Step 4: Choose your Theme
You can do it! Just the fact that you’ve found this site and are working through the steps shows your desire to overcome your heartbreak. However, we know there are days where you may feel overwhelmed – doubtful your broken heart will heal. We’ve heard from many who tell us they think things are getting better, but then a memory of the break up is triggered and on comes an unexpected fit of tears. Don’t be alarmed, you are not losing it! What you’re going through is real and difficult and when you feel like it is all too much to handle, you’ll be prepared with this step.
Have you taken the survey to see what type of broken heart you have? Take the survey.
Here is how: We want you to use Quotes, Music, Movies, and Books to help you through those really difficult days. Seem simple? Yes, and highly effective. Quotations can ease your heartache as sometimes the words of others helps mend what our own reason cannot. Music also has a tremendous healing effect. History has proven this with virtually every race and culture. The key is to find the right music for you. And what about Movies and Books? These are wonderful for escapism alone. We often get immersed in the characters on the screen and pages and it helps us redirect our energy until that truly difficult time passes.
Exercise: Pick at least one quote, one song or album, one movie, and one book as your theme. Write your favorite quotes on post-its and place them around the house. Keep the music handy on your ipod, computer, at work, at home, and in the car. Have the movies in the same place you keep your music and make sure you have more than one copy of the book available for immediate use! For assistance we’ve provided some Heal My Broken Heart favorites below.
Amelie’s Picks-
Amelie’s Quote Picks:
“Invisible tears are the hardest to wipe away. Just let it out, my friend.” Adabella Radici
“God brings men into deep waters, not to drown them, but to cleanse them.” John Aughey
“Sometimes in order to not fall apart, you have to let go of what keeps you together.” Unknown author
“We should do everything within reason to save a good relationship. But if we are constantly trying to save it, it’s probably not a good relationship.” Javan
Amelie’s Music Picks:
Yes, they are cheesy! Try blasting Whitney Houston’s It’s not Right, but It’s Okay; When you play Do you Believe in Life after Love by Cher, make sure you shout YES! after each chorus; Of course, you saw this one coming – Gloria Gaynor’s I Will Survive is an oldie, but total goldie to heal your broken heart!
Amelie’s Movie Picks:
If you didn’t see Sliding Doors, you must add this to your DVD collection. This is a movie you can watch over and over finding new lessons and why and how everything happens for a reason. In times of heartache and break up, a light-hearted flick like Ferris Bueller can help save your day off!
Amelie’s Book Picks:
Get lost in a classic with Holden Caulfield in The Catcher in the Rye. Your eyes don’t deceive you, I’m recommending the new teenie-bopper phenomena, Twilight. This book will take you back to a more innocent time in your life, refreshing your hope in love to come – trust me. Finally, there is the wonderful adventure of Shanta Ram. It’s long, but it’s a page flipper and Johnny Depp has taken on the movie role!
Al’s Picks-
Al’s Quote Picks:
“When we lose one we love, our bitterest tears are called forth by the memory of hours when we loved not enough.” Maurice Maeterlinck, Wisdom and Destiny, 1898
“When all is said and done, the weather and love the two elements about which one can never be sure.” Alice Hoffman, Here on Earth
“Happiness comes more from loving than being loved; and often when our affection seems wounded it is only our vanity bleeding. To love, and be hurt often, and to love again – this is the brave and happy life.” J.E. Buchrose
“Every instance of heartbreak can teach us powerful lessons about creating the kind of love we really want.” Martha Beck, 2003
“The most terrible poverty is loneliness and the feeling of being unloved.” Mother Teresa
Al’s Music Picks:
Dave Matthews is amazing to begin with, but Busted Stuff in particular seems to be primarily about heartbreak. And Robbie Robertson’s Storyville, while a bit dated – always gets way deep inside me. I also recommend artists such as Ben Harper, Jess Klein, Ray Lamontagne, Sarah McLachlan.
Al’s Movie Picks:
Things You Can Tell By Just Looking At Her is a series of incredibly poignant short stories. Meanwhile, Roberto Benigni’s The Tiger and the Snow is a wonderful film (Benigni is best known for Life Is Beautiful, which was nominated for 7 Academy Awards.)
Al’s Book Picks:
Okay, confession: I don’t read fiction. Well, almost never. But I can confidently recommend this book which was so often recommended to me. It’s about unrequited love. (If you must you can cheat and watch the movie instead, but the book is much better.)
This method above may seem obvious, but it is tremendously powerful. Get the full system here.
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The problems of my husband and I span many years. I stayed with him for my son, which in hindsight was probably the wrong move. He had many vices… but I stayed. He is and always will be a financial disaster and has put me in ruins so many times. Ruined my credit. Has nothing for his future. I struggle to keep the house, and there is no way out financially for me. No money for a lawyer as I pay for the mortgage and everything my son needs. I have paid for everything that has anything to do with my son since the day he was born. A plan is taking place now. I’m going to try to get him to separate and stay in the house until my son leaves to go to college. My son is a junior in high school. My husband may take this deal. I don’t have the money to serve him with divorce papers, and he refuses to go to mediation… probably because he will lose me. We have not been intimate in 7 years. There you have it. Need I say more? I was a good mother and a good wife for many years. I met the man that I had an affair with, and I forgot what it was like to even be touched in any manner. I miss him terribly, and now he is with someone else. I don’t know what to do. I just have to keep going. That’s all.
cindy what is hurting you is not your husband or any financial disasters , they are problems but u managed 2 handle them for 2 many years, thats not right as well what is really hurting you that u lost that man nd you are still thinking of him and you want him back the 1st thing u must do is to know that he must not get back you should dump him w forget about your instinct you have created a larger gap between you and your husband but what might fix it if u really leave him alone or show him how much he would suffer without u & how much you are important in his life you must fix this …. FUTURE WILL BE WHATEVER WE MAKE IT !!
Yes h. I understand what you are saying… but there is no larger gap between my husband and I. We have been roommates for 7 years… long before the guy even was in the picture. And let me state this h.: I will never go back to this man that hurt me. Not ever! My heart is broken, and I love him, but I know that he was wrong for me. Anyone that can have another woman at the same time as me, does not love or respect me. In fact, he doesn’t respect himself either. Those are the actions of a boy, not a man. I have moments where I am very strong, right now is one of them. But I have weak moments too. And unfortunately, the weak moments are still in the lead right now. Thank you for talking to me. You are a good person!
thank u cindy , u are welcomed , u helped me as well , now time will heal our pain .. & eventually make us stronger than ever …
I had to type this out to myself today. I read it. I understand it. Why doesn’t it sink it quite yet?
Cin,
He never wants to see you again. He never wants to know you again.
Please keep reading this, and please believe you are better than he is. You always were, and that was half the problem.
my bf left me a week ago and its hard not to sleep all the time that im not working. he saved me from a horrible relationship. he said he wanted to be alone. im trying to keep busy but my days off are ruff. im so gald i found this site and that im not alone in the world. he wants to be friends but i wont be ready for the for awhile. p.s. ppl getting drunk does not help!
oh and i know this is really chessy but “falling down” by selena gomez helps me too
God brings men into deep waters, not to drown them, but to cleanse them. –John Aughey
Sometimes in order not to fall apart, you have to let go of what keeps you together. — Unknown
Invisible tears are the hardest to wipe away. Just let it out, my friend. –Adabella Radici
We should do everything within reason to save a good relationship. But if we are constantly trying to save it, it’s probably not a good relationship. –Javan
I have been on and off with my boyfriend for 8 years. We have a beautiful 5 year old daughter together. He pushed me away off and on for 7 years and one summer I got tired of it and I pushed him away. Now for that one summer, I am paying for my mistake of pushing him away that one time. Its all he ever brings up. He left me in January of 2009 for someone else and came back two months later and we started to reconnect. I thought this was it and we were finally going to be a family together. Then two weeks ago, he met someone else and once again he pushed me aside. I can’t stand this heartache anymore. He broke my heart so many times since I met him, but I can’t stop going back because of how much I love him. I don’t know what to do because I just keep going back to him. I really can’t take the pain anymore but when I am with him I feel so good and I am happy. Happy, miserable, happy, miserable, happy, miserable….. any advise?
natalie,
he won,t change……..and b4 you know it,years have passed and you are still going thru what you are going
thru, your daughter will be picking up on the fights and getting confused why her dad is here one min then gone
the next..it will be hard, you will be miserable but that will fade then slowly you will start to feel better, then
you will meet someone and wonder why you wasted all that time with your ex..
Hey Natalie… I would have to agree with jgd… in fact, I vehemently agree! When I first read about your predicament, I realized just how similar it was to my own. In my case, the back & forth had killing me for 6 years! I have a son, but not by this man… which makes it a little easier for me. I’d been trying to make a break for it every couple of months, and every time it felt like the pain was starting from the very beginning again. It’s always been so incredibly painful every time… and it wasn’t easier than the last. Every time, I was severely depressed, and always second-guessing myself whether I was really doing the right thing. I still love this man with all I have in my soul!! But now, I realize that that’s OK. I can love him, and make a complete break from him at the same time. It’s possible. I don’t need to see him anymore, and I’m even feeling it’s possible to meet someone better from here on in. But Natalie, going through honeymoon period, after honeymoon period every time we got together again was the biggest illusion. Finally, I decided that I couldn’t do it anymore… again… it wasn’t worth it. So, 2 months ago, I made a break for it again. Gawd, how incredibly painful it was yet again. Funny how, thinking back, my experience is such a textbook example of what everyone goes through in our situation… it’s always the same story, but different details and faces. So, I cut it off. That was it. I decided to stick to it no matter what. It was brutal at first… I mean brutal. Your head will tell you a million things, and you’ll believe them all. I’m still feeling depressed & bad, but now something else is happening. I finally know I’ve done the right thing. Once you really believe that, it gets better from there. After all, no matter how you slice it, you’ve been incredibly miserable for years. Do something different!! Believe me, playing the martyr and waiting for him to change is NOT your responsibility. Let him go. Let him do the changing in his own time, without you… that is, if he is capable of changing… some are, some take years before they see the light, and others don’t achieve change in their lifetime. You don’t know what will happen from here on in, so move on. You must seek emotional stability and happiness for your own sanity, otherwise your own body will begin showing the physical effects of depression, sadness, and devastation. You must be happy with yourself. You have a child that needs you to be well, rested, happy, and in your right mind. Being in a depressing relationship can really affect your child in a horrible way. This little girl needs to see you choose to be strong. She needs to see you walk away from the injustice of what you’re currently experiencing. She will undoubtedly model herself after you… so you must live as a strong woman, who won’t take any more of this shit!! Keep telling yourself that over and over again, that you’re leaving the situation to invest in your child’s future, as the best example to her that you can be, because this is the truth!! Once you’re out and you’ve taken him out of the picture, romantically… you’ll be surprised how you will feel. This is when the right kind of man will enter your life… one who is attracted to strong, caring but independent women, who can take care of themselves and their families… the right kind of man. Only losers look for weak-minded women that they can take advantage of and mistreat on a regular basis… don’t be that woman!! These types of men are insecure and feel threatened by strong, talented and smart women.
So Natalie… chin up… (I’m preaching to myself here too!) ’cause you’re definitely not alone!! I’m going through roughly the same type of stuff, but I’ve recently decided to get out, and stay out. Remember, once you’re out, it starts to get better & better, though very slowly at first…
You can do it!! Get out now, so that you can begin healing your broken heart!!
jgd and Galgotha….THANK YOU SO MUCH!!! YOU ARE SO RIGHT..Now I just have to follow your advise and stick to it! I am in a lot of pain right now. So much stress I got diagnosed with the Shingles on Friday! Why is it I keep going over in my head, him with these new women and it makes me sick…ugggg. I HAVE to just let him go…Its soooo hard.
My gf of 5 wonderful years decided she wanted to move out one night. Out of the blue. I was in shock, I didn’t know what to do. We have been living together for the entire 5 years and my plans were to marry her and have a family together. Everyday that I looked at her, I feel in love again. She never really told me that for the last 2 years, she was hurting inside. She comes home late last week and says we need to talk. She tells me she needs her own space and that I don’t show her that I love her enough. I tell her we can work on it, but she says she wants to move out the next day. She was really sad and hurt and I could clearly see that. I told her we can work things out, that I’m still deeply in love with her and that I would do anything for her. She said if I loved her, I would let her move out but not break up. I agreed because I wanted to support her. She moves out the next day and things seem to pick up. She seems happier, like it was the right thing to do. I felt happy for her and thought to myself this was part of her healing process. A couple days pass and it feels like she’s avoiding me. I call her out on it and so we made a date. It was a wonderful date. We had dinner, saw a movie. It was like old times again right? I drop her off at her friends house where she is crashing.
The next morning she comes over to pick up the rest of her stuff. I was checking my cellphone bill online (we have a plan together) that I usually never check and came across her call log. She had a call at 12:30am which was an hour after I dropped her off from our date. I know all her friends, I know who she hangs out with, I know her co-workers. 5 years together, 24/7. I don’t recognize the number so I ask her who called her at 12:30am last night. She says “a friend”. Strange. I asked “who?”. She says, “a friend.” “What is your friend’s name?” “Why do you ask?” “Because its strange you wont tell me who it is.” I think about to all her friends and co-workers and remember her tell me some guy at work tried to hit on her. I also remember, when hanging out with her co-workers one night, them telling me this guy name Joe had a crush on her and it as the office joke, but I just brushed it off, 5 years, she wouldn’t cheat on me. Then it hit. I ask her in a serious tone. “is it Joe that called you last night?” She says “yes it was Joe”.
At this point, I was furious. I told her to get all her stuff and leave my house. I was soo hurt. I now knew what was happening. Why she all of a sudden wanted to move out. She was cheating on me. All the nights she would come home at 10-11pm saying it was work or going to the gym….was it really? She gets her stuff and leaves. I check the call log again for the past couple months for that number. I shows up 5 times for calls. But wait. She’s a texter. I check the text log. 500 text at all times of the day. From 7am (the time she starts work) to 8am, 9am, 10am, 11am, 3pm, 4pm. They’re having a texting conversations for the last couple months every single work day, but only during work hours or when I’m at work. I check the most recent log for the week when she decided to leave and move out. They were texting late into the night, till 1am. I check the night of our date. She was texting him all morning right up until I picked her up from where she was staying at 6pm. Then when I dropped her off, she was texting and call him until 1:30am. Are you kidding me? All this sneaking around behind my back. It was like someone punched me in the stomach. They have been going out together during lunches and maybe even after work. They dont even work in the same department in the company. Not even the same floor level. I try to say to myself that they are just friends. That he is just some guy that has a crush on her. But my logic wont let me. It cant be just a friend. She has been hiding him from me. Her reaction when I asked who called her. The late nights out, the weekends gone off for work. The sudden move out of the house. The texting and call at odd times of the day, everyday , all day?!! It all points to one thing.
I have never felt so betrayed and hurt. It felt like the core of my soul got ripped apart. I want to cry but the tears don’t fall. My anger rages but my pain overcomes me. I feel so lost, so hurt, so lonely. This knot in my stomach wont go away. I loved this girl so much, and she hurt me so bad. I catch myself drifting off into my thoughts and sadness. I don’t know what to do! I don’t want to talk to her right now, but I want to know how could she. After 5 years of loving and caring for one another, she made me believe she wanted to be with me and only me. And now she has destroyed my world. I don’t know if I can forgive her.
natalie,
you are welcome, just take one day at a time, what you are feeling is natural, don,t be so hard on yourself.before you know it you will go a day without thinking of him,then it will be 2 days, then it will get to the point it does not hurt when you do think of him. Greg
My wife of 16 months left me 2weeks ago and I am devastated confused and looking for answers as to why. We did fight a lot and she has said it’s because of the continual arguing. She went to 2 counselling sessions I organised but refused to go back. She was spoilt and living with her mum when I met her and she was selfish in ways. Most of my arguments with her were because I wanted her to value me and spend time with me. She has a very tight relationship with her mum and she spent a lot of time with her
I was with my boyfriend for over 2 years his family did not know I was in his life as he is muslim and I am not. We fell deeply in love we both just wanted to believe everything would be okay, as time went on and things got more serious the thoughts of ‘whats going to happen’ would get more frequent. Untill finally he told me he could not tell his family about me so we had to breakup. I know its difficult to understand and people might say ‘why cant he the coward’ etc but I really know he is hurting as much as me and if he would rather go through this pain heartache then he really must not be able to tell his family. Ive accepted this and respect him and his religion. Its so hard though I dont dont know what I want anymore. Its only been about a month since we split. We both said we would rather be in each others lives as friends than not at all so we are in contact daily really. I hope we are friends forvever.
It’s really work! wow..
I start thinkin’, ” If he dumb enough to walk away, then i’m smart enough to let go!”
my boyfriend and i were together for about two years. when we met he had major drug addictions and a lot of family problems, but i stuck with him from the beginning. big mistake. he got me hooked on drugs and cutting and we had to work together to get clean. we constantly kept each other in check and things were so perfect. then i realized how drugs and his drug addict, childish friends would always come before his family and myself; slowly it just crumbled. when he was neglectful towards me, i worshiped the ground he walked on. when he stopped touching me because he said physical contact made him feel uncomfortable, i felt so ugly for so long. even then i stuck by his side. we broke up months ago and he’s long been over me. i call him more often than i should, and today i left work to sit in my car to cry to him. i feel so pathetic and i just want to feel happy again.
when we were together i even cut his inch-long toenails and butt-hair…
and all he wants is pills.
I wasn’t that long with my bf, but we either spent almost every day together or we would txt/call each other if we weren’t together. at first i didn’t like him and avoided allowing my feelings to materialize, because i had been hurt so many times before and i didn’t want that to happen again. but eventually he warmed me up, and made me open up to him more than i was comfortable with. i trusted him, trusted that he wouldn’t hurt me because he made me believe that he never would and that he loved me and i was his world. but two days ago he admitted (after lying about it) that he had talked to his ex and he had been thinking of getting back with her. that he still loved her. i’m so hurt. after making me feel things for him that i was scared to, and completely letting go, he reveals that and totally breaks my heart. in essence he lied to me, from the beginning, i feel like he was just trying to make me love him, he was using me, because all along he was still in love with someone else. i just hope i won’t become bitter and when i hopefully find someone who will really love me and not lie to me, who will mean what they say, that i won’t be doubtful of him because of the things i have been through with other men.
im just after breaking up wit my boyvriend of 2 an a half years when we first met i was madly in love with but he really seem bothred by our relationship. i have a son from a previous relationship abd he was great wit him… we moved into gethered and it seemed like all we did was aruge in the house in the mean time i ended up pregant and had a baby boy….. things between us didnt get any better now our son is 6 mnts old and ive spilt up wit him im hurting so much not just for my self but my poor kids my heart is breaking altough i know this is the right thing to do for us as well as the kids …… i feel sp lost in my life now an things get better????
this is my problem: So me and me ex just broke up today. we have been on and off for 3 years. his ex jenn kept getting in the relationship and he would leave me for her.. So one day he asked me back out and then left me and we were not together for like a month. I had sex with two guys… then he asked me out again so i said yes because i love him so much… Now my “best friend” sat there and told him i had sex with these two guys.. which i didn’t tell him because he would flip a shit.. and i denied it cause i was afraid he would leave me again.. and finally today after spending all week with him and valentines day i thought everything was alright we were happy, he goes back to college… and i get a text from him this morning that im a bitch for lying to him.. i finaly manned up and told him that i did. and he flipped out because i lied to him.. It hurt to lie to him when he asked but i didn’t want him to leave and now im stuck here crying my eyes out because he broke up with me anyways! i know it was messed up to have sex with those two guys then lie about it.. idk what to do he hates me now! he was gonna get an a on his arm for me because i got an e. now he wont even get it! he tells me he will never date me again, but he is coming home over the weekend again for a whole week. he said he wants to see me at some point. it’s going to kill me to see him! i love him so much and he wants to chill with me i cant sit there and chill with someone i love knowing that i can never have him again! and he sits there and tells me im a liar and im fucked up when he lied to me multipul times about his ex and stuff and hurt me so much and i always was there when he came back even when i was dating other ppl i’d break up with them for this boy! he just recently told me he wanted a kid with me and that he wanted to marry me and we were trying and now i might be pregnant with his kid and he told me now that if i am he wants nothing to do with it that i need to get an abortion im so heart broken! my best friend just fucked me over!! i would never do that to her! idk what too dooo!!!
Amanda, My best friend did something very similar to me! I know exactly how you feel. I don’t understand what this guys deal is. If he is so pissed at you, then why would he want to even hang out with you? Everyday you feel a little bit better when you are heartbroken ONLY IF YOU DON’T SEE HIM! Being around him is going to make you hurt more and you will never heal. You had sex with those two guys when you two were broken up. I met someone when my boyfriend and I were broken up and when we got back together I didn’t tell him about it. My best friend did tell him when her and I got into a huge fight. He was horrible to me when he found out, but I didn’t understand why because he was seeing someone else also. Some men are messed up and when they do things wrong its ok, but when we do things wrong, its the end of the world. My heart goes out to you girl….I completely understand how you feel!
Hi I’m jen. I need some help for you guys. I was dating someone for three years, let’s call him Mike.Mike & I spoke to each other first before we jump the gun and went on a first date,Then suddenly.If you wanna know the person you have to take alot of time with the girl right?But you know what?? He was spending alot of time with his friends.Than to me..And you know what.All i feel is MIKE IS NOT SERIOUS TO ME =( I tried to ask him if he was serious.All he said yes i am.But im too sorry im always busy working and i need to go hang out with my friends also.But you know.Me and that guy.We were like going out once a week.So you know i feel jealous also.And i don’t feel for his effort.Then MARCH 01,2010.Me and michael talked about this,And he told me this…..
help me please.
Jen im so sorry.I really care for you and your pretty cool.And your to nice with me.But im can’t be in a relationship.Because i don’t wanna hurt you.And i im sure im not gonna be a perfect boyfriend for you! But this is not the end of the road and the world.Maybe god put us in a same places and it means maybe destiny bring back on together again.But u know guys.I wanna get died soon as i can.It really hurt so much hurt..
okk so we worked things out finally and he came back from college for a week and we were together for the whole week. but he saw his ex girlfriend the day before we got back together. and it was very upsetting considering i wouldn’t hang out with my ex. but now he is cback at college. and he has been ignoring me this whole time and i told him i wanted him to pay more attention to me and he said that he is sorry he is just sick.. which normally he pays attention and calls me but all week he hasn’t called. only texted me. so idk whats going on but i told him he is pushing me away and he sits there and says that he loves me so very much and that he doesnt wanna wanna loose me. idk this relatonship is killing me inside because i love him and i guess i expect more then he gives me.. because im used to getting attention. ifk what to do should i just deal with the fact that he is at college or should i not be with him.??
Amanda… girl, I really sympathize with the way you’re feeling… (I’ve been there) but this is so not good. I can already see the heartache heading your way. Being with a boy who’s sitting on the fence is a clear sign that things will not go well between the two of you over the long haul. It’s just best to just muster up all the strength you can, boost that self-esteem (even if you feel you don’t have any… force it!), and just walk the other way. It’ll be really painful at first, because it always is, but believe me… you’ll be doing the right thing. Be a strong woman, and show that you mean it. Show that you don’t need to put up with anyone’s indecision. Raise your standards because there are better men out there, who are much more mature and who know what it means to be in a mutual relationship with someone they love. This guy clearly doesn’t love you unconditionally, and doesn’t appear to know what he wants… he sounds double-minded and so unsure of himself, as well as your relationship, if that’s what this is… and this will continue to drive you crazy. It will not get better from here, so stop hoping that he’ll change. Take your cue from the way he is behaving right now. Best to take the advice of someone who’s been there, and just walk. I’m sure all your friends are telling you the same thing. Listen to the people who really love and care for YOU. Friends who really love you don’t want to see you hurting yourself. They’re outside of the situation, and can often see clearer because they aren’t being dragged through the mud with their emotions. Emotions can be your enemy sometimes, so think with your head and tell those damn emotions to take a back seat on this one!! I’m really hoping for the best for you… please take care of yourself first!!
thanks this is very helpful. all of my friends tell me that i shouldn’t talk to him anymore. my best friend is his cousin and she knows him more then me… He sits here and acts like he cares so much when he is feeling lonely and and then when he comes home he wants nothing to do with me …. i don’t get it. i’m so confused… every things messed up right now… idk what to think anymore my heart already hurts.. i feel like it’s too late already… and i can’t seem to get rid of this boy.. every time i break up with him he comes crying back to me the next day… I believe he has some sort of feeling for me.. but at the same time i feel like his rebound. I am always gonna run in to him all the time so it’s hard to stay broken up. He aways convinces me otherwise. Idk anymore.. my best friend keeps telling me to ignore him and to not take him back… but i aways take him back because i love him.. it’s pathetic. I can’t let the emotions of me getting hurt take control of whats the right thing. instead i keep dreading this whole thing and hopeing one day he will change and one day he will care. and that’s never gonna happen. it hurts so bad…
this is mee once again… so edwin my “bf” proposed to me and said he wants to marry me? what should i do… he has been acting diff like he really wants to be with me? so confused he has never acted this way
Amanda… don’t do it. I had to turn down a proposal once… it was the hardest thing I’d ever done up till then, because I was so in love with this guy and we’d been together in an unhealthy relationship for about 5 years. He was my ‘first’ which made it even harder, if you can imagine that. But it proved to be the best thing I’d ever done to NOT accept his proposal because, though he thought he was doing the right thing at the time, he was wrong. There are an infinite number of reasons why people want to marry. Not all of them are the right reasons. So don’t be shocked that ‘he was different this time’. He is not ready. Everything you’ve written up till now makes this fact VERY clear. So just because he proposes, doesn’t mean it’s what he really wants. It is more likely that his motives for asking you are immature and selfish. Don’t be distracted by this. Look at your history together. Marriage will NOT correct these problems, but only magnify them as life together will become more & more unbearable for the both of you.
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