The Heart Break Calculator
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(c) Heartbreak Formula:
Short relationships (3 MONTHS OR LESS)
A. Count the number of weeks that you knew the person before the relationship turned romantic, divide by 2
B. Count the number of weeks that you were romantically involved
C. Add-up A and B
D. Count the average number of days per week you saw him/her during the romance, and divide this number by 2
E. Multiply C and D – that’s how many weeks it will take to begin feeling normal
Example: Lou met Barb. After 4 weeks they started dating. They dated for 8 weeks, seeing each other an average of 4 nights per week. Then Barb left. It will take Lou’s heart about 20 weeks (or just under 5 months) to recover.
Mid-length relationships (1 YEAR OR LESS)
A. Count the number of months that you were romantically involved
B. Count the average number of days per week you saw him/her during the romance, and divide this number by 2
C. Multiply A and B – that’s how many months it will take to begin feeling normal
Example: Dave met Sandra. They had a passionate romance for 8 months, seeing each other about 3 times per week. Then Sandra left. It will take Dave’s heart about 12 months (1 year) to recover.
Long relationships (1 YEAR OR MORE)
A. Estimate how happy you were (day to day) on a scale of 1 to 3
B. Estimate how physically attractive you found your mate on a scale of 1 to 3
C. Add up A and B – and then divide this number by 2– this will give you a number in years
D. Subtract one year from the total
Example: Pete was happily married to Mary (he ranked his happiness a 2 out of 3. He found Mary very attractive, a 3 out of 3. Mary leaves. Pete’s heart will take 1 ½ years to recover.
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All the best. Good luck to you. I know how it feels when someone you love just up and leaves. I encourage you to stay strong, and think about you and your child. This is a time for you to heal. I have been reading articles on how to heal after a break up. The best advice I found was that break ups happen for a reason. There is nothing wrong with you, it is a way of saying, that the other person was not compatible for you. Please understand, the grieving process. Go through it, feel every emotion. If you need to cry please cry. I found it helpful, to write everything down in a journal. I even wrote letters to the universe, to show me signs of who my future partner will be. I wrote letters and then burnt them. Noone ever sees them but you. Whatever you are feeling write them down. You will feel much relief afterwards. It is a healing process. Look after number 1, that is you. Your child needs you. It’s really hard to move on, but time is a healer believe me. It has only been over 3 weeks since my partner left, I am getting stronger, and starting to heal. So good luck, and god bless.
3 years..
oh 2
11.5 months, thats 46 weeks….so i’ve got 10 months left
and my voice is still hoarse from crying, andi still cant look at myself
best of luck everyone, don’t give up
So, he just broke up with me 2 days ago.. I am so devastated.. We’ve been together for about a year and a half, we’d lived together for about the past 8 months, and two months ago we moved into a townhouse we were considering buying when the lease was up. He told me he doesn’t think we’re meant to be. I asked him if he loved me, he said yes, and I asked him if he was in love with me, and he said he didn’t know. He said he’s tired of the arguing and bitterness we both hold onto. I know we’re both at fault at that, the majority of the time it’s little things, and then we both hold onto them. He works an evening warehouse shift and I have a day job, so I’ve always struggled with not having a lot of time to spend with him and sometimes that drives where my frustration comes from.
But I am so so in love with him. He’s the first serious relationship I’ve had, and I also gave my virginity to him, I still dream about marrying him. I really can’t say goodbye, not to him or the life we now have together. He’s my best friend, and its all I can do to not call him because he would always be the one I would reach out to when in need – now I can’t, and he’s the only one that can really make it better. I really really thought we could work through our trouble. And now I’m beating myself up. I called him once yesterday to say I was picking up a couple things as I decided to stay with my parents, he was civil, but I couldn’t help but break down.. I drove by the townhouse later, and he wasn’t there. Now all I can think of is that he’s not even losing sleep about this the way I am, how I feel so abandoned and so alone. But I still can’t give up
1.5 years.
My wife left me 2 weeks ago. I feel so alone and confused. We did argue a lot I never thought it would result in this. She says it’s because of the fights but looking back now I see signs of discontent from her a long time ago.
Its been 3 weeks now but we have been together a few times since then. It seems to get harder everyday knowing he can make it all better but wont. He tells me he wants to be with me but cant because he still has feelings for an ex who was horrible to him and he would never go back to. I really want to stop feeling like this i really want to hate him or at least be angry with him but i cant. I just wish he would realise we can work through his feelings for her and all the other things he is down about together.
Great……2 years. cant take it any more
“Miles and miles of cold and lonely road.
And now I’m standin’ here alone.
And all the truth that I’ve been told, begins to perfectly unfold.
And was it wasted time and was it all for nothing.
And I can face the pain of bein’ alone for the first time in my life.
I open up my eyes, I feel like I could fly away, ‘Til I reach the other side.
Sometimes we must decide, that everything that was meant to be will be.
And I don’t even have to try.
It was as simple as a song, it was inside me all along.
If it’s the truth that makes me wrong, then I would rather be alone.
You said I crossed the line, you said I pulled you under.
I finally realized I can be strong for…”
Open eyes – Saliva.
Stay strong, everyone.
It’s been a few days since she left me and I can’t stop thinking about her. We had a really good relationship, were good friends and lovers. I still don’t know what happened, what went wrong. She just left. Calculator says I’ll heal in ’bout 2 yrs. Don’t know if that’s a good thing or not. To be honest I feel pretty dead at this moment. It’s tough to say “be strong” but I do hope everyone going through something similar finds strength somewhere to go on.
great 45 weeks starting now…. i don’t want it to take that long, i want him to come back
Pain
It’s been a couple of weeks since I last heard of him, I miss him so much. It hurts so bad that it actually hurts physically. Everything at home reminds me of him. I dream of him constantly. I feel lost. It says it will take about 2 yrs to get over him, wow that seems like a long time. What sucks is that I broke up with him because certain issues that I thought I could not handle came to light. I miss you babe.
well, its hard. She decided to end a few weeks ago. I am very sad, think of her all the time. She was everything to me, but I did not treat her the way she deserve to be treated. I have done many wrongs towards her, the love of my life. Today I am very sorry. We most learn from our mistakes. Start to change today so we dont make the same mistakes from the past. I miss her so very much. I wish she was next to me, to hold her in my arms and never let her go. Wisper in her ears..TE AMO..I dream she was with me then I woke up crying. The pain I feel is the pain i caused her. She did loved me and I took it forgranted. I used to Think, the feeling she had for me was 100% true and it will never die, but love is like a delicate flower. It needs water, air, and tender care to florish, if not it dies. I am changing, am becoming a better me, a better person, a better lover for the future. I will never let myself treat love the way I did. I am hurting like most of you guys, but i am trusting in God. I miss hugging you and wherever you are, I pray to God to protect you and bless you…I love you.
Hi there
its been almost 2 years we broke up and my heart still hurts
she was my soulmate and the one for me – things didnt work out.
and hen she left, she left without a goodbye and then no more contact after tht, i know it got too hard for her in the end and she couldnt cope with the pressure from her parents.
i just carnt seem to get her out of my head n heart. i never thought i would love any one this much.. my heart is broken into pieces and i feel i will never meet someone like her ever and would be able to over as i did to her.
dont know wht to do .. its been 2 yrs we havent spoken after she left n life is not the same… i have started working long hrs and focussed on mu carre n its goin great but in regards to personal life, well thta different story…
i just dont know how to get over her and all the love we had and ther memeories. well i will shut up now lol
ciao
1.5 years … ouch!!!
he can get over me for just a week, why is it so hard for me to let him go???
what is wrong with me?
=(
I was with the love of my life one day we spent the day together, had lunch, went for a bike ride, we were
totally in love. She was the one I was convinced I wanted to spend the rest of my life with.. With in seconds
she was telling me she didn’t want this anymore, no fight, no arguement, just said she wanted me to go.. I am heartbroken, shocked, and still so sad.. I try to go on with my daily routine but she is always there.. It drives me crazy, I loved her more than life itself..
heartbreaks are not only about break ups they are also about being let down by someone u love and trust!
ITs gonna take me 4 months We broke up 2 1/2 months ago and now hes with someone else He did love me at one point but I took him for granted I wish he was back with me he did want to meet up with me a month ago but I held off because I was to hurt now hes with someone else dont let love slip you by or take the one you love for granted I am so hurt over this I thought he was the one I pray he might come back to me if you love someone let them go and move on and better your self thats what im working on now but it still hurts very much especialy since I moved to a new area and dont know anyone so I dont have any support to help me threw it realy I keep dreaming that he comes back maybe he will I want him to call me tell me hes coming back he made a mistake and everything all better I wish I had one last hug his new girlfriend wont let him talk to me and made him delete me off his myspace page so I have to move on be strong I just feel so sad
36 weeks- so thats about 6 months?
It’s been about 3 weeks now. The last two days I felt alot better but tonight it just hit me all over again. I’m so confused. We’d been seeing each other for about 4 months- everything was going fine- slowly but fine. He’d introduced me to his mum, had come down to my church, etc. We’d planned to do a couple of different art projects together (I’m an artist). We’d spend 5 hours on the phone at a time- even after we’d spend a whole day together, he’d ring me to make sure I got home ok then we’d talk for another 2 hours or so.
I’ve never had anyone treat me with so much respect, kindness, support etc. I’ve had a really rough life, I’m a single mum- things with men have never worked out. I really thought this was it. Everyone around me thought this was it.
Then he tells me I’ve misunderstood, that we’re just friends- that the way he has been with me is like he is with everyone. He apologised for leading me on , asked if we could still be friends. He tells me I have all the qualities a man would want in a wife- that he knows the man who does marry me will be so blessed- but that all he wants is a friendship.
I feel bad because reading other people’s posts – like my own situation isn’t anything as intense as a marriage break down or anything- yet the hurt is so real. I don’t need a friend- I’ve got a lot of them- I need a husband and a father for my son.
I turned to him with everything- he helped me see myself in a way I’d never had before- gave me confidence in my gifts and talents, encouaged me with my art, was arranging things for my career. He is the most amazing man I’ve ever met. He made me want to be a better person and from what he said, I inspired him in that way too.
The last time we spoke he asked if all the things we had planned – the projects- were still on- and I said no. How can I continue on with him as friends when everything I thought was growing between us- apprantly- was not real? I don’t understand.
I’m blessed because I do have alot of other good things in my life- my artwork and career are taking off, I’ve nearly completed my tertiary studies, I’ve got a beautiful son and good friends etc. In the last few months- I’ve lost a lot of weight and had huge improvements to my health. I think part of the hurt was seeing all these awesome things in my life finally coming to play- and having him in my life aswell was just the icing on the cake. It added a lot of sweetness to all the hard work I’ve been putting into my life trying to get ahead. I still have all these good things- but I want him aswell. It hurts that the life I thought I was entering into isn’t quite the way I pictured it.
I asked him to stop calling me for a few weeks- he kept calling to see if I was ok. I wrote him a letter saying I couldn’t just be friends with him because too much had happened- my feelings for him are too strong but that if he wanted to pursue a relationship then the ball is in his court.
He doesn’t know but I’ve set a date in my mind- if he doesn’t respond by that date then I’m closing the door on all this and getting on with my life. Right now it hurts so much- I’m just waiting to see what he does. I don’t call him or contact him in any way.
For me everything that happened between us was the growth of a strong friendship developing into a romantic relationship- part of me thinks he isn’t being honest with himself or with me- maybe he is scared because he has been really hurt in the past. But then part of me is scared that maybe I’m just a fool and I mis-interpretted things because I wanted a relationship so bad. but then everyone who met him and saw us together thought we were a couple- so i don’t know what to think anymore.
I’m tired of trying to work it out and tired of crying. I don’t want to talk about it with anyone but I’ve got a few good friends who have been keeping tabs on me to make sure I’m ok. I’ve had men treat me so badly in the past- I don’t understand how it can still hurt so much when all he did was be so good to me? I told him if he had no intentions of anything developing between us he shouldn’t have encouraged so much intimacy between us- its like he was just playing with my heart.
I tried to heal relationship with the one I love, but we are far away now. I felt that our relationship is not the same. there is a something change. My heart is hurt that I did not hear from him, before him called me everyday. we talked on the phone we share feeling together. I do not know how to do at moment. I do believe that I love him so much and I don’t want to lose him. My heart was cry and I feel hurt. I send an email to him saying I love you but that it is not help our relationship better. him still quite to me. I just only wait call from him. everytime when I wake up and open my eyes I felt hurt. and everytime before i sleep, i think of him. I pray to god that please give me power strong. I don’t want to be like this. I need to suvive from those feeling, I need to move on without him but moment I can’t. I hope time can help heal …
As I read everyone’s post I feel for everyone and hope that we all can overcome the pain faster than the calculator predicts. According to the calculator, I’m in the 1.5 year club for my heart to heal. Before meeting my heart breaker I was a successful, attractive, single parent and didn’t date for 9yrs, because my priorities were my daughter and my career. I met my heartbreaker through mutal friends and we were good friends for 4 years before we even began dating. After dating for 8 months, he proposed to me and we were married shortly after. Everything was perfect from what we did as a family to the house to the household pets for the first 6yrs. Then he decided to take his hobby (doing stand-up comedy and producing short films) a little more seriously where he was at bars 5 nights a week, doing writing circles and shooting films for 16 hrs a day. This led to financial hardship, but I was supportive by working two jobs and taking care of all of the household duties, while going to school full time. I became less supportive when I found him drunk with two waitresses (8yrs younger than me) on two different occaisons. While I was supportive of him and taking care of everything else, it was difficult to keep being attractive as I was the day he married me. We spent the next 2 yrs arguing, then while I was at work he rented a U-Haul and cleaned out our home right in front of my daughter and left me a note saying it’s over. I was devastated and then due to economy had lost my job too. Our divorce will be final in two weeks. I wish that I could turn back time to where we were in years 1-6. It was the happiest I’ve ever been and am not sure if I will ever find that again. I never want to go through this again. I wish you all the very best as we try to overcome this pain.
Dont they say its the life and not the person you miss. Suppose people are afraid of being alone again weather it be a few months to years in a realsioship. All we see is the life we have with the person standing next to us. Then one day that gets taken away from you. Thats when we think about what happend, what went wrong. Why did i not do something when i had a chance. The problem is no matter how many times we argue we always think that person will be there. We do not stop to think, even though we might of experienced this before we still dont stop and think. Its the human way, we only react when its too late
Sometimes life is cruel, if your single go out and do things you always wanted to do. Do not be afraid to do them by yourself because you be happier for it. i know its hard to drag yourself out of bed, but take heart someone is waiting for you. But until then have a little adventure
Im 17, and i had been with my boyfriend for 2 and a half years, until on friday, he wanted to end it. i have never felt so much pain in all my life, i am just absolutley devastated
he wants no contact, nothing. i dont know how to move on or anything, my childhood sweetheart has gone 
and im so so upset. i’m only young, but he’s all ive ever known, and i love him so much. i cant move on:(
3 weeks??? thats all? i really hope so…bring on father time
23 years ago I met my soul mate my true love. We parted on bad terms so when I found out I was pregnant I waited for the right time to tell him. Before I knew it he was getting married and wanted nothing of his past so I moved 1500 miles away with my little secret. I also moved on and met a wonderful man who I married and together we raised a family. As with many things in life all good things come to and end and so did our marriage.
20 some years later my son becomes curious and Pandora’s Box is opened. Facing and baring myself for new scars I break the news of our son, he is angry but understanding because all the old feelings are as if it’s just yesterday. His Family and friends waste no time in reminding him of the whys for the break-up and all that could have been is lost again.
Several months after that heartache he reaches out and explains his reasoning and I love him so it’s all reasonable. Love letters and chats are shared by mail and phone, new goals are in site and the world is beautiful again. Another trip is planned and again my heart is ripped to shreds. Again he is confused of what he wants.
Months go by and i hurt as i did 20 years ago but again he reaches out and yes I still love him so. He finally proclaims his love and asks me to marry him, third times a charm they say and like a fool I run to him. That was the final blow; he ignores me for a new fling as he did every other time before.
My heart is unrepairable, dried up of all emotion. I can’t see strait, I’m in a cloud with out site. My brain knows what to do but my heart holds on, a fool with no saving in site. I’ve never felt such pain; it lingers all day and gains strength in the lonely hours of the night.
I have loved this man for so long, always remembering him on his birthday and holidays. Always wishing him well every night as I lay married and raising a family. Yes my marriage was over when I decided to pursue my lost love and it all ended as badly as my marriage.
I am now alone and hurt as if there will be o end to this hell. And yet, I would rather hurt knowing I was capable of loving then to go through life without emotion of this magnitude.
I love him still ass only a fool can.
I love you Rick.
If I shared with the world
that which I feel,
the flowers would drown from my ordeal.
The rivers would flood
the sun disappear.
So I keep to myself
pain I dare not reveal.
I smile and laugh
on the outside,
all the while bruised and scarred
from inside.
Courage to face truth
allows me to see
that I will not crumble
from life’s minor tumble.
Built to withstand
this and so much more,
that’s why I always find
an open door.
So for a time I’ll bare
this pain of despair,
and slowly I will start to repair.
Soon enough the sun will shine
then my heart will heal in time.
I dont know where to begin….. Im so unhappy. have known my friend for a year now. I love everything about him. i have opened up, done and said things id never dreamed possible. He told me a short while ago that, whilst his feelings were as mine it was wrong as he was 15 years older! Is this just an excuse, why wasnt i too young before? I love this man with all my heart, he wants to stay friends as i do, as a friend is better than nothing at all. but it hurts so much. I cant leave him alone, i text from time to time just so as i know he is ok….., i fly high, when i get a response, although I dont know if, im annoying him, he is too polite to say. I will do whatever it takes to hold him again, i miss him so much.
Well I am 28 and the love of my life is taking time away to rethink our relationship…. The only thing I ever wanted was to have that security that I need so badly- to know tha tno matter what thick or thin we will stick together- I need that commitment. I just said a couple days ago okay its been over two years that we been together- soon I will have a ring on my finger. But now that seems the furthest from reality. He is 26 and has a lot of growing up to do- and he is very stubburn… our fights are always about osmething so simple. Like last week I told him I felt disappointed in him because he doesen’t join me to see my family anymore- and from that one phrase – by the ened of the night I was so hurt- by his words- and so angry with him – that I was making him leave – that it was best he not stay under the same roof as me. It’s complicated- but the thing is- he is an amazing guy- I lov ehim so much- my intentions are never to hurt him but I feel I should beable to express myself- if I feel disappointed i think I should beable to voice that – and for him to be understanding…
I think deep down he has some unresolved issues and I want to be there to help him sort them out- like his insecuritys- and his pride…but everytime we fight he says the meanes thtings and it shows me maybe he is just not happy- and its not anything I did… He said he will come home tonight with his verdict- and I am scared. I want to never feel like this again which means I can never love again. I couldn’t sleep a wink last night my eyes are swallen from crying out my bledding heart…I came to work to try to occupy myself and be strong but I am a complete mess. I don’t know why every fight gets called the end. Even if its not – the thought alone kills…I know he loves me and I love him…but why this struggle? Its normal stuff we fight about- its just not normal the way we fight- I get so hurt when he thinks the only solution to everything is to break up. So tonight when he comes home or if he does I decided not to be there- maybe it will break the cycle of his threats- “it’s the End”
I can’t take anymore locking myself in the bathroom to cry from his words… I can’t take the griping pain of not waking up next to him… I can’t cope with the thought of not having his smile or laugher to complete me… I can’t imgine life without him… I can’t even imagine life before him.
I just want to be happy…
Well I got 18 mths…..we just got married……:( I feel like i will never love again….he did me so wrong:(
I was asked to sub as a dart player last nite by one of my friends. The team they were supposed to play needed someone, she told me it would be good to get out of the house and do something..It had been 42 days since the love of my life left…
I seen him last nite although I’m sure he didn’t know I was there. When I realized he was throwing darts on the other side of the bar I immediatly wanted to leave. I stayed played the games and when he left the bar I caught a fleeting glimps of him….It was all the self restraint I had to not just follow him out through the other door, and chase him down! I have not spoken to or seen him since he moved out..
It is very hard, and what we go through is not our faults…..I am just hoping that one day I will wake up and never have a second thought about this heartless man who seemed to take so much pleasure from ripping my heart out!
..we broke up 5 months ago,..but I dunno why, I can still fel the pain as it was happened yesterday. he broke up with me coz he dont want to feel the painful feeling when he was left by his ex. or maybe coz he didnt like me enough,.. i dunno. All i know, its over…and no matter what I said that time, wont change his mind….when people told u that its over, that means its over for them long time before they said that to us…
He said, he still wanna meet me in future, and know news about me. But I thought he was just saying that to reduce his guilty feeling for hurting me,..I mean, he didnt mean it..he’s just saying that…and for sure I couldn’t just be friends with him,..too much memories,..and its hurt just to remembered him..
I know all I gotta do is just move on,…but why it is sooo hard,..why he always pops out in my mind,..those happy times with him…? Why is it so hard, just to let it go….? Why I still holding on with those memories..?
Oh I wish to wake up one day, and forget all about him……
2 whole years. Well, it doesn’t surprise me one bit. I can’t stop crying. I can’t look at myself in the mirror. Life is terrible, why do all good things have to end? This has smashed my heart into a zillion pieces. I think this calculator is wrong, I reckon, it feels like it will take about 50 years before I can even talk another man.
efrgrgrg
10 years two lovely kids and a whole truck load of heart ache i am so scared of life with out my baby that i’d rather not go on i dont no how am going to feel one moment to the next am so confused with all the different feelings wether am angry at the pain he’s coursed or the fact he did this to our children or the anger i feel to wards my self for picking a man who would do this to our family or scared am alone or hurting because he’s all i’ve ever know since the age of 16 i gave up 10 years of my life it all seems a waste of time for nothing more than the reward of pain and regrets to much pain to deal with now and not a friend in the world to share it with because my only true friend is the one whos causing the pain 1 1/2 years to heal seems to long to bare with but am sure i’ll do it if not for me but for the ones who hurt the most my beautiful little boys
I m sorry but this calulator is worthless. How can you tell someone how long it will be. You are hurting people more.
I just had a two year thing end 2 days ago and now my best friend/soul mate just basically ripped out what was left of my heart out. I mean it was bad enough to be cheated on,,and that end. I knew in time I would get over him because he was so wrong for me. Each moment I stayed with him was eating my soul up.
But the end of my realtionship of my soul mate that just wipes me out. I will miss him so bad so what do I get points added on for him also. I will miss him forever but sometimes a friendship cant be rebuilt. My support system gone, I feel like Im floating in outer space now. Tomorrow will come and go. Some how I feel a weight has been lifted off my shoulders I have all ready exerienced the pain of losing both these people. My fears have come true so I guess If I can face this I can face most anything else. But yeah your calculator stinks..
I speak from experience when I say that as much as you long to stay in contact in the hope that they might have a change of heart and realise that they can’t live without you (the usual fantasy), the best thing you can do is cut all contact. Erase/throw away all numbers, texts, emails, clothing, jewellery, toys, mementos, ANYTHING that makes you think about them. Keep yourself distracted by reading, exercising, watching tv, surfing the web, going out, seeing good friends. As soon as that thought about your ex pops into you head, distract yourself. Dwelling on all those unhappy feelings will make you spiral downwards even more. I think we should give ourselves a week at most to run things through our heads and pull the covers up and stay in bed feeling sorry for ourselves. Anything beyond a week, and we have to start pushing those negative thoughts out and distracting ourselves.
That sad feeling will still be there, but the more positive thoughts you bring to the foreground of your mind, the more this unhappiness will fade to the background. Talk to a good friend that will tell you your ex was never good enough for you anyway, and that you deserve better, then start telling yourself that too!
None of us should want to be with someone that doesn’t want us. If they think they’ll be happier without you, then good luck to them, because we all should know there’s noone better, kinder, more attractive, loving, loyal than us. (Make that list as long as you like! and keep reminding yourself of all your positive traits)
As far as I’m concerned, I’ve cried way more than my fair share of tears for my ex over the last 7 years. Enough is enough. I don’t know if this helps anyone else, but I’ve found exercising helps. It’s helped boost my coinfidence again and it gives me a kick to think he’s missing out on my new toned body! Also, treating yourself occasionally to that outfit you love, or those luxuries at the supermarket that you wouldn’t allow yourself. Start treating yourself like you would a loved-one. Because after all, if we don’t love and respect ourselves, how can we expect anyone else to?
I don’t know about anyone else, but I’ve found it better for my sanity to spend a bit more time with other single friends and a bit less time with friends that are in relationships, until your self-esteem is back up to healthy levels where you can be around couples without feeling lonely.
I’ve encountered “friends” who are all too keen to discuss why I’ve been “left on the shelf”, but despite their smug appearance, I know that most of them are not in what I would consider to be fulfilling relationships, so I remind myself that I would not want to swap my life with any of theirs. I could write a list as long as my arm of “happily married couples” who on the outside have the big house, the kids, the nice cars and the frequent holidays, but who in actual fact are deeply unhappy, because of adultery, disrespect, poor communication, etc etc. So we’d all do well to remember that appearances can be, and usually are deceiving.
So I would recommend lots of distraction from negative thoughts, and lots of positive thought-boosting activities, such as exercise, socialising, looking after yourself, new haircut or clothes, a holiday if you can stretch to it.
Start investing some love and tlc back into yourself again, instead of someone that doesn’t deserve it.
I hope this helps
AD: what you said is like a story of my life. I took him for granted and now he’s gone. Moved on perhaps since he got a new girlfriend. I messaged him the other day and told him to take care of himself and his reply was “Sorry my gf does not want me to talk to you”. Yes he replaced me within 2 weeks. It hurts just thinking about him, it breaks my heart every time. Now I have to force myself to let go. It’s really really hard. I’ve been in this same spot last year but we reconnected and tried to work it out but I messed up and now he’s gone for good. I don’t know if I’ll be given a chance with him again. Right now, it’s killing me that he got someone else now. It’s driving me crazy..
Regarding Cathy’s comment: I don’t think I could last for 1.5 years. I want the pain to go away soon not in 18 months!!! It feels like I’m going to have a panic attach every time I think about him. Ugh.
Wow…I guess everyone goes through heart break. Everyone’s heart break may appear to be on a different scale, but when it comes down to it, the pain we all feel is the same excruciating, heart wrenching emotions.
My boyfriend of 3.5 years broke up with me in August, but we still remained friends. Through the first month of the break up, we talked fairly often and we always talked about how much we loved each other and one day wanted to get back together. Then, all of a sudden, I start to hear less and less from him. I didn’t know why at that point. It turns out that he started to develop feelings for someone who he’s known casually for some time. Throughout this, he was not being honest with me. He would lead me on to believe that we still had a chance of getting back together, all the while hanging out with this other girl.
Last week, he ended up canceling our dinner date through a short, abrupt, heartless email. I was so confused and hurt since I had been looking forward to the dinner for a very long time. I then realized that he had blown me off to spend the time with this new girl. I felt so incredibly betrayed. The worst part of it was that he was not truthful to me about his feelings for this other girl. Since I had my suspicions, I would always ask him if he was interested in another girl, and he would always so no.
So, I decided to go to his place even though he had blown me off. If he was indeed interested in this other girl, then I was going to find out myself since he was too much of a coward to tell me himself. I drove the 1.5 hours to his place at 11pm. I went to his apartment and put my ear to the door. I could hear her in there, laughing and him gently talking to her. My heart literally broke at that point in the hallway of his building.
I pulled all of my strength and knocked on the door (while covering the peep hole). I heard them go silent, then him come cautiously to the door. He tried to see through the hole. Then he slowly opened the door and saw me standing there. His jaw hit the floor out of surprise. But then the surprise quickly turned to anger and he told me to get lost, that he had company, that I had no business being there. He tried to shove me away. I started to cry. I pleaded with him to tell me the truth. And so he did. I pushed myself into his apartment and saw her there. She was a beautiful girl. They were drinking wine and smoking (he never smoked while with me…weird?). She said “hi” to me. I turned around to him and started yelling. I couldn’t help it. I was so angry. There she was, sitting on the couch where I used to sit. I went into his bedroom, and I saw the condom box empty, wrappers on the floor. The condom box that he bought while with me. She was kind enough to leave, to let us talk. But he didn’t want to talk. He tried to shove me out of his apartment. I told him I would leave as soon as he deleted my contact information from his phone, and so he did. I left.
I haven’t spoken to him since.
1.5 years to get over him. 1 week down.
Just in the middle of a break up and Maries words have comforted me lots so thank you , i will try to keep myself together x
Sara – I’m so pleased to hear I’ve helped in some small way. I think realising that you’re not the only one out there can be a comfort in itself. It’s so easy to believe everyone else out there is in loving relationships but you, and that is far from the truth. All I can say for sure is that it is getting easier and believe me I’ve been to rock bottom. The only way back up again is with time, and mind over matter. Fill your life with positive things like good friends, good food, great clothes, hair and make-up, and uplifting music that makes you feel like dancing! If I find myself dwelling on it all again, I pick up a good book or watch a film. I think I’ve read more books in the last year or so than i have in all the years before!…and I’m fast running out of films saved on my sky+ planner! But it’s all really helped to get me through hard times.
When I find myself wishing he’d come back into my life, I remind myself that it’s not really him I want. It’s the fantasy I have of an honest, loyal, loving man. If he had been all of those things we would still be together. I think this is true in most of our cases if we’re really honest – it’s the fantasy we really want, not the reality of what we actually had.
I don’t know about you, but I’m holding out for someone that treats me the way I deserve to be treated, and in the meantime I’m going to do everything I possibly can to make myself happy.
Stay strong -x-
Marie: all the things that you have said is really inspiring. every night when loneliness gets to me, I feel like I won’t be able to move on and then I cry….so last night I read what you said every time I think of him, and it somehow eases the pain or at least takes my mind off the heartbreak, it makes me want to believe that I can move on as well one day. So thank you!
I broke up with my boyfriend 3 weeks ago and i honestly dont know how I can cope; the crushing of my stomach feels horrible. We went to primary school together and were best friends at high school. Id been with him for 5 years and we were so happy and in love that we spoke of our future together everyday. Then suddenly one night we had a bad argument about him being in the army and told me that he loved me but never wanted to see me ever again. Because he’s in the army its always been a struggle but i really wasnt ready for this, a couple of hours before the argument we were so happy. He told his friend that he doesnt want to talk to me ever again so that he can just get over it. I dont understand how he can say or even feel that, we were soul mates and knew eachother inside out; even that day we joked about how we looked like a new couple deeply in love. Im wondering if he’ll ever come around, although my friends dont want me to. No one really understands the pain i feel, im trying so hard to keep my chin up but i just feel worse. Everything reminds me of him and ive found myself crying everyday, it really took me by surprise. I cant get him out of my head, i listen to music at night to stop me thinking about it but i end up dreaming about him anyway, thats what hurts. However it is a comfort to hear that im not alone and i know that in time it will get better, but im not sure i can wait two years…!
well i am disgusted and horrified to say that somehow, despite having only maintained a relationship for FOUR weeks with this person i loved so much, according to the calculator it will take me about 1.5 yrs to heal.
due to the fact that we were friends for about 3 years first.
it makes me even angrier that he broke it off like this after so little of a try. 3 years of friendship and then a total letdown. it’s been one month, but every time i think of him or spend too much time thinking of him i get ill. now i have this broken heart and it’s all his fault, i’ve never been so angry at myself and at another person, i’ve spent so long trying to hold in my feelings about everything and hide from everyone and now it’s all out of the bag and he’s gone and i don’t know how i’ll ever move on, or get over it
Marie, thankyou for your words, they are a great help and make me feel less alone.
Im only 17 and was with my boyfriend for 2 and half years before he ended it with me 2weeks ago when he went to uni.
it has been the worst pain, and mentally exhausting experience of my life, he was all i ever knew, my special childhood sweetheart. and now, its all gone
i really am devastated, but thankyou for your words, they have helped. x
I was with my ex-boyfriend for 2 years.. we were also best friends.. went through everything together in high school and our lives revolved around eachother… we found comfort in eachothers arms and relied upon eachother.
Then, we started sixth form and everything changed. we stayed together for another year and a half bt began arguing alot more intensely and i noticed he became more distant and argumentative. Then unexpectedly he told me he didnt love me anymore at a friends party. it was the biggest shock of my life because we’d always been soo deeply in love that everyone had predicted we’d get married quickest..
after that i kept running bak to him trying to convince him we were perfect for eachother which to me, was the truth. he was my soulmate and he often told me how much he loved me wen we were together and how we’d planned our engagement the following year.
its been 6 months so far and im still not coping very well.. i feel insecure, lonely and anxious about whether hes moved on with anyone or not. i feel lyk my world has come crashing down and noone can replace him.
The worst thing is that i see him everyday in college and its so tough because i still love him sooo much.. and i regret every arguement and fight we ever had..my life has not been the same without him and i feel like i cant even move on with anyone cos i constantly think about him.. he was the one for me =(
damn i got 11 months. this is unbearable. i never thought stupid arguments would lead to this.
i miss you holly
have you ever felt that when the person you love says “I LOVE YOU” you melt and say in your mind that no place and no one ever in this world could make me this happy? well i felt that way….and on that day……we broke up
;_; i feel so sad and i feel like crying my lungs and throat out.
it’s just too hard to accept.. it feels like i’m dying.
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