I dont know where to start with this so hear goes. I met my ex whilst he was in very unhappy relationship where he lived with a girl for 3 years, she became very lazy, overweight and never put any effort to seeing his family he had been unhappy and thinking of breaking up with her for well over a year . I too was in a relationship, it wasn’t serious the guy treated me really badly and we constantly broke it on and off and he was 7 years younger than me. We were both really unhappy in the relationships but got on with our partners more as friends which made the decission very hard.

When we met each other it was like love at first sight, we couldnt stop staring at each other and we fell for each other extremely quickly. We decided to finish with our partners and shortly after decided to give us a go. The relationship to start of was amazing my heart would constantly flutter and we couldnt get enough of each other… then his ex got involved.

She wouldnt leave him alone and insisted that the break up wasnt that hard as they were more like friends, he said she was the best girlfriend he ever had, it made me feel like i had an expectation to live up to and he advised me he would not stop contact with her as she is his best mate. It caused so much friction as I tried to accept her yet she would go to his house and if I were to come over she would suddenly leave.

It became more and more apparent that she couldnt face being in the same room as me let alone see me with him. Every day he would spend hours on the phone to her and more and more he would ignore me, it deeply hurt as I love him so much. We went on holiday after me paying for him to come and he left me to stay with his mates. He turnt all my mates against me as well so I was left with no one, yet he still thinks it was of my own doing. He is very stubborn and never really takes on board my feelings.

We have tried to stay friends and still sleep together on odd occassions, he told me he still loves me but to many other people were involved with our relationship and had views. The majority of his friends are close with his ex so I was pushed out as it seemed they wanted them to get back together and to get rid of me.

She has now a new boyfriend but has decided she is spending the whole week sleeping over his house. I cant bear it, I want him back but it feels like she has stopped him from moving on. She has a new boyfriend now, so I cant understand why she cant leave him alone instead of being at his house all the time.

I am close to his mother, and tend to see her once every couple of weeks with him, is this a wrong thing to do? I know I need to let go, but I cant seem to do it.

I feel like im going crazy, we split 4 months ago and still every night I cry and feel lonely. not only have I lost the person I love but all my so called friends have turned their backs so I have no one to talk to about it. I lost my job through depression and cant seem to focus on anything apart from him.

Any suggestions on how to get stronger and through this would be a great help. Im so broken hearted it feels like I cant breath.

I finally was able to get some peace last week that I’d like to share with all of you. I have been going crazy with the “why wasn’t I good enough”, “what went wrong”, “why did he not choose me” (he was separated when we met and decided to go home last month….he chose not to put his older kids through a divorce), “what could I have done better/different/sexier/funnier that I didn’t do”, and the biggie, “WHY didn’t it work? WHY WASN’T I ENOUGH?” I’ve been going crazy until I had a breakthrough.

The bottom line is I was CHOOSING to view our breakup/relationship in a certain story. The story that I was telling myself was, “I wasn’t good enough, smart enough, fun enough, pretty enough, etc. That’s why he went home and CHOSE to give me up.” However…I had to ask myself one question: “IS THAT TRUE?” and then this one, “DO I KNOW THAT TO BE 100% TRUE?”

The answer I had to face was….NO. It’s not true. I was awesome. I took amazing care of him. We had gut-blasting laughter, amazing soul-connection, and the most fun and intimate moments of my entire life. So the TRUE story is…I WAS ENOUGH. I WAS GOOD ENOUGH. I WAS AWESOME. He chose to go home for his own reasons that have NOTHING to do with me. Family, kids, in-laws, job, etc. That has nothing to do with me.

Once I accepted that the story I was telling myself was false and NOT serving me, I came up with my new story. Which is, “He is hurting too. He will always regret having to let me go. He is sad. He is missing me. He hears the same songs and has regrets. However…I was enough. I was amazing. The right person will see that someday.”

I feel more peaceful now. I am still heartbroken and check the phone all the time, but I’ve noticed that every day it’s a little bit less. I challenge all of you to ask yourself these questions, “What do I know is true?” , “Is that totally true?”, and can you flip it around to make it a story that will serve you better. Telling myself that he never loved me, he didn’t miss me at all, I wasn’t enough COULD have been true but I don’t know that. I don’t know that for certain at all. It’s just as likely that he does miss me, he does love me, and I was more than enough. So I’m CHOOSING to tell myself that story instead. It’s more likely anyway.

It gives me peace. It helps me sleep at night. I hope it helps you all as well.

I have dreams and thoughts about her with other men and my whole body hurts but I cannot stop myself having these thoughts. I feel so weak, I cannot keep going on like this because I feel like I am killing myself from the inside out.

I have no friends because I find it hard to let people in, I think everyone would be better off without me in their lives anyway so I don’t try. If it wasn’t for my son I would not be around anymore and I honestly believe I wouldnt have been missed.

I am not looking for sympathy, I just wanted to vent my feelings.

They say time is a healer but it doesn’t feel the case to me. I feel that this pain and self loathing will last forever and that makes me feel worse.

I was diagnosed with depression last week. I think it’s been building for a while, and it made me so negative about everything, and my boyfriend said he didn’t like being around me anymore, and it hurt him too much to see me so sad. I really wanted us to move in together (we were going out for three years, with a few breaks in between) because we spent all of our time together. But the depression made me feel so hopeless about everything, and that meant that he didn’t want to move in with me anymore, so it was a vicious cycle.

Now he’s left me, and even though he knows I’ve been diagnosed and I’ve sought medical help, he’s walking away. I don’t think he loves me anymore. I don’t know how to get through this without him. I can’t really rely on my family and my friends are great but they are all in relationships.

I can’t face having to start again. I miss him so much. I just want things to be simple and nice. I miss him so much. He seems so logical and rational about things and says he’ll help if he can, but that the relationship is over. I thought he was so in love with me. I didn’t think he’d give up on me so easily.

My heart is broken.

So here is my story.
I met a guy whom I thought was my soul mate. I have never had a connection like I did with him. He was everything all my ex’s weren’t. He was my biggest fan. He made me feel beautiful. He was sweet and affectionate and I felt like it was a blessing from god that I had met him. Finally, all those years of pain and loneliness were gone and he was worth the wait. Well, this relationship quickly took a turn for the worst…….

Hi “Devastated” I am not sure if you are still coming back here or not but i read your story and feel the need to reply specially for you.

You didn’t quite mention how you you and your ex have been together however after reading the content, it reminded me of myself when i cheated on my bf.

If i am not wrong, your ex, he feels that he has that power over you, simply lift a finger and you would jump which is why it seems all the decisions he made came easily whilst you were there going insane coping and what not.

Now that it’s officially over, you should be glad, because for a guy to sees you that way, your relationship forward would only mean more pain for you, more sacrifice from you until you’re completely gone and numb…Treat it like good riddance. I know it is always easier to say but understand this, i am also healing from my breakup, it’s my second week. As for how to cope or understand the situation, i think you should think this way: “Black or White, grey is never good” It’s whether he loves you or he doesn’t love you, there is no in the middle (Which is what he seems to be in)

I am super glad that you have lost weight and felt good about yourself, remember this, no relationship especially the really toxic ones, should validate the worth of self. I hope you feel better soon and if you want to contact me via email, please let me know, perhaps we both could pull through this together.

I hope you get better soon and same goes to everyone here.