Step 4: Choose your Theme
You can do it! Just the fact that you’ve found this site and are working through the steps shows your desire to overcome your heartbreak. However, we know there are days where you may feel overwhelmed – doubtful your broken heart will heal. We’ve heard from many who tell us they think things are getting better, but then a memory of the break up is triggered and on comes an unexpected fit of tears. Don’t be alarmed, you are not losing it! What you’re going through is real and difficult and when you feel like it is all too much to handle, you’ll be prepared with this step.
Have you taken the survey to see what type of broken heart you have? Take the survey.
Here is how: We want you to use Quotes, Music, Movies, and Books to help you through those really difficult days. Seem simple? Yes, and highly effective. Quotations can ease your heartache as sometimes the words of others helps mend what our own reason cannot. Music also has a tremendous healing effect. History has proven this with virtually every race and culture. The key is to find the right music for you. And what about Movies and Books? These are wonderful for escapism alone. We often get immersed in the characters on the screen and pages and it helps us redirect our energy until that truly difficult time passes.
Exercise: Pick at least one quote, one song or album, one movie, and one book as your theme. Write your favorite quotes on post-its and place them around the house. Keep the music handy on your ipod, computer, at work, at home, and in the car. Have the movies in the same place you keep your music and make sure you have more than one copy of the book available for immediate use! For assistance we’ve provided some Heal My Broken Heart favorites below.
Amelie’s Picks-
Amelie’s Quote Picks:
“Invisible tears are the hardest to wipe away. Just let it out, my friend.” Adabella Radici
“God brings men into deep waters, not to drown them, but to cleanse them.” John Aughey
“Sometimes in order to not fall apart, you have to let go of what keeps you together.” Unknown author
“We should do everything within reason to save a good relationship. But if we are constantly trying to save it, it’s probably not a good relationship.” Javan
Amelie’s Music Picks:
Yes, they are cheesy! Try blasting Whitney Houston’s It’s not Right, but It’s Okay; When you play Do you Believe in Life after Love by Cher, make sure you shout YES! after each chorus; Of course, you saw this one coming – Gloria Gaynor’s I Will Survive is an oldie, but total goldie to heal your broken heart!
Amelie’s Movie Picks:
If you didn’t see Sliding Doors, you must add this to your DVD collection. This is a movie you can watch over and over finding new lessons and why and how everything happens for a reason. In times of heartache and break up, a light-hearted flick like Ferris Bueller can help save your day off!
Amelie’s Book Picks:
Get lost in a classic with Holden Caulfield in The Catcher in the Rye. Your eyes don’t deceive you, I’m recommending the new teenie-bopper phenomena, Twilight. This book will take you back to a more innocent time in your life, refreshing your hope in love to come – trust me. Finally, there is the wonderful adventure of Shanta Ram. It’s long, but it’s a page flipper and Johnny Depp has taken on the movie role!
Al’s Picks-
Al’s Quote Picks:
“When we lose one we love, our bitterest tears are called forth by the memory of hours when we loved not enough.” Maurice Maeterlinck, Wisdom and Destiny, 1898
“When all is said and done, the weather and love the two elements about which one can never be sure.” Alice Hoffman, Here on Earth
“Happiness comes more from loving than being loved; and often when our affection seems wounded it is only our vanity bleeding. To love, and be hurt often, and to love again – this is the brave and happy life.” J.E. Buchrose
“Every instance of heartbreak can teach us powerful lessons about creating the kind of love we really want.” Martha Beck, 2003
“The most terrible poverty is loneliness and the feeling of being unloved.” Mother Teresa
Al’s Music Picks:
Dave Matthews is amazing to begin with, but Busted Stuff in particular seems to be primarily about heartbreak. And Robbie Robertson’s Storyville, while a bit dated – always gets way deep inside me. I also recommend artists such as Ben Harper, Jess Klein, Ray Lamontagne, Sarah McLachlan.
Al’s Movie Picks:
Things You Can Tell By Just Looking At Her is a series of incredibly poignant short stories. Meanwhile, Roberto Benigni’s The Tiger and the Snow is a wonderful film (Benigni is best known for Life Is Beautiful, which was nominated for 7 Academy Awards.)
Al’s Book Picks:
Okay, confession: I don’t read fiction. Well, almost never. But I can confidently recommend this book which was so often recommended to me. It’s about unrequited love. (If you must you can cheat and watch the movie instead, but the book is much better.)
This method above may seem obvious, but it is tremendously powerful. Get the full system here.
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My favorite movie is Bridget Jones Diary. I literally will put it on repeat when I’m at my worst.
Movies don’t really help me, I lock myself in my room and listen to music. For some reason I especially like stuff from when I was growing up – 80s music – Def Leppard, Metallica. I guess it makes me feel younger. Reminds of when things were simple…the only thing is when the music stops, I’m back at that same place
Thanks! I put that I will survive on my myspace page. Take that. I feel better. Thanks.
Read about my break up on first page.
when i get sad over the break up for some reason i listen to break up music and how all the lyrics are saying “you’ve been rejected and you can’t find what you’ve left behind” and “too many too many problems don’t know where she belongs” and “thats where she lies broken inside” it kind of helps me. but i don’t know what to do my ex ex boyfriend dumped me for some other girl and my recent boyfriend dumped me because i showed some people a picture of him on google. i didnt know he didnt want people to see it and nothing was wrong with it. is there something wrong with me for doing this? Please help me.
sam
i hate love songs they always remind me of him i rather listen to hate love songs they remind me how he did me
wrong and the tear stops i get assertive and it pushes me to show him i don’t need him anymore
the thing that depresses me the most isn’t how much i loved him but the time i wasted trying to change him
forgive him and make that wasted love story work! THE BETTER THINGS I COULD HAVE DONE IN THAT TIME THEN
WASTE IT ON HIM!!!!!!!!
when you in love absence makes the heart grow fonder when you break up absence makes it easier to forget them
i use to see her all the time after we broke up we didn’t communicate but it hurt after i stopped seeing her
smelling her watching her do the things that made me fall in love with her it was alot easier to forget her BUT
UNFORTUNATELY THERE MEMORY WILL ALWAYS BE THERE THANK GOD FOR I WILL SURVIVE BY GLORIA GAYNOR
I’m Already Gone! Eagles
Everything is coming our way. Santana
The song that I love to listen to right now after realizing that the man I have spent some of my best time with ever has just walked away from me is “I Ain’t Settling For Anything Less Than Everything” by Sugarland. Helps me to realize that even though our time together was good, obviously there is something that wasn’t right and I should shoot for better from the person I am going to be involved with.
I recommend the song “Let your hair down” for women. It makes me feel better
I may start to watch a movie, but then I think of him. Every song I turn on on the radio or a CD or my iPod, reminds me of him. What should I do?
I watch F.R.I.E.N.D.S. on DVD to lighten up my mood. Listen to Incubus really really loud and some songs about break ups.
Watched ‘He’s Just NOT That Into You’ last night and actually laughed. Why didn’t I see the signs myself?
Thanks for the recommendation re Dave Matthews…downloading it now.
So glad I found this site. Can relate to everyone’s thoughts and feelings. Break up was Friday, got in the car Sunday to Chicago. Had to get away. Was a temporary fix. On the way, I became convienced that 95% of music is about love or love lost. I guess it is the human condition we all experience..the thing we all share. I agree with Stellar on listening to Incubus. I listened to “Nice to Know You” several times on the way home.
favourite songs, dolly parton, love is like a butterfly
gloria gaynor i will survive
bob dylan – dont think twice its alright
actually i couldnt agree more about the idea of choosing a certain song or movie it really helps but in my opinon it also has a negative effect because when am hearin a luv song for instence i just keep remembering her and all our sweet memories i never have been so weak in my life i couldnt imagin that one day i might know a girl and love her so much that i spent nights lookin at her beautiful face in the photo.. i dont remember the last time i ever cried but for her i cried by the way she was my first true love.. and i recommend breathless ( shayne ward )
i read my favorite book by francine rivers that used to encourage me all the time before–nope, didn’t work at all. i tend to identify with the characters and i realized that i loved the book just because it is like *our* story. how do you use the verb *love* in the past tense anyway? is it even a word?
Relationships are like glass. Sometimes it’s better to leave them broken than try to hurt yourself putting it back together.
– Author Unknown
The best thing that could have happened to me was to watch the movie “He’s just not that into you” this movie made me realize all of the reasons that I my past relationships have not worked and what will work in the future….
What helps me get through my days is the Serenity prayer…. when I am discouraged or think I can’t and won’t get through my day I go to this or to Footsteps in the sand….
Great suggestion for a book for women “Getting Rid of Matthew”
I can’t listen to ay music it all reminds me of him. The radio has to be switched off in the car for fear of buring into tears while driving. Films also have to be avoided otherwise i start to feel depressed excluding comedys obviously with no love line to it. Distraction is the only thing that gets me through, keeping myself busy and being around people that care about me.
I can not explain how deeply and thoroughly I love her. I love her with every fiber of my being. She is amazing. The most incredible woman I have ever known. I love her so much I dont know how I will ever fully get over her. Music reminds me of her, certain songs like Demi above said could easily trigger tears. My only relief is sleep. Because in my dreams we are always together.
I love you M.
The best cure for a broken heart is to re-kindle the fire. So far I am one of the lucky ones. Wish me luck….
Good luck Jim Heartbroken. Remember to play it cool, keep it light, and be the strong man that she needs. And she’ll stay around….
Thanks John. I am doing my best, trying to ease off the fire of the way I feel to keep it light.
I can not believe how deeply I love her…she is amazing.
Jim I really hope it all works out for the two of you! It is obvious that you absolutely adore her. Every woman wants to be adored. It is very sweet the way you love her. I hope she respects you as much as you adore her:) good luck! You deserve the best:)
Jim,
I really Am hoping the best for you! Everyone deserves to be happy and loved! (most everyone anyway!)
I am totally devestated with the end of my relationship, we shared a flat, which I now have to leave. We worked together to, so I’ve left.. I can’t see him and not be with him. It feels like I’ve lost everything. He was my saviour at the end of an abusive relationship, I was head over heals in love, it was a fairy tale to start with. He was my rock, my reason for living and helped me through everything. How do I tackle this without him?
King of wishful thinking from Pretty Woman has helped me a little.
We will all get over this through, Paul McKenna’s book How to Heal a Broken Heart is also really good.
good luck everyone.
I think listening to Keane and reading pray eat love is helping me greatly
Oh, man…music is both good and tough for me. I made a CD with all these songs on it for her. They were songs that made me think of her and brought a smile to my face…made me love her even more. She would listen to those all the time…even danced with me in her living room to one of them.
So now, I got myself some new songs…those old ones are too painful, of course. The words are what are important. What do I listen to now to make myself feel better?
“Go Your Own Way” by Fleetwood Mac
“So What” by Pink
“Hot ‘n Cold” by Katy Perry
“Believe” by Cher (the funny part is that she LOVES Cher, and here I am making myself feel better by listening to her…lol)
Well I re-kindled the relationship and it was amazing I have never ever felt such deep levels of love and adoration for another person. I love her so much I can barely function. The miles that keep us apart are what is killing me. she wants me I want her but we are far apart. words can not describe the pain and despair I feel. I LOVE HER so much I could die. this is so painfull.
Love does indeed hurt.
Save all my love – great white
I am happy to know her. i love her. I love her I love her. I need her, i Love her. forever.
Kanye West – 808s & Heartbreak. Every song is an anthem to a different stage in a breakup.
…dicks & ribs…
The song ‘Soonest to the Sea’ by metal-punk band ‘Protest The Hero’ really does put everything into perspective for me. I guess seeing the bigger picture always helps put our own self-indulgent hurts into perspective. I’ll definitely be listening to more of their stuff as I move forward towards the goal of heart-healing. Thanx guys… really appreciate this site and all the great ideas…
my r,ship ended coz it had run its coarse I THINK, weeks went by then she met someone else now all i think about are all the happy memories we shared my heart is in pieces and i keep thinking about her with him, surely if i thought it had runs its coarse…it had!!
If you love somebody, let them go, for if they return, they were always yours. And if they don’t, they never were.
Kahlil Gibran
Wedding Singer works for me – especially when Robbie sings his first song to Julia . . .
and love this quote
Julia: May I ask what happened with Linda?
Robbie: She wasn’t the right one, I guess.
Julia: Did you have any idea she wasn’t the right one when you were together?
Robbie: I should have. Uh, I remember we went to the Grand Canyon one time. We were flying there and I’d never been there before and Linda had, so you would think that she would give me the window seat but she didn’t and… not that that’s a big deal, you know. It’s just there were a lot of little things like that. I know that sounds stupid…
Julia: Not at all. I think it’s the little things that count.
Karen (8th August) a massive thank you for mentioning Paul McKenna’s book ‘I Can Heal Your Broken Heart’. I bought it and within one week it made an enormous difference, so much so that I could not recommend it more to anyone going through that agonising pain of heartbreak. Good Luck to you all, you all deserve happiness and that special someone. Keep hoping …..
Hazel x
Strangely enough the song I keep listening to doesn’t have anything to do with heartbreak at all.
It’s by Jimmy Eat World – The Middle. This song certainly cheered me up.
‘It just takes some time
Little girl you’re in the middle of the ride
Everything, everything will be just fine
Everything, everything will be alright, alright.’
again this is something I have done naturally on my own
It is nice to know that there are many people sharin the same feelin am passin through,
though i dun wish any1 2 have a broken heart but it seems every1 would pass through this =S
i broke up 2 weeks ago & i still feel the pain , he cheated on me i never thought that this would ever happen 2 me after 2 years of promises & stupid love that i tried 2 make my self believe tht it was true love :S what is killing me the most that he is not havin any regrets i just can’t believe what happened or happening , i dun cry on him i swear i cry on myself . . .
The best books is ones about animals aka Warriors by Erin Hunter, at least it got nothing to do with love lol
I listen to Elvis, Status Quo, Neil Diamond, and country music at the moment because my first heart break happened 2 days ago. I’m only 18 and I am listening to Elvis
I am stuck in a marriage that I can’t get out of. My husband has ruined me, and he is financially irresponsible. I am no trying to save money to get out. 18 years into the marriage, I meet someone. I fell in love, and so did he. He was crazy about me, and I gave him the strength to file for divorce. (I can’t as I am still penniless.) He files, makes it to the end, and starts treating me badly… literally forcing me to break up with him. Four months later, I find out it was another woman. Doesn’t anyone know that the truth would have hurt much less. We women would then realize there’s no thinking and wondering… there’s no going back, they don’t want us, etc. etc.
I mean how cowardly can you get?
i like leona lewis better in time it helps a little when i shout out the chorus lol
but it still hurts x
omg Cindy thats really bad but it is never 2 late u only live once and u choose how you are going to live it i know you are in lot of pain am 19 years old & my 1st bf & ,my 1st love cheated on me & i still can’t believe it but am sure you are strong enough to take the right decision and let go that shit w live life the way you should and u deserve . . .
don’t ever wrestle with a ” pig”, you both get dirty, but the pig will enjoy it !
This man brought me out of my horrible life with my husband with his love, and then he gets free of his marriage through the strength, love and support I have given him. He finds someone else and throws me back into my life with my husband. The depression is killing me. He gave me joy for the first time 18 years, and then took it away. Now I have to hold in my grief as no one knows about him. This is one of the toughest things I’ve ever had to do. I am all consumed with grief, and I have to hold it in. I have lost 23 lbs. to date. I try to put one foot in front of the other every day… it is so hard.
cindy i know what you are goin through , & you are not the 1st one that passes in such hard time and depression but the important thing is 2 know how 2 get out of it , you took many wrng actions and decisions , am sure that every one around u had noticed what you are passing through but the imp thing as well no matter what your husband must not know , try 2 fix it , try 2 pray , force your self 2 eat so that you would be the strong one and that shit will regret so that when he does you would be strong enough 2 dump him & throw him 2 the garbage where he belongs , all u must think of now is yourself and no one else you choose we do all our choices in life and he didn’t brought u joy and happiness u bought it 2 yourself and u can have it back u can be happy again full of energy and life whenever u take the choice 2 do so ….
I had the day off today… the sun was shining. I couldn’t move. I have a chest cold and now it is going into my head, and all I am doing is blowing my nose. When my husband isn’t around, I cry, and when he is around, I’m on the PC writing. I am a writer when I am not working, and it’s all I do lately. The advice they give you to write it all down… I no longer agree with it. I sometimes feel as though this is the only way I can talk to the person I love — like he is going to be able to read it some day, and so I write and write and write. I don’t’ do much else. It can’t be healthy. I want this to end. I am useless. This man took me out of the hell I call a marriage, and threw me back in with the flames now engulfing me. One foot in front of the other… it’s all I can do. How much longer? It’s been 4 months. Isn’t that long enough?
I am pretty, confident, independent, happy-go-lucky, passionate… I make money. I have my own business. I am not needy in the least. I don’t know why this man doesn’t want me in his life? We never argued… just one day he found someone else. I will never understand. Maybe one of you men out there can explain it.
Never mind… I have become what I hate… a wallower in self pity.
that is so mean 2 say about yourself i might have many grammer mistakes or stuff just ignore them :$
anyhow , you are very special don’t say bad stuff about yourself , w i am very sure that he is a big LOOSER 2 lose some1 special like u , but let me ask u , what is wrong between you and your husband ? try to solve what is wrong you might fall again in love with him see what he needs do some sacrifices , iam sure if u fix your relation with your husband many stuff would change go both of u 2 a couple counselor or somethn like that & if not why you don’t get a divorce ?
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