Type of Relationship: Serious Dating
Status: Hoping to love again
It all started my Sophomore year of college. I had other relationships prior to this one, but when they ended I cried for a week, forgot about the guy, and moved on. This story ends differently.
Brian and I met at a party on Febuary 18th 2006 (it drives me crazy that I remember all these details). The night we met was literally a fairy tale. I remember the ridiculous butterflies, the intense nerves and after talking all night and him finally putting his hand on my neck I had fallen in love. It only took hours for me to feel the rush of falling in love.
The next few weeks were spent together. I barely saw my friends, and barely did homework or focused on the many clubs I was involved in. Brian consumed me. However, over the next few months the red flags started to flare. Brian hated his mother for divorcing his father and marrying someone he didn’t like. Brian was the victim of a split family, each valuing different things – his mother valued being down to earth, family, hard work, and not spoiling her kids. Brian’s father and his new wife valued material things, money, and all things (in my opinion) that should be of little value when raising children. As a result, Brian always thought he had a rough childhood when in reality he was just a brat who couldn’t appreciate anything-including me it turned out.
We dated for 3 years and I still have the love songs he wrote me, the cards he sent me, the memories, the pictures. Things went sour Senior year when Brian decided our relationship didn’t matter anymore- that his friends were all important and I was second rate. I should have seen the signs but I ignored them – perfect example of freewill vs. fate.
I loved him more than I have ever loved another human being. He broke up with me without notice or reason, claiming we were too young to be so serious and then found a new girlfriend 2 weeks later, with whom he is still with. I am in so much pain and it’s been almost a year. I don’t miss him anymore, but I miss the Brian I fell in love with 2 years ago, not the one that he is now. I have dated other people but nothing compares to the feelings I had. I hope that I am lucky enough to get a second chance.
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Hi Riri,
I totally agree with Ange. It is a common thing when you are young to fall madly and deeply in love with someone and can’t imagine your life without them. If he is your first love then it can be very painful, but i can asure you there is life after this guy and one day you will understand that. I was 15 when i fell in love for the first time and couldn’t imagine being with anyone else. We were together for 6 years and in the 5th year got engaged, but he was also very jealous and posessive and i wasn’t allowed to talk to other guys or go out with friends and spent all my time with him and why did i put up with it…….cause i loved him. Gradually though i started to resent him as i’d missed out on my young years of going out with friends and enjoying my teenage years and eventually he pushed me away and i just didn’t love him anymore, so i ended it and started to enjoy life. He was devasted, but eventually he met someone and moved on. If you love this guy then stay with him (as i can tell you are just not ready to end it just yet) and maybe one day you will wake up and say to yourself i just don’t love him anymore. You need to find that inner strength to end it and i truly believe from the way things are, it won’t be long. We all change as we get older and want different things in life and you will also. If you had a child wouldn’t you want your child to have the best things in life?? Well, you are that child, so start putting yourself first and give yourself the best things in life….You deserve it!! You will love again, trust me! Take care and i wish you all the best. xx
Hey trudy!
I jst hope things will be fine!! Btw this is my email we can talk if u want : dirty_angel_9@hotmail.com. Thanks soo much again!!!
Thankkks soo much for considering me! U really made me feel better although I cried while readin ur comment! I really appriciate it that u gave time to read and reply! Everythng is amazing now I put my rules and ws strong I told him I cnt jst lsn to wateva he says although it ws hard coz I thought he would jst leave bt he called me today and talked about it and found a solution to satisfy both sides as well as we r gonna celebrate our second year anniverssary today!!
Hey ange!
I really thank u a lot for ur advice and da fact dat u had tym to answer back! U made me feel better and all of u did! Everythng is perfect now I stoped beein weak nd I had da strength to tell him dat I cnt take his rules although I ws scared dat will push him away! It did for a day bt then he called me and we found a solution to satisfy both sides! Am happy now and hope things will stay dis way! Ange I will ad u on mssnger I gt ur email frm ur last comments if u dnt mind! Love to all!
hi riri
your welcome and im really happy that you have come to a compromise with him, I wish you all the best…its really good you stood up for yourself because it ususally works lol, he came running to you !!xxx
Hi Riri,
Glad you have sorted things with your partner. Remember the old saying “Treat them mean, keep them keen”, it normally works, although you don’t have to be mean, just stand your ground and he will respect you more for it if you do. Don’t let him walk over you, your not a doormat! I wish you every happiness in the future. I have sent you my email if you ever want to chat. Take care of yourself xx
I’ve read your stories and I know that I’m not alone in this battle of mending a broken heart. I wasn’t looking for love, I wasn’t planning on falling for anyone but he came and it changed everything. We dated for a year and 8 months. He said he loves me, wants to be with me forever, he wants us to start a family, that I mean the world to him, he said no one could ever replace me in his heart…he said we’re perfect for each other and I believed him. He broke up with me the day before my birthday because I wasn’t able to be with him..We sort of got back together after a week. I am battling with depression and it got the best of me and tried to do something stupid.. (I had reasons why I believed trying to end my life is the better way..) He refused to understand it and I don’t really expect him to. He said that I’m messed up in the head and that I should seek help. He said goodbye for the last time. He said he hates me and told me to leave him alone. He replaced me 2 weeks after. He said that he found someone that makes him happy. It was like, he didn’t need me anymore so he doesn’t give a damn. I mean I understand if he is mad at me for acting stupid but how could he not love me anymore within 2 weeks? It hurts like hell. I begged and pleaded to him but he ignored me completely. He left me when I needed him the most. I asked for forgiveness but he just looked the other way and pretended not to hear. How could he get a new girlfriend within 2 weeks time, when he said that he doesn’t want to have a relationship if its not with me? How can he be so cold-hearted? I hate myself for falling in love with him. I shouldn’t have. Right now, I still think about him all the time. I still cry every time I think about him being with someone else. Yesterday a part of me was thinking, I hope they break up. The other part is like “that’s mean” and I try to tell myself that I should be happy for him but every time I think about it, it makes me want to have a panic attack. It’s depressing to be honest. Sometimes I can’t help but sms him or send him a message over facebook because I miss him so much. Yeah I’ve been acting like a fool ever since. The day he changed his relationship status on facebook from single to in a relationship, it made me cry. I can’t seem to remove him as a friend because I know I would regret it. I asked him to do it instead. He didn’t. He is still ignoring me but rubbing it on my face that he has moved on and is with someone else. I don’t know what is wrong with me. I can’t let go. If he lives nearby, I would probably be stalking him already.
I never imagined myself being like this for a guy. I didn’t do this with my ex. I easily forgot the guy but with him it’s like no one else could love me like he did. I hate myself for not being able to let go and move on.
I pray for the day when my heart no longer hurts.
Hey Miracle
I just read your story and I feel badly for you and I know the pain is awful. My ex broke up with me a week before my birthday as well and it was a shock as I always thought we would be together and be able to work through our problems but he made up his mind and met someone else who he is still with now. He didnt meet her straight away and we were still seeing each other even after we had broke up which gave me false hope that he would change his mind and have me back but it never happened. He used to say i would always be in his heart. he would always love me and always keep in contact with me no matter who came along. That hasnt happened either. He has forgotten me now and i still havnt forgot him and i wish i would as it would make life a lot easier. I dont think I will ever love that way again. I didnt expect it and i didnt think it would end like that either.
he rubs it in my face too. there are pics of them together on facebook and he took her to the same places he and I used to go and take pics of each other. I think its mean and in a way sadistic and I dont understand it. I pray your heart heals and you meet someone worth your love. and pray for me too
ange
angej,
thank you so much! i’ll be praying for you and all of us who are suffering right now with a broken heart. what hurts is he said we could be best of friends and now we can’t even be friends. I’ve been beating myself up with what ifs, what if I didn’t act stupid, what if I went to see him on my birthday even if I was sick, it hurts. It hurts that for him I’m just another face in the crowd and not the girl he loves. he hasn’t posted any pictures, i don’t know what i would do if he did. i actually deactivated my fb account for the meantime because i’ve been obsessing about it i must admit. they say time is the only healer but i’m like stuck in a loop that i keep on coming back from the beginning and the pain is doubled. there are days i wish he would come back but i know i’m just prolonging the pain and delaying the healing process. my mind is telling me that but my heart just won’t cooperate
dear miracle
I am feeling what you feel and he told me exact same thing. I will always be your best friend he said, well so much for that lie lol. It has been a bit longer for me so i am healing slowly but it will take awhile if i ever think of getting with a guy again as I dont want to go through this pain again, its too much. I hate thinking about him as you do aswell but he always seems to pop up in my head all the time. I’m pretty sure i saw him yesterday driving his girlfriend in a car on my way to work which makes me think, can i ever escape this guy lol. hes like a weight im carrying around and i really dont want it anymore. I pray you and I both get over these jerks fast!! and that we dont think our life is over because its not. Im sure you are younge and pretty and have a great future ahead of you dear. I am older and have children so I may not have the chance again to have love. I wish you all the blessings.
love ange
ps my msn angel_chch@hotmail.com
I am so glad I found this site. Just a little while ago I felt like the only person in the world with a story like mine. Now at least I feel somewhat better about the pain I’m experiencing.
We first met when we were 5 years old. He would always be at the Play-Doh table, turning the cap upside down in the Play-Doh so the face on the cap would imprint. After Kindergarten, I never saw him again until 3rd grade, and well, I guess you could say it was love at first sight. He would abandon the boys to sit with me at lunch, we played together during recess (which was actually more like walking around the playground, hand in hand and talking about typical 8 year old things). I always had problems with bad asthma, and whenever it would flair up, he would brush my hair out of my eyes, and put my head on his shoulder and walk me around. And now I look back in amazement at the fact that he actually could make me defeat the symptoms by doing this. He was my best friend. Our teacher even told our moms at one point that we were soul mates.
The school we were at fell into disarray, and I had to leave. We lost contact for about 6 years, but when it resumed we were as good of friends as we were before. I wasn’t allowed to date in my early teens, or even hang out with boys except on Windows messenger for that matter, so that caused us to lose contact again. However, through all these intermissions, our feelings never changed for each other.
Last year around Thanksgiving, I heard from him again, and that’s when finally expressed our feelings. We were 17. It was a long distance relationship, but I had never felt so much happiness in my entire life as I did when I was “with” him. He was destined for the United States Marines, and I was ever so proud to say that someday my man would serve the Flag. Each night he would call and leave me special voicemails that I could listen to whenever I was feeling down. I tried to be as supportive as I possibly could given our situation. It was pure bliss. At his school, he wore my heart on his sleeve, and complete strangers knew who I was before I knew them, lol! He didn’t have to ask me how he should propose to me, either – he informally did so over the phone last Christmas (because he knew it’s my favorite time of year). He would always answer the phone with a very suave, “Hello lovely!” Always the gentlemen to me he was – very chivalrous. He was smart, caring, funny, but then one day he all of a sudden changed.
The love of my life, my soulmate, just started to ignore me a few weeks before boot camp. He wouldn’t reply to my emails, wouldn’t return my phone calls, nothing. I found out through the grapevine that he even had another girlfriend a few days before leaving! How could this boy have been so callous? How could he have just abandoned everything that we had built for the last 15 years? There were no red flags, no explanations as to why it was over, and I’m left without closure.
It’s been almost 6 months for me now, and the pain is still unbearable. I am only able to mask it whenever my college courses are in session. I still have his special voicemails, his emails, the hairclips he gave me on my 9th birthday, his photos. Everything. I hope he is happy in life, but I just can’t bear to forget him. I love him; I’m not angry at him, and part of me is convinced that there’s more to it. None of his friends or family can tell me what happened, and all who knew us in elementary school are just shocked beyond all reason.
I don’t want to forget – or at least not forget the boy I first fell “in love” with. But, I do want to get rid of this pain. Many people say that “love” at 18 isn’t grounded in anything concrete; I beg to differ. The pain in my chest is real, the void in my soul is real, so is the knot in my stomach, and my tears fall like rain. The world constantly reminds me of him, and there is nothing I can do. How long does it take? What can I do?
I’m kind of glad in a way to know that i’m not the only one that feels this horrible insatiable pain.
My ex boyfriend and I met when I was 16, and it was love at first sight. Today was actually supposed to be our two year anniversary. We broke up about two weeks ago. For the first year everything was great. Sure we had some pretty bad fights, but he was one of those guys that had a real bad temper. And I tried to put up with it, tried to talk things out and make things better. We both tried. He used to tell me that I was the most beautiful girl he had ever seen, he has asked me to spend the rest of my life with him and I had agreed. His parents were even buying us an apartment and we were to move in together in February. But then we had a stupid argument that turned into him ignoring me and I got really upset and sent him a mean text. The next day he broke up with me through a text message. I asked to talk to him in person, and for a week every day he kept being like “Oh actually I have something to do, can we just talk tomorrow?” Until one day he called and said he didn’t want to talk to me, and would only talk to me if i met him at that moment, but it was early in the morning and i was in a different city and i felt like he was just playing games with me so I told him i wouldn’t. I regret it so dearly. He’s now met somebody else “who really appreciates him and would never treat him as badly as I did”. He played so many games with me. I’ve never been this low in my life. I continue to beg him to give me another chance that i’d be willing to do anything to make our relationship work and he just keeps turning me down. I have serious depression and anxiety problems and this has been incredibly difficult. i know im not doing myself any good by bothering him but i dont know what else to do.
hi becca
I read your story just now, i wanted to encourage you and let you know that its not your fault this happened, you are beautiful. He sounds like hes not ready for a serious relationship and hes made excuses not to speak with you. Its not you. Its because your so younge and it hurts but it will get better and you will meet the right guy when your ready to. Try to think positive and dont beat yourself up ok as hard as it is not to do that. I think your lucky to get away from him, he sounds like a selfish person not to even speak with you in person about it,ange
Ange,
Thank you so much for your kind words. I realize that as wrong as it was of me to say things I didn’t mean when angry, it doens’t excuse him being 20x as mean and breaking my heart. It just shows what kind of a person he really is, and what he’s capable of. Like the title of this page says, “I should have seen the signs, but ignored them.” But I know things will be okay. I have tremendous support from my friends and family, and I know I just need time to recouperate. It makes me really glad to have access to websites like these so we know we’re not alone in our heartache. I finally realize this is time to let him go, and I know something even better will come into my path.
that help me out alot i was in a relationship for the last 3year and i could relate to the whole story
i am rily in pain!i have been in a relaship for three years but as u all know;in every relationship dre r ups en down en i av rily exprncd dat…all i wnt u 2do 4me z 2help me get bck wit him cuz i thnk i cn’t live witot him z de oly guy i av eva loved. the more i try 2 4get abot him the more i thnk of him
Hey,
This website has made me realise i am not the only one in the world in this pain and i am truly grateful for this.
Me an my ex met when i was 16. I was with him for two years. I fell in love with him so quickly and i knew this was dangerous for me. I had a history with depression.
At first it was true bliss, everything about him seemed do perfect. We met a couple of days before my birthday. He was everything i ever wanted for the first 6 months. I was infatuated. A true fairytale…. or so i thought.
Things started suddenly going down hill. i know that it is partly my fault. This is because i am such a jealous and paranoid person. He started seeing his ex. only with groups of friends. It killed me. He wasn’t a confident person around other girls but with her it was different. From then i knew something was wrong. for 12 months i heard rumours about them. I was oblivious to it. Still infatuated. He would go out and drink and end up at her house with other friends. I tried to stop him from seeing her and for a while it worked. But then he started refusing. I then heard they slept together from the girls sister. I felt like my whole life had been taken away from me. Is anything worth it without him??!! The worst part is that he denies everything and still claims he loves me. But i know truly he doesn’t. His love could never match what i feel for him. He’s to obsessed with his friends. I know truly we don’t match. I am intelligent and persevere with everything whereas he is the laid back type. its been 6 weeks since we broke up. My depression has come back and i feel like theres no point in my life anymore, I’m so lonely without him. I don’t know what to do anymore. Nothing seems woth it. I’ve never loved someone nearly as much as him. Its killing me slowly. I don’t know what to do with myself.
I need to learn how to let him go.
Dear Anne,
Yes you are indeed not alone. I battle with depression too and anxiety. He broke my heart right before my birthday and I was already suffering from depression. He left and pushed me even more into the lowest level. I wanted to die. I wanted to harm myself. Friends told me that killing myself would just give him the satisfaction knowing that he has power over me but it won’t change the fact that he left me for someone else. I thought I am going to die without him, it’s been 3 months since that horrible day. I can still feel the pain but I can say that it’s not that unbearable unlike before. It took me months to stop obsessing about him (communicating, begging him to come back..oh yes I did). I miss him, I still cry every now and then but I know there is life after him. Slowly I am getting into acceptance stage. Time does heal. Hang in there. We can do this.
Take care.
why is it so hard to forget about him????
we met in 6th grade. i hated him so much. we were like enemies trying to make our lives impossible. 7th grade came and i remember praying to god that he wasn’t in my class room.(he ended-up in my class room)lol. to make the story short we started talking and became friends. when 8th grand started he was in my class again! we were still friends, but when 8th grade was ending he asked me out. i felt so happy. i had a kool-ade smile from ear to ear. i was the happiest girl. we were both in the same high school, and still going out. Then it happened, he broke up with me after 2 years of going out. we went out again but he broke up with me again. we were still talking but now all he does is ignore me and i know he has a girlfriend. i texted him so many times and no response. he told me he loved me, that we will be friends for ever, that he will always he me in his heart. blah blah blah. he told me every thing from how to break a girls heart guide book.
i mean yeah we had our ups and downs. everyone does. we had been through so much. how could he forget me and be with someone else. even though he would get me mad, sad, even jealous he is still in my mind. theirs times i think of him and start to cry because i know he is not with me, but with someone else.
i think to myself i wont be able to love someone else. or that no one will ever love me. i have had other boys, but at the end of the day i still want him.
i just hope i can find love again and be happy.
Hi Kim,
I sympathise with your situation and know it must be very difficult for you to love someone so much knowing they don’t love you and have moved on in their life. I am 43 years old and have loved a few times and been hurt or i have fallen out of love with them, it’s never easy, but you do cope.
The only way you will ever move on to love again is if you let him go. Let him see you are getting on with your life and are happier without him, even if your not, it will make him think. Alot of men tell you after a split that they still love you just to keep you hanging there incase the new relationship doesn’t work, don’t believe any of it!!!You will probably never stop loving him, but day by day the pain will get less and eventually you won’t be hurting anymore.
There is someone out there for you, but if you have a barrier up and won’t let anyone in then i’m afraid you will end up very lonely. No one is saying you won’t be hurt again, but it will make you stronger and you will be able to deal with it better.
I hope things work out for you Kim. You sound a lovely person and next time you look at yourself in the mirror just say to yourself, it’s his loss!!!!
Remember how the saying goes …….Better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all.
Take Care
Trudy xx
hi kim,
I can somehow relate to you. My ex, he left me too for someone else. I texted, emailed, sent him a letter but nothing, he completely ignored me because according to him he found someone who makes him happy. I thought I was becoming obsessed since I can’t get an answer from him, and then one day I just got tired. I stopped talking to him or even attempting to get his attention. Just like you, me and most of us here, when I get to think about him, I cry too. Whenever thoughts of him and his new gf flood my mind, it hurts. I tried to get busy but at the end of the day, I get very sad knowing that he isn’t with me. It took me about 2 months before I can pull myself together. I must admit, I haven’t fully accepted it but I think I’m getting there. Be strong. Hang in there. It does take time but it would feel less and less pain until it’s gone. *hugs*
Hi all..
I’m glad to found this site too..
I am a male.. and it make me feel stupid for what i did to my gf. She was really in love with me. I told her that i would propose her, and marry her.. she was happy with it. We spent the almost all days together… She was so possessive, I even can’t chat for so long or hanging out with my friends. At first It was okay for me.. But then I’ve got a family trouble, and it seems that we can’t be together. It makes me frustated.. and at that time i started to angry or yelled to her when she became so possessive, My words are so mean.. and sometimes i wanted to leave her.. but she keep texting me, or come to my house, even kissed my feet.. I really don’t want she did that.. I just want she knew the fact that we can be together because we are “different”. Being with me is a trouble for her. But I always come back for her, because I love her so much.. so much that i always imagine that she will become my wife. I knew that she has nobody to share her days but me.. But then I told her to have some friends, and I helped her, introduced her with some of my friends.. Because I sometimes mad at her and become so mean.. she sometimes tell what her feel with a particular friend of mine. They become so close. And I told her not to so close. She Said Yes..
Then the day comes when she said NO to me.. It was when they become so close to each other.. Now i’m just the guy equals with him.
She even don’t love me that much like yesterday, That is hurt like hell..
She said she still love me. But I know now it’s different. Her messages, Her attention, Her facebook page etc..are just too different.. No matter what, I still love her! I always think that she must be my wife.. I can’t get her out of my mind. I meet her everyday on work. Sometimes I cried.. Why we are “different”.
I know that, i did really big mistakes on the past.. but i never NOT loved her..even when i said it in my mouth. or even when I said that “I’m honest to say not love you”.. It was because I care about her.. not because i felt it.
Now it leaves me with memories.. Every places around me, remind me of her. I feel hurt when i think of her because then i think how that we can’t be together. I don’t want to remove her. But I don’t want to stay with this pain for so long..
wel cweetart i wud jst lyk 2 tel u in short if ur luv is true den he wil surely return 2 u…true luv nvr goes awaste…got it….
I meet my first (and only so far) love when I studied in Shanghai. I was the one that first got interested in him and I would try to find reasons to talk to him, find out what he liked ect. Eventually we started hanging out more and after a couple of weeks he told me he liked me. I coudn’t have been happier! After that we started hanging out everday. We had a lot common interests like music and could barely keep our hands from each other when we where alone! (we where both living in a dormitory with seperate boys/girls floor with roomates) I guess we had a little communication problems because he’s from japan and I’m from sweden so we had to use dictionarys sometimes but that was not a big problem. He would say that it was destiny that we meet and that he loved me. We would talk about finding jobs in Shanghai and live togther. But my mom wanted me to go back and help her work in her restaurant cause she had to go through an operation. I really didn’t want to leave him but agreed to help her until she recovered (which would take about 6 months). The day before my flight we both cried so much. He was like; what will I do without you? Back in sweden I missed him so much. I thought about him everday. We only communicated through msn sometimes talking on webbcam but mostly writing. But I had to work everyday because there was a lack of waitresses and there was a time difference of 7h so I tried to chat with him during brakes but during weekends I could barely chat with him at all cause he would go out with his friends and I would be to busy working. After 4 months I noticed that he stoped write things like I miss u and I love this made me a little sad but I didn’t think there was a problem I mean we would meet soon right? I was already planing to go back. But then just a couple of days after Christmas he wrote: “I think we should brake up” I was devastated! My whole body got cold. I coudn’t belive what he was writing! I asked him why? and he told me that he gradually had found it bothersome to chat with me cause I was only working so he’s feelings for me had changed, he didn’t love me anymore and there was nothing I could do about it. Had he told me earlier I would have taken the first plane I could find to Shanghai. I understand that feelings fade when u don’t see eachother But I’m sure that he’s feelings for me would return if we would meet person to person but he don’t think it’s a good idea. He even told me that there’s some one else he’s interested in now. It brakes my heart to imagine him with another girl. Did I mean that little to him? I thought about him everyday and still do. It’s been about 4 weeks after his brake up and I haven’t written to him at all he thinks it’s best this way.He wants to end all ties but I don’t want to. Miss him…will I never be able to hold him in my arms again? I’m seriously thinking about going back to Shanghai to meet him but if he don’t want to or if I see him with somebodey else I’ll look like a total fool. I blame my mom , I wish I would have choosen not to help her even if she would have hated me. I would have done anything for him, he really feelt like Mr right and I’m still clinging to the thought that we can get together again. We didn’t date that long, about 6months but those months was the best days of my life. What should I do? Feels like he’s just giving it all up…I hate being this depressed all the time…
Hey im emily, ok Ying, you may think im crazy. but my best advice is for you to let him go now, before it hurts even more. You deserve a lot better and dont deserve to be treated like crap. If he wants to let you go that is his mistake and his loss, not yours. I went through something similar about 6 months ago, he left me and I could not let go, but realized i had to. But if you need me, my email is ekieffer26@gmail.com
Hi everyone, update about my story….you see my ex completely ignored me for 2 whole months after he broke my heart…I got depressed and everything. Last December (2009), it came to the point that I got tired already…I told myself “he gave up on me and he isn’t coming back”. I had a feeling that I am ready to move on…finally. January 2nd, he sent me a text message. Of course that was a surprise. After ignoring me, here he is again…as much as I want to talk to him, I tried to ignore his message…thinking that if I talk to him again, I would be back to square 1 and also probably it was a wrong sent or maybe he was just bored. But I wanted some answers, why he broke my heart, why he replaced me that soon and so many whys. I gave in…even though my instincts were telling me not to because I would just hurt myself even more. He said that he still loves me and that he’d rather be with me than anyone else. That I was his first love, he can’t live without me and that he would never let go of me. I asked him if you are still in love with me then why are you with her? He said “it’s because I don’t want to be alone.” (we were in a long distance relationship) I told him I don’t get it. If you really are in love with me like you say you are then why be with someone else, I think it’s waste of time for all involved. I told him that if he really wants to be with me then he should come here so we could be together and he said no, that I should be the one to move for him. I asked him to break up with his girlfriend if he doesn’t love her, he said he would only break up with her if I’ll be with him. I told him to let me go then because I can’t do the drama all over again and he said my love is conditional. How is that my fault now? In my opinion, he is playing both sides. Playing safe. He is just confusing as hell. When he left me, I wished every single minute that he would come back to me but now with everything that has been said and done, I don’t know if it was the right thing to do. Sometimes, I think it’s a mistake that I gave in talking to him again. It just got more complicated. Now he is ignoring me again. I feel that I am back to where I was 2 months ago. Heartbroken and lost. Once again, he isn’t there to catch me. It really sucks.
Hey Miracle, ok look it was a mistake but every girl makes them. You better off without him and you deserve so much better. If he cannot come to you, then you have to ask yourself how much he truly loves you. If he says his love is conditional, he is stupid and needs to grow up. He is so immature and needs to realize what he is losing. You should move on and find someone better. I wish i could tell you things get easier, but i would be lying. Its been 6 months since jarrod left me and now im starting to realize im better off without him in my life. I know this may sound cheesy, but you have to give yourself time. Maybe one day if he grows up you can be together, but until then just try to forget about it. Sorry if this sounds stupid, but you are so much better than him and you dont deserve someone who goes back on his word. Hope this helps
Hi Miracle , when I first read your Dec e-mail,I felt like I wrote this letter myself.I’m so glad I found this site maybe it will shed some light into my painful state. I met him at work (big mistake never get involved with someone at work)we dated for two years I was totally in love and happy but then the calls were less and less everyday and I couldnt understand why.
we didnt hang out as much there was always excuses,I asked him if he was seeing someone else he always denied it.I had a strong hunch so I did some investigating and sure enough he had a girlfriend for eight months ..I was devasted and hurt but I was ok because he was still part of my life ,we talked everyday,he made me laugh like no other , he would call me afterwork , we had lunch everyday eventually we started sleeping again but I knew he had his girlfriend and he made it very clear that he loved her.I didnt mind because I had him before her and he was still looking for me and I still loved him very much..this went on for about a year.. i knew better and he was getting his way and loving it .he would get jealous if any of the guys at work would talk to me (even if it was work related).i tried not to get him angry.when our company had the Xmas party he told me he was bringing her and I asked him to please not bring her.I told him I wasnt going to enjoy myself if I saw him with her,he got mad at me and told me i was being selfish and that he wasnt going to bring because i was going to create a scene in front of everybody(I would never do that ).I went to the party and he didnt show up but now he wont talk to me at all .it is very akward and uncomfortable to work with .its been two months and he walks by me like I was nothing to him ever .I dont understand how he doesnt miss me like I miss him ..He was my friend for three years we shared so much … how could you just pass by me and not even turn around?
I see him laughing with all my co-workers and it hurts me even more . i realized we broke up a long time ago and he replaced me with someone else but he confused me because he always looked for me.I dont want him to talk to me because he was mean at times and he often made me cry ..I just dont want to feel this way anymore …My Poor poor poor heart can not take it anymore …I dont want to miss him …i dread coming to work ..i feel lonely
i always cry … how do i stop hurting so much? i tried dating I just cant seem to connect
i always compare the guys to him …what i miss the most is the fact that he made me laugh everyday ..no one does that anymore . And now I eat lunch by myself ..I dont want to get up in the morning but I have to (I need to pay the bills) .what happened to the sweet sweet guy I knew ? why does my HEART hurt so bad .. my ego is bruised, my self esteem is shot to hell ..i dont feel pretty or sexy(not that i’am but i use to feel it) i cant seem to find the solution .. i dont want to cry anymore …
Patrice,
you are NOT selfish. He was and he is. I am back to square 1 but I guess it’s my fault for not listening to my instincts. I try to tell myself that I’ve done this before, I can do it again. It’s hard but I have no choice. He said he broke up with her and he wants to be with me but then I found out he lied about it just so I would agree to what he wants. I blamed myself for the longest time for everything that happened but now I’m realizing it, that it wasn’t just me. Hang in there girl. We can do this. It’s hard and it does take time but we’ll get there one day. Take care.
Oh wait…one thing I learned and everyone says and now I found out it’s true… Act like you don’t care. Act like you don’t get affected with anything and everything that has to do with him. I tried that, he got pissed and jealous up to another level. lol
thank you .. I have been trying that but it seems am not a good actress at all ,I seem to have my feelings right on my shoulders were the whole world can see .I have tried to avoid him ..its quite impossible when you work in such a small place . there is only two bathrooms in this company ..I have to pass him to use one of them ..So now I just use the one way in the back warehouse just so i wont see him ..I realized i get really sad and emotional when I see him and the days I dont see him I’m ok .. its just very hard when he kinda rubs it in my face that he is much more happier not talking to me ..that breaks my heart .
You’re welcome. I know it’s easy to say but it’s really hard to do it. Oh yeah that reminded me of what happened the other day. He was talking to me and then he kept bringing up his girlfriend…I had enough so I actually yelled at him to stop mentioning her. I told him he doesn’t have to rub it in my face over and over again that there is someone who makes him happy because if he is in my position, how would he feel..those are my exact words. He went quiet and told me to drop it. it really made me cry because it was so frustrating. I mean if he cares so much about her (he said he doesn’t but his actions say otherwise) then I would like him to stop making me fall all over again. I want to break free but as of right now my feelings for him are controlling me. Sad huh?
When I found out about his girl ,he tried to do the same to me.. I asked him to not mention her as well because I still had strong feelings for him ..all he could tell me was “I’m trying to be honest with you” i told him some things are better left unsaid I didnt need to know how he felt about his girl because he was hurting me at the same time .I told him if we didnt have a history maybe it will ok to tell me about your girl but its not the case .why is it so easy for men to move on so quickly without any remorse ? i understand how you feel ..Those Feelings are so strong they make you do stupid things … they make you lose your dignity .. We know what’s right and we have common sense but when it comes to those feelings everything goes out the window .nothing matters but those stupid feelings .. its a bad bad drug very easy to be addicted to .. I have to say writing about it and talking about it is making me feel better .. I feel 10% better …
I wish we could all move on so quick, maybe life would be so much different.
You’re right, talking and writing about it is one step to healing. At least I can say I won’t be getting into depression again unlike the first time he left. I kinda prepared myself for it, knowing that he has a girlfriend. He told me he could leave her and be with me…I wish that’s still true. It may sound selfish but I just wish he would do something about it rather than always asking me to do something for him and when I don’t, he tries to make me feel bad and say that I don’t really love him. I do love him and I wish he would prove to me that he means everything he says. He says he can’t live without me but he’d rather break my heart than piss her girlfriend off. Some guys…ugh.
Hi everyone,
This site is really awesome. I was fed up of leaning over my frnz 2 cry on n on..now i have ppl like me to share with. M so glad.
I had a bf who proposed to me 3 yrs back on my bday.I was quite a popular girl thn in collg n i fel 4 him n got involved completely forgettg my complete social life with others..he used to say al the fairy tale thgs here too..loves me like netg..crazy abt me..mad abt me..m everythg 4 him..blah blah..n we were so much sure to marry after an year or two.Last year his parents found my love note in his wardrobe n started creatg nuisance..threatnd him of leavin me n al.. Initially he did fight 4 us but gradually he started hatin me only ( yes i was rude to him smtyms but tht was coz he was harmin himslf for his family..like takin sleepin pills n al..i said few wrong thgs for his family) ..wid tym he said he hated me..then he said there was notg left tht cud make his family accept me n blah blah..i kept beggin pleadin cryin..everythg to get him..but he was like..adamant nw.. initially i felt he loves me but he doesnt want to hurt his family so i was kinda in pain..still continued talkg wid him hopin one day he will come back again ( FALSE HOPE) ..he was bein sympathetic sayin we r best frnz 4evr n he wil b always thr 4 me etc etc..wen one day he juz msgd 2 tel me tht he has been engaged officially to anothr girl…!!!! i was devastated..my dreams n my FALSE hopes..everythg juz shattered n i was broken again..( he hasnt contacted me after tht ever)
I ve my dad supportg me..but i feel sad hurtg him wid dis sick condition of mine.. its been a month since i parted wid him ( 3 months wen he declared the break up )…n its been a week after his engagement.. I m not able 2 stop myslf frm checkin his accnt on fb tht shows ppl congratulatg him n he n his fiance’s family talkg n al.. i hate checkin al dat coz it only hurts me..but m not able to restrain myslf frm doin tht.. i don want dis coward guy back in my life who cudnt stand 4 d love he said was everythg 2 him..but i feel hurt every moment i think tht I was d one who gav 100% nd he was the one to end it n hurt me n betray..stil he is d one to get sm1 new n is so damn happy!! i hate it..
On my part..i hav decided to make my career..as i m juz 22..( he is 23)..but this thing is like the biggest hurdle n like a never ending pain..i want to hate this guy and i want to be happy again..only i cant restrain myslf from thinkin abt the old days n then abt his involvement n commitment to another girl..plz help..!
Jesse
Hey Jesse.
You will be happy again. It is a rough time and unfortunately you just have to get through it. Maybe you can grow closer to your own family and to God because that helped me. You have to let it run its course. You will be happy again soon. Your time will come. Thanks and take care and keep your head up. Your sister in Christ. Love, Kel
Hey Kel,
Thanks dear..I knw i wil be happy again..its juz tht this stage is getting too much painful… I can give u all a technique which is helping me.. I ve recorded my own voice inspiring me to go on..i hear it again n again whenever i feel low.. Its a different thing that i am into depression 24×7…but i really wanna be outta all dis.. frustration remains in me..thinking of him with his fiancee and the ” happiness ” hes gettin now for dumpin a girl like me ( wel abv him in all spans of life )..n very much committed to him..hmm..don know why life plays such games.. the one who does wrong is happy n the one who is innocent has to bear it al…
Love to alll…
Jesse
jesse ,I Feel your pain … I also want to know why is it that the one who does wrong get to be Happy WHY? why cant we have switches that turn off these feelings we have for them or better yet why cant we have someone erase the memories .I know it sounds crazy but when your depressed all these crazy thoughts run thru your head .I hate when people say it will get better but honestly it does get better .. everyday it gets a little better until the pain is almost gone.the memory will always be there and you can look back and smile cause you made it thru .. its been two months for me and i havent cried in two weeks
I still miss him everyday but I think God had other plans for me (that’s what I tell myself) I truly hope you feel better ..
Distance was the main problem and every single time I blame myself for it. Last night, he was being mean to me and I told him “I wish I don’t love you anymore so I won’t even bother” and he said that he wishes the same thing, he dislikes being mean to me and he wants to end everything so it would be easier for him to move on. if only i could go to where he is right now, I will but I can’t and he just can’t understand that. I would give EVERYTHING to be with him. My life sucks right now. I cried myself to sleep again..just like the other day..
Hey patrice,
.. but d past really hurts.. hope i get over it soon.. I avoid talking about or good times now as we tend to ignore the bad things under the good things but in actual the bad things are the ones we must accept and realise that he was not good for us. Welll…pray to God frnz i get outta it asap..
I agree with u dear.. I m also trying hard.. i do cry..nearly everyday..but for lesser time now..I hate thinking abt him as it only hurts me..I hav stopped hating his fiancee as she is not at fault as she doesnt know anything.. I console myself thinking that i will get someone..my dream man..someday.. I m just 22..
@Miracle
Hi dear,
I would just say one thing, if he doesnt want you now..dear dont live in any false hope. Because when this false hope breaks it hurts even more. Dont give him to hurt you anymore.Love yourself. Love your identity and dignity. No one has the right to hurt us just because we gave everything for them. So be strong,face the truth,accept the reality and move on. Why give a person enough right to hurt us when he doesnt resect us or love us anymore?? Dont hurt yourself dear. Make sure he loves u then only think on moving ahead with him else you dont make any false hope.Just move on and show him that you also have a life,an identity.
All d best!
hi there, I’ve been miserable with my ex bf also, we have been on for 3 years, all went so smooth, we never fight we were always happy, he said nobody would ever replace me in his heart, then one fine day we had an argument, and we decided to cool off, the next day I texted him and told him that I dont want to end our relationship, we could still save it, but he ignored it, he ignored all my texts my emails, I even went to his workplace and he acted as if he doesnt know me, it really hurt, what hurts me the most is that after 2 weeks i saw his facebook account and all our photos were erased, they replaced it with their pictures, with the girl who he just met in his work,, it hurt me a lot, then I called him to confront him then he just blurt it out right there and then ” I’m sorry it’s just that I dont love you aymore, I already have a girlfriend and I love her so much” I really couldnt understand what just had happened, it sucks really, after all I know we’ve been really inlove, but why did that thing has to happen??? after a month they broke up, I dont reallt know what happened, but he told me he love me more than he loved that girl but he didnt take any action of having me back… I want to move on I really do but I cant, even though I already have a bf right now I still cry in pain most of the time, the break up happened 1 and a half year ago but it still eats me up, I hate what I’m feeling. For the last time I asked him trough text a few weeks ago, If there’s still a chance of us being together again, if I still have to wait or It’s just the way we should end, he never replied back, I simply want an honest answer but he never gave it to me for me to be able to move forward. I hate myself for feeling this, after all the pain he has caused me I still love him up to now, and I’m still hoping that one day we’ll be together again… I need your help friends… I really do… please pray for my heart and soul to heal, that would be a very big help…. thanks…
I can really relate to the word abandoned… I was with him on and off for three+ and I loved him in such away that words can not explain and just like that he is now gone and has another in two-weeks time aleast thats when he told me through a txt…just like that. The pain is so strong their are nights where I feel I cant breath and my body aches from shame and days I have to prey my way out of bed. Knowing that if ever does think of me Im nothing but a mere slient laugh.
wow i have been through the same thing my ex also broke up with me without any reasons i really loved him funny enough he also moved on with a differnt girl some weeks after the break up
shatterlady i believe such is life im also going through the same thing but i believe with GOD all things are POSSIBLE
Hey guys well i hope you all are doing better. Well i have news….im engaged! hahha ever imagine me getting engaged, i know i didnt. I finally found someone who i can be truly happy with. So thanks for being there for me on the hard nights. Give it time it gets easier, i promise
Im really glad I found this site, it helps me understand that I’m not the only one that’s dealing with this excruciating pain of heartbreak. I met my ex when we were 13 years old, we gained a bestfriend friendship that was so strong , he always was there for me and he never let me down & vice versa, well 3 years passed and we made the hardest decision which was taking our friendship to another level, so we dated, for the first eight months it was magic I never felt so happy before, my life was great until two weeks before it made a year and broke up with me for no reason. I was heartbroken, I’m losing my bestfriend and my boyfriend how do you get over it,.it’s been nine months and I’m still i’n love with him& I can move on , what do I do ?
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