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Hi everybody.  A friend recommended me to this site after my recent breakup, so I thought I'd give it a try.  Here's my story:

I had been dating a girl for the past 5 years.  We were college students for most of that time, and during that time we even became engaged.  We kept trying to find a time and an opportunity for a wedding, but things just weren't working out.  Once we graduated, we thought we found an opportunity.  Her parents would pay for it, and they said we could live in their basement until we could get on our feet. 

I wanted to be married and be happy, but neither of us had a job or hardly any money, so I had some problems.  After talking the matter over with my parents, we decided it was not a good idea, because this was not a real life and I wanted to give her so much better than that.  She was devastated, as was I, mostly because she was so upset, but we continued on.

That was in September.  In November, she started talking to a guy online.  She asked me if it was OK if she flirted with him, and being almost flattered and wanting to make her happy, I said yes.  As I learned more about this guy, however, I started to regret that.  I had talked to him before and had no problem.  Then I learn he is more than 15 years older than both of us, and he's polyamorous.  He has at least 8 other girlfriends.

Things were fine for a while, but then she got more serious with this guy, all the while talking about how much she wants us to be together.  Then she starts talking about meeting up with this guy and being part of this polyamorous lifestyle.  The problem is he lives literally on the other side of the country, and I wasn't completely happy with this.  I told her I had bad feelings about it, but she swore she could not live without me, so I didn't protest.

Then I learned earlier this month that she was going to move across country to live with her brother, where she always wanted to live, which just happens to be a few miles from this guy.  She would move up there, get to know him, and then I would come up a few months later.  Now's when I really started feeling bad.  We talked about it nearly every day that week, and again, I backed down.  I told her that I personally didn't like the idea, but that I wanted her to be happy, I knew she still loved me, and that all in all, it was for the best.  She agreed.

Then, not even a week later, after spending a night with her where she barely even spoke to me, she breaks up with me over the phone.  I talked to her later and said some mean things I shouldn't have.  When I went to apologize, she basically dropped my things in front of me and told me to go away.  Now she's convinced I'm somehow dangerous, talking about blocking my number and having friends over to watch out for her, while know of our friends think that's ridiculous, because if anything, she could beat me up.

She's leaving in less than a week, and I've said that I wanted to see her one more, possibly for the last, time to say goodbye, but she doesn't want that.  Her parents love me like a son and are very sad about it, and most of our friends are on my side, but that still does not make me feel any better.  I can't stop thinking about her, and the range of emotions runs from hurt to confused to lost.  I tried being angry at both of them, but I couldn't do it.

I have so many questions.  Did I do the right thing?  If I married her earlier, this wouldn't happen, but that's no life.  I also know the kind of life she wants (privacy, attention, a wedding, etc.), and we both know this guy will not give it to her.  She will be another notch in his bedpost, but she thinks it's something more, that she can change him.  She's the only one who can give me any answers, but she's not talking, at least not now.  The person I've known for the last 5 years is not the person she has been for the past few months.  Anybody have any advice or suggestions on what to do now?