The Heart Break Calculator

I broke up with my ex officially a year or so ago, after a very very turbulant relationship. We began dating 2 years ago and it was very casual he made it very clear that he did not want a relationship. I however just adored him. We had everthything going for us, but he was over 10 years older with three childeren and recently seperated from his wife of 18 yrs. He had cheated on her through out their whole marriage.. He was full of guilt and regretful. I ofcourse thought he had changed. To cut a long story short. He moved interstate and wanted to start over (without me) I ended up moving up there as after he was gone he said he was in love with me. So I got a transfer with my job and moved a long way from home and I could not have been happier… I was living in paradise with the man i adored and was loving life. He was charasmatic took me out for beautiful dinners. He then after a month or said he was not sure he was in love with me.. He was partying with friends one day with other girls (where I lived) thats the day I left but decided to stay in the town as i loved it and made friends. He did not even help me down the stairs with my baga or say goodbye. A week later he said he wanted his wife back and was moving back. I moved on… However she did not want him back and he stayed and I stupidly took him back again. After a few months I caught him in bed with 2 other woman… Heart broken. This has been happening for so long… Its only just ended very recently and I really hope its for good.. I miss him like crazy (the good stuff). I feel so used and so tortured and not sure how to move on even after all the bad stuff that has happened. He said so many times he cant live without me and Im the one and he is never going to do what he has in the past…. I can sympathise with all of you with a broken heart… and I hope u get through it

I was with Shannon for 7 years, married nearly 3 years to her and we have a 3 year old daughter. We divorced about 10 months but had been dating and reconciling up until May. She just came back from out of town seeing family and ended it. I have cried every day since. I have realized my faults and I have tried for another chance. She has a boyfriend and I still want her back to make up for the hurt I caused her and to have our family together. I don’t like being a part time dad. I find myself blaming me for everything and my whole day is clouded by this. I don’t see how this gets easier or better for me, my daughter, or my ex. Life is tough and they didn’t teach anything about it in school

a year.. great

John,

I too, in the last 24 hours have relasped back into my depression, that I thought that I was out of. I have gone through some things in the last few days, and because she was my pillar of support for so long, that not thinking this morning, I headed towards her house! and realized that she is not that pillar of support anymore, and she hasnt been for over 6 months! So it seemed to make my issues worse! When we were together, and something came up, all it would take, would be a smile, or a call, or a text for her to bring out of the slump or depressed stata I was in! In therapy, my therapist told me, that because I looked to my ex to take care of my emotions and feelings, persay, I never really had to deal with them, and now, I am left with dealing with my emotions and feelings on my own. I know, I will always love her, but I had high hopes that I was on my way to be on a different path other than this broken heart! I don’t think I am back at square one, but deep within my heart, I feel like I want to cry all over again!

Oh and i apologize for mispelling your name Micheal, i really need to double-check my spelling more often

i liked this girl for two years. a few months ago i told her about it and made a joke about it cause she had a bf. i got past the subject, but she continued asking. she then said she liked me too after a while. i actually got my hopes up and everything.the next day she texted me something her bf sent her. she then said she loved him and blah blah blah i didn’t pay attention to the rest. slap to the face is still there xcept dulled. does it go away completely?

I’ve been posting my stupid story everywhere. I guess…. I just can’t get over the feeling that he’s the one for me. That he’s just afraid and young and still needs to explore feelings he has. That he will wake up and realize the mistake. I know he still loves me… he was afraid to move here to be with me. He’s also confused cause he has some feelings for an old friend who confessed she is falling for him. I have a special set of circumstances in finding a man because I can’t have a “normal” relationship. He exceeded every want I could have in a person. The sex was incredible. The way he told me he loved me.. the way his blue eyes sunk into my soul when he smiled at me and said “you are the one, Laura” … Incredible….. guess I wasn’t the one….. cause now he has feelings for her. He visited me and I paraded him around my family and the whole time he kept telling me he loved me. The he disappeared and coldly said that we cannot be after four days of avoiding all calls and emails. I think he’s just chickening out cause his family is against him moving. And he is scared. That deep down he loves me… but he’d rather pursue this other thing cause he said he just “had to know” with her. I think he’s making a huge mistake. I feel like he will just wake up one day and realize I’m the one again. I want to think that. I don’t want to get over him. I don’t want to have to DATE again. I found the man of my dreams… why oh why oh why. I’ve never fallen in love but once before. In all my life I’ve never felt this way. Dear God…… LET IT END. I just wanted to start my life with him so badly. I want to find my true love. And I still think he is it. We could have been so happy. ARRRRGH!!!

Broken in pieces,

First off, your story is NOT stupid!!!!! Just about everyone who has posted a story or a comment knows exactly how you are feeling and what you are going through. Falling in love, is something very special and there is nothing wrong with wanting to share your life with the one you love. I can feel for you, I always believed “She” was the one for me, and although, I am working through my heartaches, I still believe she is the one for me, and I believe deep within my heart, that she is still in love with me! But for me, that is where it ends! I can’t and would not want her to be with me, just because its what I want! I rather she be with me, because she wants to be with me! And again, Your story is your feelings, and your feelings are never stupid!

God… I had fallen in love with this guy, and he had loved me back. He said he would never leave me, that I mattered to him and had changed his life forever. Well, after a few days, he suddenly started ignoring me, like I didn’t matter. I’ve been trying to contact him ever since and ask him why he isn’t speaking to me, but he never replies. I feel so alone, like my heart was ripped right out from my chest and torn in half. I thought I felt a connection, but I guess he was just toying with me. What should I do?

So it’s my senior year of high school and I never had a boyfriend before. I was never as pretty as the other girls around and whenever I liked a guy…he’d find out and I’d be embarrassed. Then I’ve had people who were complete back stabbers and betrayed my trust. After that I worked on building my wall to keep others away and not let them in. I built this brick wall so I wouldn’t feel betrayed or heart broken again. Along comes this guy who I hooked up with for like…a month and then was just the sweetest person ever. He told me how his mom didn’t like him having a girlfriend. I told him I wasn’t. He said “but I want you to be. I want to be with you. The first time I kissed you it just clicked that we have to be together” we were dating. By our 3rd month of dating we were completely drunk with love. He then promised me we’d be together forever and he promised me we’d get married. I believed him because things were going so perfectly. It must be true. Later on, one night he wouldn’t text me back. He wouldn’t pick up his calls. I talked to our mutual friend who said my bf was tripping. I asked him later on an he denied it. I told him I knew what he did and then he tried to correct himself. Deadline for prom tickets were coming soon so I decided to ask somebody else. I broke up with my bf. That very day later in the day I decided that maybe I could give him another chance. He abused that other chance but I couldn’t let him go. Then we fixed things. Things were going great. Then a month after were perfectly in love, I get my period so I’m a bit edgy so I yelled at him and Hung up. I called in the morning telling him how so sorry I am. He said he was mad. And I asked him to please stay with me in college. Don’t leave me baby please. He promptly texted me “we should take a break for this year” bla bla bla. He admitted that he doesn’t know if he really loved me or cared about me. He still doesn’t even care about me. He broke my heart really badly. This says it’ll take a year….I hope it’s less.

John, I posted a message on 8/6; you sent a response–thanks–but this is the first time since then that I’ve been back to this site. Sorry for the lapse, but in the ensuing 3 weeks I’ve had a major relapse. Had been trying to stay busy and not dwell on my ex (or her daughter, whom I had grown to love like my own child), but a well-intentioned mutual friend told me recently that she already has a new boyfriend. So, in addition to the feelings of loss (of not just a girlfriend but a family) and rejection that I’ve been dealing with all summer, now I’m also experiencing those tormenting emotions (jealousy, rage, betrayal, etc.) that come with the knowledge that I’ve been replaced. The cherry on top came just this afternoon when I found out that the new boyfriend accompanied them to open house at the daughter’s high school earlier this week. A year ago *I* was the guy filling those shoes. We had dated for nearly a year at that point, and being asked to go to open house with them meant the world to me. I considered it to be a huge step forward in our relationship. I felt like we were a family; for the first time in my life, I felt like I was both a husband and a father.

Now a year later, we’ve been broken up for just two months and she’s already grown close enough to someone new to ask HIM to play those roles.

Words cannot convey how bad that hurts. There is no pain like the pain of a broken heart. It is just excruciating, far worse than any physical pain I’ve ever experienced. I would gladly give up a limb or years of my life to NOT feel this way. There can’t be anything tougher to live through than losing not just a girlfriend or spouse but also kids because of a broken relationship, then watching someone else take YOUR place in the family.

Hey Terry – good to hear from you again, although not under the present circumstances. I know what you mean by the pain being so bad that you would give up a limb or something to rid yourself of it. Let’s say we rank break up pain from 1-10, 10 being the worst, and 1 being what you may feel in a couple years when you are over her, maybe w someone new, but still get occasional pangs of missing her. You are definitely in the 10 are right now, I can tell. I’m probably an 8. I am actually sleeping much better, although the past 3 days I’ve sorta slipped back into a bit of depression again, doing some rehash again. But I know that 10 feeling. When I was having my “10″ days about a month back I remember it felt so bad that you just wanted to die. You know that feeling when you have the stomach flu and you are nauseous and puking and you just want to die? Or go to sleep? Or something? You just can’t wait til a few days from then when you know you will feel better, but on that day life is extremely bad & low. That is how I felt – so bad, like I was sick. And that is where you are at now I can tell.

One of the things I’ve realized is that we are all very courageous people, fighting our way through this. I mean, think about it – it takes a hell of a lot of courage to get through heart ache. While most of our exes seem to happily move along with no pain. I’ve been on boths sides. While I’ve never broken up with someone cruelly or cheated on anyone, I have left women that loved me. And I know they went through a lot of pain. And sure as sh*t, it was much easier for me to move on.

My question these days ,as I forage forward, is how do you keep the love and power “equally distributed” in relationships? How do you keep the attraction equal on both sides? Because clearly we did something to lose the attraction. Women won’t stay with us (and men with women) if we do not do the necessary things to maintain attraction. My achilles heal is that I love being in a relationship w a wonderful, sexy woman, and I get pretty attached once I find one. I think maybe too attached. I’m trying to figure out if I just shouldn’t let myself ever get attached that much or what? Just not exactly sure how to play it. Because it seems like I lose something when I do get super close.

But I took much of your advice in your Aug 6 post and really started putting myself “out there” again. I’ve joined some groups of people with similiar interests as mine, made some new friends, reaquainted with some old friends. I’ve got about three friends trying to set me up on dates. And I have no illusions of anything working out in the short term, or any of these women replacing my lost love. I am simply trying to create new memories to lay on top of the old ones so it doesn’t hurt so much, so it becomes harder to remember my lost love. And I am really trying to maintain my no contact rule. I’ve been good at that for about a month now. 4 weeks back I just simply texted a message that said I just wanted to say hi, and she came back with an enthusiastic hi in return. And that was about it. Then two weeks go by and she sends me an email w a newslink on a subject we used to discuss, and this created a couple emails back and forth of sorta “catching up”. I debated on how to play this. I thought of simply ignoring her, but I thought I would placate her this one time only, let her see my strength and my positive attitude. I didn’t ask any questions at all of her, not one. Just said I hoped she was doing well and having fun getting out. (She said that to me so I echoed it back to her). However, I am realizing that her contacting me, which totally surprised me and came out of the blue, has forced me to slip back into depression as the heart hopes that maybe she is still interested in me, even as the head says no way, she is not interested, keep moving forward. But I have slipped backward the last couple days, as I reprocess all the “why did this happen” questions in my mind. I intend not to contact her at all, though she has a birthday coming up – not sure how to play that one – should I send a card or not. Hmmm. There is no bad blood between us, so not sure what to do. (Opinions people?)

But I will keep moving forward. I’m supposed to be getting set up w three different gals, and I will continue to pursue my hobbies and interests where I am meeting cool people.

For you – man,all I can say is that just sucks where you are at. I just dont’ want to know what my ex is doing as far as dating or if she found someone new. I know it would have the same effect on me as it is on you. I wish I could move to the other side of town so I never ran into her. I have our mutual friends instructed to stay mum on her goings-on.

So I’m sorry Terry. Feel the pain for a few days and then start distracting yourself again – whatever you have to do to distract yourself, do it. I think you are on the right track – get out there and start making new memories as fast as possible, as fast as you are emotionally able to do it – John

wow i am gratefull for this thank u

Oh crap…

10 months, saw each other everyday, so 7/2 = 3.5…10×3.5 equals 35 months which is equal to 2.9 years…awesome

I’m still recovering from two men I both loved very much. One year and 6 months ago, I fell in love with a guy of
which I know my feelings will never be the same for another. He was an incredible jerk to everyone, including me. But I still kept on holding on, trying to get to his good side. And it was a miracle that it worked, though it just lasted for a few weeks and then he would go all mean on me again, say something to get rid of me, and the next day he would apologize. He’s done some crazy ‘romantic’ things for me and it’s an experience of which I know won’t ever happen again – it was too strange and too hard to get a grip on, but I really enjoyed every single second of it. After that he left my life for about two months and I was heartbroken. Then, he returned and it all started all over again.
One night he then told me he had to leave and was missing for a week. Not just missing to me, but to everyone. Then I heard he was heavily injured and near dying. The thought of losing him made me sick. I cried and screamed for hours and days. I think this really was the worst of all the times I ever felt broken.
Yet, he survived and showed up again after a while – not entirely better, but alive. Too bad I had lost his loving side
again, but he wasn’t mean either. I guess it was simply friendship from his side. Some more months passed and we
carried on this way. The birthday party of a good friend came up, and he and I both knew very well this was the perfect opportunity to make it up between us again. But he didn’t show up, and this snapped something inside of me. I decided that very night that it was over, I cut off all contact and haven’t spoken to him since then, it’s 8
months ago now. Yet every now and then, memories pop back up and I get nightmares about him. Those times I
break down, and then I know that my feelings still aren’t over yet. Those moments hurt a lot. But I know he hasn’t forgotten about me yet, either. Some of his (and my) friends know this. He doesn’t know that I know, though.

So, just as I was in one of the moments in which I break down about missing him, I met someone new. This is nearly a month ago now. This new person and I got along extremely well, he was everything the other man was, but then
softer and nicer. And more like me. And best of all, without mood swings. Naturally, I fell in love with him. I never told him until he was the first to admit. I was too afraid to get my fingers burned again.
This time was a little bit different though, since this guy lived very far from my hometown and we couldn’t see each
other for a very long while to come. So we agreed that, íf we would find someone else, we would be honest and tell.
It was a time that really made me happy, but one week ago I just noticed a difference. He contacted me much less, didn’t tell me he loved me anymore and my affection towards him was ignored. This weekend, he told me he had a
friend coming over. And I already knew he was going to fall in love with her. I could see this one coming. I didn’t
contact him throughout the weekend and decided to give it a rest. But I did hope and pray that he was going to
choose for me, and not her. Wrong. So today, I started the conversation myself and told him I knew that he’d
fallen for someone else, that I couldn’t do a thing about it and that I knew I had to leave. He didn’t have a clue how
I knew this, but he told me I was right anycase. He also told me he does still love me, but this is it. Period.

So yeah, here I am. having lost one man by choice and the other, well…. just way to soon. This one really hit me
like a bullet. It hurts so, so, so much to know someone else can make him happier than I could…
I think I’m done crying now, though. Just wish the pain in my chest and stomach would go.
And someway, I hope it will be over between them soon and that he comes back to me, although I want him to be happy – even with her.

Suppose I’ll see what happens next.

I have been cheated by my husband for a yr with 5 women (4 he have sexed with and 1 he fall in love). He told me about this things while im working abroad. I am shoched by his revelations for all i thought that we have a good relationship. He also told me he spent out money to his womanizing. He has no work for two yrs. He didn’t done any effort for returning my feelings for him. Ang then I caught him again having a chatting with other person. So i asked him to leave our house….he do not leave. I go back to our country to fixed things….but he said i is in love with his woman. I stayed with my mother’s house. I asked him to go to a coffee shop to get his mobile to see if there is really an other woman then I saw there is. I got the phone and he ran after me. I said “he loved her, she is her wife now and i can have other man too” then i slapped his face and he bragged my body to the fences then the taxi came and i try to get in but he pulled me and get my bag thinking he can get his phone (the phone was kept in my panty). I got in another taxi. Then the police came and i asked for help they picked us and brought to the nearest police station. I charged him for physical injury and verbal and emotional abuse and financial exploitation. To end u….i have no feelings at all to him. He messed our relationship…all i need is justice.

So Erik, what’s your story? What you wrote is very hard to follow.

my so called mate is seeing the guy i liked, yet she is just one week out of a relationship with a diffrent guy!? how does tht one work? she was in that realationship for 2years!

This guy i liked, we got on so well, he made me feel happy and made me laugh so much. We did alot of training together, while this mate of mine was no where to be seen, next minute she is back at training, breaks up with her bf then starts dating this guy i like ,
we were on a night out a couple of weeks ago with a group of friends, people mentioned about how cossy him and I looked together that night.

my mate asked if i liked this guy, cause of the type of person i am i denyed it cause i thought if he found out, il scare him away! as am 21 hes 18.but recently he said age doesnt bother him.

back in march one of his mates randumly asked me if i liked that guy. I never said anything.

maybe i shuold have said something to him sooner, hes a shy guy, and am shy when it come to things like this

when my mate told me that she was seeing him i felt the ground falling, this may sound perthetic but am in pain, yet i didnt even go out with him at all, i just dont understand why am so botherd. I wish I wasnt but I am :S
He was there when she told me, he didnt look happy and walked away.

should I say something or just let them get on with it? one minute i think yeh i should say something,

then next am just like,am being stupid get over it!!!

It has been a couple years since my man broke up with me. One afternoon he came in and said he was done. I believe he had designs on another girl at work. We were engaged and had been together for almost 5 years. One evening he called me. (about a year ago) He wanted to get together. Unfortunently I fell for it. Back in the sack I went. This went on for awhile (up till about 3 weeks ago) I went on vacation and I texted him on how my vacation was going. We talked for about 3 hours.I finally asked the question on were this was going. He said “No where.” He went on to say, “you told me to tell you if I was seeing someone else. Well I am, so we won’t be getting together when you get home.” He says he is seeing someone that doesn’t live in our area. I have been crushed. My heart aches. I work with the guy, and he suggests that I move on and get another job. Also, his house is on my way to work. No other way for me to get to work, so when he has company, of course I see it. This really sucks. It doesn’t even seem to effect him. That arrow went right through my heart. How do people do this to people they supposedly care about? Suicide…. it’s crossed my mind on many occassions. The pain is unbearable. The whole “out of the blue” thing that he pulls is simply evil. I just hope he will hurt as much as I have at some point in his life. This is so cold. Why do guys do this? I just want to love and be loved is that so terrible?

People think that teenagers can’t fall in love. I used to think that, too, until I met Brian. I met him when I was freshly 14 and he was 16. He thought I was annoying, I thought he was gross. I didn’t think much of him, but sercretly I thought he was pretty cute. Then things changed a few years later. I was 16, he was 18. He was about to go to college and we had a special night together-nothing too serious of course. Then he left for college and I figured, that was nice, but that was it. And it was ok. But then he came home from breaks, and we kept meeting up. But he always left, and it was still Ok. Then this summer, we fell in love. We spent at least 4 hours a day together every day all summer. No fights, not a single disagreement, just pure bliss. All along knowing that soon we would be seperated again. But I never thought I would break like this. When he left, my world fell apart. He has moved on to older, better girls and I am left here with a broken heart and a boy who wants to fix it but cant. I cant sleep, I cant eat, I ache for him every second. He is my all and I cannot move on as much as I try. I feel all of your pain, and teenage love is real.

I hope by expressing my broken heart here will help me heal the vast emptiness that has consumed me. I met my soulmate, the love of my life, my bestfriend, my lover, and the ONE through her female bestfriend. Even though we only spent one week (a full seven days), we both knew that we are made for each other. I was the skeptic when it comes to the affairs of the heart, but now I know that there is a such thing as “Love at first sight”.

The very first night we saw each other, we both knew that there was just that spark between us two, that chemistry, that Cupid finally delivered what he had always promised. That one week, I was on cloud nine and nothing could bring me down and she felt the same way. Everyone told us that we are made for each other and her female bestfriend’s grandmother even told us that we are each other’s soulmates (her female bestfriend’s family and her family grew up together).

On the very last night before she had to fly back home, we were gazing in each other’s eyes and we both knew that our love is eternal and pure for each other. She promised me that she would never hurt me and would never break my heart. When I dropped her at the airport, she cried in my arms telling me that she doesn’t want to leave me and go back home.

We spoke on the phone at least two to three hours a day every since she flew back home. She flew back home about three months ago. Then THE day came…without any warning signs she emailed me letting me know that we are over, that she wants me to forget about her, that being with me is a mistake at this time. She won’t answer my phone calls, my emails, won’t answer her best friend’s phone calls, her emails. She won’t even tell me the real reason why she wants to break up with me.

She finally told the real reason to her bestfriend’s grandmother that she needed some time to work on her issues and don’t want me to be involved with those issues (I found this out through the bestfriend). I told her bestfriend that she should at least call me and end it and not just end it by a simple email.

Well, she finally called and she ended it but I could hear the hesitation in her voice. I asked her if that is what her heart is telling her or what her counselor is telling her. She told me that it is what her counselor is telling her, but her heart telling her not to leave me. She tells me that she loves me and also tells me that she loves me too much to hurt me.

Now, I am an empty shell of what I was. Every morning it takes all my will power and energy just to wake up and get out of bed. And when I stare at the mirror, all I see are two vast empty abyss orbs where my eyes used to be. I am depressed all the time, I don’t eat right, I stay up all night, I would maybe sleep only two hours a day so I would not miss a phone call from her. I keep telling myself that this is just a horrible nightmare so I can get through a day without breaking down, without going into a self destruction mode, without going crazy.

Her bestfriend found out that the love of my life is going through the same thing as I am, but she refuses to call me and get back together with me. All my friends are telling me to move on, but when I and she knows it’s the right one, I will stay and fight for us to be together. But nothing is working so far…

This is a very messed up situation for me. How can a girl I only spent a week’s time with and spent the rest of the time talking to her on phone got me all twisted up ?

U know how much i love u.But u take advantage of my love and keep another behind. You’ve been cheating and cheating me.Now i can’t forgive u anymore.My heart is hurt , very hurt.And i know that this is heart broken.
Time heals , i know but now i’m crying, crying a lot.U can’t be my sunshine anymore.This may be the last goodbye.
I don’t want to see u again.

I stupidly fell in love with a man who told me it was always just sexual. 2 yrs of an emotional n sexual connection.now he calls it off, he loves his family,wants 2 b good. I am devastated. What can I do?