had found some new strength, some new path that she wanted to be on now, more than she wanted to be with us.
I was not controlling, jealous, mean, or manipulative. I am mature in relationship and have great boundaries. I often WANTED her to go find more independence and interests outside the relationship when she would put so much focus on us, but not at the expense of the relationship! And that is what happened.
I’ve been through other breakups, and they’ve stung pretty bad. In some ways, they stung worse than this. But this one feels more hopeless as I feel like my options are to lower my standards to get a new gf or to just remain alone. I have to have faith in myself that I am an awesome guy (I mean I was able to hold this girl for 4 yrs when from the beginning she talked about taking time on her own that she never had in her life but didn’t want to lose me) and that I will find good love again.
I just miss her so much it aches bad deep down. Sometimes, when I am drifting off to sleep I’ll enter a half awake dream state and some wonderful memory will come flooding back as vivid as if it were real. And then I instantly feel that ungodly pain of loss and jar myself awake. Then for the next two hours I flip through channels trying to numb my brain while my leg nervously rocks back and forth. The intensity of the pain is only matched by the intensity of the love we shared, both in our friendship and in our lovemaking.
Men get knocked a lot for being so sex driven, but ladies, you have to understand something, when a man is in love and makes love to you, he is giving you his soul, his heart, his body, all of him. Sometimes we are bad at expressing our love in other ways, but sex for a man in love is about way more than sex. Not too many people get this.
So I, like the rest of you, will struggle through each day, always hoping that when I wake up tomorrrow that she won’t be the first thing I think about. That tomorrow might be the day the pain is finally diminishing. But today is not that day.
I am going through the same thing right now, he and I are in the proccess of going our seperate ways. We keep breaking up, but we get back together within hours! I’m so over this, the problem is that we live 4 hours away from each other and it’s just not working out. I love this man with all my heart and I do believe that he loves me, but our jobs and schedules conflict and it causes us to constantly argue. He also puts his friends before me and they are top priority! He loves the clubs and I don’t so I’d rather end things now while we’re just 6 months into this than try to ride it out to have it end in heart break. I do feel like I can’t go on with out him but I’m not about to sit back while being mistreated.
John, I feel deeply sorry for you. We all go through these experiences in different ways. However, I hope you were able to tell her all your feelings about her before you separated. At times it needs humility to maintain a relationship. Our ability to accept our limitations and humanness and to say good things to the other person. You may be surprised that she may be missing you the same way you missed her but is afraid of telling you that.
I wish that were so jide – that she would be missing me the same way. She knows how I feel, that I want to stay together and work towards marriage. And that I love her w all my heart. But she is very intent on experiencing freedom and independence. If we were going to get married, it shoulda been at the end of 3 yrs, that’s when the door to her heart was most open, and I hesitated because I needed some more time to accept some new spiritual differences that had evolved between us. It seemed once she closed her heart back up, she was headed for the exit – it just took another year to finally kill it off. I supposed there is a possibility that with time apart that she will realize a deep love for me that wasn’t aware was there, that after she experiences life without me, she will realize how good we had it. I give that about a 1 in 50 chance of happening. A mutual friend told me last night that she is completely finished with the relationship, although that doesn’t preclude a change of heart down the road. So I must focus on moving forward without her.
Thank you much for your thoughts and empathy.
only you can choose to heal your heart its up to you. life is too short to sit around crying over a person who has left if someone isnt there with you is because they choice not to be
Re: Janet above
Well we cant come to any agreements that suit us both so i decided i have to close this door.He is really playing with my emotions and cant give me anything concrete so its really hurting me but i have to be strong.
We are not on the same page nor are we on the same path he expects me to understand he needs to do what he has to do.
But i cant it aint fair he was the one who pursued me and now i am heartbroken its crazy.
How can another make all these false promises and then change ? because he has insecurity issues from the past.How is that fair to me ? It aint i am sick of the anger and the tears all for some one who cant do what he said he wanted.It totally frustrates me so much ~
I know love hurts but this is not fair ~
Thanks for listening ….
i was in a relationship for 4 yrs..i was onli 19 when i met him.. i had so many first memories with him.. he took me to places ive nv been too.. showered me with expensive dinners n places.. it was a feeling i nv felt before.. i felt over reliant on him.. i gave up my life for him.. worked around his time.. even flew home every 2 weeks from aus (as i was still in uni) just to visit him over the weekends. when our relationship was sour i had thots about leaving sch even.. luckily i didnt.
when i came bac.. i was glad.. distance didnt matter anymore.. i thot i found a job .. get married and start a family as he promised.. we even had our names tatooed on each other.
we fought.. badly over time.. he tells me he doesnt love me anymore. that im too demanding and i need to have my own life. how am i supose to suddenly move on.. he was by me all this time.. i felt it was an impossible task. however i abide by it. and thot maybe it was a gd idea to take a break and re talk the relationship afetr 2-3 months
i tried to clear my head.. did my own thing.. we still talked on the phone daily. .
one nite.. i decided to go over to his place and my worse fear.. he had a girl moved in with him.. the girl told me to leave them alone.. and that she had an abortion for him 2 weeks ago. words cannot describe how i felt. i had no tears. i refuse to believe the one person i cared so much for .. knew so well.. cud do such a thing to me..
for days i cuden sleep. i cant be at ease.. it was as if my mind had over worked.. i was so tired inside.. so sick of life.. so sick of thinking.. i wanted to just die so i cud stop the pain.
eventually i found another man.. and i am still together with him to date. he showed me there was more to life. im not sure how trustable this man i am seeing is to be honest.. and i am not sure if i can every giv my all again.. as i have lost so much of myself..
there r instant tears still .. and believe it or not.. i still tear instantly everytime i think about it.. i haven fully recovered. but i gave myslef a chance to try to love again..
so to pple out there.. i cannot guarantee u will ever move on.. but pls giv it a chance.
im still trying evryday
I was with my boyfriend for seven years we have a daughter he decided that he cannot be with me anymore because am nagging him. its my whole life has fallen apart. I cannot move on I cannot love agin .
sue ~
Wow !!! I agree what happened to was totally wrong and unfair ~ But some thing tells me he regrets losing you and now has to live with his own selfish mistakes.
I am glad you are fighting and trying again well done !
I pray this man will help heal some of those wounds and show you there is some truth in love …
Hugs and blessings xo
Cilla ~
Felt so sad for you when i read your post … if only he listened to your feelings and didnt see them as nagging.I reckon some times we express incorrectly and come across so different to what we are trying to say.
Be nice if he read between the lines and listened to you screaming for his love.
With love xo
i just got dumped yesterday.i spent everyday with this boy.he was my second love,i promised i would never let myself get hurt again and then when i met him everything changed.i trusted everything he said,trusted him more then i ever did a boy.i was so shocked and devistated when he broke up with me.it was a random text message saying “were done i cant do this”..i went over time after time in my head what happened to make him leave.just earlier that day he told me he wanted to be with me always..amazing how things change in a HOUR.i cried and criedddd..crying deff. makes you feel better so you should always let it out.i am now trying to get over him,its so hard and SUCKS so bad..but i know ill be ok.it just kills to know after everything he said to me and everything weve been through he doesnt even care or miss me..
I spent 3 years with my boyfriend. We had plans to get married…
My family loved him, our families met, etc.
Overnight, he called me and told me he didnt love me anymore. That his feelings for me had changed with time and distance. (i have cancer, so i had to move back with my parents so they could take care of me, we like now 2 hours away).
I feel awful, this pain is the worst feeling in the world.
I cant believe he just stopped loving me in 24 hours. I wonder what did I do wrong.
I cant get out of bed, i dont know how i am going to deal with telling people this.
He wants me to go over there so we can talk things, but I seriously dont know if i’ll be able to keep it together. How can you stand looking into the eyes of the person you love, and watch him telling you that he doesnt love you anymore, that he doesnt want to be with you?
I dont know if i’ll make it home alive.
I too am going through much pain at the moment, This guy was my everything. i moved to Holland to become an au pair for a year and met him in dutch class, we hit it off instantly, our first kiss was amazing, we’d gone out for a drink and everyone was dancing and i just fell into it.we were both in relationships at the time so we decided to break them off. so this guy and i spent every single day together, i stayed at his house almost every night and hed be the firs thing i saw every morning. as you may know making friends in a different country is hard, so eventually when all my friends had gone back home it was just us, i was upset about it and said i didnt want to rely on him but he cooed me and said that he wanted me to rely on him, it was us against the world and hed always be there for me, never wanted to hurt me and so on, i look back on a certain moment when id just got bad news from my mom and he was comforting me and everytime i cry. i went to belgium to see a friend of mine with my brother and best friend, we were supposed to go to a music festival but my ticket messed up so me and my brother and my friend didnt go and now hes convinced i slept with this guy when i didnt, its caused so many arguements between us and we broke up got back together because he loved me and couldnt imagine his life without me, until the other day when we got in a huge arguement, i was at his house he wanted me to leave i said i wanted to sort it out he got mad i poured my heart out to him and he tried to force me out the door i burst into tears he started laughing said he loved me but hated me and pushed me out the door, i havent heard from him since, this was almost a week ago and its destroying me. Im having to go about my daily life trying to pretend nothing is wrong when im broken inside, everytime i think about it i cry, i love this guy more then anything ever and its so screwed up, love isnt supposed to hurt but this feels like im empty numb inside. What happened to my caring guy when it was us against the world, now im lonely, my family and friends are in england and im trying to deal with this alone but it hurts so bad, i feel as if its me against the world and i keep losing my footing and am about to fall flat on my face, what if i cant get back up?
I dated this girl for 1.5 years. A month before I dated her I was with another girl for 3 years. I think she was a rebound girl. Anyhow, we had sex within the week of “courting” and I think this caused me to “fall in love” with her. Sadly for me, she did not feel the same way and told me early one morning when I professed my love for her. I was devastated and could not eat that day. She didn’t really try to make me feel better either. Fast forward a year and we’re having more arguments and eventually she breaks up with me. One night we’re in bed watching Mindfreak and she tells me she wants to take a nap. (this is after we broke up). Well, I still love her so I wrap my arm around her and pull her tight. (we’re on my bed). She wakes up and calls me possessive. It hurts my feelings and gets me mad. Anyway, a week later University is out and I send her a Facebook message telling her I can change, blah, blah. I call her around 5 a.m. and told her I sent her the message. She sits at the computer and tells me she will read it and call me back. She calls me back and says she doesn’t agree with it and we shouldn’t talk for 3 weeks. WTF!? Where do you get that number from? 3 weeks..I was so LIVID. She deletes me from Facebook and quits talking to me the entire summer. I was so lonely and I wished she would talk to me. (I don’t have any friends I could hang out with). University is back in session now (it’s been 3 months since we broke up). I try to contact her on Facebook and she takes forever to respond. At one point she sends me a funny condom link on youtube. What does this mean?? Anyhow, I tell her if she is lonely at Uni she can always count on my friendship. She has not written me back or called me or anything. I’m so sad. She was supposed to be my best friend.
When I was 17 years old, I met a guy who was 18. I met him because he started coming to my church. He was better than I had ever dreamed of; we could talk for hours about anything and nothing. We sent little emails every day, we talked about our faiths. We both came from large families. We both loved music and would play piano and guitar together. Within a few months, he expressed interest in dating/courting me. Since we both came from conservative traditonal families, he knew that he needed to ask my dad’s blessing for us to date. He waited for me to finish my freshman year of college before asking permission. My dad, being Lebanese with strict values, told him “no”because he wanted him to get a better job and a college education so that he could provide for a family.
That was the first “no.” We still cared about each other and held out hope that we would be an official couple one day. Another year went by, then another one. During my senior year of College, the guy had already gotten a better job and started working on his college degree. He told me that he respected my dad’s wishes and would do whatever it took to date and marry me, even if it took a lifetime.
After I graduated (which meant it had been five years since we had waited to date), he approached my dad for the last time. He told him he had gotten a better job and was working on his college degree. My dad liked him, but still did not feel that he was “good enough” to date me. He told him that, without a college education, he was a “three legged stool”–those three legs being great, but without one leg couldn’t stand. However, my dad did give us the freedom to see each other in my house and talk about marriage and future plans. We spent hours together those first two nights, discussing marriage, financial plans, and set a tentative wedding date (which would have been this Fall 2009 or Fall 2010, depending on if we decided to wait for him to finish his degree or not)
I was so happy that things were finally started to move forward with us. However, one month after those two nights we had together, I recieved a very long email from him this January. This email expressed many of the doubts that he said he had been having for a while. Hurtful doubts, such as “do I only like you out of ‘instinct’ because you remind me of my mother?”, “I’m not sure if I need you as much as you need me”, “do I only care about you because you care about me back?” I was scared and devastated by these remarks and emailed back, pleading with him to not dwell on trivial things. These kinds of trivial doubts went on for six months. I put up with them because he told me he wanted to work on things and didn’t want to lose me over the doubts.
In March, two months after starting with the doubts, he expressed an apology for ever doubting in the first place and wanted to start fresh. In April, one month later, he confessed that “although he wanted to work on things, he didn’t really have feelings for me anymore and didn’t know why.” Although painful, I figured that he would get those feelings back soon. Around this same time, my sister got blessing to date an educated guy–who had the same name and even the same initials as my guy! The day after my sister got permission to date, my dad approached me. My dad apologized to me for getting the way of our
happiness (my brother had apparantely talked to him about the things that were happening in my relationship). He told me that even if he didn’t think he had enough money to provide for me, that it was my decision to make. My dad told me that he would even apologize to my guy for me, and tell him that he had full blessing to date me. When I shared this happy news with my guy, he then told me that “although it was encouraging to hear, it didn’t change the fact that he was still having doubts.”
In May, another girl started coming to my church. A girl that I had known for years; also lebanese. She was 18, 5 years younger than I was. Her grandfather had cancer, and she needed support. I was her best friend at the church. I spent the most time with her at activities and constantly kept her grandfather in prayer. However, during the month of May, I noticed that she put on her Facebook that she was “Looking for a Relationship.” I also noticed that she and my guy were talking alot online, and he was hardly talking to me at all. I asked one of his family members if something was going on between them, and they didn’t know.
In June, he called me. He came to my house, sad, and broke things up. He said he just couldn’t find those feelings anymore and that he felt that we had a “personality disconnct”, and was sorry it had to end like that after 5 years. With that, he said his “goodbye” and walked out of my house.
Two weeks later in the middle of June, my younger sister was engaged to the man with the same name. She bought the same bridesmaid dresses that I would have had this Fall. Three weeks later, my ex started dating my 18 year old lebanese friend. They go to my church and I see them every week. I am debating leaving from all the pain, but being involved in the music and children’s ministry, I want to remain strong and continue to encourage those in my church.
My love story ended, after over 5 years. It ended before it even officially began. The oppurtunity to marry my first love, the man who loved me for so long. This folk-guitar playing, romantic, poetic, and wonderful man was gone. My plans for marriage with him, gone. I felt betrayed by him and my young friend. I could not believe that he would date her. I especially could not believe that he would not take the oppurtunity to officially date and marry me, getting the full blessing of my family.
It is now nearing the end of August, and has been over two months since the breakup. My heart is still very broken and I am continually being reminded of him when I see him at church. His family is very supportive of me at this time and are not happy with the desicions that he has made. I found out that he had bought me an engagement ring two years ago and had showed it to my sisters and one of my friends.
However, with this broken heart, I know that God has the power to Heal. He is the Comforter. He has brought me closer to Him, showing me that my will isn’t always His perfect plan. He wants to bring me true happiness, even if it means removing those things that I thought would make me the happiest woman in the world. In time, I will heal. But right now, I am certainly in alot of pain and would appreciate any advice and prayer.
-Katie
Isaiah 40:31
hello to everyone =)
katie : i’m sorry to hear all that , i just hope there will be one day a guy that can make u feel the happiest woman!!!!
i’ve been in the staates for like 1 1/2 years , i came back last year oktober to germany!! i’ve been an aupair! summer of 2008 i met this guy he was german too and i really fell in love with him!! he was just so cute and we would get alonge pretty good , during the weekends i would stay at his appartment and we would have just a great relashionship, i got to meet all his friends( he is still in college) and i was really happy with him and i really thought wow i found the perfekt man!!
but one day i got in a bad fight with ,my hostmother and she kicked me out , i moved in with him for like 3 weeks till i got my airplaneticket back home !! we had so much fun but not really alot of money but we were still happy !!
the day came and i came back to germany, and we promissed us that we will make it !! he said he will be done withcollege summer of 2009 so almost a year later!
so i was sure that i can wait for him cuz i really lovd him !! we made it prety good and he came to visit winterbreak 2008of2009 and we spend our first newyearseve together!! nut it wasn’t really fun cuz he has an alcoholproblem and he was drunk as hell !! but i thought hey thast normal he is young thats ok !!
and then tyhe time came where he had to leave and he promissed me its gonna be the last time in outr life where we would have to say goodbye!!
after he went back there were a lot of things happenening i was missing him and was depressed and wanted to go over and get marruied and stuff like that and first hesaid no and when tings were getting worse he said agreed to get married!! and luckely 2days befor i found a job and a good payed job and i said i wanna have a own futureand wann be independet and not depend on him!!
we wee fighting alot , hestopped caring about me kept lying to me and was parting tooooooo much and he would go ou every thursday and weekend , and he kept saying that i can’t understand cuz i never been on a uscollege!!
well things got so worse that with his drinkin and i started being embarssed !!!
i started to get mad at him for not paying any attention to me!! but the when he wwould talk to me he was makin me always feel so loved and he would always trelling me that he had the bst sex in his life and i made him to a real man and he isso in love and i’m the love of his life and he is missing me so much and everything! he wanted me always to keep in touch with his family and thats what i did!! but than i couldn’ttake it all i was so hurt that he didn’t care about me even if he said he did !! but kept always saying that ACTIONS SPEAK LOUDER THAN WORDS!!
so the end of teh story is that he was cheating on me since november 2008 and was lying to me alllll the time eb=ven when he came to germany to visit me and when i met his family!!
he was telling this girl he wnated to break up with me but slowly and told her he would love her just to keep her happy !! so he called her the same way like he did call me ad everybody knew about it all his friends and brothers and nobody ever told me !!!! so i talked to her and she told me all this things and then italked to him after i found out all that and he admited everything and he told me that i spoiled him with sex that i was always solonley in the saates and he took the first girl he got !!!he said that he tried to make everything with her just the ways he did with me and to try to imagen that she would be me , and that he never loved her !!! he always loved me !!
so i was like dead i couldn’t belive what he was saying and that he wasso sorry for all that, and that he was lying to me the whole time and that heis just a human and bla bla bla !! after all that i kinda still had the hope that hewould say he wanst to be back with me when he is in germany again!! but no that didn’t happened he said that he is done with all that and he wants to be that person agin he was use to be !! and he deleted her on facebook and i was kinda happy , i kept writting him in the hope that he would say we cn try it again!!
after i cried so much and realized that he was and bigass asshole that was just selfish and the only person he can love is himself!!! no that al happened like 4 weeks ago!!
after we had a 15 month relashionship with the thought of getting married and focusing my life on him , i found out he was cheating on me for like 10 month !! just to make himslef feel good cuz he was so lonly !!!
yesterday i found out that he is back with that girl again and i talked to him and it got really dirty , and he told me that he knows that me and him can’t be together ever agin , so he would give her a chance !!!
so i guess i’m the one thats fucked up !!!!
was it right to text him, was it right to delete him from facebook icq und all the other one???
i’m so enbarresed of him that i’m afraid to tel my family about that or my friends !!
i just feel like i was so stupid to trust in him even when i kinda knew he was cheating on me and that he was lying to me !! i thought he was my first big love !!!
i don’t know if i can be able to trust a guy again, i’m sure i ca love again but can i trust again????
i told him yesterday that he is gonna bleed for all that he did to me , was that right???
i just don’t know what to do anymore, i just keep rember those words he said, that he never loved her taht he loves me to death and why is he back with her agin ??? WHY???
thanks for reading and maybe someone can give me feedback or answer to my questions !!
love, nora
well its been 3 weeks since me and my fiancee split up. wed met at 13 and wed been together for 7 years. the majority of it very happy times. we had all our first times together and i truly believed he was my soul mate.
wev always had ups and downs where wed snogged other people early on in the relationship. but it always tended to be him, wed break up/make up all the time. id be the first to admit that ive put up with a lot of rubbish over the years. but you do when your deeply in love. he wasnt a bad person.
then the lies started to get more, even over stupid things!
the past couple of months hed joined a football team which i knew he was keen on. hed never had many lad mates and i encouraged him to go thinkin it was another dimension for him to have that hed missed out on.
((( its all i think about, on the few occasions where iv got to sleep ive dreamt that wev got back together . i cant stop checking his profile on facebook im terrified hel find sumone else. im a mess. just keep bursting into tears. its destroyed me. hes my world my best friend and my soul mate. iv even text him and numerous times trying to sort things but he says “he doesnt know what to do” or he “doesnt want to talk. im devastated and miss him so so much i cant imagine him not being in my future!
i never had a problem him going out with the lads but it became quite often and he wouldnt tell me he was going out, id be ringing him wonderin wer he was wen id finished work, there would be no answer or hed answer and i could tell he was ridiculously legless. we fell out as it became regular.
it got to the point where i ignored him for an entire week. the entire week he only text me once the day after. he just wasnt trying anymore. then we agreed meet up and talk about it, he give me the it wont happen again, im sorry. i accepted.
2 days later i got a phone call off the pub i worked at, he was down there ridiculously drunk accusing the male staff that they were after me, and attempting to drive home.i had to ask my dad go down to take his keys off him and take him home. i went with him. wen i got out the car to tell him my dad was here he was vile, maybe it was the drink, he kept saying it was all my fault.
so i told him we are over i was so angry with him.
he has made no attempt to get back with me. its broke my heart completely!
im just so confused because we were planning on getting a house next year even spoke of family, everything was great and its turned completely.
i just dont know what to do, its helped reading that i arent the only one.
i just wish i could take this pain away..
thanks for readin
hi yall
I can relate so well to everyone.. I was in a relationship for three years with a guy ,, he would say i was the best thing that ever happened to him . there was an age difference though which made things a bit difficult but i believed him when he said it didnt matter to him. We were good for 2 years for the most part. after that i noticed he changed ,, not as keen as he was at taking me out and he wanted to spend more and more time drinking with his friends and leaving me out. He told me he loved me all the time and that i was his soul mate. I loved him so much. I never felt such pain when he said that he wanted to break up with me. I couldnt believe it. I thought maybe things would change, after the three years thats when a relationship changes so Ive been told and its usally the man that leaves. they either commit or leave you. one or the other. Anyway after we broke up, he said that it was over but we still kept sleeping together regularly and i used to feel like i let myself down each time , but still thinking i could win his love back somehow. But instead i think it made him think he could treat me however he wanted and eventually he started seeing other girls when he was still sleeping with me. He is now in a new relationship and still wants to see me but the pain is too great right now for me to even be in his presence and i told him that. He is selfish and doesnt understand why i would feel that way/ I think when its over for men its over. women tend to hold on and hold on . even when theres nothing to hold on to. Im just saying majority wise. I think whats helping me is being around friends now. trying to not think about him is really hard right now and trying to think i can meet someone right now is impossible because like other people here i think he was my first real love in this life and i am not a younge person,.. I have a daughter thats 18 and i never loved someone this much that it hurts like a knife. now i know what that song means. I never want to feel this way again. Love is a risk im afraid, you might think that person who loves you today will love you forever but usually they dont. love to all who read this and hey at least god loves us forever
hello everyone..it’s so nice to read all your comments.. all of us are hurting now and are heart is broke into pieces…
i was inlove with my colleague (whish is the son of my boss also)… it’s so difficult.. we tried to be in a relationship but it didn’t work.. it’s so complicated!!! the fact that it was a secret..no one knows!! can’t come to their house..he can’t even introduce me as his gf to his parents coz they are my boss as well…to cut the story short.. it’s reall complicated…
now, we’re seeing each other everyday and work together… it’s really difficult for me to move on…but that’s life,, let’s just remember that there’s always a rainbow after the rain.. cheer up peeps
let me tell you all it does get easier. I broke up with the love of my life, because he didn’t feel the same way. It has taken many months to realise that I am better on my own than in a one sided relationship. I came across this site while doing some research. It has taken me at least 6 months to get back on the dating scene again. At first I read every book going about how to cope,”he’s just not that into you” etc etc.
However the most cliched piece of advice is also the truest. Be happy with yourself first. My self confidence took a real nose dive after we split up. I blamed myself when in reality what I can now acknowledge is that it wasn’t me it was him. My family and friends got me through the hardest parts……..just by being there.
hey all – a lot of your stories really touched me and i read all of them and feel for all of you.. love is the best feeling but also the worst.. i just joined this site and i feel like finally i found a way to cope. it helps to know that you’re not alone and that we all are going through the same thing, ya know? it helps to hear your stories because for you to even talk about it, it shows me that you are all very strong!!
i dont know if you guys are even gonna check this.. cause i know its been awhile since some of u posted your stories on here.. but im curious to see how everyone is doing!!
i love the one comment by someone who at the end they said “we’re gonna be ok!!” cause we are i really do believe we are all in this together
from my experience (no offense guys but camon) most guys are assholes
it seems to me that guys say what you want to hear or even if they mean it
but then change their mind
how can they change their mind and their feelings? when i like someone, i like them i’m not obsessive about it but i just like them and wouldnt hurt them.. i hate it when guys pursue you and say “pick me” and then end up breaking ur heart.. its like whats wrong with u.. dont u see what you have.. but all of these girls and guys that we take our anger out really are horrible people to us because they CHOOSE to not be in our lives.. it doesnt matter if we text them and they say something back whether it be five minutes later or months later we get a call.. w/e it all doesnt matter.. they choose to see us miserable and hurt by them and not care enough to help us.. they say they’ll be there for u.. well what about now when they leave us.. where r they??
sorry for all the bad grammar i never type like this just tired.. but i hope we will all be able to move on.. i see my guy every other day at school and we talked today.. its too much for me.. i act chill and fine and then get in the car and break down..
love stinks!!
i am a pretty sensitive girl and i think for all of us, our FEELINGS were just hurt.. at least we have feelings are not fake like girls at my college.. but we have feelings and we are vulnerable because we chose to take that chance to see what happens and maybe find love.. we cant control how we feel as much as we want to, i really dont think we can.. i mean you can be “over it” and then you see them and talk even say like just hey whats up and then its just like u wish it could be the way it was before ya know?? why cant the person say what he used to say, do what he used to do, text me every day.. now we are left with nothing but broken promises and broken hearts!! boo!! no offense to all u guys on here but i stopped talking to a lot of guys.. i just hang with my girl friends now because theyre fine with me.. they cant break my heart.. i feel any guy reminds me of him or makes me feel bad.. it is THEIR loss they missed out on great people but i cant help but wonder if he will ever realize it.. and want me back.. but think to urself.. if he came back and told u what u wanted to hear or maybe legit said sorry and meant it.. would you REALLY HONESTLY TAKE HIM BACK ? after all he did to u that he doesnt even try to understand or care.. im not sure if all the tears are worth another shot because he missed his chance.. i guess i just want him to be sry and miss me??
love u guys.. message me whenever and we’ll talk
I’ve been reading every ones stories, and it sucks having a broken heart. My x left me a little over a month ago. I thought he’d call but he hasn’t…. He left for a stupid reason saying he wasnt breaking up just that he needed space, when he called a week later, and I asked if we could go to dinner, he broke up with me. We lived together for a year, and dated for a year prior to that…………I thought I was going to be with him for the rest of my life…when he left I got that I need to do some things for myself line…but I know he hasn’t done anything……I guess h must be done with us…..like so many of you have said I dont understand how guys can just be in love with you one minuite and the next treat you so coldly…..I admit it’s hard not calling or texting him, I did send him an email that he did not respond to…..I know someday all of us will wake up and not have a second thought about the person who broke our heart, but its this in between that really sucks. The crying and the loneliness, and for me even though my friends are here they don’t know the pain I feel.
I wish everyone well
hi everyon
I hope everyone is doing better! I have found out that my ex has not only got a new girlfriend but that they plan on having a baby together only knowing her for 4 weeks and he and i were together for 3 years. I was shocked he told me and i asked him why do you want me to know and he said because im the closest person to him. which i think is weird. I think he likes to hurt me in some way and i dont know why. He came to see me last week during his lunch hour and of course his girlfriend doesnt know about that and that he wanted to have sex. I think men can be such dogs. I hope i can trust a man again.I dont know if i can as I have seen the same thing over and over . Men can love you one minute and leave you like a cold dinner the next!
I’ve been reading all of your stories, and mine is also alike.
I was engaged, we were together for 3 years. He was part of my family.
Then out of NOWHERE he CALLED ME (didnt even had the guts to tell me in person) and broke up with me. He said he didnt love me anymore, that he was scared of growing up, that he didnt feel the same thing for me as he used to, etc.
It broke my heart, I cried for days, I just wondered what the hell did I do wrong?!
Now its been a month, and Im a lot better. Sometimes its hard not to call him, but I dont. I dont have any contact with him, and he doesnt care about me either.
I started taking classes and going to the gym and it has helped me A LOT. I seriously recommend this to you that are going through the same thing. Get distracted. It heps like crazy.
My hearts goes out to everyone of you, and remember “a man that doesnt know what he wants, doesnt deserve what he has.”
Hi everyone,
Some of the people on here i can really relate to as i am going through a similar thing at the moment with a man i love very dearly. My heart goes out also to all of those who are grieving over someone they have loved and lost, i know how you feel.
I met my guy on a dating site nearly two years ago. I’d had failed relationships in the past and a friend of mine suggested i go on a dating site as i never really went out, so it would be a good way to meet people. After several months of having the odd date, which i failed to “Have that spark with” i decided i was going to give up and come off the sites. This guy emailed me and i thought ok this will be the last one i chat to. We ended up chatting every night online then eventually met up and i instantly “Got that spark” with him. He was in the army and based 1hr 30mins away from me, but we worked the distant out and it wasn’t a problem then he was moved to another base, which was 4hrs 30mins away, but again he did most of the travelling to see me and we saw each other almost every weekend. We had a really good relationship and would laugh and joke over silly things and never argued. He has a 7 year old daughter who he brought round mine every other weekend and we got on brilliantly. He is now moving back to the original army base he was in when i first met him and has his own house near the base, which has been totally gutted and everything new is being put in. He tells me that this Friday coming (16/10/09) he is going out with his best mate and his girlfriend plus another girl and i have no say in it. He says she is just a friend, but i have never met any of these people. He has met all my friends including a male friend i have known for 20 years and is married who he gets on well with. I ended it with him on Monday night this week because i just couldn’t accept him going out in a foursome and not even taking my feelings into consideration. He sent me txt messages that night saying i should trust him and i wasn’t living in the real world. I do live in the real world and don’t think it is normal for a partner to go out in a foursome. I have not heard from him since Monday night and i am devasted that one minute we are getting on really well then the next he doesn’t care. I feel his friend that he is going out with is a bad influence, but then my partner is old enough to make his own mind up and he doesn’t feel he is. He has had two failed marraiges in the past (the second divorce will be going through in June/July next year as he has done the two year seperation first. She has met someone whom she is living with and they have a child together, so it is definatley over with her). What hurts me most is he see’s no wrong in going out this Friday with these people and doesn’t care that i am totally devasted and upset. Can i just say in the last 21 months i have never questioned him about when he goes out or ever put any demands on him, i just feel he is being unreasonable over this Friday. Please can someone tell me if they think i’m being pathetic???? I love him so much i have had to take time off work as i just can’t cope.
hi susan
im sorry to read that because you sound like your really in love and it hurts. I think hes being insensitive and it does sound like hes going on a date/ I think your right to have your doubts about him. some men can never settle down for long. hes been married twice. that should tell you something. He obvisously likes to move on before it gets too serious. its not you. its him. I have met someone online, just chatting. we havnt met in person. I am just getting over things with my last relationship where i got dumped so im in no hurry to get back in another one . Men can be real jerks!!, i hope that things work out for you
Many thanks for your comment Ange. Since i wrote this yesterday i spoke to him last night on the phone and we chatted for nearly 3 hours. Apparently now there is a group of them going out Friday night and the woman is an ex girlfriend ( my guy doesn’t fancy her at all, so he says) of the guy he is going out with, he’s not taking his partner. Anyway this is what i’m being told by my guy. Also for him to move on my guy joined another dating site yesterday (he got over me very quickly)!! He says he just went on it to chat to people, but will come off it today as he doesn’t want us to end it. I really don’t know what to do. I love him very dearly and don’t want us to finish, but how can i trust him? It’s very difficult having a long distant relationship, it’s hard work and you do have to trust each other, which i have done until now. He is phoning me tonight, so will see how it goes and if we decide to give it another go then i will just take it one day at a time and if it doesn’t work then i will move on, it will be difficult, but i will get there. I’m sorry about your relationship, it must have hurt you terribly. It takes a while to move on, but you will get there. Time is a great healer!! Take care Ange x
Well i know my story is kinda different but i feel bad for you.. i agree with you, men can be idiots, lack of expressing feelings, or just stupid reasons. Like my last boyfriend, we broke up almost five times, and got back together. He made my world go round, every morning i called him, we spoke until 5am than we went to sleep, we hung out al the time, forgetting college, not caring, just being together, but enough is enough, for you i’d say just well… honestly try to forget him, yea it’ll be hard, like listen:
when i was 17, i started dating this guy, Cory. We loved each other unconditionally, nobody could get in our way. Our friends didn’t like us going out, so we forgot about them and only were together. We spent every second together, anytme we could talk we did, anything we would do, would be together, we dated until i was 19…. I’m 22 btw, so yea im still not over it.
) He got a entire crew, he drove it into the most beautiful bay, with the stars shining, a small town was see-able from the front of the boat. there was a bed, on the bow of the boat, he prepared dinner for me, and did everything a man should do, well in this case at least. We spent a entire day on it, with the entire crew. At around 11 pm at night, we laid next to each other staring at the stars, talking. Talking abou what we could be, and what we could do, children, all the stuff. It was so romantic… He was playing with my hair which made me smile, and than i roled to my side to face him, and he was lookinginto my eyes, with such passion. You could feel love in his eyes, just looking at him, he had such a cute, innocent look to him, like you just wanna kiss him, he was a handsome guy, and well he started to kiss my lips, for a few minutes, than got up and pulled me up standing on the boat. He got on his knees, and he proposed to me, with the prettiest ring i ever saw in my life, i almost fell into the water of shock but he caught me before i did. I stuttered for a second than said yes.
Well continueing, two years after we started dating, he took me to the most romantic place on the planet… He bought a yahct (Dont know spelling
two weeks before the wedding(We’ve been planning it for the past month/2 months after he proposed/)
He loved fishing, mostly in the artic (I lived in NYC so yea a few day trip (Or weeks idk) Usually my dad and him and my brother went fishin, maybe every few weekends, it was nice to see my family bond with my soon to be husband, but i missed him, i always visited my mom cause i knew she was lonely too, and i loved her cause she made me happy when i was sad.
I was sleeping in the guest room, when i hear doors opening, i guessed the boys were back, i was waiting for cory to come in and lay next to me hugging me, but it never happened, so i listened silently. I heard my mom talking and asking something, i was guessiong where cory was, my dad sounded tear-ful, talking to her, my mom almost screamed and started to cry, which is when i jumped out, wearing almost nothing, ran downstairs, and asked…. “Why are you crying mom?” My dad couldn’t bear to look me in the eyes.. he took me into the back room, and told me… Cory, while fishing, died. he fell into the freezing water, and before they could get him out, he died of freezing, well im no doctor but im gonna say his heart couldn’t keep his body warm enough to surport his organs and such so they shut down…… after that i even tried to kill myself. to this day, every night, i cry. even if i have a boyfriend, i cry, i dont tell them why, i just do… Its akward to visit my parents now, since well you know… well thats all i have to say
hi susan
I havnt been on this site for awhile. how are things going with your boyfriend. did you find a solution? as for me i am over peter now. I have been txting him back when he texts me but its just how are you ect. I have accepted he moved in with his girlfriend and that he doesnt miss me anymore . I think the new girl helps them move on quicker thats why they jump in fast.. I dont think guys like being alone either. I am however very cautious now as I dont think i want to get hurt again for a while, I ask myself who can you trust? all guys seem to do is lie and tell you things just to make you happy and really its more about them and what they want. I might have become cynical lol. i hope i can have more hope again . I hope things work out susan , I really want to believe that all men arnt pigs and users lol
I really wish I could say that I don’t understand and never will, because I honestly never thought i’d never feel this way, but I recently went through something very, very similar, and I understand.
My boyfriend of over a year, whom I trusted with my life, left me without much reason and had a new girlfriend three days later. My friends came to my house and helped me put all the things that reminded me of him in a box so I didn’t have to wake up every day and think about it instantly, but it helps only marginally. There are so many things that remind me of him that its impossible to remove all of them. From the food I eat to the new movies coming out we’d planned to see together, I miss him so bad I can’t believe how much pain i’m in. He sounds like your guy. He’s not the same person I fell in love with, and I don’t think he ever will be again, but I can’t stop loving that guy and hoping he’ll come back.
Its been about three weeks and I still talk to him almost every day. I know I appear desperate but its like an addiction. Even if he’s mean to me, just hearing his voice is enough to erase my pain for a few minutes and its worth it to hurt worse afterwards. All I hear is that he’ll never come back to me unless I let him go. I don’t know if that’s true or not, and that’s what hurts. I don’t know if letting him go with allow him to throw everything into a new relationship forget about me, or if leaving him alone will make him miss me. So i’m stuck in limbo, still talking to him and letting him hurt me more and hoping that during one of these conversations i’ll stumble upon the magic words and he’ll suddenly want me back.
I’m willing to change everything for him. We’ve gone over our problems and basically solved all of them, and if he’d said anything to me before hand, if we’d talked about this while we were still together — if he’d just had the balls to bring it up to me just once without sugarcoating it, we’d still be together. I’d probably be on the phone with him right now, arguing over who loves who more instead of trying to find the answer to my suffering via google.
hi liz
my email is angel_chch@hotmail.com if you need a friend
you sound so much like me when I my ex first told me he didnt want to be with me anymore, we had been together 3 years and I admit things wernt always great and I could have done things differently but i think you will get to the stage where I am now, and it takes time.,everyone is different. we all hurt and find different ways to cope. I tried like you to hold onto him and make changes to myself because i couldnt imagine my life without him in it. I felt so empty and alone and sometimes i still do. Its been a year since we broke up but really only a few months since i stopped seeing him altogether., he has met someone else thats why. He was happy to see me once a week before that and i was so desparate to see him i settled for that convincing myself that he still loved me even though his actions said otherwise. He did love me very much once and i always thought he would. I know now that he really doesnt and I have accepted that i might never even see him again. I stopped txting him and he does txt me occasionally but my heart doesnt skip a beat anymore reading more into it than there is as I know that hes moved on and need to find myself and love myself more. I havnt healed fully and i will always want what i had with him which was a great friend. and everything you could want in a partner. I hope that you heal quickly and not think its anything youve done, it is just the way it goes sometimes. It hurts and its awful. He might be the next one to get dumped. life has a funny way of returning favours
well my ex and i dated for 3 years…two years into things changed. He started acting differently and not doing things the same. He started making excuses not to see me, then everything became more important than me. I moved to Florida from Louisiana cause we had been long distance and i wanted to be near him. I still to this day blame myself for letting him into my life in the first place. He always promised he was “different” and he would “hurt me” yeah right is what i think now. The clues about him changing were all there but it took me until now to realize it. Eventhough he shattered my heart I dont understand how i can still love him. I cry myself to sleep constantly every night. It has been 4 months and im still in love with him more than ever. I guess like my friend said, ” you miss who he was, not who he is.” I guess I just dont understand how everything we did, could just get washed away in a matter of months. I unfortunately will always love him because he was my first for everything
It’s the worst feeling in the world. I am with my boyfriend right now…but the past and the present have been rough. We started dating in our senior year of high school, we are going on three years in December. We had a rough start, jealousy (from him and others around us) caused rumors I had cheated when I had not. We broke up, got back together and moved on. For months we were happy with only the little tiffs that everyone has. Then, right before the summer ended and he had to go back to his college (we go to different ones only about an hour apart) he told me he had cheated. He said it was during the time we had “broken up” but during that time we still kissed, still saw each other every day, still said I love you. The worst part is I had awoken that night for no apparent reason and called him to make sure everything was alright. He lied and said I’d woken him up, everything was fine and he loved me. The whole time we were on the phone he was laying next to another woman. He seemed so truly remorseful, crying, repeating how much he loved me, etc. That I forgave him. That was almost a year and a half ago. I have almost completely gotten over the incident but….He has cheated on me again and not confessed. About 6 months ago. I am trying to forgive him because I know he is confused being at college and away from me…but recently he has been saying he wants to go out and party. Not worry about me worrying about him. He rarely answers when I call and I never know what he is doing, where he is, or who he is with. I don’t mean to sound controlling, trust me I’m not, but in a long distance relationship it is necessary to communicate to some extent. I know we are on the verge of breaking up and some parts of me want to do it myself…but I can’t. I love him so truly…I can’t bring myself to do it. He means the world to me…more than the world. However he treats me like crap. He puts his friends first and he has changed. I’m in love with him…but I’m not sure he is in love with me anymore.
My love and support goes out to all of you in similar situations. <3
well lili, all i have to say is be careful. do not let a guy treat u like crap, trust me it will bite u in the ass later. my best friend is going through a similiar situation and i tell her the same thing. i know you love him, but honestly u love the idea of him. u dont miss him, u miss who he used to be. i dont mean to get ur hopes up, but usually cheaters never change. You are not controlling at all, if he has cheated u have full right to feel the way you do. he should respect what you tell him and do as you say. if he loves you as much as he says he does, he will not do things if u tell him not to. He needs to understand that cheating is NEVER ok. dont let him get away with it, the more you do, the more it will happen. Just know if u need to talk im always here.
Thank you so much for the support <3 It is nice to know that people are there.
Hello everyone!
I really need help or advice frm sumone! I’ve been datin dis guy for two years now and tomm is our2nd year anni! He is da best guy ever we love each other like crazy! The first tym I met him ws in high school we bumped into each other nd frm dat bump I felt my heart missed a beat it ws love frm first sight although I didn’t really believe in it! We talked onda fone 2 nights after and got to know each other and then went on a date a week after everythng in my life ws amazin nd I ws havin da best time of my life!! I started fallin in deeep love wid him!and he did too! I then introduced him to my family although my family ws not so ok with these things bt I still did and brought him to da house to meet them! He made me meet his mom and brothers and sisters! We went out one day and told me he wants to get married and spend his whole life wid me! He talked to my mom bout it bt my dad ws not ok wid it as we r nt frm da same country or culture! I fought wid all my family memebers tellin dem I won’t gt married to anyone except him until they finally accepted! Then he started stoppin me frm partying and goin out wid my male and female frnds until it reached a limit in which I ws nt allowed to go out at all unless it ws wid him! It ws so hard for me to do nothin in my life! I really wanna go out and have some fun! Plus its nt dat I see him everyday! We see each other mayb once or thrice a week max! It ws so much pressure on me and keeps on sayin dat u should do dat if u wnt us to gt married coz I cnt marry a gal who is so free and cares about her entrtainment more than anythng! I gave hime everythng I even lost my virginity wid him! Da first year ws amazin bt all da fights started frm da second year! We always had fights and arguements nd we break up and make up everytym! It really breaks my heart coz am soo in love wid him and can’t let go of him! Yesterday we had a fight nd he said its over! He always say its over nd den call me da same day or da next day ( btw we have to talk to each other onda fone everyday and he talks to me until I sleep everynight) bt this tym its diffrent for me I wnt him bt at da same time I can’t live dis way cause am into serious depression frm da rules he is givin me I dnt wnt thngs to be this way! Am really confused bt the thing is dat am 100% sure dat I wnt him in my life! Wen I go out with my frnds he fights wid me and cums to take me frm where ever I am and breaks my heart and wen I give up and go bak him he calls me and talks as if nuthn happened! Wat shall I do to make things change am nt comfortable at all and I can’t take it bt I love him nd hopin to spend the rest of my life wid him!
hi riri
I just read your email. Im sorry your going through this, its kind of a common thing to happen when your younge and its your first serious relationship and you will probably think you could never get over this guy . Im not going to tell you what you should do but I will tell you that if your not happy then something has to change and the only person in your life who can make that happen is you. He might never change and if hes not willing to compromise and let you have some freedom you will grow tired of that and your feelings will change. I know because its happened to me. If someone is so controlling they have to tell you you cant see your friends then something is wrong with them and they have to much control. I hope things work out for you, ange
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