Step 6: Give Adversity a Big, Fat Hug
You have been dating someone or married to someone that you may have loved very much. Your life and identity is tied to that relationship and now it is gone. Your social life included them, your mundane activities included them, and your planning for the future included them. It hurts because aside from the heartache of loneliness and simply missing them, you are missing yourself. Who are you without them? Where will you be five years from now? This seems scary, but it doesn’t have to be.
Let’s step back for a moment. Other than your recent break-up, have you ever faced adversity in your life? I need you to think of at least one time when you were in the midst of a challenge. Here are some triggers to get you thinking…
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At work: nasty boss, annoying co-worker, overworked?
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At school: tough classes, teased?
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In sports: not playing at your peak?
OK, are you thinking about that one instance where you faced adversity? If not, pause here until you do.
Got it? Great, now hold that thought.
Before we move on, I need you to do something else – define adversity. Scribble it down on a piece of paper quickly – your personal definition in your own words will work fine.
Now back to the example I asked you to think about earlier. During that time in your life, how did you react to your adverse situation? Think about it. If you had a nasty boss, maybe you were afraid, but did you eventually speak with them or did you find another job? If you were teased at school, despite your fears, did you ultimately stand up for yourself? I assume in your example of adversity that you had some reaction, because to do nothing, well, that would just be painful. Right?
Now, let’s go back to the definition of adversity. How did you define it? I will tell you the at 95% of people would write down words like ‘challenge’ or ‘difficulty’. These words can hold true, but what’s funny is that in everything described above – including the example you had in your mind – the main component of adversity seems to be…well, change. Guess what? It is. I am now asking you to join the 5% camp of those who assign an alternative definition to adversity. Write this down and stick it on your monitor: Adversity is a catalyst for change.
OK, so here it is in a nutshell: the universe is holding up a road sign with an arrow on it. Are you going to follow it? The turn is sharp and sharp turns can hurt. The path is new and new paths are scary. But, here is the kicker, the saving grace, and the absolute truth – the new path is better. Yes, better. Always, always, always – without exception. The new path is brighter. Yes, brighter. Always, always, always – without exception. Opportunity, new people, and adventure await you on this path and it will only ever be a lesser path if you fail to embrace it.
So, how can you embrace this change, this adversity? Give it a big, fat hug. Walk straight through it and face it. You’ve already jumped over one hoop by understanding that this period of adversity is a time of great change in your life. The second obstacle to conquer is fear. To jump over this hurdle, try the exercise below. After that, move on to the next step.