Step 5: Change it Up

I feel obsessed/crazy and as if im going to loose my mind. Can’t think straight. My head and my heart are in peices!

I started dating a guy last October 2008. I was unsure to start as he had only just come out of a long term relationship and he has a son. But i made the decision and let him take me out on dates. I had my guards up to begin as it was the first time i really liked someone since i had come out of an 8year relationship. But as time went by i opened up and i really felt that we had a special connection. We would chat for hours, laugh, smile and had so much fun in eachothers company. I fell head over heels in love! Everything was rosey in our relationship, we had family troubles on his side and with his ex but it seemed like we were too strong to let it affect us.

One Sunday morning, in March, out of the blue, i recieved a text saying it was over and that he didn’t love me like he thought. He wouldn’t speak to me answer my calls or texts. i was left stranded! I would see him out at weekends and he wouldnt speack to me it was the worst pain ever! I thought i could move on and get over him by dating other guys so i did. I also wanted to make him jealous, not sure if it worked? He got back with his ex, he later said that he needed to give it one more try for the sake of his son.

I never got over him he was always in the back of my mind but i got into another relationship June 09. I was out one Sunday having a catch up with my friends and he came over and interrupted my conversation telling me he loved me. Him and his ex wern’t working as planned and he doesn’t want to loose me out of his life. It was the only words that i had wanted to hear for the past 3 months. We text and met up that week, and talked everything over, i had missed him so much. I couldn’t lie to my new partner and called the relationship off.

We were besotted and in love once again! He took me to Mexico and we had the time of our lives, not even one argument. We talked about everything, i have never felt so close to someone. We made so many plans. When we arrived home i dropped him to his house, he went into the kitchen and i noticed he was filling up. He handed me my stuff out of the bag and said its over not going to work. I was distraught! Couldn’t hear the words of what he was trying to explain to me, i left and that was that.

I couldnt eat sleep or even function, i felt like the biggest fool for ever giving him a chance. I got so weak that i ended up in hospital with quinsy. But the aching of my heart was far more painful. He contacted me since then and i have been back and forth, he cannot commit to me. We ended again last week and havent spoken. He has told m friends that he is staying out of my life. But i have to see him whenever i go out and it is so so hard. He must have a swinging brick for a heart. He really doesn’t know how to care or love. Making our whole time together so false and untrue, but it felt so special to me. I don’t know what to do for the best. I know i still want him but am i just obsessed? I can’t understand why or how i could want to be with someone who makes me this physically and mentally sick. x

I hope to get better. Its really hard

I am was dating a man that was 16 years older than me. we spent a year together and not once was the age differnce an issue. I love him so much and he loves me. we talked all the time, made each other CDS, cooked together, cuddled, went on trips. He called me his “puppy butt” a little inside joke we had and i loved every second of it. i was so happy. i wanted, and still do most days, to spend the rest of my life loving him. He broke it off 2 weeks before my birthday and our 1 year anniversary. he said he wasn’t strong enough to go through my growing pains with me. that i am still not the person that i am going to become. Granted i am young and have a lot of growing to do i couldn’t understand why he would push me away over that. If you love someone don’ t you want to grow with them? why doesn’t he want to know who i will become? he said breaking up with me was one of the hardest things he has ever had to do. if he was strong enough to do that why couldn’t he have been strong enough to at least give us a real chance? I still love him and i miss him everyday. i think he made a huge mistake breaking up. i may be young but even i know its not often you find a love like we had.

I gave everything I had in my heart and life to my ex. I became friends with him online while dating someone else. I had just gotten out of a 4 year long relationship with an abusive man that I knew I never really loved, it wasn’t hard to get over him I had no real feelings for him. I had gotten engaged when I was really young and at the time thought that this is all I’ll probably ever get. I had been told my whole life how fat and ugly and how much of a loser and waste of oxygen I was. I felt completely worthless, so here is a guy that I have nothing in common with but hes willing to share his life with me. I was never attracted to him but he did on occasion make me feel good about myself like my existence is at least something to someone. I broke up with him with the help of a guyfriend because I was afraid he might hurt me. It was one of the best things I could have ever done. That guy had planned out my life for me and told me how many kids I would bare for him and already named them. I ended up dating this guyfriend that helped me get out, I ended up being too fat or too much of a whacko in the head from the previous abuse. He didn’t tell me that he left me for someone else he just left and never answered his phone. So I told my online friend (who was a friend of this guyfriend) about not being able to contact him. He felt sorry for me and told me all about him leaving me for someone else. He also gave up his friendship with him. This online friend had no real interest in dating me he just wanted to be my friend saying that I was “too nice” for having gone through so much. Before any relationships in my life I had lost 130 pounds by barely eating because of all the torment in school of being a fat kid. I was burnt with lighters, hit with chairs, kicked, punched, slammed in doors, and had food or soda dumped on my white school uniform shirt on a daily basis so that I could be sticky and messy like a dirty fat pig as they would say in school. My teachers even laughed at me and on one occasion made a joke at me that the peers laughed at… of course the principal and owner of the school did not believe me because I was a nutcase! I wasn’t aloud to talk about anything in my home with my parents because everything I had to say was negative because thats all I knew out of life and was what I was learning in school daily. So many years of my life went by of starving and being silent, sometimes whole days would pass and my mouth did not utter even a single word… what a strange way of life and incredibly lonely. So I never relized when I lost the 130 pounds that I looked normal… and actually pretty! I was too silent and unapproachable for normal guys to want to date me. I slowly learned to talk to peers in a positive way at an overnight job. It took a long time because I struggled to even utter hello to the nice people I worked with and I told myself it was worse to not say it than to say it and it come out sounding wierd. Eventually I started thinking about thier feelings and asking them ‘how was your weekend?’ and relizing by observing other people how to talk in a way that is positive. I really liked it and the thought of having friends. Then I ended up in those wrong relationships…. back to the story where I lost 130 pounds, I lost all that weight and got so cute but gained it all back with the abusive man because I was basically his slave preparing foods many times a day as he was fat too, but I would hide out in the kitchen and take extra time and eat some of his food just to get away from it all. After I broke up with him I lost about 70 pounds without even trying, it just fell off. This online friend eventually, I could kind of tell, was growing fond of me. He was almost 4 years younger than me which was an issue with both sets of parents, hes a minor and i’m a legal adult. Our parents refused to let us see each other and i know that mine thought I would grow tired of it and grow out of it. Me and him would sneak out to see each other, I would leave the house in a clean work uniform and had a dirty one in the trunk that I would put on for my return home. They didn’t suspect a thing. We sneak dated for probably a year and a half and finally our parents gave in relizing that this isn’t going to end. We took trips and had the greatest times. The guy was very poor, often I would feed him and his siblings because they were starving even though his mom was obese. She would only buy food for herself most of the time and they got ramen noodles or whatever was going bad that was her food. She avoided social services a number of times, I even rescued the kids and drove them 8 hours across a few states to thier grandmothers for the sake of the boyfriend, i wanted his mom to get caught because she was a horrible lady. She was abusive to her children too. My boyfriend still always had a positive attitude with me and one day we were going to get married and be able to be together all the time in our wedded bliss. Stupid me believing in dreams and not saving sex for marriage like I had wanted to because he had convinced me that he was the one and that we would already be married if we weren’t dirt poor. I had no debt before him. My father made me buy a new car just to see this guy because he didn’t want me to end up stranded in my old car out in the middle of nowhere, which caused debt #1. All the trips we would take were to be alone and away from his abusive mother debt#2 (he had no car no license and his obese mom wasn’t budging out of her computer chair for anyone unless it was herself like she ran out of food or cigarettes) me feeding and clothing him and his half naked siblings debt # 3 of course the mom had the latest most expensive in plus size fashions and always had a name brand handbag while her children mostly wore just underwear because everything else was either too tight or too dirty. I started to take some classes online so I could get a good job one day so that me and him could be together sooner, i only got to see him about twice a month as he was over 200 miles away. online classes debt # 4. I had to get my own phone plan to be able to talk to him as our phone bills were really hefty with us living too far apart to be able to pop in which is debt # 5. all the gasoline and on the road food and bridge tolls debt #6. Eventually he couldn’t wait for me to finish school and couldn’t stand to live with his mother anymore with her abusing the kids and ran away to his oldest brothers apartment to live which was over 1000 miles away from me. I didn’t see him for over half a year!!! How heartbreaking when you are so devoted and care for someone so much and have done so much for them. He convinced me that everything was ok and that he was happier and going to get a place for us to live in together finally its going to happen, now that hes older he can finally join the workforce. He did get a place with his brother and brothers girlfriend and saved up enough for me to move down. I never finished the schooling on time, i completely failed and lost a few thousand dollars there. I lost the motivation in the overwhelming depression of him leaving for so long. I gained a buncha weight too. I moved down, he was suprised at how much weight I gained, it took me over 50 applications and 3 months to find a minimum wage job 40 minutes away at a fast food restuarant in the economy down there. I left my family and everything I ever knew behind, I lost all my friends. Then his mother decided that she didn’t want to find a job and decided to show up on the doorstep with all of her children and pets and move in without asking into the livingroom/kitchen. She mooched off of all of our money and her and her children would eat up all of the groceries so I was starving again, I refused to buy groceries that weren’t going to be there when I got home from my minimum wage job, it was too expensive. So i lived completely off of fast food, it was cheap and I didn’t have to share. His mom trashed the apartment, her dog peed on everything because she was too obese to ever take it outside and never cleaned it up out of laziness. The dog also chewed the trim and ripped up the carpet in some places. It was 8 people living in a 1000 square foot apartment that smelled of cigarettes, dog pee, and rotting garbage. The trash would pile up to 10 bags or more before one of her older children would take it out, the floor was sticky and unrecognizable covered in filth. I did attempt to clean a few times to be nice but whats the point if you can’t tell the next day. Why pick up her trash when she just drops it where she sits in front of her computer on the floor, why should i have to clean up her mess, shes not my guest, i didn’t invite her, my boyfriend didn’t invite her, and shes mooching money from me and my boyfriend. I was cooped up in my bedroom because of the smell and number of people and animals in the other parts of the apartment. Her living there with her mooching, her bad attitude, and her abuse of the younger kids, and her filth caused alot of fights between me and my boyfriend. We never fought previously in all our years together. He refused to move out with me and stick his older brother with the mom, he also wanted me to diet heavily as I was getting fatter on my diet of 100% fast food. The apartment was finally shutting down, it was getting forclosed on the guy we were renting it from. He wanted to still live with his brother and awful mother, even he said she was awful and hated living with her, thats the whole reason he moved out to begin with was to get away from her. But she was too fat and lazy and hasn’t worked in over 30 years, she just mooches and buys things for herself, and sits in front of the computer all day. My boyfriend refused to move back home with me out of pride, he did not want to mooch rent/room off of my family to get away from his. He told me I should go home because we don’t get along and because of how unhappy I am living with his mother and her abuse. Over five years together. I wanted to make it work, he didn’t. I was fatter than I’ve ever been in my whole life because of that lifestyle. I guess I disgust him now or something. An unhappy and frustraited stressed out person isn’t fun to come home to especially when you are the same way, and its all because of his mom. If you took her out of the picture we would probably have the picture perfect life. Hes not willing to do whats best for him, living like that with her there (over a year of the pig pen abuse slop) its almost like it caused him and me both mental illness… Right after I get home, I find out from his brother that he did decide to move out and with a new girlfriend…. I just can’t trash all the feelings I’ve had for over 5 years for this man in the course of a month like he did. He also stuck me with a $2000 bill…. great!! I guess he had someone else in mind, i don’t really get it… its probably the weight and the lack of a positive outlook on life in those living conditions. I really just don’t ever want to see or hear from him again after the last hurtful things he said to me over the phone after I got home. I wish I had never even gone through this, it was such a waste of time other then the learning experience part. Now I have over 10,000 dollars in debt all related to things with him, I have 200 pounds to lose because of being with him, life is just such a mess and things are so lonely now. I bought a hamster just so I could have something alive in my lonely room with me. I just want someone to love and care for, I don’t want to bombard them with negative things or problems. I love people and being around them its just that I struggle to get close anymore. Everyone at work is fond of me because I’m so “happy” and “fun to be around” but other then being cheerful I struggle to talk about more personal things and the ability to get close again, when I even think about it I feel joy and pain at the same time. I burst into tears at a friends birthday party when her brother innocently asked me where I had been the last couple of years, I was so embarrassed and I couldn’t talk and had no reason to cry, no one was being mean to me. I couldn’t stop either. All these people I didn’t know were staring at me like I was a lunatic and I think I embarrassed her brother for even asking. I don’t care about my ex anymore, its over, and its never going to get better, I really just want to forget about him altogether. My life is happier when I leave that chapter out. I just struggle now with myself. I’m so fat that I struggle to lose weight at all. I eat barely anything and the weight doesn’t come off like it used too. I can barely exercise without injuring myself. My poor small skeleton can’t really do fat burning exercises with a 200 pound backpack strapped to it. Next time you go to the store, pick up a 50 pound bag of dogfood, strap four of those to yourself and go to your job and stand on your feet for 8 hours or more and then on top of that go to the gym for and hour with that, its too much. I relize its all my own fault and my own doing because I put all the extra food in my mouth over the years. But now I can go days eating under 2000 calories and i might lose a pound but then the scale just stays for weeks and then the hunger catches up to me and gain it back. After living in a place with no food and only eating like once or twice a day going out, and now living in a house completely stocked with overflowing food at all times, its like a mind game, its so much easier to deprive yourself if you had never experienced starvation before. I have, and did when I was a teen to lose the weight before, sometimes going days without food. Its like something in your brain just makes you overindulge like you’re afraid of running out of food and starving again, like you’re body makes you extra hungry when you eat trying to prepare itself for the next starve. I know I don’t look like someone who’s ever starved now… but its one thing thats ruining my chances for ever loving again. How am I ever going to find someone to share life with when I can’t even manage my own. Its so lonely to be this fat, don’t ever get fat its stupid and people think you are something lower than human. I’ve made up my own diet, that I eat about a cup of whatever meat/carb/starch I want and a cup or more if im hungry of plain fruits or veggies with no dip or sauce or butter. I’m getting alot of nutrition this way, i’m trying to wait 3 hours between meals to start, if i don’t lose weight after 10 days or so I’ll make the wait longer. I can’t do diets where I can’t eat what I want. I want to be able to be invited to other peoples houses and share what they eat and to go out. So half of all my food in volume is fruit and vegetable, I think they are delicious, I’m a skinny person at heart, I just like to have a normal sandwich on white bread with my bowl of veggies. I’ve tried for all my life other diets that change the kind of food you eat and I can never stick to them for a lifetime so please don’t suggest it, it doesn’t help me. I would rather eat less and less often then to eat something i don’t like because then I’ll just cheat anyway to eat something i like. I haven’t had an appetite for desert either now that I work in a bakery, i smell it and touch it all the time and barely ever want it, i limit 2 bites of desert maximum per day. This is going to take a few lonely years to fix my problems left behind by my ex. I can’t imagine a guy wanting to get serious with me with this much debt created by an ex and with all of the extra weight. I’m just lonely, I want close friends… I can’t remember the last time I had a hug it was probably from my ex, how sad, I almost jump when people touch my arm or shoulder to get my attention at work, i’m not used to it. I know its the way that normal people carry on and most people get to touch and be touched by other people in the form of hugs and cuddles, thats what my heart aches for, I really want someone to love and who would help themself to cuddle up to me to get thier back tickled or something. I wanna be comfortable with people, i love em but they are so distant from me. I’m so tired of abuse. It hurts…

Girls I understand completely. I have just discovered the man I have been seeing for 6.5 years, having the best time although we were both married for a while, has fallen in love with someone else. Still loves me apparently but now I’m about to leave my husband can’t make up his mind. Still needs me in his life, is still making plans for the future with me, but won’t committ. Gutted and confused and he is playing with my head while having his cake and eating it. I know that if he doesn’t want to be with me after 6 years then he’s not worth it. But …….. emotions don’t make sense and I want him more than anyone ever before. Kat, he made me feel special too. More than anyone ever had. He’s acting like a real idiot and I’m sitting here waiting like a total idiot for him to decide. Too much history to throw away. We’re not pathetic girls we’re in love. x

I was in the 8th grade when I met my ex, not alot of bad stuff you can say about 13yr olds, but it only took a couple years before the drugs started and i was just so blinded I never knew where all the money went, got a job when i was 16 never saw a dime!!! Drugs lead to cheating and i was trying to wait so we could meke it special, altho people tried to tell me I never knew he was cheating untill we did it for the first time, just before my 17th birthday. One week later i go to surprise him at his school, but got my self surprised by his girlfriend. One week after that found out I was going to be a mom (this luck could pretty much tell you the way the rest turns out). We got back together and I started to become more aware of his habbit, his drugs and cheating and lying but something about him blinded from reality, when I was pregnant with #2 he slept with my best friend of 12yrs, and when our yougest was about 2 months old he cheated on me and got a 16yr old pregnant, but see this was the deal breaker, I didn’t know that untill I walked in on them in bed, she was about 7 or 8 months then. After 7 and 1/2 years of sacrificing everything it hard to let go…. I know i deserve better i get that but how do i get over the feeling that he owes me fo everything i have done… instead im alone raising my kids alone, why am i suffering for the mistakes he made?

I fell in love with a guy that was supposed to be a one night stand. As he did will me. I was his first serious relationship, he was the “fuck ‘em and chuck ‘em” kinda guy. But he fell in love with me. I remember how hard it was for him to say that he loved me, he would always beat around the bush about saying that he never felt this way about anyone, never even told his mom he loved her. But New Year’s Eve we were out and drinking and he said it and I said to him you always kinda say it when your drinking and he said no I mean it and when I wake up in the morning I’m gonna tell you when I’m sober. The next morning we wake up and he rolls over and tells me that he loves me. I believed him cause he was the sweetest, most affectionate, loving guy that I ever knew. The relationship progressed I was infatuated and thought he was too, the way he looked at me sometimes I could feel the love radiating out of his eyes. I had my own apartment which he stayed at all the time anyways. But he wanted to move to an apartment that his uncle had open because it was bigger and he wanted to get a puppy. So against my gut instincts (no joke I had a bad feeling) I uprooted my kids and moved in to the apartment and got a puppy. The last three days he came to my work half an hour early and sat with me because he “missed me and loved me” and the romantic corny lines he always said like “you’re my other half now I’m whole” “you’re my sun, my moon and stars” blah blah… On those same three days his best-friend since 6th grade (cousins girl-friend for 13 years) comes by… her life’s so sad waa waa. Out of the kindness of my heart I invite her to my (our) home and she cries on our shoulders. Anyway. On the third(last) day we were gonna go out, just me and him) she comes knocking at our door so the three of us go out have fun. When we get home he starts a fight with me “what do you think I am? I’m not the marrying kinda guy). I walk away and go to bed. He follows acts all nice again and has sex with me(all sweet and loving you know). Then after he tells me that there’s something wrong with him and he doesn’t know what, he won’t tell me cause he doesn’t want to hurt me. Then I’m crying he says I don’t want to see you cry. “I’m an asshole, a jerk, a piece of shit” I said no your not “yes I am I’m only out for myself I don’t love you anymore everything I said or did was a lie just to make you happy I’m sorry I dragged it out this far”. He tried leaving and freaked out when I tried to grab his hand like I disgusted him or something and the only thing he ever said after that was that he thought he was in love with me but he’s not and he wasn’t happy. Well in that case he deserves an Emmy because he had me fooled. But still here I am two months later still waiting… Hoping…. Praying… soul dying more and more… heart getting colder.. everyday that passes… Alone

I feel so obsessed with this guy. I Loved him when we were together. And then he broke up with me because he said he couldn’t trust me:( And i was fine and then al of a sudden i was so inlove like i feel obsessed with him i think about him ALL the time and im so wrapped aroumd his finger and he knows it. We see each other everyday which makes things hard. He flirts with me and stuff but its killing me that he’s not mine:( and he makes me fell so angry and sad wen he jus is the slightest off to me or if he talks to another girl i gert furious:( This feeling sucks and im so hurt:(

I’ve been divorced for six years and dated for the last four. My kids are grown and out of the house. I was contacted by a woman in another state about four hours away. We hit it off immediately and talked and texted for hours. I’m often out of town and the country, but we continued to stay in touch. I began driving to meet with her and we took a few trips together as well. I’m 52 and she’s 49 and I made it clear from the beginning that I wasn’t looking for a long term girlfriend, but wanted to find a companion for life. I told her I loved her and she told me she loved me as well. During the last week, we made a trip to the mountains and I pulled out all the stops. We stayed at a beautiful bed and breakfast, went to the symphony, art galleries, and ate at a number of restaurants. It was a magical weekend. We returned late on Sunday. Originally, I planned to spend the night but decided during the ride to her home that it would be better if I just dropped her off and continued back to my home. She’d mentioned during the course of the ride she had a big day the next day and I didn’t want her to have to deal with me. She pleaded with me to stay, but I insisted on going home. We talked on the phone while I drove and everything seemed fine. The following day I was barely able to speak with her and she only texted once. I asked her if something was wrong on the phone that night and she said that she’d had a hectic day at work. The following day I got up early to text her a “Good Morning” message and could tell she still wasn’t herself. Later that afternoon, she called and said she needed a break, and was struggling in our relationship. She told me I was smothering her. I asked if she was breaking up with me and she responded again, “I need a break”. She indicated she didn’t know how long she’d need and that these feelings only recently surfaced. She’s four hours away and I really don’t want to bother her while she’s at work or at home. I know she’s busy. I later sent her an email setting her free, but feel if she were really committed to the relationship we could remedy whatever it was that was bothering her. We’ve never had an argument. I’m totally at a loss why this happened. I invested everything in the relationship with all of my resources of emotion, time, and money. She’s the one lady I’ve met since my divorce I felt totally and completely bonded with and she wants it ended. I’m heartbroken and completely lost.

Taylor, Kat,

I feel the same way. We were so good together for so long…and then he started pulling away. He’d pull away, but stay close enough to make it seem like it would work. He was in and out like a pendulum. This went on for 9 months before it finally ended very recently. I gave and gave and gave, thinking if I was more understanding, if he could have his space and time to figure things out in his own head, he would commit and we’d have all the time in the world. Although he claims he was “trying” to make it work, he did so quietly without telling me where he was, what was wrong. So I felt crazy, like it was all my fault; I feel stupid for getting back together with him after each “breakup”. I keep trying to figure out what I did wrong, what I did or didn’t do… for me, love just doesn’t stop. It’s true, maybe it’s better this way. Maybe we want different things and it would never have worked. But feeling like you’re the only one trying and not knowing if your efforts are even worthwhile…and for so long…God I feel like such a fool. I lost myself while trying to figure out how to be who I thought he wanted me to be, and knowing that makes me so angry with myself.

We work together and I see him every day. We share an office. He’s already seeing someone else. I have no idea how I’m going to heal, given the circumstances.

My ex and I had been dating for a little over a year…
he told me exactly one month ago that he could see himself marrying me…and that quite possibly we could become engaged soon.
And then last week, he told me that he had been praying about it, and something didn’t seem right. He said he needed space to think about things, and I gave him that space. Even during that space, he was texting me very affirming things, like he was figuring things out and things were going well. And then all of a sudden…boom.
Things are over.
I’m a college student and my grades were top notch before this happened. In the past week, I’ve failed 2 tests and have been skipping class almost every single day because I cannot stop crying. Nothing I do to try to make things better is working. Distracting myself with other people doesn’t work, doing things that I enjoy doesn’t work…I just can’t get him off of my mind.
All I have ever known my entire life is heartbreak….
and I believed with all my heart that this relationship would be different. I always always believed that Matt was the person I was going to marry.
And now, yet again I am left with a broken and empty heart, while the ex is satisfied. Somehow, that doesn’t seem fair to me.

I really am in bits over this.It was a short lived relationship,only one of 7 months..but non the less it was my longest relatioship to date and he and the relationship ment a great deal to me.Im only young,17 to be persise,he was 25..8 years older than I.My parents didn’t know,and now it makes it harder because I cant seek advice from my mother.
I loved him so much,I was in honesty playin with fire..and i got burnt not only on the outside but deep inside the tissue deep into the bottom of my heart and this pain is phyiscilly and emonailly cripling me.I let him lead me on fill me up with empty promises and let me think he cared for me as I cared for him.And now the result of this has left me feeling alone,ugly,non worthy,foolish and insucure.Not to mention that Im deprived of sleep each night since his last call and my appeitie has vanished.I don’t know what to do with myself..I sit always one eye on my phone hoping and praying that hed call or text.I seldom text him a freindly”Hi,how are you?”message but never a reply.Some might think im foolish and its only puppy love,but i’ve gone tru the puppy love stages and beileve me this is more than that.I miss him calling me in the middle of the night because he couldnt sleep or he wanted to talk to me before he hit the hay,just to hear my voice as I would say, oh thanks for waking me but excited,flattered and at the same time overwhelmed that he was so caring and that again more to my disbelif this was my boyfriend..he was everthing I wanted.The way he would just grasp my hand while he was driving and would look into my eyes and smile whilst diving over to give me a quick kiss.And the way he would hold me in his arms as we would watch t.v or the stupid little dances he would do just to annoy me,because he knew I hated them,and how my oppenion mattered so much to him,or how he awnsered the phone to me always the same 4 four”hey baby whats going?”.
But then just to throw it away as it never happened,not even enough feelings for me to be a man and to own up and end it.But to just not call or text or even text back.It hurts.Im an emotional disaster.I cannot speak about it to friends because they said and I quote”hes too old and he’ll break your heart don’t say we didn’t warn you”.So i have no where to turn so im letting all my feeling and emotions out here im sorry if im boring you all but at the minute you all hav common ground with me.
bottom line…i don’t know what to do.Im so hurt and lost,and I love him so much,i would give my soul to get him back.Nothing is the sme without him..I miss and Love you so so much baby..:-(

Dear Mellisa
Men can be the best liars when they want to use you. My partner and i have been together for 11 years and planned to retire at my beach front land in Borneo. Then one day my world came crashing down. Read my comments to Taylor up there – and you hang in there. You can do it. Slowly. Liza

David, sorry, i meant SHE didnt deserve you and YOU deserve better than her. Hope you feel better day by day. Im hoping for happiness myself too, so dont you give up now!! Liza

This is so difficult. It has been 6 months and I still find myself down in this deep dark hole. How do I get through a day without thinking of him? I pray that I can stop loving him and that one day down the road I can experience this type of love again with someone who truly loves me too!!!

My husband and I just recently seperated after one year and 10 months of marriage. Check this out he chased me for two years, wine and dine me i was engaged to someone else. Oh by the way i am 43 he is 62 this was my first
marriage at 42 his 3rd that should of told me something. He packs and leave me to go back his second wife she made him leave his first wife for her. I feel used and betrayed .let alone he had two major surgeries two failed business bankruptcy and now midlife crisis. I prayed for this man harder than my self. This is what i get, yea he made me sign a prenup. I married for love, i think he needed a trophy wife. Then his health failed and his money ran out, he tells me to leave, I stayed and went through all is bull because I really love my husband. I did not care where we lived drive eat or sleep i know i wanted to be with him to death do us part. He said he was going dwn and did not want me to go dwn with him. That is bull to me he was glad to hav me around when he almost passed over from a major health issue, he did not want me to leave then. That would been a good time most woman would of ran, not me i stood by my man. This is the thanks i get oh well i will never stop caring and being true. I pray god send the one that really deserves me.

trophy wife, then he went broke, i wanted to stay he told me to find someone who can give me this and that, that was bull i married this man with a prenup for love.

Though we were only 15 when it started I feel in love instantly. We were together for about 3 years and now…she hates me. For the past year I spend evey waking moment going through every second we spent together and all the mistake i made. I know i’m young so many of you may think it was just puppy love. The funny thing about that is the girl who said she thought we were soulmates, said yes to marrying me. and said she’d always be my friend no matter what…well it was infact puppy love for her. That hurts more than her leaving me even more than her hating me. The fact that I put all of my heart and faith into her and i thought we were emotionally on the same level. I mistaked her lack of experience with love for accelarated love. I was emotionally more mature than her so I can’t blame her, which leaves only me to blame. It’s crazy I just re read what I wrote and the first thing I thought was, maybe she still does love me she just doesn’t want to. Funny how I can think that after she looked me in the eyes and said “i hate you and never want to talk to you again.” I’m lost, i put all my faith into her and without faith theres nothing left.

I really love him and I will never feel this way about anyone else in the world. He didn’t break my heart…he completely DESTROYED it. Stomped on it and threw it on the ground like it was a toy. I can’t help how I feel about him. Everyone keeps telling me to just get over him, but I love him more that anything. The only thing is, he’s with my best friend. Everyday my heart breaks more and more when I see them together. I feel like I’m going to die several times a day. I’m about to break. He belongs with me and I don’t think I can wait much longer for him to realize that. Why is my life like this? My heart will never heal. NEVUR.

I love him more than anything in the world. I have to cry myself to sleep every single night. I dream about him, but they always turn into nightmares. He breaks my heart more and more and more until finally I break. I don’t think I will EVER be able to love again. He is my all, my life, my heart, and my love. I would take a bullet for him anytime, anywhere. He hasn’t realized that though, and that’s what I think breaks my heart more and more everytime I see him with her. And did I mention she’s my best friend? I can’t help thinking that it’s my fault. :,( Maybe, the truth is, we hide to see who will look for us. We cry to see who will wipe the tears. And maybe, just maybe, we get our hearts broken to see who will turn around and help heal them </3

I only hope that I am closer to the end of this long dark tunnel, than I am to the beginning…I don’t know if I can bear it if I am closer to the beginning…and have far more to go. Here is a poem I wrote about time healing….

Does time heal?
by, Deborah

The clock chimes three a.m. as I lie here wide awake,
I wonder how much more pain can my lonely heart take?
They say that time heals all and yet I can’t see,
The minutes pass by and there’s still less of me.

He never meant to cause me such pain,
And yet he rejected me again and again.
I begged him to stay in my life – not to leave,
But now there’s nothing to do, but grieve.

He claimed that he loved me, yet pushed me away,
I wonder how many minutes are in each day.
If time truly heals – how much does it take?
And what time exactly will my heart cease to ache?

How long will I love him, how long till that ends?
My heart has been shattered – will it ever mend?
I still can’t imagine my world without him near,
And now I cant imagine a day without tears.

Love hurts. I live to love, money, material things i dont have any lust or love such things, always been simple man, seems the more honest more humble i be the more life brings me down,
I love her too much, and we cant be together anymore,
ahhhh i dont really have any words too be honest, have soo much to say nto enough strenght to say it.
have a good evening ya all

My ex and I are still connected at the heart –all romance aside. We were together about 14 years, but the romance was more on my part. I have no doubt that he still loves me as his heartfriend. We live on opposite sides of the continent now and he recently told me he has fallen deeply in love with someone. Yet we still both get desperate when we haven’t communicated with eachother for more than a day. We have been through so much together we can’t and we won’t walk away from our history together. I just need to learn to allow my feelings to completely evolve. This is what I will continue to fight for, but I will never put him “in a box”. My sincere prayers are for everyone on this great website to make peace with the change and move on.