Comments on: Breaking Up is a No Contact Sport: 8 Ways To Help You Go Cold Turkey http://www.healmybrokenheart.com/coldturkeynocontact Thu, 09 Sep 2010 01:08:58 +0000 hourly 1 http://wordpress.org/?v=3.0 By: Robert http://www.healmybrokenheart.com/coldturkeynocontact/comment-page-3#comment-2881 Robert Tue, 07 Sep 2010 14:49:10 +0000 http://www.healmybrokenheart.com/?p=620#comment-2881 Hello Hopeful, Trying, Miracle..Sarah..all..tis Mr. Robert. Thanks so much Hopeful and Trying...and yes I am slowly..ever so gingerly starting to feel a little better. Hopeful and MIracle, you may not know this but Trying and Sarah does. I write a great deal on the side and been published a few times. As a way to decipher all that I started feeling post-breakup, I recently embarked on a new book entitled, 'What Is The Real Reason You Left Me?' In one of the sections that I cut and pasted below (because it seems oh so appropriate to what you are all feeling here) I addressed 'Acceptance.' Keep in mind that my entire book is gauged for the MALE AUDIENCE but the concepts are all the same are they not. Sorry for the length but tell me what you think of this cut? Acceptance? What The Hell Is That? Yup..yesiree the relationship has ended. Isn’t it funny when we are so very wounded and down in the dumps, that the simplicity of such a word as ‘acceptance,’ is something we absolutely do not want to endorse in any way, shape, or fashion. This literally sucks and aside from losing a loved one in death, I personally do not believe there is any worse human emotion. It is a death…one of long histories, families, special occasions, fighting for the same causes…all. You mourn that which you had, and all of the pains and hurt that caused someone you were in love with to be injured (hopefully not physically). It matters not how or why people separate, divorce, or end relationships of any kind (close friendships included). The finale leaves people emotionally drained, financially crippled in some cases, and robbed of far more than that which lies within a purse or wallet. You are robbed of faith, hope, and certainty! Here is the true skinny on the whole key to this acceptance thing. Damn it, no matter how you fight or claw to stop the whole process, when someone calls it quits and ends a relationship, you must accept it! Wow…rocket science right? Hell, one of my mainstays in life, and my kids will tell you, is that I am highly competitive…forever hated losing. I even cheated playing Yatzee…shhhh!. Even if you are able to mend fences and really do the work…revive your relationship, when a break first happens we are so busy fighting the reality of it, there is zero time to admit that IT’S OVER! As I started tossing ideas around for this book with a colleague at work (go figure…a psychology major) about this whole ‘acceptance’ battle raging in our heads, I conjured up a passage I wrote a long time ago that spoke of pains inside of us as we reach varied stages during relationship disturbances. I write a great deal on many different topics, having been published many times, and always come at my subjects from different (albeit sometimes twisted) angles. As I looked upon this passage once again, I found a small portion on why we get all bound up sometimes as we fight the reality of a breakup. Here is a small piece of that passage; "I thought of her in only the finest of ways, for there was a time when we loved deeply and without reservation. I am learning through time spent with anyone special in our hearts, we all are destined to experience emotional upheavals that chip away at our personal foundations. For me at first, a painful breakup feels like a wound that will not heal, as my personal undercarriage lies exposed, bruised, and seems beyond repair." I really believe because we are living, breathing human beings, our personal undercarriages do become scarred at times. Sometimes those scars run deep and seemingly last forever. We try to buffer them with inner kindness to ourselves, but I have found it is usually either very early in the morning, or late at night when alone, that we are often the cruelest to our personal psyches. We will envision our ex and see them in varied times and places that we used to share with them. I mentioned how we will stare at clocks…certain times in the day that stirs the most active remembrances…questions posed internally of “what they must be doing right now.” It is a very natural reaction to have, especially when the break is so very fresh. Wounds hurt the worst when cuts are deep and searing. I decided henceforth, to splice varied pieces of personal passages within the confines of this rambling self-helper for those less fortunate in love. We have all been there before, and all I am trying to do is offer fresh perspectives to age-old issues dealing with heartbreak. One mistake we all have made because we did love another and now lost that person, is that throughout our grieving process, our ex asked for a lot of space and time to sort out their feelings. They are not robots and especially if she broke up with you and ended the relationship, she has feelings that are hurt as well. Her wounds are no less than yours. It is just that the deep hurt we failed to see way back when as the relationship lost traction, has now manifested itself into her deciding enough was enough. Either her tolerance for things came to a boil, or her heart was just not feeling it anymore. It matters not. We are so very crushed when a relationship ends, and our senses of stability and reality with another person has just vaporized, that even if our ex’s cried out at the top of their lungs for immediate space, we are too caught up in the moment to realize how vitally necessary it is to grant them their full requests! We all have our ghosts and each of us share our unique pasts. Yet on this matter of a woman seeking “space and time” (no guys she is not seeking employment with NASA) there is a sense of urgency to it that we all must hear. I focused on a woman and ‘space’ because let’s face it, for the most part it is rarely a guy asking for it! We cavemen are more likely to state the “it’s not you … it’s me” line because it is a tad more masculine. Seriously, think about it. I am semi-joking but the idea of us bottling up and using ‘space’ to figure out where we are headed is not our general domain. Have you ever wondered which hurts the most…saying something and wishing you had not, or saying nothing and wishing you had? I know that many times in my life I have done both. I can empathize with anyone who has been deeply ashamed at times when reacting in ways that made them seem needy, obsessive, and obstinate to that which was professed…the need for “space.” When a woman begs and pleads for it, I suppose sometimes as men we never equate the need to be alone as a measure for our significant others to restructure the ways in which they choose to live their lives. I honestly believe that the most important things in life are by far the hardest things to say. For some people in their life, there lies deep within a true fear in telling someone “I love you…really love you.” I suppose some may fear that if those words are sincerely voiced, one day it may lead to a breaking of their hearts. The real risk though lies in the fact that by not saying those words and truly meaning it, you may risk one day breaking theirs. That is why it is absolutely vital that if one you love asks for…pleads for peace and serenity…time alone, never make the mistake that most of us have made and blindly wave it off as something superficial. Like a cry for help, they are begging in a way to figure out which direction they are soon to travel. Your insistence to be heard, drowns out their cries for space. In all likelihood, you may have just given them even more reason to leave you. I am not an overly religious soul and actually feel much more spiritual in my nature as the years have rolled on. When deciding to write this book, it brought to mind something a friend passed on about adversity and of pains of the heart as we all cry out and wonder “why?” 'To get something you never had, you have to do something you never did. When God takes something from your grasp, He's not punishing you, but merely opening your hands to receive something better. The will of God will never take you where the Grace of God will not protect you.' *I don't know if any of this part makes sense folks. I know that the more I think about where I have been and the pain it causes in staying there, the more vital I know it is to reach up for true 'life' and love...grasp it again somewhere..someday and steam forward and live each day like it is your last. It may very well be. We don't desevre to lie at the bottom when we, by our own acts and judgments, deserve so much better in life* Hugs, Robert Hello Hopeful, Trying, Miracle..Sarah..all..tis Mr. Robert. Thanks so much Hopeful and Trying…and yes I am slowly..ever so gingerly starting to feel a little better. Hopeful and MIracle, you may not know this but Trying and Sarah does. I write a great deal on the side and been published a few times. As a way to decipher all that I started feeling post-breakup, I recently embarked on a new book entitled, ‘What Is The Real Reason You Left Me?’ In one of the sections that I cut and pasted below (because it seems oh so appropriate to what you are all feeling here) I addressed ‘Acceptance.’ Keep in mind that my entire book is gauged for the MALE AUDIENCE but the concepts are all the same are they not. Sorry for the length but tell me what you think of this cut?

Acceptance? What The Hell Is That?

Yup..yesiree the relationship has ended. Isn’t it funny when we are so very
wounded and down in the dumps, that the simplicity of such a word as ‘acceptance,’ is something we absolutely do not want to endorse in any way, shape, or fashion. This literally sucks and aside from losing a loved one in death, I personally do not believe there is any worse human emotion. It is a death…one of long histories, families, special occasions, fighting for the same causes…all. You mourn that which you had, and all of the pains and hurt that caused someone you were in love with to be injured (hopefully not physically). It matters not how or why people separate, divorce, or end relationships of any kind (close friendships included). The finale leaves people emotionally drained, financially crippled in some cases, and robbed of far more than that which lies within a purse or wallet. You are robbed of faith, hope, and certainty!

Here is the true skinny on the whole key to this acceptance thing. Damn it, no matter how you fight or claw to stop the whole process, when someone calls it quits and ends a relationship, you must accept it! Wow…rocket science right? Hell, one of my mainstays in life, and my kids will tell you, is that I am highly competitive…forever hated losing. I even cheated playing Yatzee…shhhh!. Even if you are able to mend fences and really do the work…revive your relationship, when a break first happens we are so busy fighting the reality of it, there is zero time to admit that IT’S OVER!

As I started tossing ideas around for this book with a colleague at work (go
figure…a psychology major) about this whole ‘acceptance’ battle raging in our heads, I conjured up a passage I wrote a long time ago that spoke of pains inside of us as we reach varied stages during relationship disturbances. I write a great deal on many different topics, having been published many times, and always come at my subjects from different (albeit sometimes twisted) angles. As I looked upon this passage once again, I found a small portion on why we get all bound up sometimes as we fight the reality of a breakup. Here is a small piece of that passage;

“I thought of her in only the finest of ways, for there was a time when we loved deeply and without reservation. I am learning through time spent with anyone special in our hearts, we all are destined to experience emotional upheavals that chip away at our personal foundations. For me at first, a painful breakup feels like a wound that will not heal, as my personal undercarriage lies exposed, bruised, and seems beyond repair.”

I really believe because we are living, breathing human beings, our personal
undercarriages do become scarred at times. Sometimes those scars run deep and
seemingly last forever. We try to buffer them with inner kindness to ourselves, but I have found it is usually either very early in the morning, or late at night when alone, that we are often the cruelest to our personal psyches. We will envision our ex and see them in varied times and places that we used to share with them. I mentioned how we will stare at clocks…certain times in the day that stirs the most active remembrances…questions posed internally of “what they must be doing right now.” It is a very natural reaction to have, especially when the break is so very fresh. Wounds hurt the worst when cuts are deep and searing.

I decided henceforth, to splice varied pieces of personal passages within the
confines of this rambling self-helper for those less fortunate in love. We have all been there before, and all I am trying to do is offer fresh perspectives to age-old issues dealing with heartbreak.

One mistake we all have made because we did love another and now lost that person, is that throughout our grieving process, our ex asked for a lot of space and time to sort out their feelings. They are not robots and especially if she broke up with you and ended the relationship, she has feelings that are hurt as well. Her wounds are no less than yours. It is just that the deep hurt we failed to see way back when as the relationship lost traction, has now manifested itself into her deciding enough was enough. Either her tolerance for things came to a boil, or her heart was just not feeling it anymore. It matters not.

We are so very crushed when a relationship ends, and our senses of stability and reality with another person has just vaporized, that even if our ex’s cried out at the top of their lungs for immediate space, we are too caught up in the moment to realize how vitally necessary it is to grant them their full requests! We all have our ghosts and each of us share our unique pasts. Yet on this matter of a woman seeking “space and time” (no guys she is not seeking employment with NASA) there is a sense of urgency to it that we all must hear. I focused on a woman and ‘space’ because let’s face it, for the most part it is rarely a guy asking for it! We cavemen are more likely to state the “it’s not you … it’s me” line because it is a tad more masculine. Seriously, think about it. I am semi-joking but the idea of us bottling up and using ‘space’ to figure out where we are headed is not our general domain.

Have you ever wondered which hurts the most…saying something and wishing you had not, or saying nothing and wishing you had? I know that many times in my life I have done both. I can empathize with anyone who has been deeply ashamed at times when reacting in ways that made them seem needy, obsessive, and obstinate to that which was professed…the need for “space.” When a woman begs and pleads for it, I suppose sometimes as men we never equate the need to be alone as a measure for our significant others to restructure the ways in which they choose to live their lives. I honestly believe that the most important things in life are by far the hardest things to say. For some people in their life, there lies deep within a true fear in telling someone “I love you…really love you.” I suppose some may fear that if those words are sincerely voiced, one day it may lead to a breaking of their hearts. The real risk though lies in the fact that by not saying those words and truly meaning it, you may risk one day breaking theirs. That is why it is absolutely vital that if one you love asks for…pleads for peace and serenity…time alone, never make the mistake that most of us have made and blindly wave it off as something superficial. Like a cry for help, they are begging in a way to figure out which direction they are soon to travel. Your insistence to be heard, drowns out their cries for space. In all likelihood, you may have just given them even more reason to leave you.

I am not an overly religious soul and actually feel much more spiritual in my
nature as the years have rolled on. When deciding to write this book, it brought to mind something a friend passed on about adversity and of pains of the heart as we all cry out and wonder “why?”

‘To get something you never had, you have to do something you never did. When God takes something from your grasp, He’s not punishing you, but merely opening your hands to receive something better. The will of God will never take you where the Grace of God will not protect you.’

*I don’t know if any of this part makes sense folks. I know that the more I think about where I have been and the pain it causes in staying there, the more vital I know it is to reach up for true ‘life’ and love…grasp it again somewhere..someday and steam forward and live each day like it is your last. It may very well be. We don’t desevre to lie at the bottom when we, by our own acts and judgments, deserve so much better in life* Hugs, Robert

]]> By: Miracle http://www.healmybrokenheart.com/coldturkeynocontact/comment-page-3#comment-2879 Miracle Tue, 07 Sep 2010 02:05:40 +0000 http://www.healmybrokenheart.com/?p=620#comment-2879 Hopeful, tryingtoheal: Thanks for all your understanding and kind words. I think the reason why I'm beating myself up for it is the fact that it is my fault. I hurt him so now I'm miserable about it. Yes I can't forgive myself that even though he is treating me bad, I feel that I deserve it anyway. Despite all this, I am still madly in love with him. I want to get over him but just thinking about it makes me more depressed. I've been telling myself to let go and been praying to God to give me strength but I feel so helpless, empty and lost. Hopeful, tryingtoheal:
Thanks for all your understanding and kind words.
I think the reason why I’m beating myself up for it is the fact that it is my fault. I hurt him so now I’m miserable about it. Yes I can’t forgive myself that even though he is treating me bad, I feel that I deserve it anyway. Despite all this, I am still madly in love with him. I want to get over him but just thinking about it makes me more depressed. I’ve been telling myself to let go and been praying to God to give me strength but I feel so helpless, empty and lost.

]]> By: tryingtoheal http://www.healmybrokenheart.com/coldturkeynocontact/comment-page-3#comment-2872 tryingtoheal Mon, 06 Sep 2010 04:21:31 +0000 http://www.healmybrokenheart.com/?p=620#comment-2872 Hello, Hopeful....thank-you for your kind words. Your words have helped me tonight. I am having a bad night. I don't understand this - one minute, I think I am going to be ok and know that I am better off without him. Then this happens and I am falling apart, thinking that he has someone. I know that has triggered these feelings - I see other people as couple and I feel so freaking alone. He knew what I was looking for in a partner and he took advantage of that. "Hopeful" - all the feelings you listed...the anger, hurt and betrayal...you hit the nail on the head on how I feel about him. I want him to hurt and no words I say to him can do this. I don't understand it - how did I find this evil person? I gave him so much of me and all he ever did was hurt him. I hate him...I truly hate this guy. Not even worth the time or day....but yet, I keep on doing this to myself. So, I decided to sign up for the "Step to Heal" process on this site....hopefully, this will help me on the process of moving forward. What do I have to lose? Miracle - you need to stop beating yourself up. Do you have any close friends that when you get to feeling this way that you can call? To help derail your mind from all of this? Or what about family? Give me a chance to go through the "Step to Heal" and let you know what I think of it and maybe it could help you too? Catherine, I am on the same page as "Hopeful" - I believe that "ex's" can't be friends. Again, thank-you "Hopeful"...your words helped me tonight...I think the crying - the tears weren't for him, but for me to help me heal....and hopefully helping me move forward....I am tired enough to go to sleep now. I hope my mind can rest easy. Robert - been thinking about you and hope your on the road to healing. Hello, Hopeful….thank-you for your kind words. Your words have helped me tonight. I am having a bad night. I don’t understand this – one minute, I think I am going to be ok and know that I am better off without him. Then this happens and I am falling apart, thinking that he has someone. I know that has triggered these feelings – I see other people as couple and I feel so freaking alone. He knew what I was looking for in a partner and he took advantage of that. “Hopeful” – all the feelings you listed…the anger, hurt and betrayal…you hit the nail on the head on how I feel about him. I want him to hurt and no words I say to him can do this. I don’t understand it – how did I find this evil person? I gave him so much of me and all he ever did was hurt him. I hate him…I truly hate this guy. Not even worth the time or day….but yet, I keep on doing this to myself.

So, I decided to sign up for the “Step to Heal” process on this site….hopefully, this will help me on the process of moving forward. What do I have to lose?

Miracle – you need to stop beating yourself up. Do you have any close friends that when you get to feeling this way that you can call? To help derail your mind from all of this? Or what about family? Give me a chance to go through the “Step to Heal” and let you know what I think of it and maybe it could help you too?

Catherine, I am on the same page as “Hopeful” – I believe that “ex’s” can’t be friends.

Again, thank-you “Hopeful”…your words helped me tonight…I think the crying – the tears weren’t for him, but for me to help me heal….and hopefully helping me move forward….I am tired enough to go to sleep now. I hope my mind can rest easy.

Robert – been thinking about you and hope your on the road to healing.

]]> By: Hopeful http://www.healmybrokenheart.com/coldturkeynocontact/comment-page-3#comment-2865 Hopeful Sun, 05 Sep 2010 20:58:19 +0000 http://www.healmybrokenheart.com/?p=620#comment-2865 Hello all, Robert- Hey, how are you holding up? As for me, I am doing okay. There are times where I think about the past, I even went on his Facebook today and he deleted all of our pictures together. I don't know anymore. I don't even know if what we had was real.. at some point. Everytime I think about it, I get angry. I feel hate, betrayal, and anger. I don't want to be bitter, but I don't want to forgive him either. How am I supposed to forgive someone who has betrayed me like that? Who just out of the blue, just left me, without any regards to my feelings? How? *sigh, I don't want to be bitter about it, but I feel like right now.. it's all I can be. Trying- Hello, how is everything? Yes, Robert has been so helpful and so has Sarah. Trying, I know it's been a long time for you but have hope. Like you said, there is a light at the end of the tunnel. Stop looking back. I feel that sometimes too.. Scared that he will find someone else before I find someone else.. But you can't be like that. If they find someone else, what does it matter? They are not part of your life anymore. Cut off all connections from him. Especially emotionally.. You've got to move on with your life. Do things FOR YOU. It doesn't matter if he's found someone else and you haven't. Go make yourself happy, and that doesn't necessarily mean that you have to go find someone else. Just go do things that'll make you happy. New hobbies maybe? Keep telling yourself that you are better. It's HIS LOSS, not yours. You've got to believe that you deserve better and to be happy. And then go do it. Keep yourself busy. Think about it, if he doesn't want you then why want him? Miracle- Please don't scare us like that. Don't talk like your life is worthless enough to want to die for a break up. Heart break hurts, yes. Extremely. But it is not the end of the world and YOU'VE got to believe that. You seem like a nice, sweet person. Do not wish your life to end for the pain to end. This pain you're feeling, it WILL go away. But you've also got to take action against it. You've got to be strong FOR YOUR WELL BEING. Stay away from him. If they really loved you, you wouldn't be this hurt. You deserve better, WE ALL DO. Please do not talk to him anymore, take pride in your dignity. Even if you've already made yourself a fool, (as I have done before).. it doesn't matter. Take what dignity you can muster up and stay away from him. No texts, calls, e-mails, whatever it be. Respect yourself. Know that you can do waaaaaaay better, and in time, you will see that. Be strong, no one else can do it but you. Let you heart and emotions take a rest.. and let your mind take over. You and I both know that you can do this. I know it hurts, but you'll be fine. Stay positive. God bless. Catherine- I don't know about you, but I believe that exes can't be friends. Someone is always hurt. Hello all,

Robert- Hey, how are you holding up? As for me, I am doing okay. There are times where I think about the past, I even went on his Facebook today and he deleted all of our pictures together. I don’t know anymore. I don’t even know if what we had was real.. at some point. Everytime I think about it, I get angry. I feel hate, betrayal, and anger. I don’t want to be bitter, but I don’t want to forgive him either. How am I supposed to forgive someone who has betrayed me like that? Who just out of the blue, just left me, without any regards to my feelings? How? *sigh, I don’t want to be bitter about it, but I feel like right now.. it’s all I can be.

Trying- Hello, how is everything? Yes, Robert has been so helpful and so has Sarah. Trying, I know it’s been a long time for you but have hope. Like you said, there is a light at the end of the tunnel. Stop looking back. I feel that sometimes too.. Scared that he will find someone else before I find someone else.. But you can’t be like that. If they find someone else, what does it matter? They are not part of your life anymore. Cut off all connections from him. Especially emotionally.. You’ve got to move on with your life. Do things FOR YOU. It doesn’t matter if he’s found someone else and you haven’t. Go make yourself happy, and that doesn’t necessarily mean that you have to go find someone else. Just go do things that’ll make you happy. New hobbies maybe? Keep telling yourself that you are better. It’s HIS LOSS, not yours. You’ve got to believe that you deserve better and to be happy. And then go do it. Keep yourself busy. Think about it, if he doesn’t want you then why want him?

Miracle- Please don’t scare us like that. Don’t talk like your life is worthless enough to want to die for a break up. Heart break hurts, yes. Extremely. But it is not the end of the world and YOU’VE got to believe that. You seem like a nice, sweet person. Do not wish your life to end for the pain to end. This pain you’re feeling, it WILL go away. But you’ve also got to take action against it. You’ve got to be strong FOR YOUR WELL BEING. Stay away from him. If they really loved you, you wouldn’t be this hurt. You deserve better, WE ALL DO. Please do not talk to him anymore, take pride in your dignity. Even if you’ve already made yourself a fool, (as I have done before).. it doesn’t matter. Take what dignity you can muster up and stay away from him. No texts, calls, e-mails, whatever it be. Respect yourself. Know that you can do waaaaaaay better, and in time, you will see that. Be strong, no one else can do it but you. Let you heart and emotions take a rest.. and let your mind take over. You and I both know that you can do this. I know it hurts, but you’ll be fine. Stay positive. God bless.

Catherine- I don’t know about you, but I believe that exes can’t be friends. Someone is always hurt.

]]> By: Miracle http://www.healmybrokenheart.com/coldturkeynocontact/comment-page-3#comment-2860 Miracle Sun, 05 Sep 2010 04:00:48 +0000 http://www.healmybrokenheart.com/?p=620#comment-2860 hi everyone! @tryingtoheal I'm sorry about that but the other day I was just feeling extremely depressed! I still am, I've been bursting into tears every time he crosses my mind and think of what could have been and the what not. does anyone of you ever walked away from someone because you feel like they would be so much happier without you? that's how I feel right now. he didn't directly say that he loves me or wants to be with me but he said he'll marry me if i come see him. I didn't come even though I knew he was waiting for me. Why? I told myself I would stop being selfish and won't hurt him anymore so I walk away without saying goodbye. Now I feel guilty. The over 2 years we've been together I feel like all I did is hurt him. I know he has said some really harsh words in the past towards me but I truly understand that it was because he is hurting. Please tell me I'm doing the right thing... hi everyone!

@tryingtoheal I’m sorry about that but the other day I was just feeling extremely depressed! I still am, I’ve been bursting into tears every time he crosses my mind and think of what could have been and the what not.

does anyone of you ever walked away from someone because you feel like they would be so much happier without you? that’s how I feel right now. he didn’t directly say that he loves me or wants to be with me but he said he’ll marry me if i come see him. I didn’t come even though I knew he was waiting for me. Why? I told myself I would stop being selfish and won’t hurt him anymore so I walk away without saying goodbye. Now I feel guilty. The over 2 years we’ve been together I feel like all I did is hurt him. I know he has said some really harsh words in the past towards me but I truly understand that it was because he is hurting.

Please tell me I’m doing the right thing…

]]> By: Catherine http://www.healmybrokenheart.com/coldturkeynocontact/comment-page-3#comment-2823 Catherine Tue, 31 Aug 2010 05:19:24 +0000 http://www.healmybrokenheart.com/?p=620#comment-2823 And by the way, who reaches out to be friends first? I asked for space and no contact and it's been 9 days now and I am proud of myself. He broke up with me, wanted to be friends, but I am the one who asked for space. We never said when that would end. Should I wait for him to contact me at some point since he broke up with me? I think this is the way it should go. Mostly, because I don't really trust myself not to be hurt as hell if I do reach out to him and he is uninterested in my friendship. We broke up before and he was not very nice at times and then came running after me as a friend on HIS terms. That kind of person I can deal with that as long as we are not going to be dating anymore. I want to continue to do art with him and I think he is right that we can be better friends than lovers. Thoughts? And by the way, who reaches out to be friends first? I asked for space and no contact and it’s been 9 days now and I am proud of myself. He broke up with me, wanted to be friends, but I am the one who asked for space. We never said when that would end. Should I wait for him to contact me at some point since he broke up with me? I think this is the way it should go. Mostly, because I don’t really trust myself not to be hurt as hell if I do reach out to him and he is uninterested in my friendship. We broke up before and he was not very nice at times and then came running after me as a friend on HIS terms. That kind of person I can deal with that as long as we are not going to be dating anymore. I want to continue to do art with him and I think he is right that we can be better friends than lovers. Thoughts?

]]> By: Catherine http://www.healmybrokenheart.com/coldturkeynocontact/comment-page-3#comment-2822 Catherine Tue, 31 Aug 2010 05:14:51 +0000 http://www.healmybrokenheart.com/?p=620#comment-2822 I have been worried a little over a week ago that I ruined something or another with my ex the last time I saw him. he broke up with me 1.5 months ago and there were some head trips I had to endure over him wanting to hurry up and be friends right away and continue to call a few times a week. Well, this did not work for me and I asked for space. I had something I needed to get from him, though, so I think he used this time to call me anyway just to talk. Then, when I saw him and he gave me my stuff as I was leaving town, he acted super friendly and tried to give me a kiss before we parted ways. I was unprepared for this and I guess I acted sort of aloof. I had a lot of hurt and angry feelings and it hurt me just to see him. I get the feeling this hurt him or his ego - the way I acted and I have not heard a peep from him since. I know I asked for space and the positive thought is that he is finally giving it to me. But I also know that he might have been hurt by my somewhat aloofness ( I was also very depressed by then) and he sort of stood in the doorway as I said thank you and have a safe trip, yourself. I think he was expecting more of a sign from me and I couldn't give him one. I am worried now that a friendship will just be tense and he is now hurt and is getting back at me in some way thinking I don't care or something. He never had much empathy for me and I can see him never speaking to me again over this - because things did not go his way. I don't know. It's just something I worry about it and It's made me want to reach out and say something nice to him, but then I just can't. Should I just let it go and figure if he can't understand that and be open to being friends later, then who needs him? It's just been really hard. I don't know if he understands why I need space, though I explained it to him. I have been worried a little over a week ago that I ruined something or another with my ex the last time I saw him. he broke up with me 1.5 months ago and there were some head trips I had to endure over him wanting to hurry up and be friends right away and continue to call a few times a week. Well, this did not work for me and I asked for space. I had something I needed to get from him, though, so I think he used this time to call me anyway just to talk. Then, when I saw him and he gave me my stuff as I was leaving town, he acted super friendly and tried to give me a kiss before we parted ways. I was unprepared for this and I guess I acted sort of aloof. I had a lot of hurt and angry feelings and it hurt me just to see him. I get the feeling this hurt him or his ego – the way I acted and I have not heard a peep from him since. I know I asked for space and the positive thought is that he is finally giving it to me. But I also know that he might have been hurt by my somewhat aloofness ( I was also very depressed by then) and he sort of stood in the doorway as I said thank you and have a safe trip, yourself. I think he was expecting more of a sign from me and I couldn’t give him one. I am worried now that a friendship will just be tense and he is now hurt and is getting back at me in some way thinking I don’t care or something. He never had much empathy for me and I can see him never speaking to me again over this – because things did not go his way. I don’t know. It’s just something I worry about it and It’s made me want to reach out and say something nice to him, but then I just can’t. Should I just let it go and figure if he can’t understand that and be open to being friends later, then who needs him? It’s just been really hard. I don’t know if he understands why I need space, though I explained it to him.

]]> By: tryingtoheal http://www.healmybrokenheart.com/coldturkeynocontact/comment-page-3#comment-2821 tryingtoheal Tue, 31 Aug 2010 05:14:18 +0000 http://www.healmybrokenheart.com/?p=620#comment-2821 "Hopeful" - I am glad to see that Robert has been helping you....he is a good man. :) “Hopeful” – I am glad to see that Robert has been helping you….he is a good man. :)

]]> By: tryingtoheal http://www.healmybrokenheart.com/coldturkeynocontact/comment-page-3#comment-2820 tryingtoheal Tue, 31 Aug 2010 05:12:03 +0000 http://www.healmybrokenheart.com/?p=620#comment-2820 Miracle....you have to stop doing this to yourself.....we all have to stop doing this to ourselves. It scares me when you talk about how dying would end the pain. Girl, I know your in pain, I feel it.....I too am in pain. You know my whole story - why would I want to be with someone like that? I am so opposite of him. He is like a drug and I am having the hardest time getting him out of my system. But these guys are NOT worth it. We have to stop thinking about them. We have to start thinking different things when they pop up in our minds. One step at a time....1st - need to cut all communications with them....we must do this. We must be strong....don't tell yourself it will be forever. I think this would only make it worse if we do that....make a goal for yourself. Start with a couple of days, then work up to it. We have to remember when we come in contact with them, it only re-open the wounds. It's like pouring salt all over it. Also, Miracle, I am worried about you, my dear. The way you think how the pain could end....please, promise me you won't do anything to yourself. We on this website, care for you Miracle. I have opened up to you about my story and you have to me also...so, i feel a connection between as friends...so, when you get to thinking this, please try to think of my words on here to you...ok? Miracle….you have to stop doing this to yourself…..we all have to stop doing this to ourselves. It scares me when you talk about how dying would end the pain. Girl, I know your in pain, I feel it…..I too am in pain. You know my whole story – why would I want to be with someone like that? I am so opposite of him. He is like a drug and I am having the hardest time getting him out of my system. But these guys are NOT worth it. We have to stop thinking about them. We have to start thinking different things when they pop up in our minds. One step at a time….1st – need to cut all communications with them….we must do this. We must be strong….don’t tell yourself it will be forever. I think this would only make it worse if we do that….make a goal for yourself. Start with a couple of days, then work up to it. We have to remember when we come in contact with them, it only re-open the wounds. It’s like pouring salt all over it.

Also, Miracle, I am worried about you, my dear. The way you think how the pain could end….please, promise me you won’t do anything to yourself. We on this website, care for you Miracle. I have opened up to you about my story and you have to me also…so, i feel a connection between as friends…so, when you get to thinking this, please try to think of my words on here to you…ok?

]]> By: tryingtoheal http://www.healmybrokenheart.com/coldturkeynocontact/comment-page-3#comment-2819 tryingtoheal Tue, 31 Aug 2010 04:58:41 +0000 http://www.healmybrokenheart.com/?p=620#comment-2819 Hey, Miracle, please, please don't send that text. Talk to me...I'm here for you....tell me what you want to tell him. Hey, Miracle, please, please don’t send that text. Talk to me…I’m here for you….tell me what you want to tell him.

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