Step 5: Change it Up
You’ve been sitting and reading for a while, so it’s time for something physical. Get ready to get up.
After any relationship, there are remnants around the house including photo frames, knick knacks, jewelry, toiletries etc. that belong to your ex. Often we leave these around as they’ve triggered positive memories in the past. They’re the little quirks of the person you were with and removing this stuff just seems too solidify the reality that the relationship is over. It is hard to pick these items up and gently put them in a box, because to many it signifies THE END.
It is not the end. You are just going to make this process and period of time a little easier on yourself. It’s likely that if you have something lying around from your ex, you will go through a stream of consciousness that starts with you getting together, him or her using that item, and then all of a sudden you are back at the place of pain. Let’s avoid that.
Go ahead and grab a box. There’s no need for any drama like a bonfire, we’re just going to move some things out of the way that we can retrieve at a later date. Box up some of the main reminders of your ex temporarily. Again, this isn’t the end all be all of everything, we just need to reduce the daily reminder of the break up.
We’ll wait here while you box up the items.
Good. Ready?
Next, let’s change it up a little bit. As you may have heard, the mind stores memories in a similar fashion to a file cabinet. It throws everything into the file related to a particular memory and when one thing in the file is pulled, everything else comes out with it. This means that if your ex was over and sitting on your sofa, that place on your sofa may subconsciously remind you of your ex. Changing some things around a bit will lessen the reminders. Are we asking you to forget your ex? Certainly not. We are simply asking you to be gentle on yourself and remove some pain triggers.
The Change it Up Exercise – Try it!
Choose 3 items from the list below to change within the next couple of days:
__ Rearranging Furniture
__ Changing bed covers
__ Changing table linens
__ Spraying a new scent in the house
__ Wearing new perfume
__ Getting a hair cut
__ Painting a wall
__ Cooking different meals
__ Going out with an old friend
__ Taking a different route to work
__ Signing up for a class
__ Buying & wearing new shoes
__ Buying & wearing new clothes
__ Listening to new music
__ Donating clothes to charity
__ Buying flowers for the house
__ Other ideas?
Read and Add Comments Below – when you’re done…
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It’s been 5 months. We haven’t spoken in over a month. I tried to casually spend time with him right after Christmas, but I was just reminded that I’m not a part of his life. He doesn’t seem to care. I still cry. Now we don’t speak. I can’t. He asked me what I was eating the other day and it made me cry, and I couldn’t swallow. He might as well have laughed and pointed and said, “Look at you, you’re pathetic!” It keeps slipping farther and farther into the past, and that’s just making me more sad. Every day that goes by is another day that he isn’t my friend. If he cared at all, he would ask me why I can’t talk to him. If he cared that we’re not friends he would want to know what I’m feeling. He doesn’t ask me anything, he doesn’t want me to be his friend. He just asks me what I’m eating.
My sadness is getting bigger. It’s piling up into a mountain, and every day that I see him I’m reminded that he doesn’t care about me and none of it meant anything to him.
I feel foolish.
I sit in a corner and imagine that I’m crumbling into dust, hiding under my scarf, behind my glasses, trying to read a magazine.
Sheldy,
Don’t beat yourself up. It could be he’s hiding feelings. Some people are better at putting on a mask and pretending to not care. Some people work harder to hide the more powerful feelings he may be trying to convince himself you didn’t mean anything but you and he both know it meant something.
hi sheldy, i feel your pain so much and my heart breaks for yours because i know the hurt that you are feeling. its been 5 months since my breakup and i was nothing but true gold to this woman and she took it as being needy. it was not needy it was that i loved her so much and was not getting it in return and could not figure out why. i was so beautiful to her and her 7 year old son that always said to me he wished i was his real dad. i’m not sure about your situation but you need to hold your head high and never let him see you sweat. show him by your actions that you are capable to live without him. he wants to do what he wants and knows you are there if he falls on his face. you sound like such a sweet woman . keep your head high girl, i’m pulling for you, tom
chrissless,
Mind Control! Plain and simple! Been there, done that! You need to find a way to cut the cord between the both of you! Easier said then done! My ex after 10 months tried the same thing with me, (minus the child), she wanted to see me, But I had recently had help in cut the ties between us, I feel that she felt that loss of control and wanted it back, I didnt give in, and she went away! Hope the best for you!
Micheal
My ex broke up with me thru a text message, said she couldn;t meet my emotional needs. Then is another text she said she could not handle the intamacy. How do you tell someone you love them and then say that?
I changed my whole room around… Got new bedding… boxed all her crap up and gave it back to her… She did the same… Although she said she was only boxing my stuff up b/c I asked her too… (ya right…) Anyways changing your enviroment up will make things a little easier on the mind… I actually want to move out of the house I am at in a few months.. Too many negative things to remember… Namely… A divorce, separation from my son and just a week ago…. A breakup with my girlfriend of 2 years…
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