Comments on: Step 5: Change it Up

By: Keziah

Keziah — Wed, 30 Mar 2011 00:40:43 +0000

I dated my boyfriend for 1 1/2 years. I have a little girl who is 6 and he has teenagers. When we started dating I felt so happy. It was the first real relationship I had that was not abusive and I felt was with a man who was emotionally available. He was kind and giving and my daughter loved him, his children seemed to love me and we loved each other. He always said that you should not listen to the words someone says but the way they act. He always acted like he loved me. Around my birthday, November, he started to distance himself. We spent less time together, the texts became infrequent and he was going on trips without me, a lot. This Christmas he finally told me he loved me. The next day he was distant and cold. We went to his families and ignored me the whole time, to the point of turning his body away from me when I sat next to him. We got into a little fight and he said that he tells everyone that I am a keeper but then he chose to go out with his single friends new years eve and only texted me when it was 12. The text didn’t even give me hugs or kisses. I kept my ears open and really listened to him. Then Valentines day came and he sent me roses to my work, bought me earings and candy and a silly card. He told me he loved me. The next day we were out and he said he didn’t know why anyone would get married. He said how miserable all of his married friends were. He said that he wanted to go out when he wanted to with his friend, I never had an issue with that, he wanted to spend his money when he wanted to, he wanted to go on trips without feeling guilty that he didn’t want to go with his girlfriend…I told him that I wanted a family. I wanted to be with someone who wants to be with me. He responded that he already had a family. I said I thought that we wanted different things and I understood what he was saying. A week later we talked again. He said that he thought that I would come back because I always did (I never knew I had ever left). He said that he loved me but he should know after this amount of time if he wanted to marry me. He knew he didn’t not want to marry me but…I told him that I wanted time with him like we used to and he said he couldn’t do that. He wanted to make sure he wanted to marry me and not marry me because he was in love with my daughter. I told him that it felt like he just wanted a fuck buddy and that I couldn’t do that. there was more to this conversation and basically I was left feeling like he wanted to keep me around as a security because we had really good sex but that it wouldn’t amount to anything more. I could tell that he was wondering if there was someone better for him out there. That he had that question in his head. He left with the comment that maybe in 2 years he would be ready and he would call me then. lol He also said he loved me so much he wanted me to date other people so I would be happy. I would call that indifference. I can’t imagine him being with anyone else.
I feel like I lost one of my soul mates. I know I am the one who said goodbye but he was the one who pushed me away and stopped giving me anything. It has been a little over a month and he texted me and told me he wanted to bring over my stuff. So I will see him this weekend. He says he misses me but he keeps himself busy busy busy and that is good therapy. I don’t know why I am sharing this or what I need but I feel lost. I am hoping that this site helps me find my way back to the smile my daughter loves. The one she says she misses.
Love and Light to you all.
Keziah

By: alyssa

alyssa — Sun, 20 Mar 2011 03:36:24 +0000

We were together for 8 months, and it was my longest intimate relationship. I feel like theres a huge chunk of myself missing. I work with him and at work I don’t perform well. The anxiety creeps up and causes me to become a sobbing mess…I embarrass myself around my coworkers, and meanwhile his demeanor is calm and he is laughing and joking with everyone. its like a needle in the heart to feel like this breakup means nothing to him

By: Carl

Carl — Fri, 18 Mar 2011 17:36:24 +0000

Great website and proving to be very helpful in the month or so since breaking up. Step 5 was easier than I thought however I had already begun this immediately after breaking up, with the larger, more obvious, reminders. At first I was motivated more by anger and resentment but quickly realized the transformational benefits and effects of “changing it up”. As a result of this revelation and signing up for Step to Heal I’ve since removed every small reminder I could, within reason, live without. I hope this brings a sense of calm and healing to my mind and heart…I believe it will. I’ve already begun to fall-in-love, again, with someone who is very dear to me, myself!

By: Karen

Karen — Wed, 02 Mar 2011 10:46:49 +0000

It’s almost 8 weeks since my ex- fiancee broke up with me. 5 weeks ago I moved back to my home town 250 miles away. I don’t talk to him but he has text me, written to me and even sent me a Valentine’s card saying ” Sorry and you will always be in my heart”. The trouble is thanks to facebook I found out he had moved another woman in a week after I left. This man broke my heart. I have boxed everything up, but like other’s it’s the things you can’t box up. 18 monthes ago after him not being happy with any possible wedding venues he said he wanted to get married near my home town as he wanted to make me happy (more of my family could be there, also, it was a lot prettier part of the country). This week, there has been lots of reminders, the main one being, advertisments on the TV and radio for a wedding faire at the the wedding venue we booked for this June. I was at that last year with money he gave me to book things. I’ve moved 250 miles but there are still triggers in my head. I really want to heal. I have read lots but this sight has given me hope.

By: Janeen

Janeen — Wed, 26 Jan 2011 20:26:11 +0000

Great step and video – it made a lot of sense to me. I know that putting together things that remind me of my ex is essential, but until now, I haven’t been motivated to do it. It was also helpful to read the comments both positive and from people going through a challenge.

By: Angela

Angela — Sat, 08 Jan 2011 02:44:28 +0000

Hi everyone. I see I’m not alone. It’s been 3 weeks since my ex told me he was done with me. He was my solemate. We spent countless hours doing things together, and planning our future together. He was 100 % romantic which is what I love, and so was I. He gave his all and I let down my guards and gave my all. How can my solemate leave me is what I constantly ask myself. He did live with me and eventhough I put things that remind me of him up, I still think of how we moved into this place together. I don’t expect him to call me. He said I complain too much. My complaining was about him changing; he starting staying out late and he joined a car club (too old). The family man/lifestyle he wanted when we first got together went out the window. His friends were more important. I am devastated. I never gave my all to a man the way I did with him. And he hasn’t even attempted to call or text. I cry everday at least once.

By: Lisa

Lisa — Fri, 07 Jan 2011 15:29:21 +0000

My breakup is so recent and I only have a sweatshirt and 2 photos still up. I need to change my enviroment but it feels like no matter where I go and what I change I still think about him. Just looking at my bedroom door reminds me of him standing there. I just feel like the worst part of all is feeling like you gave your entire being to someone and they gave you nothing in return. It’s so sad but I still want him to come running after me saying what a huge mistake he made but asking myself at the same time…would you really take this person back? and not knowing the answer. I guess thats a another topic to be discussed at another time : / Basically tonight when I get out of work my bedroom will be fully redone with new bedding and all.

By: Jorge

Jorge — Wed, 05 Jan 2011 11:19:10 +0000

Hey, this made a lot of sense to me and I appreciate reading the stories/comments about how others have gone through boxing up stuff and getting past memories. I have children, so it’s not fully possible, but I do understand the gist of what I need to do to start feeling better.

By: Joan

Joan — Thu, 09 Dec 2010 12:35:13 +0000

This step has truly helped me start to understand the pain & how I can start feeling better. It’s simple things, but I like the science portion of it. It’s true, I’ve always focused on the negative…time to start looking to savor the good.

By: Ken

Ken — Sat, 04 Dec 2010 21:49:12 +0000

I put whatever he left here in a box, wasn’t much, his shoes, the jewelry he gave me, some clothes, a water bottle he never finished, I threw that away, I erased all emails the ones I sent and the ones he sent. I still feel sad about the whole thing and spmetimes I feel ok but then it pops back into my head. It’s going on 4 days since I’ve responded to any text messages or answered any calls. Today my brother told me that he texted him and told him, he thinks I’m with someone else. I told my brother to tell him that I’m not so I’m not sure if that is the same as communicating with him…. However, I regret doing that because my brother a text message saying to tell me he misses me and then another one after that saying nevermind, I’m going to let it go… Which sux cuz this is what was happening, we were talking nice like we were together and then he was like no its not gonna work, we got to stopo, sorry it has to end like this but it’s never going to work, and so finally I just stop stopped responding.