In some ways, your situation is not verry different than mine. I was with my boyfriend for 2 and a half years. The first 2 years were great than my children came back from my country and he had a hard time accepting them. Maybe I neglected him or took him for granted. Still, I believe he owed me a chance. Amelie just sent me a nice email explaining that I had the opportunity to see him in a different setting (now with my children) and it seemed that he didn't handled it well. In times of adversity is when we get to really know the people we are with. In my view some people just lack the maturity necessary to overcome adversities together. Not much you can do about it. The are a lot of people out there who are not able to be fully commited to a relationship (for better or worse). You absolutely need to give him some space and accept this adversity with as much grace as you can. Believe me, I know your pain. As Amelie wrote to me: “I think there is a right person out there for you that will love you for all of you. In fact, I’m positive of it.” And the same goes for you. Have faith, things are changing for the better. Many hugs to you!
I think ur on road to recovery. But there's a long way but at least there's progress. Sometimes i thought i progressed but after few days back to square one. Sigh. I am waiting for the day where i can really progress and not backslide again. I think i backslided 20 over times.
I guess i'll just have to pray and try not to think of her
You are right, Samantha, sometimes I catch myself thinking I still love him. I guess deep inside I do, but at least I have realized I shouldnt. I have got some invites to dates by other men, but I really dont feel ready. I dont think it will be good for me or for them. I need to be my best friend first.
At the beginning of my “rage” mood, I did some childish things, like ordering weird stuff online in his name. I also put his beloved drums out for sale really cheap with his phone number, and he got 100 calls in few hours. Well, I feel sort of stupid about that now, but I still think I would have prefered him doing that to me rather than cheating on me. I guess I clearly havent forgiven him yet. Not sure if I ever will.
At the beginning it was hard for me to be alone, but at the same time it was hard being with people. I cried alone and talking to other people kept me from crying, but also wore me out. No matter what I did I missed him like crazy. Now I can look forward to coming home alone after work, make myself something to eat and enjoy a movie or something, peacefully. I sometimes also appreciate the fact that I can choose what I want to do, and when, I dont have to coordinate it with another person.
I think this is a very good progress, and I have learned a lot from this forum.
Good to hear that the sadness is no more there. Anger is part of the grief process. After this, your anger will slowly go and you will be able to fogive and forget but it takes a long time. I was at the anger stage but now it;s gone
Since my x broke up with me (well, wanted a “break” as he said), several things have happened. I have cried all over the city, in front of completely strangers. I have been a mess, not caring about putting on my make-up or do housework. I have been eating either nothing at all for days, or way too much, and have been avoiding all kinds of music, movies etc. Its incredible where memories may turn up and make it worse.
It has been almost 2 months now, and I have found out that the “break” actually meant ” I have been cheating on you for quite some time now, Im so in love with my new girlfriend, oh she moved in right after you wrre out, by the way.” This was announced to me not face to face, not on phone or e-mail, but on Facebook. In public for all to see. It was horrible seeing people writing “grats on new girlfriend!” etc when I wasnt even aware. And this man in 36, so cant be blamed for being young and stupid!
The last 4 days have been good, though. After the Facebook incident, somehow my greef turned into rage. And it gave me a boost and lifted me up to a place I had forgotten. I havent called him or spoken to him since, but most important, I havent even wanted to. I have nothing more to say to him. I have been cooking again, thinking of working out and best of all ; I have been laughing. My rage and anger is very present, but it does not feel painful, rather good actually.
Theres a chance it will all come back to me, but I enjoy the absence of the sorrow while I can. This forum and also the healing process have helped me from the beginning, but I can now go thorugh it again and get even more out of it. So what I want to say I guess; theres hope. I didnt think it was, but I do now. I wish the same for all of people who have been at this horrible place called heartbroken.
I too can totally relate to how you feel. But you can't waste anymore time on him. I just turned 30 last month and I have those same fears about not finding my true love and starting a family but its not a race. Things will happen in time, when they're supposed to. Just keep trying to stay positive and trust that there is love beyond this heartbreak…
I'm talking to you as much as myself, I hope it gets better for you.
You did the right thing by not waiting. Jealousy is something we cant control because we still have feeling for the other person. It's been 5 months now but i still get jealous everytime i think of both of them together because my feelings for her is still very strong. It's ok to feel jealous. IT takes time for that feeling to go away.
You are not alone.I am also 29.I also had the same thought as you that i wont meet someone that i will love and have kids. All my frens are married or attached.I also felt left out. Don't think that way.
You have not found the right person yet. Maybe he's still out there,near. You need to have positive thoughts to hang on. It's very hard but try.
Well. You were all right. Theres no such thing as a break or a time-out. I didnt believe so before, so why did I now
My x (yup, I have to face the fact that he is now my x) first asked me for a chance to clear his mind, but we would help eachother out. Then he needed space, and I had to give it to him. Then he needed me not to say negative things or ask questions on the phone. Finally, he told me he had allready met somone else. Well, he didnt tell me, but I asked and he siad “no”, I could hear him lying and contronted him with it, then he yelled at me for not trusting his word, 5 minutes after he told me, right before he said “but I cant talk about this, because Im out of butter and milk and have to go to the store now”.
Took him one year to get closer to me and get to know me. Took him another year to get me to move to his country. I strayed for almost two years beforeh came home one day and said he wanted out. Well, actually, he wanted me out. Two weeks and he found someone new.
Im so mad at the moment, but I know the damn fear and anger will come sneaking back on me in the morning, or tonight. Why am I doing this to myself? What happened to my selfasteam (sorry, not sure how to spell that in English)?
The jeaolusy is insane. Picturing them makes me so sick. I spent 4 years of my life on him, and now Im afraid that I wont have time to meet someone and have children, which I've always wanted. Im soon 29, I know I still have time, but Im so afraid to end up alone….
I know what ur going thru. time out is actually an excuse. Dont wait for him anymore. When we breakup we tend to get sad cause we always think that he or she is the 1 and we wont be able to find anyone else. That's how our mind cope with breakup.
Try to open your mind to more options. I know it;'s hard. Try to go with frens or family members. Keep yourself busy. Try not to think about him. Try to give urself marks on daily basis on ur improvement. 100 being the day u can totally forget him. Maybe today you get 10 marks and tomorrow maybe 12….etc.
Keep like a diary of your imporvement and progress
It has been 1 month today and I can honeslty say that this time (since my relationship fell apart) have felt so much longer. I feel I havent made that much progress, I have days where I cry and cry, have anxietyattacks or is just totally unable to do anything. There are small moments where I dont think about him, but the joy of those disappear the next time I find myself being a mess.
My x and I are on a so called “time-out”, but Im afraid to use that word because it makes me feel so stupid. Maybe a break is just another word for over, and that I cant let go…I dont know. At the same time I do hope, because nothing really bad happened to use except that he lost job, went into depression and things went dark. So I feel its so “unfinished” if you know what I mean.
I still talk to my x, almost everyday, either online or on the phone. Sometimes we can have nice conversations and then I feel good afterwards. Until I find myself downhill again some hours later, and I feel very, very lonely. I dont have a lot of friends where I live, so I dont have anyone to talk about it, sadly.
Im so afraid that he was the “one” and that I will never get over it… I cant even recognize myself, I used to be happy, bright and positive, and now Im all sad and depressed. I miss myself and the good life. Any advice on what to do to move on better than I have?
I am very grateful for all the replies. The last two days I have tried to follow advices, but sometimes I feel like Im back where I started. Like the healing process has reset or something… do you know this feeling too?
Elinic I am so sorry about your situation. Be relieved your not the oldest one here. I'm in my late 40's. I had been with my ex for 10years. I had know him longer than that we were good friends. Everything was doing very good until one day on new year's day he dropped a bombshell that he had been cheating on me for couple of months. I was devastated and to make the story short he choice to be with her. I was so hurt I don't know what had hit me. I am all broken up but I am trying to mend my broken heart and it is not easy…. I still love him but I know I have to let go…. Not easy I may add. I prayed to lord the almighty to help me ease the pain and so far it help me. In the beginning I called him, text him, begged him you know it. He such a smooth operator he told me to bear with him that he will make everything right for me what ever that means but in reality he moved on Yes , it hurt like hell but I am trying to be strong. I have good qualities and I know I have some flaws too but not as bad as him. I realized that he loves money….. everything to him is money…..I am just below average person. I am making ends met but nothing to bragged about. I have a house that I am paying mortgage and he is well off. He had several properties in different state. He had a good job for now and I guess he found him a woman that makes as much as he does. I don't know and I really don't want to know. I might not have a degree or lot of money but I am proud of myself that I was able to raised my daughter.Oh beside that he complain about me being cheap. I am very frugal I tried to buy things on sell and I just can not afford to to buy expensive stuff. I have bills to pay. I finally found something that is negatives about him his a cheater,and he loves money….I am trying my very best to show him that I don't need him that I will be allright without him. Yes, I get lonely and when there are times that he cripped on my mind and hardest thing to pull myself together. You will noticed that I have been posting a lot from this wedsite because it help me vent my feeling and if you read the topic can someone tell me what the hell happened that is the first subject I replied to. Theres a lot of emotion on that subject I am pretty regular replying on that subject.
Now, that we all broken up we need a support group and this what really help me. I check this site faithfully because it help me deal with my pain. I believed in god and I know he is giving me the guidance what I need to do and I am happy to say that it help me a lot. I am also determine to learn to dance and this has been the biggest destruction. I told myself that I am going to learn to dance and be good at it. My advice to you is stop thinking about your ex I know it is hard because I still think about my ex and I am trying very hard not to think about him and tell myself that I deserve better. Good luck to you….
Hi…I am also going through the same “nightmare” as kenlee6 … the one that I considered to be the love of my life is going to get married with somebody else … we've been together for 8 years, with goods and bads, but we overcomed all the obstacles through all these years … until one day 5 months ago, when, out of nowhere, I received an sms from her telling me that “our relationship cannot continue, we have no future together, I want something else, something that you cannot offer me.I know you are going to hate me, but maybe it's better this way in order for you to get over me.” In just 3 days after that sms, she was back with someone (about whom I've always been jealous and about whom she was always saying that he means nothing) and after one and a half month she accepted to marry him.The funny thing is that she continued to say that she loves me, calling me on New Year's Eve at midnight and telling me “I love you”,etc. But I cannot understand, how can you love someone and hurt that someone so much, without carrying one bit what you are doing to that person when you choose to finish 8 years through an sms.
The thing that is killing me is the question “how?how could she brake up with me through an sms, where's the respect in that?where's the love in that?i have always understood her, always listened to her.always told her that if this moment will come that I don't want us to separate this way, I asked her to come talk to me and take the decision together, because I trully love her and I will undestand her no matter how heartbreaking is for me”.
I think that I should mention that I am not able to offer her children, that is the reason why she left me (at least that's what she told me).
Anyway…after 5 months of incredible suffering…i thing i am able to give you some advice about what to do. Don't live your life waiting for him, live your life even though you are feeling pain every day, don't let yourself get into deep depression, don't hope that he will come back to you (because if you hope that and he doesn't get back than you will be again the only one that will suffer) and most of all…even though I myself couldn't apply this advice…try not to call him, you will only show him that your life depends on him.
I hope however all the best for you and that you will get back together.
Thanks so much for answer. It feels good knowing there are people who know the feeling. Im so sorry to hear about your girl also. I hope you have friends who make it feel better, if even just tiny bit. Its incredible how much feelings can hurt. /Hugs
I understand the pain you are going through. In your case at least there is hope that he might come back to you. I am also 28. Your case is much better than mine. The girl that i really loved is going to get married to someone else soon and that person is not me. So there's no way the girl coming back to me and it hurts very much.
I guess there's still a chance that ur guy might be back. Give him sometime. Don't force him too much. He will feel the pressure. In the meantime try to go out with your frens or try to do something so as not to think of him that much. I know it's not easy but you have to try.
I know i cant give any good advice as i myself is still struggling. But i hope things will turn out well for you with the support of your frens and family.
This is my first post on this forum. I have been looking for some kind of forum with people who are in the same situation as me, but so far its mostly forums for a lot younger people I have come across. Like 15-16, Im not saying their pain is not as bad as mine (whos 28), but it would be nice to read about older people also, people who have lived together etc.
It has been 2 weeks since my x came home and didnt hug and kiss me like he always used to. He just gave me a pat on my shoulder, and had a strange look on his face. I knew something horrible was going to happen, and I was right.
His feelings had changed. He didnt love me in the right way anymore. He wanted out. We had lived together for 1,5 year, and been together for a bit more than 2. I met him while going through a breakup with my last x, but I had not in any ways the feelings Im having this time. Maybe because I met him so soon, I dont know. Meeting him was magical, and I have never been so happy. I moved to another country to live with him, well, the country next to mine, but still.
We were so happy until he lost his job this fall. Then it was like the lights got turned off over night. He went into depression, I suppose I did too, we started arguing. We stopped doing romantic things. Our lives became full of concerns for money, it all went very fast down hill.
Right before christmas he got a new job, and I was so relived. Christmas was fantastic, future seemed bright again. We talked a lot about what had been and what would come. We were both positive. Til the day he broke up with me. I had to return to my country after 2 days, and starting from scratch here, I had nothing.
I now have a parttime job and a rental appartement, but Im so unhappy. The first week I thought I did better and better for every day, but lately things have gone the other way. I miss him so much. Im crying all the time. I have a center of burning anxiety in my stomach, its always there, I cant concentrate or rest. The only thing that helps me is the thought of calling him, sometimes he is chatty and I feel better when we hang up, sometimes I annoy him and it gets worse.
He says he needs some time for himself to clean is thoughts. He says its a timeout, and that he will try to think positive about us getting back together. I know…Im a clichee who finds hope in this, right? Still all of me really want it ti be true, just so I could have a feeling that I was the kind of girl you realize you dont let go. Every time I see myself in the mirror, Im thinking that Im a zero, that Im worth nothing. Im mocking myself. I sometimes hate myself. And I wish I could think, well this relationship didnt work out, like I did the last time, but I cant, because it changed so fast after he lost his job. We had such a great time til that. Im so bitter because that happened, and that we didnt realize it in the middle of it.
I am sorry for a long post. I just need to clear my heart to someone, allthough I dont know anyone here. But I hope you will understand me. Im a mess. I dont have a lot of friends, and not anyone I can talk to about these things. I just dont know what to do.
Login 
Register 
Print this Post 
Add a New Topic 
Reply to Post
Quote and Reply 
I cant even recognize myself, I used to be happy, bright and positive, and now Im all sad and depressed. I miss myself and the good life. Any advice on what to do to move on better than I have?
Topic RSS 
Search 