You are sitting with your cell phone staring at a text message you wrote to your ex hours ago. You debate whether to send it or not. You stare at your phone while your mind tells you to have more respect for yourself. You logically understand that sending the message is not going to make the situation any better – nor will it heal your pain. Then your heart enters the scene and overpowers your mind. Your heart says, “Go ahead, send it, you will feel better…temporarily at least.”
The scenario above represents one example of a misalignment between your heart and your mind that is a common occurrence after a break up. Every decision you make is determined by a combination of your logic and emotion. If these different elements that make you who you are happen to conflict, you will understandably feel conflicted and make decisions that reflect this turmoil.
The concept of alignment will help you understand why you may have been in a relationship that was not good enough for you. It will also help you understand how to use your logic to help heal your broken heart. Let’s look at some more examples of what happens when your heart and mind disagree with one another.
Scenario 1 – During the Relationship
Your mind says, “I deserve more – this relationship is not right.”
Your heart says, “Stay, it will work out.”
If you were in a relationship where it was obvious that you were not receiving the love, respect, and engagement that you deserve, then your mind was probably nudging you during the relationship and asking you, “Why are we still here?” You remained in that relationship for longer than you should have because your heart believed that your mate and relationship could change.
Your heart believed that it was better to be in a relationship that was mediocre than to be alone. Your heart was saying to you, “Hey, give it a chance, it’s not that bad.” Your mind and heart were not aligned and this probably led to fighting, to an internal struggle, and eventually the break up. Often when we want more from a relationship than we are getting, we continually try to get ‘more’ by attempting to change the person we are with or by forcing other changes in the relationship. This is generally a destructive path.
Scenario 2 – During the Relationship
Your heart says, “This relationship is everything I need.”
Your mind says, “There are red flags here that I shouldn’t ignore.”
When one partner in a relationship is not happy, they usually provide indications either verbally, in the form of passive-aggressive behavior, or via non-verbal actions of their discontent. If you are the other partner that is madly in love, you do actually receive the red flags as signals in your mind. Unfortunately, your heart overpowers your logic in this case. Your heart speaks so loudly about how in love you are and how perfect everything is, that you drown out the messages your mind has received.
Eventually, after the break up, it is easier to see the red flags were present in your relationship. You also may realize that some of the reason you were deeply attached to your ex was because you loved the idea of being in love. If you relate to this scenario, remember, you deserve a love with equal give and take. Reciprocity is essential to the success of a relationship and you should never have to convince someone to love you as much as you love them.
Scenario 3 – After the Break Up
Your mind says, “I am going to be okay. In fact, before long, I’m going to feel like myself.”
Your heart says, “The pain is excruciating, I don’t think I will ever feel at peace again.”
After your break up, if you sit quietly and listen to your inner voice, you will hear hope inside. This hope is telling you that you will feel better, that you will live life once again with passion, and that you will experience love once again. The information you are being sent from your mind is based on your history and the fact that you have overcome obstacles in the past. Your mind remembers the times where you have faced adversity and have come out on the other side stronger and brighter. Your heart is speaking out of fear; listen to your mind – it has a strong basis for giving you hope.
Listen to words from friends, family, and counselors even if they do not feel like they are helping to heal your broken heart. Every single word helps. Listen to every word someone with experience has to tell you. Up until now, we haven’t discussed the subconscious mind. Positive messages to your subconscious mind can overpower negative ones from your heart. Everything you are reading and listening to about healing is entering your subconscious and will help you heal faster.
Above I have discussed the logical mind being overpowered by a somewhat illogical heart. Please note, the situation can certainly occur in reverse. Your heart may experience genuine love yet have seeds of doubt planted by an insecure mind. In either situation, if you are looking to heal your heartache from your current break up, please know it is possible.
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Love & Light,
Amelie Chance
Certified Coach of Positive Psychology
Heal My Broken Heart
www.HealMyBrokenHeart.com
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I was in an intense relationship for over a year with a man my head told me was not right for me and everyone around me but my heart fell in love with. He filled the loneliness I had been feeling since a breakup 2 years earlier. This man swore up and down that he loved me and wanted to spend the rest of his life with me and that I was the most beautiful woman, woman he had been looking for all his life. He made me feel wanted and loved. We had a great intimate relationship that was like an addiction. I also began to question his fidelity. He lied so many times and would continuously deny that he said or did things that I saw and heard. He claimed that I was imagining things or had issues from previous relationships that were making me act this way. I tried to break things off numerous times because we would fight over the same issues which he would deny. He would beg and pursue me to take him back and I did. I recently found out and caught him in lies = he knows that I know exactly who he is seeing. He stopped calling and texting abruptly and the last text he sent said that he fell in love with me and that I am who he has been looking for his whole life. He has taken a toll on my self esteem and broken my heart. He begged me to trust him and I wanted to so badly. This comes on the anniversary of losing my daughter. I feel lost, paralyzed with sadness and fear of being alone. I’m also so angry for him doing this and jealous thinking of who he is with. Reading this Step to Heal was like an old friend who understands what I’ve gone through. I need to grieve and heal and feel like the tools are here to help me on that journey. This gives me hope!
This site has touched my soul in the most remarkable ways. Well my heart yearns for him to come back but my head resents it as it knows it would only cause me more harm. I’m happy to say that I now eat, sleep and breath more easily.
I am 2 weeks into my first broken heart and I am 25 years old. I always thought I was a strong person who could bounce back from a break up, but I realize now that was only because I was always the person ending the relationship. Two weeks ago, my love of a year, decided its “not meant to be” and that he is a “mess inside”, whatever that means. What hurts the most is the fact that he cant even explain why he is ending it and also, that this is the first relationship I have given my all and not always been looking for something better. I’ve done nothing but drill him over and over through text messages about how he is feeling and why he did this but he just gets angry and tells me to accept it or he cant talk to me anymore. It’s hard to not blame myself or think that its ME that he didn’t want to be with. I have always suspected he had inner struggles going on inside(sometimes being distant, depressed, cold, emotionless) but he would snap out of it a day or two later and be so loving towards me. This is what kept my hope that it would work out so it became my mission to make sure he was always happy and in a good mood and if he wasn’t, I got very depressed. It seems the harder I tried, the farther away he got. We have had short breaks before ( a few days to a week) but he always came back saying that he was an idiot for leaving and is lucky to have me. This time it seems to be for real. Nothing I say to him makes him change his mind. Everyone keeps telling me that he really is going through something that I will never know but it doesn’t help the pain. Its so painful knowing that I could never make him happy enough no matter how great of a girlfriend I was. I put all of my effort in trying to be perfect for him that I have completely lost my identity and don’t even know where to begin to heal. All these websites tell you to hang with friends and keep yourself busy, but that never helps. I just end up crying in a public place and embarassing myself. I guess the lesson I learned is to never think that you can force someone to love you as much as you love them, and don/t let all your friendships, job and social life fail because your so focused on the one your with.
Mack,
Thank you for your words after your experience of heartbreak, Its more or less same happened to me but I am impressed the way you have explain and give n message for others…”never think that you can force someone to love you as much as you love them, and don/t let all your friendships, job and social life fail because your so focused on the one your with”
Very true…Thank you…
I think my situation is different here in that I am in a relationship with a beautiful person who I want to spend the rest of my life with. We both are deeply in love with each other. Our relationship will end in 2 weeks time because I have to return to my own country for family reasons. I cannot see me ever having the opportunity to return to be with her again, financial reasons and cultural differences make it virtually impossible. We are both spontaneously breaking into floods of tears, knowing we cannot be together. It is like waiting to die, horrible, just a living nightmare. We have lived together now for 8 happy months until this bombshell hit us. It is ripping my heart out. We are trying to enjoy the time we have left together but it is very hard.
Thank god i found this website, finally the pain in my heart started to fade away slowly, even though it haven’t completely healed. It is my first love,I was in a relationship for 1 year, even though we have different views on philosophy of life, i still love her and tried to change her way of thinking which is very negative. Even sometimes we had communication breakdown as her English is weak, but thank god i can speak Chinese, we manage to maintain the relationship. During our relationship, i didn’t get the blessing from her parents side. They totally rejects me without even meet me, the only reason for them is that i am an Indian, and they cannot except it because of different religion and race. They will only accept me if I’m a highly ranked in career such as lawyer,doctor or businessman.What a typical Chinese minded family they are. They cant accept different race, but they can accept if I’m a higher rank person even with different race. What kind of crap it this. So money and position that all matters. So both of us continue our relationship without their knowing. I was grateful and happy that my family openly welcomed her in our family. At least my side understands our feeling and support us. As time pass by, she started to feel afraid of our relationship will come to an end, because she cannot disobey her parents, but i managed to comfort her by giving them some time hoping that everything will turn out good. Well it is just a waste of effort, as she doesn’t have the guts to talk to her parents. I was very disappoint with her, both of us work in the same place, but because the pressure she and her parent give me, eventually i managed to find a better job. This time for real, as an executive management in a company. But i need to pay for the price, which is being separate away from her, and only able to meet her 3 months once. I know one day i will climb the ladder and become someone thus prove to her family that I’m able to take care of her. As soon our 1st meeting after 3 months, both of us were happy to meet each other again. But in the 3 month process, I’ve overcome a huge personality change within me, i started to view the world differently. But she remained the same, same old patterns same beliefs. I realized one thing, you cannot change a person unless they are willing to change them self. After a week i went to work, my mentor advised me to become successful in career first, then only decide my love life. Then one day, i unintentionally told her that i wanna be single for a period of time,so that i can concentrate on my career, just hoping she will understand me, and would be patient and wait for me till I’ve achieve my goals and dreams. Guess what, as soon i broke up with her, she started going out with somebody else. I was so hurt about it, feel like my hearts tearing off. I cant stand the pain, every time i think about her with someone else. But she told me nothing there is between them, i tried to reconcile with her again, but she keep rejecting me by saying she has no more feeling towards me, no matter how i try, it just doesn’t work out. She even told me she is relieved now as she doesn’t feel the pressure from her parents anymore.I was completely lost of the sense of direction, i starting to hate my job, hate the people around me. She is the reason of me being here, but now I’m stuck here. As soon i started reading the advised from this website, i started to gained back control of my subconscious mind. Maybe both of us are not fated in life as perfect soul mate. Even though right now we are still good friends, one day i will prove to her and make her regret for the actions she take. I believe i will find a better person who can understand me better. Just keep on being positive, and it will attract someone one day. Thank you for reading.. Kind appreciate any advise..
I have been suffering a terrible broken heart. I knew the entire relationship it had no chance. Yet I subjected myself for 3 months to it until I got hooked. The first few days I thought I was going to die. I am not new to heart break, but had been a really long time since I have experienced one. So many factors involved here. One thing I can tell all of you….do not call your EX…break your fingers before you text one more word. Trust me on this. There is something to be said for “no contact”..NC. You really do heal faster. I sent one stupid email to him, I now wish I could take back. I sat around hoping he would call and he has not. I have resigned to the fact it really is over. What helped me the most…not talking to him. Also, exercise your butt off. I play tennis every night. I know you don’t feel like doing anything…trust me on this too..exercise does release happiness to your brain. Time the healer. Good Luck…you will feel better.
Relationship ended just shy of our ten year anniversary. I know that the past 2 years have been a bumpy road. Although I hate to admit it, I know that not only did i question why the relationship was still going on, but i did as well. We have been together since we were 17 and now at 27, I am just at a loss. The signs in both my mind and my heart lead to ending the relationship, but the sadness and hurt still linger throughout me. I catch myself overwhelmed with feelings of sadness…so much so that i almost burst into tears at work, at home, hanging out with friends, or whatever. A part of me feels afraid to move on, a part of me feels scared to be alone for the first time in ten years, a part of me is afraid that I won’t find someone else, and a part of me hopes, wishes, and prays that we will get back together. Why? Is it because I still really love him or is it because I really am just afraid to be alone. I hate when I catch myself sitting by my phone waiting for him to text me or call me and it just never happens. I just want the time to go by quickly enough for this pain to finally be over.
I was with a man that we had talked about our future together and how the rest of our lives would be. Now i sit here wondering and pondering where it went wrong. Like why do i feel like i am neck deep in mud and keep getting sucked down. How am i supposed to function with this pain so new and fresh? Right before our vacation and our birthdays… I cant understand why this is harder than my divorce and previous loves combined.
Love really is state of mind. Not to say some people pierce a home in your heart for a lifetime…they do. As time goes by it becomes easy to live with that person dwelling in that small part you allowed them to occupy. In time that part only brings remembrance to your mind through a song or an event you once shared. However you will pass the obsession. When this happens…glory be..freedom! If they call you back, you will recall how many times you waited by the phone and now you don’t even remember what time they got off of work. I am 51 years old and just went thru one of the toughest break ups of my life. I have known many in my life and at this age never expected to face yet another one. I have learned so much from this one. One thing I always did wrong and finally got right. Don’t trick yourself into believing there is a chance. Don’t fool yourself into not facing the truth when you really deep down know it. Oh hell yes this hurts…truth does usually. DO not, do not, do not call them unless you ended it…one call..one let them know you are willing to go back…then drop it on their court. If they don’t call you…don’t do it…call a friend, break a finger…especially if they ended it…do not trick your head here. (most time they will call back…by the time they do..you really will not care anymore) If you listen to nothing I say…please do this….this pain does pass…it really does. This hurts so bad because when a break up happens we are being forcefully ask to kill a love that is within us. We had love all along, this person just allowed us to see our own soul. Someone else can hold this mirror up and you can feel it again…take time for this. Time the stealer, time the healer. ……tammy weston…facebook….I’m available to talk to if anyone needs to……good luck..and to me too!
Here is the problem. My heart says I will never love that again, that I am broken inside, and I miss my ex, and the people in her family. My head says, dammit all the signs that we are a good fit were there. how we got together, how her family reacted to me, how I was welcomed into the family as their son-in-law even before I proposed, it WAS the right thing. We fit, meshed as well as two imperfect people can. My mind tells me this and nothing seems to be able to change that thought. It feels like I’m just trying to rationalize myself into feeling better just by trying to think otherwise. Simply my brain knows we should be together, leaving my heart wondering what the hell happened??
What do you do when your mind and HEART says the 1 that just left you is still the only 1 for you? My fiance just told me that she had been lying to me & herself for a long time trying to convince herself that this relationship would work eventually, instead of telling me that she was unhappy. I think this is the part that hurts me the most as a man because it just reaffirms the insecurities that men have when living in a relationship. The fact that women can hide so much for so long without you knowing. Also, it makes a man feel like an emotional hostage because a man is supposed to suppress his feelings while women are expected to express theirs. I had my doubts at times, but I always thought that true love would prevail. Does this mean that I was living in a total illusion or did we just run into a major obstacle. We have children together as well which really doesn’t help the situation either.
Lord knows I really & truly love this woman. Its almost like I lost a rib. To me she really is my “other half”. How can someone that feels so right feel like there’s no chance we can be happy together? Was I really that blind?
I just came out of a relationship that I knew in my mind would not work, although it was brief it was very intense and is causing me much pain, I feel confused, depressed and it’s like I lost my faith in me and every other human being. We fought a lot me and my girlfriend most of the times because I tought she did not respected me at all (she was constantly criticizing me in a destructive manner I even asked her why was she with me if she disliked so many things about me) but then she would always contact me and apologize and tell me she knew I was the man she wanted to marry since she first saw me and that she loved me but she wasn’t ready for a deeper relationship, I came to a point that I knew I had to break it off and told her that, some days later she calls me saying she doesnt want me out of her life and she was so sad, so we met a couple days after and then she tells me she is seeing someone else and she couldnt be with me I thought that was very cruel.
All this constant roller coaster of emotions has taken a huge emotional toll on me I know I must do something but feeling quite helpless and unmotivated to do so, in a way I wish I could disappear. Any ways just sharing my story and I can relate with what you all wrote and in every comment I found something that will help me heal, eventually .Also the article is extremmely good. All the best to you all!
Listen guys this is what I have been hoping to find when I went thru my breakup. Someone that has been thru it and came out the other side. I wanted to know the process. Now I have become that person. Now going into my 3rd month of break up. I have the answer….wish I had known years ago what I know today. Deep inside you know if a person is right for you, your heart does lie to you sometimes. It doesn’t want to hurt. Your heart also knows you better than you think it does. I know all to well what it feels like to awaken every morning with that person in your face and can’t even see them. I didn’t think I would ever own my life again. I didn’t think I would not hurt again. No contact seems so final, it does. We fear the other person will forget us if we don’t continue to remind them we are still around. They won’t. My imagination drove me crazy. What I would say if he called. I did stay strong in the “no contact” rule. I couldn’t delete him from my phone and he blocked me from facebook. As soon as I knew he unblocked me…I blocked him…powerful…that is so powerful, I took the power in my own hands. At the time it was HA! see how he feels to be blocked. But later it was the best thing for me. Now he comes into my mind at some point each day, but he does not own every thought every day. Now I do not see him as last living man for me. Actually I see him as a small person now, I see his weaknesses. This is how “No Contact” helped me. One, the most powerful tool we have to get an ex back is to not contact them, if you contact them your value does go down. Second, when you do this rule, in time you will be so over this person the laugh is on them. My biggest concern was “will he call”…..he did, not for the reasons I was hoping. That phone call took me right into acceptance. I was thrilled to have reached that stage. If I had been texting and calling every time I wanted to…I would not be in this healing place today. Really does take time and no contact to be the victor. Remember even if you think you want them back…no contact is powerful…..however in the end…bet you will not care if you see them or not. Keep this in mind….right now you believe this is the only person in the world for you…remind yourself that is a mind trick…you are use to the routine of your life with them in it…change that routine. He got off work at 7pm, that was the first time I noticed, I did not notice anymore because i made myself busy in the evenings. Then the mornings, when he went to work, the days he was off work…all of it I changed my life to not notice those times. Please do the no contact thing…..it really works and quicker than anything else….beware of rebound too…don’t transfer feelings..that can hurt worse….good luck!
At the age of 39 I have just split with my partner of 13 years and am totally devastated. We got together in 1998, shared so much fun, joint friends, holidays, parties, births, deaths, laughs and dreams. We moved from a flat to a house in 1995 and couldn’t have been happier building a home together. She has always been the main income earner in the house and recently our wage gap has increased further, we have also had tragedies in her family and I have always been there to support her.
I thought I was her rock and the person she could come home to and relax as we have been lovers, soulmates and best friends. Over the last year she became more and more withdrawn but kept telling me it wasn’t me so I tried harder than ever to be supportive which she found suffocating. Last week she dropped the bombshell that she no longer loved me and did not want to be together. She wants to live on her own, travel when she wants and go further in her career. She told me that she has spent the last year living with me without loving me because he didn’t want to hurt me. I feel like I have been a financial burden, a failure and a fool.
I feel completely heartbroken, the person I have been living with and loving for so long has changed and all my dreams for growing old together are shattered. I have no idea why this happened and just don’t know how to cope. I love her so much and its killing me.
My boyfriend of over a year broke up with me last night.. He said he couldn’t make time for me because of his work and I wouldn’t be this upset if he hasn’t done this before and told me that out love was worth it enough for him to make time even though he was always busy. We lived together and were inseparable. I didn’t have much friends when we got together and neither did he so we became all each other had. We broke up a week ago because I had suspicions and he texted me all day yesterday how he wanted to be with me and he loves me. I told him later that day it didn’t feel the same because we weren’t as affectionate as we use to be. We got to arguing and just agreed on seeing each other to speak. After talking he said that he honestly didn’t have time for me anymore he’s too busy. I left shortly after crying on my way home. He called me 10 seconds after to come back and I got happy because I thought it was to reconcile but he said he felt the need to say that he’s sorry he couldn’t make time for me. We both cried for about a half hour in each others arms. My stomach has been in knots all day as soon as I got home from work I couldn’t stop crying. This pain is so real and I’ve been wanting to text him or call him and tell him I love him so much I don’t know what to do. I’ll be okay for 5 min then my stomach turns Into knots and the tears start falling. He officially broke up with me last night and I cried myself to sleep.. Today i can’t stop crying and wanting to hear from him.. What can I do? The pain is so bad I’ve never felt this way.
Some had 2 weeks relationship, other might had 15 yeas of it. Still it is the same amount of pain.
Mine is 8 years.
Falling in love is easy, but stand up for it thru all time isn’t.
We had different beliefs (religius views). We both are tied to different family values.
We experinced the destructive path in the SCENARIO 1 above. We had our little fight, then we had our hugs. It became a desctructive circle.
Finally he had the sanity that he needed to stop us being trapped in the circle.
What can I say, it takes two people to stand up for our love and he seems to give it up. I know I can’t force what he should feel and what choice he should make. Afterall he had his 8 years of consideration.
It’s not only the pain that torturing me.(It really hurts, physically too) They are:
- Fear. I fear the future, I fear for what I might be missing. How do I get rid of it? Positive thinking didn’t do much.
- Memories. Good memories specially. It’s not as easy as wiping the whiteboard.
- The regrets / dissapoinment. Regrets of wasting so much time, so much effort and so much love to have an end like this. (I am supposed to be an adventurous person, but this feeling is unavoidable) Dangerously I started to feel dissapointed to myself.
- Expectation that the table will turn around any second, that he would turn around saying that he had made a mistake (movie like gesture). It’s a foolish empty hope, unconsiously I lied to myself.
- I don’t know wheather to hate myself or to hate him.
- Not knowing where I should begin from here.
I’m not looking something to patch the wound. I need more than that, a real cure to the wound ‘cus it can get infectious (self destruction).
Jetta,
Good luck!
Sounds like time apart for the both of you will help clear your minds and figure out what you really want. Do not contact him. Keep yourself busy. What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger. Think positive thoughts. When you get that feeling, don’t feel sorry for yourself, instead tell yourself…I WILL BE OKAY, THIS TOO SHALL PASS, I HAVE SELF WORTH..smile even if only for a second. Buy a good book, do a little shopping or exercise your butt off it will benefit you and it will make him eat his heart out next time he sees how HOT you look.
I have a heartache, and we haven’t even broken up yet. I’m in that internal struggle phase. I am very much in love with a man I have been dating for 2 years, and he loves me. We have been living together for more than a year. We are best friends. We have a very strong connection that I feel we will always have. We both have the same long-term illness, and his has affected his desire for intimacy, which is something I find important. I’m very touchy and love romance. He doesn’t hold me like someone who is in love would, and we are rarely intimate. I know that he doesn’t mean to be like this, and I think it hurts him to hear from me that I feel unloved at times. Yesterday I ended up thinking about how much it hurts and I ended up sobbing on our bathroom floor. I cried because I know that the situation makes me sad, and I know that I cannot change him. He told me that one day he will be better, but I should treat it like something that won’t change. I have not known the healthy version of him. He told me that he would understand if I made the decision to leave. I am so torn about this, it makes me sick just thinking about it. Everything would be perfect if he were better. I am strong and I know if we break up I will survive, but I have never felt so much love for anyone else, even my family and closest friends. So many high emotions and conflicting interests. I wish the answer were clear. I feel a little better just writing it all out. *le sigh.
Mack, I swear to God we must be the same person…I am going thru the hardest time in my life right now…I am 32 years old and i have been with my husband since i was 15 years old…Our anniversary is supposed to b in a couple of weeks but i dont think we will make it…Right now as i type we are separated bcuz he says “he isnt right in the head” and he “needed to leave to clear his head”…i dont feel like he is coming back…we have 4 kids and everyday they ask me where daddy is, i just breakdown inside…i try not to cry in front my kids bcuz they are so innocent and dont need to be worried about the troubles mommy and daddy are having…No matter what i say to him it doesnt help at all…I have done nothing but try to help him and support him and be as good a wife as i can…but something is wrong…he says its not me at all its all him…in the beginning we were all good…this behavior just started happening this year…and its taken a huge toll on my heart…i have given this man over half of my life and now it looks like it was for nothing…i still love him..in fact i love him more now than i ever had…and if it werent for my kids i probably would have done something stupid by now…He says he is coming back home in a few days…But all hope is gone and do not believe it…As I end this i have stopped crying so i guess i feel a little better huh…But anyway Mack I would like to thank you for those last words u wrote because thats what i have been trying to do in this past year…Im kinda feeling like If he comes back ok, and if he doesnt ok. Its starting to not really mater to me.
What if you’re the one who sees that it’s wrong? What if you’re the one having to instigate the breakup after seeing the truth and reality of your relationship? I am conflicted between the good things, memories, and more. He was so good to me, but it’s clear to me that even at 40 yo he’s not emotionally, financially ready and so insecure that I became aware he is co-dependent – he needs a mother and a lover. I can’t do it. I feel terrible that I’m hurting him – tonight, after a two-wk break – but I have to remember that he has also hurt me by telling me what I want to hear and then retracting it. By making ME be the one who has to do this. In fact, even though I’ve done some serious work the last two weeks on this, including three hours of nonstop, uncontrollable crying, I am still mad at him for making me feel sick to my stomach about this. I shouldn’t have to coax someone into talking to me about feelings and future. I know he needs someone who will be in a relationship on HIS terms. That’s not me. I know he needs someone who will put their foot up his butt to get him to do and have what it is he wants in life. I can’t help with that. I know I’m being realistic but I’m afraid he will come over and just tell me what I want to hear and I’ll be left confused again. In my mind, I know that the topic that brought this all on, the conversation, all happened for a reason. I am one of deep faith, but as much as I pray I can’t find peace. Maybe I will when it’s done. He was just SO good to me and we laughed a lot. Great friendship, but that was it. When it comes to the big stuff he either avoids or may not be mature enough, or in the right place to deal with it. I can’t marry someone like that. Yet, all I can think about is how I am going to hurt him and the fact that he’ll never understand that I’ve been hurting. It’s all about him. I wish him the best but don’t think I can stand knowing he’s sharing what we had with someone else. That he’s dancing with someone else in the middle of the restaurant on Valentine’s Day. I just can’t. I know it’s over. It still sucks.
Just reading everything on here made me feel better. Not BC of anyones sadness but BC it made me feel sadder for all of you and made me wish I could make everyone else better instead of dwelling on the pain I can’t get out of my head. My situation is very much like a lot I read and this isn’t the first time I’ve been here with the same person. I hate bein back in this place BC I don’t know how to deal with it and I get so overwellemed and frustrated so then it makes me lash out and say things I don’t mean. I’m gonna try my best at the no contact thing but its so hard when there are children involved. But all I know in the end no matter what is I don’t wanna lose the good person inside of me or be the angry one who lashes out and can’t control my emotions and I feel like the only way to do that is to just focus on me and what I need to do and not the hurt and betrayal that overwelms my poor heart.
I am right there with everyone…broken hearted and struggling with letting go. We have been apart for about 6 mo but in contact almost daily. Most of the time now, contact is negative. We were together for 6+ years…its just so difficult. My head says this is the best thing, but my heart isnt in alighnment. I keep hoping or thinking if I do this or that it we will work on it together but he is not showing interest. I have asked him to only contact me if he is serious about us…usually a few days pass then I get some form of communication thats not about us but communication. I keep falling for it…thinking its HIS way of saying Im willing to work on it. Except nothing happens. Being friends wasnt something I was interested in at first but then I lost someone close and the last thing I wanted was to be distant from him. Im just an idiot.
No contact is the direction I need to go…it scares me, maybe he will forget me or meet someone else. Replace me. If he does than it was not meant tobe. What he is doing now hurts just as much…..I hope I can do it
Im 25 years old in few months and my heart is broken, so badly it can not be fixed, sometimes I wonder if there is any thing left in my heart un-damaged .
My heart is aching and it has been this way for years. I remember him my sweetheart met him when we were both teens, our love grew stronger day after day, the more we grew the more this connection that unit us grew with us, years gone by and we no longer the 15-16 years old we were we became one person, I swear I could of feel him and know his thoughts and what he needs from just looking to him, it was indeed more than just a love story it was a time of making and breaking me…. We were supposed to get marry, have kids,grow old and die together, we talked about our future home and kids, our fights we gonna have over raising the kids and our hopes and dreams to be always together, we found in each other what we needed from the whole world, love, honesty, trust and the need to go faaaaaaarrrr off your way to make us work..
I was not heart broken because of him he will always be my sweet heart I was heart broken by god, while typing them words now with tears falling down my cheeks he would be gone from our world for over 4 years, I got depressed, stopped talking, suffered physically for about a year then I suddenly adapted to my new life without him but I was no longer me, I was heart free living girl. days after days, weeks, months go by I got used of this specific type of sadness (when I lost him I really did lose the best part of me) but I was never able to heal, I even missed love, that feeling in my stomach and the satisfaction one feel when one in love and I TRIED to fall in love, convince my self that it is ok to try again but I became a player…
I look for guys that maybe have the same face, shape, look, voice tune or in general reminds me of him, I look for him in peoples hearts and some times I feel like I found him again, that he came back to me to realize Im looking at a face that is not his and that he is not coming back so I wake up from my reality, break up with whom ever reminded me of him, feel sad and dirty for cheating on my self by allowing my self to search for love again then go through the whole pain of having a broken heart again til I find another guy who remind me of him and I treat them as if they were messages from heaven coming to me from my sweetheart to numb my heart to steel the feeling of him again, I live him in my heart and he lives in my mind, growing older like me day aftar day,,, I wonder how long this pain can go along, am I one day gonna wake up and feel alive again, am I ever gonna stop looking for him in our life… this is a broken heart that can not be mended ..and Im scared another 5 years I will be in the same place as I am now living like a zomby trying to relive what once was all my life and now is just a past… even admitting he is a past hurt
recently i have gone though a very painful break-up, me and my ex had been together for coming on 3 years soon, we had so many plans that we wanted to fulfill over the next few years…..or so i thought. The end came very suddenly and i was mortified when i heard the words “i am falling out of love with you and don’t want to be with you anymore” the pain that rendered through my body when i heard them few words was a pain that i had never felt before, it felt like somebody had taken hold of my insides and they were squeezing them….a week on i am still feeling this pain and i don’t know if its getting better or worse. She was the biggest part of my life and now i feel lost and feel like i have no direction in my life. After reading things from this website it has given me hope that i can soon feel like myself again and carry on with my life
I’m sitting here a month after a breakup with my BF of 6 and a half years, and truly all these stories have helped me realise that it’s the company and reassurance of having him around that I miss the most. We were 2ghtr since I was 17 and did the whole long distance thing when I was in college and went travelling 2ghtr so I thought that I knew him through and through. I went to Australia to visit some friends for 3 weeks and during the 2nd week I could sense something was wrong, I asked him to be honest with me and boy was he! Despite telling me a month earlier he wanted to move in with me, get married and that our first child would be a boy, he had now decided that actually he wanted to be single cause he just “wasn’t feeling it anymore” and “needed space”. I came home and after a lot of tears and discussions finally got to the real reason, he just stopped loving me…
He doesn’t have a lot going on in his life right now, he’s in a dead end job, never got any qualifications and is keen to go travelling even though he has no one to go with. I thought maybe he was just confused and would be back within a week/2 weeks but no. I feel sorry for him and still love him deeply. What hurts the most is that he never fought for us, no word of warning or anything. I can see how deeply unhappy he is with his life but I can’t understand how you throw away someone you love cause you feel bad about yourself?? I tried the no contact thing but not having him around as my friend is hard too..I guess I just have to try harder. Of course it doesn’t help that everywhere I go I’m reminded of him or asked about him… Slowly tho hopefully it’ll get easier. I’m able to see now tho that the guy he’s been for the last year is not the guy I fell in love with, now if only my heart will see that too!! I know too that I always loved him more than he loved me so eventually I’ll meet someone who will love me back the same. So here’s to a happier 2012 and hopefully I’ll stay away from him and have more respect for myself then constantly needing to check my phone to see if he’s thinking of me…best of luck everyone x x
Kate…I don’t usually comment on things like this but I felt I needed to share with you why I broke up with my partner of 18 months. I can fully understand why someone would throw away someone they love just because they’re not happy in their own skin..I’m guilty of doing it myself. I moved from England to Ireland to live with my ex, I got stuck in a dead end job over there and more and more every day I began to feel like I wasn’t good enough for her and felt like a complete failure, we started to argue about bills etc and it was tearing me apart so I decided to come back to England. The hardest decision I’ve ever had to make. I guess what I’m trying to say is that some people can’t cope in a relationship when they’re not happy in themselves and maybe your ex felt you could do much better than be with him so his pride made him bolt. Maybe one day he’ll turn his life around and be that person you fell in love with years ago. If not, I guess it wasn’t meant to be. I miss my ex terribly every day, but I’m keeping myself busy with training for the military. I’m determined to get a decent career for myself this year and feel good about myself in that respect, then jump on a plane back to Ireland to win her back..if she says no then at least I can say I tried. Best of luck for 2012 everyone..
My husband of 22 years told me that he was leaving. His reason is that he is no longer happy. Wow! 3 years ago we adopted a special need child. Now I am left to raise her and deal with all of her medical while working a full time job to pay the bills.
It feels like an elephant is sitting on my chest. I can not eat. I have not a bite of food in over 24 hours. I can not sleep. I have not slept in 2 nights.
It is a cop out to say that you are not happy. Happiness comes from inside. Anyone can find happiness if they look at the positive things they have in their life and not sit there dwelling on the garbabe.
Just my 2 cents.
always follow your heart
I am 35 and just married the love of my life. We are so happy. But… He has had some really bad stuff go on and he is not the man I fell in love with. He is angry controlling mean etc. I can’t do it anymore. I have always been a confident able woman but now I feel like I can’t leave. One because I love him but I’m afraid if I leave I won’t have the family I have desired for so long. My heart is breaking
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