Step 10: Forgiveness
Forgiveness is a crucial part of the healing process. You may think that you are not at a stage to forgive or that you don’t feel a need to forgive, but this is a good time to examine where you stand. To begin, read this excerpt from one of our community members:
“I am 43 years old and it is unbelievable that I am enduring heartbreak at this stage in my life. This break up is screwing up my life plan and the thought of having to start from scratch – having to go through the dating process again – it makes my stomach churn. This isn’t the first time this has happened and I blame myself making poor choices.”
Who do you blame, if anyone, for the state of your broken heart? Yourself, your ex, the universe? The necessity to forgive everyone involved in order to fully move on is something that you probably already understand intuitively.
Let’s start with forgiving your ex. Often what is lacking at the end of a relationship is a definitive reason why it did not work out. Many times we contact our ex over and over again for that explanation that provides us the closure we require to forgive and move on. Sometimes we get this explanation and sometimes we do not; however, with or without a verbal explanation, we almost always know the reason a relationship failed. Hold onto that last statement. Regardless of the words you receive in the end, do not judge the relationship by its final words or final silence. Look at the relationship holistically, or as a whole, and be honest with yourself about why it came to an end. If you are truly at a loss, then trust in the process of life guiding you to a better path.
Forgiving yourself is of utmost importance in the goal to feel closure and in order to take the next steps ahead. Whether it is clear or not, this last relationship was a catalyst for personal growth. Learning what you need in a partner, what you want or never want again are examples of the benefits of a past relationship.
One thing is certain: the time you spent with your ex was not wasted. We go through life with many people coming in and out of our lives and each of these experiences are small gifts of wisdom that give you the strength and clarity to find the best path for yourself going forward. This holds true even if you consider yourself to be in the later stages of your life.
Forgive the universe as it is not plotting against you. Life will tap you on the shoulder when you are not following the path toward your best and brightest future. Occasionally, when we are really off-track, we get a kick in the gut. The universe has given you a little kick in the gut with this heartbreak, but I promise you will be rewarded with authentic happiness – soon. After you complete the exercise, take the next step.
Try it! Begin the process of forgiveness with an extremely effective forgiveness exercise: